


Ghosts of Utopia

by Kahnah



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Bird Gavin, Blood, Bull Ryan, Cat Michael, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gore, Guns, Hybrid!AU, Lion Jack, Rabbit Ray, Ram Geoff, Suicide, Violence, cat lindsay, zombie!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-03-26 16:45:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 117,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3857803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Let's just agree to the following rule.”, Jack offered. “If we ever come across an infected we simply don't get close to them. Should save us the most trouble.”<br/>“And don't get bitten!”, Geoff added. “If you learned anything of all the Zombie-shit we watched it's that! Don't get bitten!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll run away; with you tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Ah guys! It's time again for another story and I hope you will also like it (it's not that I am absolutely nervous over here or anything, nah!)  
> So the setting is a sweet Zombie Apocalypse because we all love that, right? And we'll go with some hybrids as well because those are adorable - what a mix! Which is actually why I chose it because I don't think that has been done before? Ah, but I might be wrong!  
> Anyway; the chapter titles are all lyrics of one song, I will reveal that song eventually but maybe one of you can figure it out ahead of time?
> 
> Let's get this started then!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably got everything wrong with the geography and cities and shit, I apologize. I can't even find my way in Germany, let alone on a different continent.

Ghosts of Utopia

 

Chapter 1

_I'll run away; with you tonight_

 

 

 

It was the sound of the TV that woke him. Not that it was something strange in their household – It was running most of the time, if it was for stupid movies they had already watched a thousand times or video games that they already knew by heart.

Only that it was 4am on a Monday and the third night in a row that this happened.

For a while Gavin just continued to lay in his bed, knowing that the murmured words of the news reporter would be enough to lure him back to sleep sooner or later but after a while he stood, knowing it was also getting to him by now.

A luring feeling of uneasiness.

Walking in the darkness through familiar hallways that weren't his own but still his home, he yawned as he reached the stairs, the voices clearer now. As he reached the living room, he stood in the doorway and couldn't help but listen.

It were the same reports as the past week, just with new city names and new numbers that only grew higher and higher. The same disease that appeared out of nowhere but probably from some form of research facility down in the south. Spreading from village to village and infecting thousand upon thousands, if not millions.

There was a quarantine zone down there that no one was allowed to pass through but the last time he heard about it it had been somewhere in Brazil. Now the newsflash at the bottom of the screen said something about Colombia and suddenly that sounded a lot closer to Texas.

Shivering even though it wasn't cold, he stepped closer, finally drawing attention by the man on the couch: “What are you doing up, Gav?”

“Could ask you the same.”, he mumbled, before flopping down next to Geoff, wary to not hit the man with his wings. “You'll get paranoid if you continue to watch this.”

“Maybe.”, the older agreed before taking a sip from his beer. It seemed to be the first bottle for tonight because Gavin couldn't find any empty ones. He frowned at that: “You should sleep, Geoff.”  
“Later.”, he replied, leaning back. “They closed the airport an hour ago.”

“ _Our_ airport?”

“Damn right.”

Again Gavin shivered because now that was something that was affecting them directly and that somehow stunned him. He stared at the TV screen without seeing or hearing.

“I don't understand...”, he muttered after a while. Only that he _did._

“Well it doesn't really matter, right? Nobody would allow a plane from America to land in their country anyway. At least as far as I heard. They are scared of this.” He nodded towards the screen showing overflowing ambulances with six or more patience in them. Protests at the border, people desperately demanding to get through, only held back by soldiers.

“Aren't they working on an antidote?”, he whispered without really knowing why.

“Sure they are.”, Geoff shrugged. “It's gotten pretty quiet on that topic though, apparently they lost contact to that facility down in Argentina.”

Gavin turned towards him, wanting to ask how someone could lose contact in such a serious matter but the older man was faster: “They lost contact to the complete south of Argentina.”

“Oh.”, he simply made and they fell into a silence, watching the news in the dark. It was a bit strange seeing the same clips and pictures over and over again. There had to be hundred of camera teams down there, right? But the only thing that changed over time were the numbers of the sick that scrolled at the bottom of the screen. Laying down on the sofa, he listened to the same record of the same words since last week.

“First signs of infections are similar to a normal flu but are quickly followed by apathy and/or sudden aggression. It is believed that the infection travels through bodily fluids, so we want all citizens to avoid contact with infected people around them and call 911 instead.”

Scooting closer to Geoff, Gavin let his head rest on the others leg: “Sounds like a Zombie apocalypse out there.”

The older just hummed in agreement, putting the bottle down in favor of carding gently through the feathers of the other. Cooing softly, Gavin slowly drifted off, his eyes still fascinated with the screen. Over and over the same pictures of the same ambulance and the same people at the border. Only rising numbers and the same warning as before.

“You ever shot a gun?”, Geoff asked into the silence, making him lift his heavy lids again.

“Yeah.”, he replied carefully. “I made a video with Dan about it, do you remember?”

“Right.”

The conversation died down again but left Gavin with a sinking feeling. Now that he started thinking about Dan he couldn't help but worry over him. Only that it was stupid because Dan wasn't in America. He was back in England, save and sound and probably worrying over him. Now that he thought about it, it was strange that he hadn't gotten a message from him yet, right?

Maybe he had just missed it. He would check later.

“Let's go to a firing range tomorrow.”, Geoff said softly, his fingers still grooming through his wings. Looking up at him, Gavin could see the worry in the others face, making him look older and even more stressed than normally. Reflections of the TV screen dancing over his dark hair and the winded horns.

“Okay...”

 

* * *

 

 

When Gavin woke up he was still on the sofa, his wings tightly wrapped around himself, shielding him from the morning sun. He grumbled, wondering briefly why he was here and not up in his room.

Than he heard Geoff talking quietly from the kitchen, way too serious for this hour: “You should really join us, Jack.”

A short silence before he continued: “So maybe I am overreacting, fine whatever! But what if I'm not? Did you read the articles? Did you see the videos – of course not! Because they disappear faster than you can!”

Sitting up groggily, Gavin looked over the back of the couch into the kitchen. Geoff seemed to notice the movement and threw him a forced smile along with a small wave before turning away and heading out the back door, hindering him from hearing anything else.

Gavin frowned at that before yawning and stretching his limps. His fathers were a little disheveled from the night and he began to groom through them thoroughly. The TV was still on, even if it was muted and his sleep drunken gaze had a hard time following the scrolling newsflash at the bottom.

Apparently there had been a plane crash and even as he had hoped for something different that was certainly not it. Sighing, he searched for the remote before shutting off the TV and standing up.

Following the smell of bacon into the kitchen, he sat down right as Geoff stepped back inside, muttering some curses beneath his breath. “Eat.”, he simply ordered before reaching for his coffee. “After you are done we'll check out the firing range.”

“Already?”, the younger asked surprised as he prepared himself a plate. “What about work?”

“Will have to wait.”, he assured him. “But feel free to ask Ray to come along. That boy probably never had a real gun in his hand.”

Gavin was left alone and while he shoveled food into his mouth, he texted Ray but got immediately denied. Just like he expected. He got a honest to god _'wtf?'_ back and that was actually a good question.

Geoff was making him nervous with his behavior, even more than this whole damn situation which was saying a lot. Sure this sickness was bad, no doubt. But it didn't concern them.

It was down in South America and in a few days they'd have an antidote ready and that was that. Just another thing to fuel the people with panic.

Getting up to get his own cup of coffee, it still wouldn't leave his mind. Unlocking his phone once again, he began to research a bit. The official story was the same as the thing he had seen on the TV but he didn't even have to dig much further until he found links to videos that had already been removed, nothing left but blurry screenshots of pale human, obviously sick to the core as they roamed the streets.

“They really talk about a Zombie Apocalypse.”, he said as Geoff returned, not even bothering to look up from his phone. “The infected attack and spread the sickness further. Sounds like a bloody movie.”

“I know, Buddy.”

Putting his phone down, he shoved the plate away from himself, not hungry anymore: “Is that why we are going to that firing range? To prepare me for that?”

“Just some bonding time.”, Geoff assured him but it didn't sound honest. “We will just see which gun fits you and then we're going to buy you one. I don't think we will ever have to use them.”

“Alright.”

 

* * *

 

 

As they arrived the firing range he was surprised by how busy it was at eight in the morning. Throwing Geoff a look, he found the older frowning at that as well but none of them said a thing.

Shooting a gun was pretty much how he remembered it: Loud, making him jump with every shot he heard. After all he was prey and part of his instincts told him to take cover from loud noises. It wasn't all too strong though, his animal-part was thinned out like it was for most people. For him it showed mostly in the wingspan – barely enough to lift him of the ground and only allowed him to flutter for maybe two minutes. There were still some bird hybrids who could really fly but those were rare, he himself still got lucky.

Right now each recoil made his wings fluff with the need to flee or to fend against a predator and he was more than glad when Geoff took his spot instead, also giving off some shots. It showed quickly who of the two had a military training behind them and Gavin couldn't hide how impressed he was.

He thought about that on the way back, staring out the window of the car and noticing that the streets were more crowded than they should be at this time. The van next to them was packed with bags and boxes. He could see cans in one of them and had the same sinking feeling as the night before.

Those people were surely overreacting! This wasn't some stupid Zombie game for gods sake!

“I think a shotgun would fit you.”, Geoff next to him mumbled and he turned to look at him.

“I wasn't very good with either.”

“You'll learn.”

Gavin nodded thoughtfully, his eyes going back to the car that had now fallen behind them a bit: “I think some people are already fleeing.”

Geoff caught a glance in the rear-view mirror and made an agreeing noise: “Maybe we should buy some groceries soon. Food, water and so on.”

“Let's check on the News first.”, the bird hybrid offered. “Maybe it has become better? Maybe they got it under control?”

 

They didn't.

Sitting in their office, Gavin looked over Geoffs shoulder as they announced that the infection has now spread through the entirety of South America, some cases even rumored to appear in Virginia.

“That's where the airplane crashed this morning.”, Ryan muttered next to him, his tail flicking nervously. “Might have carried it there.”

Gavin shivered at that, imagining the horror of being on a plane and getting attacked by Zombies. Nowhere to run or to hide from it.

“Could you guys stop?”, Michael asked irritated from across the room. “Bad enough that you can't watch shit without hearing about that. Let me at least work in peace.”

Geoff seemed to debate to start a fight over this but as always Jack was there to stop it: “He's right. We got work to do and we can worry about this later.” He patted Michaels head while passing him, drawing a purr out of the cat hybrid and with a sigh Geoff let it pass.

 

* * *

 

 

When Gavin got his very own Shotgun it became part of his daily routine to train with it and not that he made any progress but Geoff nodding pleased was enough for him.

So he found himself sitting on the kitchen table, cleaning the weapon carefully and hoping to not accidentally shoot himself. In all honesty, he had never thought he would be one of those guys but the gun interested him. He liked how everything fitted together, how the oil smelled on the metal and more then once he had observed the different mechanics. He was just getting done when Geoff rushed in: “Pack your things.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Without any further explanations, he reached for his phone and pressed his to his ear.

For a moment Gavin simply stared at him before wiping his hands on the rag and began to put the kit back together. Making sure he had the safety on, he put the shotgun back in its box when Geoff talked again: “Jack? Good, get your shit together and come over here. No, I am not overreacting!”

Right now Gavin wasn't all that sure about that and he stepped up to put a hand on the others arm, hoping to calm him down: “Geoff...”

“Call Ray, Gav.”, he was ordered. “Tell him we will be there to pick him up as soon as we can!”

“Bu-”

“No, Jack! You listen to me! They are bombing the South! They are sending Jets down to South America to annihilate everything there! This is not in control anymore!”

And Gavin simply stood there and stared at him because that was a joke right? They couldn't really do that, there were people down there. A lot of people who were not sick. Hadn't they all seen the scenes on the TV? The crowd on the border, trying to get through.

They couldn't just bomb that!

“Gav? Gavin?” Geoffs free hand settled on his shoulder and he snapped out of it, looking up to him: “Yeah?”

“I want you to call Ray, alright? Call Ray and tell him we will pick him up. Then call Michael and tell him to head here with Lindsay as soon as possible. They should pack whatever they need and come over. Do you understand?”

He nodded timidly and Geoff threw him a smile: “Good.” He was still on the phone but Gavin couldn't hear a thing from Jack, probably also listening to every word: “Then you go upstairs and pack. Remember what we bought and what I told you?”

“I-I think so.”

“Then hurry up. I want to be on the streets before everybody else has the same idea.” Geoff turned away and continued to talk with Jack and after another moment the bird hybrid reached for his own phone. His fingers searched for Rays name on their own and only when he dialed, he panicked, not knowing what exactly he should tell him. He didn't even understand for himself what was happening!

“Hey Vav!”, came the answer, the tune of some video game in the background. If he could concentrate he was sure he could name it. Was he seriously playing Dying Light? Gavin nearly laughed loudly at that.

“Gav? If you don't answer I'll-”

“Ray.”, he managed to bring out, making the other fall silent. Clearing his throat, he continued: “Um... Geoff says you should get ready.”  
“For what?”

“We are evacuating.” That was the right word to use, right? That was what they were doing?

“What?”, came the answer.

“You heard me. Apparently... they are bombing South America and Geoff wants to get moving before everybody else does.”

The music on the other end got turned down and for a moment he just heard Ray breathing, before he asked: “What do you even pack for that?”

It sounded more serious than Gavin ever wanted to hear him and a part of him wanted to ease it, wanted to joke if he hadn't played enough Survival-games but it sounded weak and unfitting in his own head. So he just recalled Geoffs word: “Water is the most important but also canned food, you know the deal. Soup, beans, tuna; stuff like that. Clothes that keep you warm!”

“Shit, Gavin...”, the other muttered and Gavin could nearly hear his long ears lower in distress. “That all sounds so...” Real? Unreal? Both words he could understand right now.

“I know.”, he simply said and heard the rabbit hybrid sigh.

“I'll pack my stuff. Is Michael also coming?”  
“I'm calling him and Lindsay next.”

“I'll catch a ride with them then, no need for you guys to drive over here and then back.”

“Okay.” He expected Ray to hang up but the other didn't and they listened to their unspoken fears and their slightly too fast breaths before he muttered: “See you soon.”

“Yeah... Yeah, you too.”

Next he called Michael and that went better, probably because it was Lindsay who answered. He had seen her sitting with Geoff and Ryan, discussing over the News on their lunch break while Michael and Ray followed their usual banter. That was a relieve because he hadn't worked through this on his own yet and didn't want to fight about it.

“Just read it as well.”, she told him. “Only a matter of time before it's on the News and people start to panic. We'll be there as soon as we can.”

“Mind picking Ray up on the way here?”

“No problem, I'll drag him out if I have to.”  
“I don't think that will be necessary.”

“Good. See you.” And she hung up, obviously hurrying and that was good. Letting his phone sink, he allowed himself to take a deep breath, surprised when it came out shakily.

Behind him Geoff was still talking, his voice carried higher and it made Gavin uneasy. The older was angered, gesticulating wildly but before the bird could step up and try to calm him, his phone vibrated again. Looking down, the displayed showed him that _Lovely Ryan_ was calling and he was quick to accept: “Rye?”  
“Finally!”, the other man sighed. “I tried to reach Geoff but the line is busy.”

“Yeah, he is still on the phone with Jack.” And Gavin made a distress little coo because those two were obviously fighting.

Ryan heard it: “What's wrong?”

“I don't think Jack will come along...”, he muttered. “They are arguing a lot...”

The other was quiet for a moment and maybe the agitated voices were carried over the phone but he assured him: “He will come along. I am sure. You know those two are inseparable.”

“Okay...”  
“Are we meeting up at your place?”

And that snapped him back to business: “Yeah! Are you coming?”

“Of course. Just packing the last stuff.”  
Oh right. Geoff had said he should also do that. Throwing a last look towards the ram hybrid he left the kitchen. Ryan was right, those two would work it out like they always did.

“Then I see you soon.”, he finally said before hanging up. Entering his room, he grabbed the new backpack they had bought and began to pack what Geoff had told him to. Clothes, batteries, a flashlight.

He was closing the bag and looked around in case he forgot something when the older entered the room: “Did you reach the others?”

“Yeah. They are all on their way.”

“Good.”

Gavin hesitated a bit because Geoff looked stressed and tired and he feared the answer: “What about Jack..?”

“Is coming.”, the other said, sighing deeply. “Decided to put up a fight first but no surprise there. He still thinks I am overreacting but better safe than sorry. This isn't a game anymore.”

He sighed again before managing a smile. Ruffling Gavins hair, he said joyful: “We'll manage though. I'll grab my stuff and then we start loading the car with the food and the water we bought, yeah?”

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

They found themselves in the comfortable eightseater not too much later, the trunk loaded with their bags, canned food and water bottles. It reminded Gavin instantly of the car he had seen on the highway and he shivered a bit at the thought that they could have been on the road days ago.

Now as Geoff pulled out of the driveway his face was grim and Jack sat beside him, both of them in an unusual silence. Looking past Ray out of the window, Gavin could see families loading their own cars in a hurry and they surely weren't the only ones already on the road. Glancing around, he found nervousness in everyones face. Well besides Ray, who had thrown himself in the seat and got out his 3DS after proclaiming: “Achievement Hunter Road trip!”

Michael and Lindsay sat in the row in front of them, with Michael having an arm around her shoulder as they watched the street outside, cat ears slightly lowered at the sight.

It was an unusual silence between them, only interrupted by the soft music coming from Ray and the radio. The reporters were discussing about the decision of the Government and after a while Jack reached out and put it off.

They drove slowly because of the busy streets but it was at least something and after a while Ryan asked: “Will you take the Highway?”

Geoff glanced in the rear-view mirror before shaking his head: “I figured everyone would head there. Taking some country roads for now. Might be a longer way but I think in the end it will be better.”

“Okay.”, Ryan agreed but Gavin could feel his tail flick nervously. It hit his leg whenever it happened but he didn't protest. His own wings, even thought folded, pressed against both Ryan and Ray.

“Where are we even heading?”, Lindsay asked.

Geoff opened his mouth to answer when they heard the noise. Craning their neck to look out of the windows they stared at the jets hunting over the sky above them, the sound of their engines omnipresent for an eternal moment before all that was left was the familiar battle music of Pokemon.

Quietly Ray closed his 3DS and let it drop in his lap.

“Holy shit.”, Michael whispered. “They are really doing that.” And his hair fluffed as he snarled: “But there are people down there! They can't just go around and bomb away humans just because they can't get this shit under control!”

“This is their way of keeping control.”, Ryan answered slowly. “Which just shows how bad it has to be.”

“But it's not right!”, Michael growled, his tail flicking agitated. “They are murdering people! What stops them from doing the same here?”

“A few days.”, Geoff muttered, his hands tightly clutching the steering wheel. “Whatever time it takes until it reaches Texas.”

“The next jets could be heading for us already! Just to make extra sure that nobody here can get infected!”

“Exactly. That's why for now the most important part is to get north.” Geoff nodded to Lindsay, answering her question: “Until we find an airport that will take us out for now. Even if we have to travel up to Canada for that.” He threw a look towards Jack and the other nodded slowly, a bit paler than before. Reaching out, he squeezed Geoffs arm before turning on the radio again, searching until he found music instead of news.

It made it all a bit easier as the darkness fell around them. Gave them something to concentrate on besides their thoughts and even if there were some attempts for conversation they never carried long, not with the tension hovering over them all.

One by one they were slowly drifting to sleep and Gavin was bolted awake again by Geoff calling: “Bathroom break! Go now or never!”

Cooing confused, he was disorientated for a moment, even jumping when Ryan moved next to him. He only got a grumble out of the older man as an answer before he headed out of the car and slowly Gavin remembered what had happened and why they were here.

Outside it was pitch dark and his instincts told him to go back to sleep but when Geoff said now or never, he meant now or never.

Freeing himself of his seat belt, he noticed that Ray next to him made no attempt to move. He was curled up in his seat, leaning against the window as he was already halfway asleep. His breath fogging the glass as Gavin shook him: “Ray. Did you hear Geoff?”

“Did.”, he mumbled muffled by the way he was buried inside his own hoodie. Pulling his hood up until only his long ears were showing, he sighed: “Didn't care.”

“Whatever.” Climbing out of the car himself, Gavin nearly fell over his own feet. He hadn't expected his legs to be this stiff. Groaning, he stretched his limbs, taking extra time with his wings. It was always especially painful when those cramped.

“We are in the middle of fucking nowhere.”, Michael next to him said, his voice hoarse with sleep. His fluffy tail was swinging around lazily and his eyes, even though half-lidded were glowing in the dark.

Looking around, Gavin couldn't help but agree. All he could see were trees and the lame excuse of a street they were following: “How long have we been driving?”

“No clue.”, the other admitted. “I was sleeping but it's past midnight now.”

Gavin tried to think back when exactly they had headed off but his mind was too foggy to care: “We are in quite a predicament, boi.”

“You could say so.”

But Michael shot him a small smile and the bird hybrid grinned back and right here and now he was pretty sure they were going to be alright.

The Gents and Lindsay had all gathered around the hood of the car, the map in front of them illuminated by a flashlight.

“This is one hell of a detour we are doing here.”, Jack mumbled.

“But it's free. You heard it in the radio; most other roads are blocked as dicks.”

“In the end it probably is the better decision.”, Ryan also agreed. His fingers were tracing a fine line on the map and Gavin was actually a bit surprised to find that this road was even on it.

“I'll drive next.”, Lindsay offered as she rubbed her eyes. They were also glowing and thankfully more awake than her fiances.

“No, I ca-”

“You are tired, Geoff!”, she insisted. “Also I can see better here in the dark. Me and Jack can drive in the night. It'll be safer.”

The lion hybrid nodded: “She's right.”

“Okay.”, he agreed after some hesitation. “Just follow the road for now.”

 

* * *

 

 

The next day started similar to the evening before; with tense silence as they drove for hours on end with nothing to watch but the occasional little villages they passed.

Jack had opened the window, allowing some needed fresh air.

“So, Ryan.”, Gavin began because the quietness was getting on his nerves.

“Gavin?”

“If you could wear only one color for the rest of your life, which one would you chose?”

“Who cares?”, Ray muttered, a bit cranky from the uncomfortable night. “It doesn't really matter.”

“Of course it does!”, Gavin insisted. “So?”

Ryan seemed to still consider his options as he watched the road beyond before he answered: “Blue.”

“How so?”

“Well I wouldn't chose black or white because you could see dirt on it the quickest.”, he shrugged. “Besides that I think Ray is right, it doesn't matter. Also I like blue.”

Gavin nodded thoughtfully, thinking for a moment more before starting again: “Ryan.”  
“Gavin.”

“If you flip three coins.”, Michael cut in in his his best british voice, making Geoff and Jack in the front groan.

“For the love of God, don't make them start again!”

“You are all going to walk!”

“Not fair!”

“What is it, Ryan?”, Lindsay asked into the chaos, her voice serious enough to cut through the banter. “This sickness. What is it?”

The bull stopped looking out of the window in favor to give her his attention: “I'm not sure. Could be bacteria, something in the blood or the organs.” He shrugged: “There are too many rumors running around. Some say it's spreading thanks to the air or the water but most say through bodily fluids.”

“Like when you get bitten?”, Ray asked. “Isn't that like... copyrighted or some shit?”

Huffing, Ryan nodded: “Yeah, a bite would certainly be bad, let's try not to do that. It could also be parasites or something similar.”

A full body shiver went through Geoff on the passengers seat: “Don't say shit like that! That's like having tiny snakes inside of you!”  
“That is absolutely not true.”

“I don't care! It's disgusting!” Shaking himself once more, he sighed: “It could be something absolutely different. I remember reading that one book and there it was a signal going through the cellphone. Like everyone on the phone suddenly snapped!”

“That was Cell.”, Ryan reminded him quickly. “By Stephen King. I read it as well and yeah, it could be something like that as well. A cause we can't really begin to imagine.”

“Let's just agree to the following rule.”, Jack offered. “If we ever come across an infected we simply don't get close to them. Should save us the most trouble.”

“And don't get bitten!”, Geoff added. “If you learned anything of all the Zombie-shit we watched it's that! Don't get bitten!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Geoff.”, Ryan called from the front. His fingers were nervously tapping away on the steering-wheel while Lindsay opened the window to lean out.

The ram jerked awake and looked around, needing a moment to orientate himself before he asked: “Why are we standing still?”

Ryan nodded to the front: “Nothing is moving here anymore.”

Lindsay slumped back into the seat before turning around to him: “All I see are cars. I think some are even abandoned.”

“Shit.”, Geoff muttered before opening the door to step out. The cat hybrid was right. The street was packed with cars to the point where he could see and he grumbled beneath his breath before leaning back into the car: “Gav. Could you take a look at that?”

“Sure.” He climbed out and shook out his wings. The first flap brought him on to the roof of the car from where he pushed himself off, his wings working hard to keep him in the air.

Geoff watched him closely. He never liked it when the boy flew. It was clear what strength it cost him with his too small wings and more than once he had come crashing down again. Which could also be because he was clumsy but no matter the reason; it was enough to let his heart set out a beat.

But now Gavin landed back besides him, folding his wings as he shook his head: “No chance. The road is blocked and Lindsay is right. There are some empty cars on the streets and some people are leaving theirs right now.”

“Fuck.”, Geoff growled. “Where are we exactly?”

Lindsay climbed out and put the map onto the hood. Her eyes searched for a moment before she pointed at a street: “Around here. We passed the border to Oklahoma not long ago. That might be it, the people want to get onto the highways there.”

“Or the airport.” He pointed to Oklahoma City on the map: “That should be the closest from here.”

Jack joined them, observing the map closely. He wasn't liking what he found: “That is still a few hours away. With a car, of course. If we walk we are lucky if we reach it tomorrow night, much rather the day after.”

“We'll follow the streets for now. With some luck it will clear up at one part.”

“And then what?”, Gavin asked, trying to sound amused. “You want to steal a car?”

“If I have to.”, Geoff assured him with a shrug. “It's not like we have much of a choice, do we?” He passed him and leaned into the car: “Get out everyone. Take whatever food and water you guys can carry – we have one hell of a march in front of us.”

 

 

The street was full of cars and other people walking. As it got harder and harder to march at a reasonable pace, Geoff led them down into the forest next to the street. Still close enough to hear the motors and the occasional honks of cars but it wasn't as crowded anymore.

Their bags were heavy and the mood wasn't the best but at one point Michael simply started to sing and like a charm the other two Lads fell in. They weren't good but it was at least something. So with Jack groaning and Geoff occasionally falling in as well, the time passed slowly.

They were right now singing an off-key version of A Thousand Miles to block out the amount of honking that was coming from the street, probably going for Eye Of The Tiger next because in all honesty; they were having a repertoire of maybe five songs.

They ended on a high note and on the same point as always because they forgot the lyrics, Gavin still humming the melody but the other two laughed at themselves before drinking some water.

“Thank god.”, Lindsay muttered relieved. “I was fearing for my ears. In the office we at least have headphones.”

“Oh, and I thought you like my singing voice!”, Michael said playfully. Throwing an arm around her shoulders, he nuzzled against her ear. She tried to shove him away halfheartedly but their tails gave them away as they entwined, making both of them purr pleasantly.

Ray and Gavin threw each other a look before the bird made a gagging motion and the rabbit asked: “Can't you two get a room? That's disgusting!”

“You little shit.”, Michael growled before leaping at him. The good thing about having your best friend as one of your natural enemies was the fact that Ray was pretty good at dodging. Years of training let him dart to the right, passing a squawking Gavin as Michael set after him. The cat hybrid was fast but Ray was more agile, jumping out of reach a second time as the other pounced at him. He didn't even notice the shifting in the bushes to the right until something knocked the air out of him. First he thought it was Gavin, who had betrayed him and pinned him to the ground for Michael to attack again but he could hear the bird hybrid gasp further away.

A woman sat on top of him, pale flesh and ripped clothes. There was blood on her teeth that snapped shut right before his throat. The only thing stopping those teeth from digging in, was Jack who managed to get a hold of her. He ripped her away and she shrieked at it, trying to claw at his arms.

Then Michael was back, hovering over Ray as he growled loud enough to make his whole body shake in rage. The following shot turned it into a wince before silence fell once more around them.

Cars were honking in the distance as Ray propped himself up on his elbows, watching as Geoff slowly let his hunting rifle sink. “Alright?”, he asked shortly.

“Are you kidding me?”, Ray asked slowly. “That's the most action with a Lady I had in a year.”

Michael was the only one snorting at that before getting back to his feet. He reached out for Ray, his hair still standing on end and the rabbit hybrid took the offered hand. Slowly the shock settled in, making his whole body shake and his heart beat in his throat.

“Lindsay.” That was Ryan and his voice sounded soothing as he stepped closer to the girl. There was a pistol in her hand, trembling violently but still raised to aim at the point were the woman had been seconds before.

“Put it down. Come on.” He gently pushed her arm down and she let him, her eyes still wide and haunted: “They are both fine. Nothing happened.”

Letting go of Ray, Michael was quickly by her side, surprised when her gaze turned angry.

“You asshole!”, she yelled and Ryan was quick to take the weapon from here. “Both of you! Are you little children or just so fucking stupid? You can't just run out there for shits and giggles!”

“Linds-”

“She could have bitten both of you!” She shoved him away as he stepped into her reach: “Hell, I nearly shot you as you went back for Ray! I nearly shot you, Michael!”

“But you didn't.”, he assured her, getting a punch to the shoulder.

“Fuck you! You stupid Jersey bitch!”, she screamed but finally allowed him to pull her close.

“Sorry.”, he mumbled into her hair. “I'm really sorry, alright? I'll be more careful from now on.”

“I fucking hate you...”, she whimpered against his shoulder.

“Did she get you?”, Geoff muttered quietly to not disturb those two and Jack was quick to shake his head.

“No, but she tried to. Surprisingly strong for someone looking half dead.” He hesitated before looking down to the place where the woman had sunken down: “Did you have to shoot her?”

“Why? You wanted to talk it out?”, he immediately snapped back. “She was an infected.”

“I know but...”, he stopped himself. She was still a human, right? For his taste Geoff had absolutely overreacted and of course he noticed how close it was getting to the other man. But as he observed the unmoving body, he saw the traces of the sickness. The unseeing eyes bloody like her lips and chin, a clear sign that they probably hadn't been the first victims and that made him shiver. There were lines all over her pale skin and it took him a moment to understand that it were her veins, filled with blood that was way too dark. The hole in the side of her head confirmed his suspicion; a dark, thick liquid spilling onto the dirt.

The picture made bile rise in his throat and coughing, he turned away. He hadn't even noticed Gavin next to him, who was now gagging violently, trying not to throw up at the sight.

Geoff was quick to pull him close and shield him: “Everything alright, buddy?”

He nodded pale and Jack was sure that Geoff could handle him so he turned to check on Ray. Ryan was already standing next to him, brushing dirt from the smaller form that was still shaking violently.

“Are you sure she didn't get you?”

Ray nodded quickly, before managing a smile: “Thanks to you. You were quick.”

“I try.”, Jack assured him but was watching Ryan, who nodded at him.

“Not a scratch on our little bunny. He's fine.”

“Don't call me a bunny, Rye!”

“Good then.” The lion hybrid turned towards Geoff who threw his rifle back over his shoulder and called: “We're heading on.”

Jack neared the cats, knowing his presence would calm them down: “You heard them, cubs. Let's get to Oklahoma City.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will notice that this story will built up slower than the Royalty!Verse; hell, no death in the first chapter, amIright?  
> Also I might NOT be able to update each week. The chapters are way longer up until now so please bear with me? Like next chapter is really long, so look forward to that!


	2. Fool our thoughts as though we're free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was surprisingly quiet for so many people and it wasn't only because of the tense situation or the exhaustion from the travel; the people were eying them carefully.  
> Hybrids were something common at this point. Still a minority but accepted by the mass. Of course there were some stubborn parties who claimed they shouldn't have human rights or that they were dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go again with a huge chapter to get this story started!  
> Also heads up to easilyerased who figured out the song! It's "Tonight the world dies" by Avenged Sevenfold; check it out of you got the time!

Chapter 2

Fool our thoughts as though we're free

 

They had headed back to the street as night fell. It was certainly safer in the company of the people resting around them and the headlights of the cars illuminated the area nicely.

It was surprisingly quiet for so many people and it wasn't only because of the tense situation or the exhaustion from the travel; the people were eying them carefully.

Hybrids were something common at this point. Still a minority but accepted by the mass. Of course there were some stubborn parties who claimed they shouldn't have human rights or that they were dangerous. But stupidity always found a way to show itself. It was true that some hybrids could be dangerous but that didn't mean they had to be.

Instincts could be strong but in the end the will decided.

Still hybrids were categorized after their animalistic features had fully grown. Prey like Ray and Gavin fell into the category 1 and were widely accepted. Category 2 contained hybrids that were stronger but showed no hostility towards humans – Geoff as a ram and Ryan as a bull were part of that.

After that came the carnivores, some of which were tightly watched by the ministry. Lindsay and Michael, both cats, were in category 3 but had barely any problems. Their teeth may be sharp and some of them could grow some impressive claws but both cat and dog hybrids were popular among the humans and weren't seen as much of a threat.

Jack was the only one in category 4, meaning he was the most dangerous of the group. Forcing take monthly checkups and interviews to see if he had become aggressive. It was true that he was strong, his fangs long and he could probably break Gavin or Ray in half if he tried. Only that he had no need or intention to do so.

Even took offense when he had met Geoff and finding his first words to be: “So, you're going to eat me?”

It didn't happen even though sometimes it sounded like an awfully good idea.

Right now he was happy with his obvious lion traits.

He was the only one left awake, not because he really feared of any infected, there were too many people here but he didn't trust the humans around them. They might steal from them in their sleep, but with him awake nobody dared to come close enough.

It left a proud feeling inside his chest and maybe he was a bit amused. After all there was a rabbit hybrid curled up next to him, his foot kicking mindlessly in his sleep, hitting him most of the time. How dangerous could he be?

Letting his eyes wander, he found the cats wrapped up in each other. They had made up again, of course – it had only been the shock that had made Lindsay mad. Still she carried the gun and he wanted to take it away. He also saw the shotgun laying on the ground next to Gavin and the urge grew even stronger.

All in all he agreed; they had to have something to protect them with, the preys furthermost, but a gun was such a scary device. It was way too easy to shoot in panic, to miss.

It was way too easy to kill with this thing.

But they were both old enough to decide for themselves and for now he would let them be.

Geoff also had his rifle but he trusted him with that. After all he had been with the military and he knew how to use it – he had shown it quite impressively just a few hours ago after all. A quick, clean shot and they were out of danger.

That was somehow reassuring.

Besides that only Ryan carried a weapon, even if it was not a gun. It was a hunting knife, long and hopefully sharp. It was hidden in a sheath and he had placed it next to him as he laid down earlier. Using his backpack as a pillow and covered with a blanket, he laid still with a hand resting on the hilt.

Of course Jack remembered the day the bull had thrown the other knife into the wall and hopefully he was just as good with this weapon.

Ray gave him a surprisingly powerful kick and he grunted lowly. Checking on the rabbit, he had rolled onto his back and his arms raised in defense. He started to whimper pitifully and immediately Jacks heart hurt.

“Wake up.”, he whispered to not disturb anyone else as he reached out. The moment he touched him, Ray shot into a sitting position, his ears flying up, even throwing off his hood as he stared at him panicked.

“Ray.”, Jack called softly. “You were having a nightmare.”

Looking around, the rabbit slowly relaxed. His ears fell back down but there was a trembling going through his body that didn't seem to ease. “I...”, he began before checking his surroundings once again. “I thought she was back.”

“She's dead.”, Jack assured him quickly. “She won't come back for you.”

“I know...”, he mumbled mostly to himself. “Why are there already infected here? I thought only down south?”

“Sickness travels quick. She might have wanted to escape like we did but was already infected.”

“Jack?”

“Yes?”

And he looked small and tired in the harsh light of the cars: “Am I also infected now?”

“No way, buddy. Didn't you play enough Zombie games? You weren't bitten.”

“Ryan said it could also be transmitted through air.”

“Yeah but Ryan is not always right.”

“But he could be...”

“True.”, Jack admitted. “But I don't think he is. I think it is something in the bloodstream by the way that woman looked like and you didn't get in contact with her blood, right?”

“I guess...”

“So stop worrying about it a-”

“I don't want to pass it to you guys...”, he whispered. Jack nearly didn't catch it but was quick to smile sympathetically: “You won't.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. I promise, Ray.”

“Okay.”

“Now try to go back to sleep – we have quiet a journey ahead of us tomorrow.”

He nodded, even managing to throw him a shy smile before curling back onto the ground.

 

* * *

 

 

The morning rolled in slowly. Gavin was the first awake, a trait of his animal-part that was actually useful. Jack took the opportunity to take a quick nap while the night slowly faded around him.

Geoff woke up next, grumpy and quiet as he dug through his bag in search for their breakfast.

They all ate together in silence, the old bread not helping with their mood but the alternative was the canned food and they had no way to heat it up right now. It would still be eatable but who would want that?

“Anyone brought instant coffee?”, Geoff grunted, twirling his mustache in a desperate attempt to get it to curl how it should be.

“I actually did.”  
“That's why I love you the most, Jack.”

“I didn't say I share with you.”, he shrugged. “But maybe if you'd find a way to boil water..?”

“Now that's a goal for today.” Nodding to himself, the ram stood up and stretched: “Let's get walking then.”

They moved on with a lot of groans and muffled swears but stayed on the road this time. At least as long as they were one of the few people who were already on their way. They listened to some of the radios that were playing but strangely no news. Everything were the same old songs like always.

It was strangely reassuring, a ghost of yesterday and Gavin and Lindsay, the only morning people fell into a humming duet over it.

There were more noises that weren't as pleasant. Somewhere a baby was crying and screaming its little lungs out and the parents couldn't seem to get it to shush down. Some impatient man honked loudly at that, not helping the matter at all and rather woke a whole bunch of people up.

There were quiet discussions and straight out yelling around them but they ignored either. When the sun was finally starting to rise, they headed for the forest with Ray in their middle.

If he had moved there on his own, if it had been subconscious or they had simply gathered around him remained a mystery but it left them all in a better mood somehow. As the hours crawled on, the conversations picked up and eased the trip. It were the same dumb questions, ridiculous bets or false singing as yesterday but at least no infected, so that was good.

They took a small break around noon to eat what was left of the bread and rest for a while.

 

Around two hours later Gavin ruffled his wings in excitement: “Is it that?” He ran a few steps before he thought better of it and waited for them impatiently.

“Is it what?”, Ryan asked, the first to catch up to him.

“Oklahoma City!”, he pointed ahead but it still took the bull around two minutes of walking until he made out the buildings between the trees. “It should be. The suburbs at least.”

“Kid got some good eyes.”, Geoff commented proudly, making Gavin smile.

It still took them some time to actually get to the first houses but their steps were now steady with a goal in front of them. Walking down unfamiliar roads the sun was setting slowly and at some point Jack stopped and sighed heavily: “We won't make it to the airport today.”

“We will if we walk through the night.”, Geoff insisted but the lion was quick to shake his head.

“We'll get lost – it's a big city after all and we don't know if there are any infected around. I wouldn't want to run into some in the dark.”

“Still we should cover as much gro-”

“No, Geoff.” He nodded towards the others: “They are tired. We all are.”

The ram took the time to look at their little group and it was clear that they were exhausted. Ears and wings hanging low and tails flicking tense. Their faces determined but weary.

If he would want them to they would follow but Jack was right; he didn't want to run into a group of infected in that condition.

“Okay.”, he gave in. “Look out for a hotel or something and we spent the night there.”

A glad sigh went through them and they found a shabby little motel soon enough. As they entered there was nobody at the reception and even as they called nobody came. So with some hesitation Geoff simply grabbed the keys for the rooms but before handing them out, he said: “Nobody sleeps alone. I want at least two people to be together all the time. I don't even care if you bang in there or not.” He pointed to Lindsay and Michael who high-fived each other lazily. “But this right here is a tense situation. People are scared and confused and people do dangerous things when they are scared and confused. Things they wouldn't normally do. So prey-” His finger wandered to Ray and Gavin. “You will stick together with someone else all the time. Not just tonight. Am I clear?”

They nodded both but he wondered if it really got through to them. He simply watched how both of their gazes fell on Ryan, a grin spreading on their faces as the bull sighed.

Only time would tell.

“Jack.”, he continued. “You'll sleep tonight. No staying awake again, we can't have you collapsing on the way.”

“Sure, dad.”, he muttered but at least he didn't fight back. That was a good sign.

He was actually surprised how good they behaved right now but he didn't think it was because they finally understood how serious this whole situation was. They probably just wanted him to shut up and rest.

They unwound slowly, searching through the motel and found a very small kitchen in the back. It was enough to heat up their food though and they sat together on the two beds and the floor, eating happily while darkness fell.

All too soon they settled in their rooms and while Geoff was still plugging in his dead phone, Jack was already snoring soundly. He smiled fondly at that before entering the tiny bathroom. Not necessarily the cleanest room he had ever seen and he shivered a bit but for now it would do. After showering as quickly as possible and without touching anything all too much, he flopped onto the bed.

He was tired and heavy with exhaustion and Jacks deep breaths didn't help at that matter. Still he picked up his phone and tried to connect with the internet. It was a slow process and it was a torture to keep his eyes open long enough to watch the page load forever.

Maybe it was overloaded?

A lot of people were trying to get news, of course they did. He was happy enough to have electricity here. Light to aid in the dark and a heater to keep out the cold. It could really be worse.

He was nearly drifted off by the time the page finally filled with words and for a moment he just stared at the blurry screen before his eyes focused. Rubbing his face, he tried to concentrate on the words, hoping they would make sense in his overworked mind.

They did after a while and what he read made him finally wake up. He read through the text, then scrolled up and started again. Hoping he had misunderstood something but no. No, of course not.

The quarantine had been moved in the few days they had been on the streets and even if a dark part of him had expected it to reach Texas. After all they had already met an infected on the way. Hell, he had shot that woman and thinking about it made him sick in his stomach but thinking what could have happened to Ray was worse!

So he didn't allow himself to feel guilty about it, no. He had to do it. And it seemed that he would have to get used to do it.

The quarantine had moved and now they were in the restricted zone.

They were too late.

After all that driving and all that walking they had missed their chance. Not even by far but Oklahoma was already locked down since the morning.

The pictures about the people trying to flee the south he had seen so often on the TV came back to his mind and panic flooded him. They were in the same position now. They were in the very same position and people from around the world would watch their desperate faces on the screen, wishing they would stay behind the border because otherwise it might hit them next.

Staring at his phone in horror, he noticed that he was breathing too fast and quickly clapped a hand over his mouth, not wanting to wake Jack.

What now?

Where should he take them? Where were they safe from the infection until... until what? Until every sick person died and the borders opened again? That wouldn't happen.

Were they really trapped?

He thought about Gavin with the shotgun he couldn't really handle, he thought about Lindsay with the gun that she shouldn't carry around! That she shouldn't have the need for because it was wrong!

They should sit in their shitty office and play shitty video games and make shitty content out of it that somehow was loved by millions of people! Not this here! Not this fucking apocalypse here!

They weren't made for this! Hell, they were all nerds! Shitty, pale, out of shape nerds!

How could he safe them?

Jack turned in his sleep and Geoff nearly jumped in fear he was awake. But the lion settled again, sighing and stayed quiet.

It didn't help Geoff to calm down, feeling himself hope that maybe the other would wake up. Maybe he had an idea of what to do!

But Jack simply slept on, unaware of the chaos they were in and maybe that was better. What if they would panic just like he was doing right now?

With a rapid heartbeat and breath that was going too fast and coldness creeping up on him.

Sliding from his bed, he stepped out of the room, knowing he would wake the other man sooner rather than later. And he had to work through that first on his own, organize his own thoughts because what now?!

There were glowing eyes in the hallway beyond and he froze.

_Predator,_ his instincts screamed at him.

“Geoff?”, Lindsay asked in the darkness and his muscles slowly relaxed again.

“Fuck, girl. You scared the dick out of me.”, he mumbled before stepping towards her and opened the window. He was still cold and she also shivered at the wind but right now he felt trapped and needed to breath.

“You're alright?”, Lindsay asked and he nodded quickly.

“Sure. What about you? What are you doing out here?”

“Just wanted to check out something.”, she muttered before nodding back towards the window. “Oklahoma City sure looks pretty.”

He followed her gaze outside and saw the sea of lights in the distance. Like a starry sky in front of them, waiting for them to reach it.

“But I can't see any planes.”, she added slowly. “Since we stepped out of that forest I checked but... not a single one, Geoff. I haven't seen a single plane in the sky the whole day.” Her eyes wandered back to him and it scared him to think that she could see him way better than he saw her: “Isn't that strange?”

He couldn't answer. He couldn't tell her that the airport was surely closed. That for now he had no way to get them out and to safety.

“It is.”, he agreed quietly. “Let's check on it tomorrow.”

Her eyes didn't leave him, searching in his face and he was quick to talk some more: “Where's Michael?”

“Taking a shower.”

“You shouldn't make him worry when he comes out.” She raised an eyebrow at him but it eased when he reached out to pet her head, making her purr quietly. He smiled at that: “Get to bed. Tomorrow will be a hard day.”

“Okay. But you too.” She returned the smile brightly: “We'll get through this, alright? If this airport is closed we'll just head to the next one.”

That wasn't quite possible anymore, but he nodded slowly.

“Don't worry too much, Geoff. It makes you look old.”

“Well that's a good hint if I ever heard one!”, he huffed amused.

“Always there for you, boss!”, she chuckled before turning away. “Goodnight!”

“Sleep well, Lindsay.”, he replied and watched her step back into their room. Her words were reassuring but also crushing. He hoped she was right. That they could get through this, that they found a way around it and somehow get out of here unharmed.

Unharmed and together and even thinking of the possibility that this wouldn't be the case left a sinking feeling in his guts.

From here he could hear Jack snoring lightly and he knew that Lindsay and Michael were alright but he thought about the other three and couldn't shake of his worries. It was stupid because they were with Ryan and he trusted Ryan. Hell, most of all he trusted Ryan with the Lads because it was obvious how fond they were of him. And vice versa of course, even when Ryan was mostly too grumpy to show it.

It didn't stop Geoff from walking up to their door and slowly creaking it open.

The room had two beds, one occupied by Ray and the other by Gavin. It was an endearing sight because where Ray was tightly curled on the mattress, Gavin was sprawled out, one wing and one leg dangling over the edge of his bed.

Between them, Ryan sat on a chair, his legs on another. He looked up at the sound of Geoff, his face illuminated by the screen of his phone. And the ram saw that the other _knew._ That he had already read the news.

It both lifted and added weight to his shoulders.

Without a word, Ryan let his legs drop to the floor and nodded to the seat. Slowly Geoff came closer and dropped onto the chair, sighing as quietly as possible.

The bull put his phone down and they sat in silence, thinking their own, but very similar thoughts as they listened to the soft breathing of the Lads.

He would love to have a drink right now.

Something strong that burned down his throat and settled warm in his stomach.

“You still want to head to the airport tomorrow?”, Ryan asked quietly to not wake anyone.

Geoff simply shrugged: “We have to keep moving. One way or another.”

“I agree. We need to get as much distance between us and the infected.” He threw his phone onto his backpack: “Maybe it is also just a rumor. We shouldn't fall for it then.”

It looked too official to be a rumor or false, they both knew that but Geoff didn't want to take this hope from the other so he simply nodded.

“I should go back to Jack.”, he said finally as he stood up. “I said that we should always be together and then walked off on him. That's hardly fair.”

“Do that.”

“You have this under control?”, he asked, gesticulating between the bull and the lads.

Ryan snorted: “The kids are asleep, don't worry, Geoff.”

“You know I can't stop doing that.”, he replied, rolling his eyes. “And you know what I mean.”

“I got it.”, the bull nodded. His gaze drifted from Gavin and then to Ray and he smiled softly.

That reassured Geoff more than anything and he sighed: “You know, you don't have to sleep in these chairs. This is a fucking hotel, we could look for another mattress to drag in here. Also I bet none of those two would mind if they shared their bed with you or each other. Hell, they probably expected you to!”

Chuckling, Ryan said: “You are right about that but it's fine. I don't think I will sleep tonight.”

“Your insomnia?”

“There is just too much to think about right now.”

Geoff nodded in understanding: “Still. Try to rest for even a bit.”

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin woke them the next morning, always the first one to rise and the bubbliest one at this unholy hour. It usually ended in getting an annoyed slap from Michael or occasionally Ray. Today he got lucky because the rabbit was too tired and the cat too happy to bother.

Michael and Lindsay sat close to each other as they ate breakfast, purring lowly and the others let them be, trying to give them some privacy while they searched through the small kitchen. Not that their supplies were running short but maybe there was something useful hidden.

They were on the roads right as the sun rose, with rare conversations as they walked through the streets. It could be the early hour which made them so abandoned and god, Geoff hoped it was so. It felt like it was a ghost city, with no car moving and no people traveling with them.

It was quiet and it was scary. It had something unnatural to it.

Like they were the only living things out there anymore.

“I don't hear any birds.”, Gavin said suddenly and that must be it. That was what was the most unsettling about the situation.

“You neither.”, Ryan mumbled next to him.

“What do you mean?”

“I don't hear you singing or humming.”

“Me? Why would I?”

“Because you always do, idiot.”, Michael snarled. “The whole goddamn morning long if no one tells you to stop.”

Gavin opened his mouth before letting it fall shut, realizing they were right. Even if it was stupid chittering it was in his nature. But now... “It somehow doesn't feel right.”

They fell silent after that, the uneasiness just getting stronger thanks to it.

On their way to the center of the city they at least caught glimpses of other travelers even though they didn't talk with each other. Eying other groups nervously before one of them vanished into another street.

It was nearing noon when they heard a distant crash and for a moment it felt like the earth was shaking. They all stopped dead in their tracks, their instincts screaming that something wasn't right.

“What was that?”, Lindsay asked, her voice tense.

“Gav.”, Geoff said quietly. “Take a look.”

The words weren't even needed because he was already stretching his wings, crouching down before leaping in the air. Wings flapping forcefully to let him gain some height and his eyes were doing the rest.

There was smoke coming from a different part of the city, far enough away to not be any concern for them and still he shivered at the sight.

“I think something exploded.”, he called down before he slowly sank back to the ground, feeling the strain already in his muscles. He wished his wings would just be a little bit bigger.

“Close to us?”, Geoff asked and he was quick to shake his head.

“No, it was quite a bit away.”

“May have been a gas leak.”, Jack offered. “Or something caught f-” The sentence went down in a second explosion, shaking the ground and this one was closer. This one made Michael growl lowly and Ray give a whine.

But then they all looked up to the sky as the black jet came into view. The very same they had seen on their first day of traveling and there was a moment of complete silence.

Of silence and horror and understanding and it felt eternal in its simplicity. In the end it couldn't have been long because the jet was barely closer when Geoff yelled: “Cower! Everybody get down!”

Gavin didn't even have the time to react to that before he was pulled close by the ram, tugged under his arm as Geoff tried to drag him away.

He wasn’t fast enough, of course. None of them were and they maybe managed a few steps before the world blacked out in noise and fear and smoke.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray startled awake and something massive was on top of him. Being prey, it immediately alerted him because it was bigger and heavier than him.

Ripping his eyes open, he found darkness around him and his breath hitched. He was underground and he hadn't been before. He was underground and something was above him and even though it wasn't a predator it was debris and he was lucky it didn't crush him.

Whimpering quietly, he felt his own heart beating frantically, way too fast for his small body and he feared it would leap out of his chest. The fear ordered him to make himself as small as possible but the movement set the stones above him into action, making rocks fall around him. He stopped moving immediately, his ears pressed tightly to his body as he tried to breath.

The air was filled with dust and he wanted to cough, but choked it down. Blinking against the darkness, his eyes quickly got used to it and there! A bit above him shone some light through the cracks.

Even if he didn't like it, he had to get there. He had to reach the surface because otherwise he would suffocate down here.

Slowly, he wiggled around until he freed his arm. Pushing the debris in front of him aside, he crawled with caution to not loosen any rocks with some careless movement.

His fingers dug through the smaller stones, shoving them aside and he flinched when the first real ray of sun hit him. Sighing in relief he pulled himself forward and actually managed to look through the small hole he had created.

He couldn't see much thanks to the dust that hung in the air but what he could make out made him widen his eyes.

There were parts of a house in front of him but it was laying on its side. It left him disorientated for a moment, wondering if he was somehow turned around but no. There was a house, laying on the street like a wounded animal. Or at least whatever remained intact of it. From here he could only see three holes that had to be windows before but were now missing their glass.

Glass they had enough. It was all over the floor, between broken concrete and slivered wood. A carpet full of hurt and broken bones in front of him to whoever dared to walk across.

Making a noise of distress, he cowered back down, hiding in his hole.

Where were the others? And what had even happened?

Well, the last question he could answer himself.

They had bombed the city. They had bombed the city they had tried to reach so badly because it had probably been infested with infected. Because they saw no hope there anymore.

“ _They can't just go around and bomb away humans just because they can't get this shit under control!”_

Ray whimpered again as he remembered Michaels words.

“ _But it's not right! They are murdering people! What stops them from doing the same here?”_

And Geoffs answer was: _“A few days.”_

Oh god, how right they had been.

He hated them for that.

Back then it had been a game! An uneasy feeling, yes but nothing serious! And now he was hiding underneath whatever debris was nearly burying him, still not able to answer his other question.

Where were the others?

Trying to remember, he figured Ryan had been closest to him. Yeah, yeah that seemed about right.

His instincts had made him search for the gents, for protectors in the sight of danger and there had been Ryan. He had turned towards him and then..?

After that everything was blank.

What if they were dead?

His heart picked back up and he made a pathetic noise.

What if they were all dead and he was left alone? He would never survive! He was prey, god knew what terrible things could happen to him! As if he hadn't heard the terrifying stories already and that was before the world had started going down.

They couldn't be dead!

That was impossible! If he survived they also did!

There was a growling outside and he pressed his body to the floor immediately, making himself as small as possible because that had been a predator. Even if the noise was rather a pained growling, it was the fact that it had been a cat that made him move carefully.

Crawling back towards the hole he had made, he looked outside.

The dust had settled a bit and he could see more debris around him, the world gray and dull. It made the red stand out so much more. For a brief moment he was sure it was blood before he sighed relieved.

“Lindsay!”, he called and watched her look around. She was laying on her back, her hair bright in the dreary environment.

“Ray?”, she asked confused and he stuck his arm out to signal her where he was.

“Are you alright?”, she wanted to know.

He grimaced at the question because he was fucking scared but at least not alone anymore. “I am not hurt!”, he answered truthfully. “What about you?”

“I can't get my legs out.”, she said and he envied her how levelheaded she stayed. He took another look and saw what could have been a broken pillar laying partly on top of her.

“I'll try to get out and help you.”

“That would be great.” She gave him a smile before laying on her back, breathing slowly. Her ears close to her head and her tail flicking in distress.

She was in pain, that was obvious.

So he tried to move fast, his hands already working on shoveling the dirt to the side when he grunted in pain. Pulling back, there was a piece of glass sticking in his palm. Biting his lip, he ripped it out, watching as the blood started to run down his wrist.

It burned and he had to remember to disinfect it later if he even managed to get out of here.

Breathing through his nose, he moved until he could open the zipper of his hoodie and wiggle out of it. Wrapping it around his arm it was better than nothing as he pushed more stones to the side.

He worked in silence, as fast as he dared, fearing he would severe whatever hold was stopping the other debris to crush him like a bug. The constriction and the lack of a good source of air made him gasp, sweat dripping down his brow as he rested for a moment.

The hole was a bit bigger and he saw Lindsay better now, an arm covering her eyes.

“Linds?”, he called but she didn't react. Her chest was heaving and she looked pale even compared to all the gray around her.

Gritting his teeth, he worked faster. Punching against the bigger stones they barely moved. He wasn't the strongest to begin with and in here he didn't even have any good leverage.

His foot found a hold somewhere and he pushed forward as something shifted. The debris above him bore down on him and he screamed, waiting to get crushed.

A terrifying moment he was sure he would be cut in half before the stones above him settled again. There was something sharp right above him, he could feel it press against his back as his whole body shook in fear.

He had cowered again, his heart in his throat and beating so loudly that he barely heard her screaming: “Ray? Ray, Ray! Do you hear me? What happened?”

Taking a deep breath, he couldn't help but cough at the new dust around him.

“I'm fine.”, he answered, hoping he was right. “Something just moved and scared me.”

“Are you trapped as well?”

Moving carefully, he crawled forward before he got stuck. He groaned because _of course._

“My ass is too fat!”, he called and at least she gave a short laugh at that. “But I think I'll manage to wiggle out of here.”

“Shake it!”, she called and he snorted.

At least they could still find an ounce of humor in this situation even though something grim lingered around them. The dark question if they would get out. If only one of them would get out.

If they were the only two left.

It nearly paralyzed him but he fought through it because if there was a hope it was him right now. Even if he was no fan of that.

He'd like to stay a bit in the back, to let himself be protected but Lindsay was hurt and Lindsay couldn't get out on her own so he would do it.

Also Michael would kill him if he didn't manage to.

Again he punched the stone and it actually moved this time. He did it again and at the third time it tumbled away. Pushing forward, he squeezed through the hole until he got stuck. But now at least his head was free and he took a deep breath.

Reaching out, he brushed through his hair and petted his long ears, cleaning them from any dust. He knew that was a motion of stress but it calmed him a bit.

Shaking his head to clear the last remains, he took another look at Lindsay and frowned. She had her pistol in her hand, laying on top of her chest were it rose and fell with it.

She noticed his stare and gesticulated to him to stay quiet.

He did and finally his ears picked up the distant noise. Unsteady steps, as if someone that was hurt was nearing them. It could be one of the others but he trusted Lindsay. Her senses were higher developed and if she considered it a threat he wouldn't stop her.

Even if the sight of the weapon made his mouth go dry.

They waited in a tense silence and Ray didn't even dare to move to get out. Both of their eyes trained towards the nearing steps and when they finally made out a shadow in the dust, Lindsay began to growl. It grew deeper, more aggressive as the figure came closer and she twisted around until she trained her weapon on the target.

She didn't shoot however, waiting until she could be sure that it was none of the other. Ray was glad about that because from the build of the silhouette it could be Ryan and Ryan had been close to them, right?

And as he could see the man clearer, his first thought was that the other needed their help. He was drenched in red, obviously hurt as he staggered towards them.

That was until he could make out the black veins, reminding him all too well of the woman before.

It wasn't Ryan, that was at least something. It wasn't any of them and he should be glad for that because the man was obviously infected.

Lindsays hand shook as she took aim and he couldn't tell if it were her nerves or the strain of holding the weapon up. Her face was determined and as it seemed clear that the man was heading directly towards them, she shot.

It was loud in the previous silence, echoing through the destroyed city and Ray couldn't help himself but flinch. He shrunk back in his hole, pressing his belly to the ground as the bullet grazed the mans shoulder.

“Fuck...”, Lindsay whispered as she took aim again and they both watched the infected slowly look around and finding her. Their eyes met and for a moment the cat hesitated before the man headed towards her, faster than before.

Ray saw the panic flash across her face and screamed: “Shoot!”

The head of the man exploded with the next bang as the body collapsed.

The gun still raised, Lindsay stared at the remains of the infected, her breath hitching. The silence fell back around them as her hand shook. The pistol fell to the ground as she hid her face and Ray opened his mouth to say something but felt his words get stuck. Swallowing, he listened to her ragged breaths before calling softly: “Lindsay? Linds? It's okay.”

Was it? She had just shot somebody!

“It was self defense!”, he quickly added. “Linds, you had no other choice! It's alright!”

Slowly she calmed down. He saw her breathing slower as she rubbed her eyes. He wondered what else he could say to make it better for her. Maybe that he was grateful, that she had not only protect herself but also him but for now he was still too shaken himself by the situation.

That was until he heard the groaning and more steps coming towards them. Turning his head he saw more shadows and his heart stopped. If he had learned one thing from Zombie-games it was to not get bitten. And also that they got attracted by noises. Like a shot.

“Lindsay.”, he whispered, not letting the figures out of his eye. Four. Four infected were coming for them and he heard his own heart pick up again. He'd die by a heart attack soon, he was pretty sure of it.

The cat also saw the silhouettes and whimpered quietly. Still she reached for the gun again, licking her lips as she took aim.

Ray wanted to tell her to be careful. That she had only four or six bullets left and she had to wait for the infected to get closer to them. She wasn't that good of a shot to hit them over this distance. But letting them come closer also meant that the other three would charge the moment the first bullet was shot.

A look into her face told him she already knew that.

Ray cowered back down, hiding deeper into his hole because he wasn't that strong. He wasn't brave enough to watch – it scared him just thinking about it! Lindsay was better, Lindsay was out there and the least he could do was trying to get free to help her.

The first shot rang outside and he jumped as much as he could. There followed groans and he began to move faster, trying to wiggle out. He was slim and small, he should be able to!

A second shot.

He had to help her because if she could take those four out he could free her and they could flee. They could flee and search for the others!

Lindsay screamed and he froze. He listened to her voice going from scared to pained to horrified. Only disturbed by another shot and then the last.

The following silence was terrifying and he didn't dare to move.

He had made himself as small as possible, curled up in his hole and stared ahead without really seeing. Waiting for a noise that would decide the outcome.

When it didn't come he slowly crawled forward, his eyes hesitating as they darted across the ground.

He found the bodies of the four infected scattered across the debris, all unmoving and that was good. But there were two really close to Lindsay but she seemed alright. Moving smoothly to reload her pistol.

There was blood all over her and he couldn't tell from who it came but he could hope. Silently he watched as she pushed the magazine back in and lifted the gun, freezing as she pressed the muzzle against her temple and he leaped ahead: “No!”

Again he got stuck but tried to squeeze through, his hands burying inside glass and debris so that he could pull ahead: “Stop! Lindsay, stop!”

The gun shook in her hand, her eyes tightly closed but she didn't pull the trigger.

“Please, don't!”, Ray screamed at her, cold panic rushing through his veins. “You can't just... don't do that!”

“They got me, Ray.” Her words were nearly too quiet for him to understand: “I won't fucking let myself become like them.”

He stared at her because that didn't happen. That maybe happened in shitty movies or even shittier games to be a tearjerker but right now he didn't feel like crying. He felt devastated, crushed by those two sentences and she was joking, right? She had to be joking because things like that seriously didn't happen!

“Wait!”, he said breathless. “Wait, don't!” And now the words tumbled out of his mouth: “I'll get out! I'll get out and get you out and then we look for the others! And they can... you know how they are! You know Geoff! He can... he can make it alright! You can't just...” He couldn't even say that, feeling sick to the core as he trashed around. Falling rocks and glass tore at his skin but there was no pain. The adrenaline rushing through his veins was more than enough to prevent him from feeling it but it couldn't stop him from screaming as the debris shifted above him. It pressed against the lower part of his back, hindering him to move any further and in panic he froze.

At least Lindsay was now looking at him, her eyes big and scared. Concerned for _him_ and that was so wrong.

He reached out to her in a desperate, stupid attempt because he would never be able to touch, the distance too big: “Don't... don't leave me here!”

Their eyes locked and slowly, oh so slowly she let the gun sink. He nearly sobbed in relieve, whispering: “Thank you, thank you...”

She nodded slowly as she laid back down and stared into the sky. The hand with the pistol resting on her chest as they sank once more into silence.

It gave Ray the opportunity to calm down a little, wiping the sweat from his face. He looked over his shoulders, even though he feared leaving her out of his gaze for a single moment but he had to see what was pinning him down.

Before he could really make it out, a distant call reached his ears and he turned back around. Lindsay was also moving, probing herself up on one arm before she sank back down, grunting in pain.

He whined in pity, wanting nothing more than to at least comfort her in any way but by now he was nearly completely immobilized. The call echoed again, this time closer and he recognized the voice this time.

“Ryan!”, he screamed back. Thank god! “Ryan, hurry up! Lindsay is hurt! Please!”

Ryan was strong! Ryan could definitely get them out, that was without a doubt! And he was smart! He could figure something out to make Lindsay alright again! Maybe with Geoff and Jacks help but that was fine! As long as they all got out okay!

And suddenly Ryan was there, descending from the dust like a fucking hero and Ray felt himself relax.

“Lindsay!”, he heard the other calling as the bull carefully walked over the debris towards her and thank god, thank god, thank god!

The shot was louder than the ones before. Maybe because he hadn't seen that one coming. His eyes had been on Ryan who stopped now and Ray looked back to Lindsay and found red there.

So much red, deeper than her hair and he didn't understand. That didn't make sense as the gun fell from her loose grip and he heard himself scream. Scream in horror and terror as he crawled back inside his hole until he couldn't see it anymore. The weight against him scraped over his back and his shoulders until he stopped, letting small screams fall from his lips.

With his eyes wide open he stared at his hands, not noticing the bloodstains that were spilling on his hoodie or the shards and dirt in his unprotected hand. He didn't see any of it but he also didn't dare to close his eyes because he feared he would see her then again.

Oh god, what had happened? What had just happen?

That wasn't right! That didn't make any sense; she had been safe! Ryan had been there! Why did she do that?

He stayed like this for a very, very long time. Listening to his own frantic breaths and the rushing of blood through his ears.

Was that a haunted place now? Was she coming for him because he hadn't saved her? Because he didn't get out in time?

He waited as he made himself as small as possible, hearing his name being called but didn't answer. Because that was _her!_ She was looking for him and he couldn't risk being found!

But it was no use as the little light he had was getting blocked and he felt a hand reaching for him. Screeching, he tried to crawl further back but couldn't, the pressure too painful against his shoulders. At least he had escaped the hand for now as he pressed himself close to the ground, his eyes still wide and unseeing. Waiting for her to come back and haunt him. She could have just shot him then as well!

The weight above him shifted and he knew that it was finally the time. He would finally get crushed and he winced in fear before the pressure left him completely.

The light got blocked again and the hands returned but this time he could cower even further back where nobody was able to reach him.

“Ray.”

His own name made him whimper.

“Ray. Please come out.”

It was Ryan. Ryan reaching out to him with dirty hands and a soft voice. Ray leaped ahead, the relieve flooding him as he was finally pulled outside. Instantly he clung for dear life onto the others body, shivering uncontrollably as Ryan tried to hush him: “It's okay now. It's alright.” And he cradled him tightly as the trembles were also rolling through him. Both basking in the horror of the situation while Ray made desperate little noises and Ryan stroke his back and petted his ears.

They stayed like this for a while before the bull huffed strong enough to ruffle the others hair: “Okay. Okay, Ray.”

Without even knowing what the other wanted from him, the rabbit shook his head because Ryan was letting him go and he didn't want to. Grasping for a hold on the others back, he was still shoved away.

“Hold still.”, Ryan ordered quietly. “Let me take a look at you.”

He did so reluctantly, watching as the bull pulled the hoodie from his hand before gently examining both of them. They were ruined. Cut and bloody, with dirt and glass sticking out of his flesh.

“I don't have any bandages with me.”, he said while rubbing soothing circles into his wrists. “Jack has them and we'll patch you up when we find him. Can you bear it that long?”

Ray nodded, not even really listening.

“Turn around. Please.”

Again he did so, staring back into the hole while the bull pulled up his t-shirt. His back didn't hurt, it just felt warm and tense but Ryan hissed at whatever he saw.

“Alright, buddy.”, Ryan mumbled, adopting the nickname Geoff usually used. He turned the others head towards him: “I want you to close your eyes and hold on really tight. Don't open them until I tell you so, got it?”

Shutting his lids, Ray waited until he was pulled back against the others chest. Lacing his arms loosely around the bulls neck as the other lifted him.

For a moment they just stood there and he knew that Ryan was looking down at Lindsay and the thought alone made him squirm.

“It's a haunted place.”, he whispered, hiding his face in the others shoulder. “It's a haunted place. Please, I wanna go!”

Ryan swallowed loud enough for him to hear, still staring down at Lindsay and it nearly drove Ray mad: “Rye! Rye, please! Let us go!”

“Alright.”, the bull finally whispered before turning away. “Let's search for the others. Does that sound good?”

Ray nodded quick, making sure his eyes stayed closed to not see. He had already seen more than enough.

They walked for quite some time but it was hard to tell while being blind. Just Ryans breathing grew heavier, strained huffs probably because he was still carrying him but Ray was glad he did so. It was warm and comforting, something to concentrate on.

His hands and arms started to hurt and pulse after a while and he guessed it was adrenaline passing, leaving him limp and tired.

Nearly enough to make him fall asleep right here and there because when Ryan nudged him, he startled back awake.

“Ray?”

“Mh?”

“Can you walk for a bit?”

He nearly wanted to shake his head and he was sure Ryan would just go on then. Instead he lifted his gaze, blinking against the harsh light.

He was greeted by a similar picture as before. Destroyed buildings and crashed cars. Now that Ryans scent was gone, he noticed smoke. It had a strangely sweet scent to it that made his hair stand on end.

“Ray?”, the other asked again and finally the rabbit nodded.

“Be careful not to slip on something.”

He was lowered slowly, searching for a place to stand on before putting his full weight on it.

“Thank you.”, Ryan mumbled before wiping sweat from his face. For the first time Ray actually looked at him. Seeing the dirt and the ripped jacket. There were crusted spots of blood over his clothes.

“Are you alright?”, he asked slowly and then a terrible, terrible idea came into his mind. “Did you get bitten?”

Blue eyes stared at him and Ray knew he was starting to tremble but couldn't help it.

Not again, not again, not again!

“No. No Ray. I am fine. Just a few scratches and bruises, alright?”

“Okay.”

Throwing him a reassuring smile, Ryan reached for his backpack to fish out a bottle of water: “Here. Drink.”

Ray obeyed, briefly wondering where his bag was but that was highly unimportant right now. He passed the bottle back to the other, looking around for anything to orientate himself on. But it was a unknown city. A destroyed city on top of that and slowly it settled that he had survived a bombing raid.

He was alive and Ryan was alive.

Lindsay was dead.

The brief moment he had seen her body came back and before even knowing what he was doing, he doubled over, throwing the water back up, quickly followed by his breakfast.

He coughed, his legs weak as he retched dry, nothing but bile raising in his throat. It tasted bitter and smelled even worse and his knees dared to give out but a hand took hold of his collar, keeping him upright.

His stomach acted up again but it was weak this time as he spit to get rid of the taste.

“Better?”, Ryan asked as the other stood back up, nodding slowly. Taking the offered bottle again, Ray wiped his lips before rinsing his mouth.

“Sorry.”, he whispered, his voice shaking.

“It's alright.”

“Do you have any idea where we are?”

“Not at all.”, the bull admitted before nodding towards the sky. “I just hope that we catch a glimpse of Gavin eventually.”

 

* * *

 

 

Michael found Gavin without any problems. He had just regained consciousness, sitting up disorientated and staring at his surroundings in a mild shock. A part of him understanding what had happened but not deep enough to actually sink in.

So he sat on the ground and his first real instinct was to clean himself as good as possible. Brushing dirt off his clothes, he shook his head and was surprised by the amount of ash he sat free.

It was in the corner of his eyes that he saw the wings and immediately recognized them. A warm brown, the color getting lighter towards the tip of the feathers. The inside had a tint of red with a layer of white on top.

It was strange to see the wings sprawled like that because Gavin usually kept them close to himself when he wasn't completely comfortable. Hell, he wouldn't even let Michael touch them but that was because he was a predator and instincts were instincts. Also he had learned quickly that his wings were something delicate and sensitive and Gavin liked to take care of his by himself.

The only person who was allowed to groom him was Geoff and that only occasionally.

So something was wrong because Michael could see them so clearly and Gavin really shouldn't be relaxed in this situation.

Getting to his feet, the cat hissed quietly as his head throbbed. At least that would explain his foggy thoughts.

Rubbing his temples, he stumbled ahead: “Gav? Gavin, are you alright?”

He didn't get an answer and slowly, oh so slowly he realized that he could only see half of the others wing. The rest was buried beneath debris and finally the fog cleared.

“Gavin!” He ran towards the wing, noticing the feathers scattered on the ground and that wasn't good. That weren't the occasional feathers the others would lose. Those looked like the one time Gavin had started molting in the middle of the office before Geoff took him home.

Reaching the other, Michael immediately started to dig. Shoveling stones and dirt to the side in a desperate attempt to find the body of the other.

What if he was suffocating down there?

What if it had already happened? How much time had passed?

He stopped his own thoughts before they could paralyze him because that certainly wasn't helping!

Not at all!

Stones tumbled around him until he could see the others backpack. Pressing his hand beneath it just to feel. To be sure his mind wasn't playing a trick!

And there it was. A small rise and fall, shallow but there.

“Oh thank god.”, Michael muttered before continuing. This time he shoveled the debris to the side with more care, scared to hurt the others head. Finding his face, he carefully wiped away the ashes, making once more sure that the other was breathing.

Still out cold but alive.

“Gav?” He wanted to shake the other awake but stopped himself. Gavin could still be hurt. Maybe he couldn't see it like this or it was something inside. He could inflict too much damage like that.

Biting his lip nervously, his tail flicked indecisively before he settled on freeing the other completely. It was working just fine until he came to the others legs. Just beneath Gavins knees a large boulder pressed into his calves and Michael grimaced just by looking at it. That had to hurt badly.

It didn't look like his legs were broken but it could as well be.

Michael looked for a hold on the boulder before pushing against it. Immediately he noticed that it was to no use, the rock didn't even move an inch as his feet dug into the ground while he threw his whole weight against it.

Huffing out a breath, he tried again, scrambling to not slip off but the stone didn't budge.

“Fuck...” He searched for the others feet, exposing them to the air and pressed his hand against Gavins ankle. It felt cold to the touch and was pale in comparison to the usual tanned skin of the other.

So it was cutting his circulation and that was really bad.

He had to lift it or the other would lose his legs. Cussing to himself, Michael threw himself against the boulder again with the very same result as before.

How much time did he have left?

How much time had already passed?

Looking at his watch, he found the glass broken but the hands of the clock still intact. Only that he couldn't remember at which time the jets had come for them.

It didn't matter that much anyway.

He had to act as fast as possible and he couldn't do it on his own.

Wiping sweat of his face, he noticed the blood on his torn hands and mindlessly cleaned it on his pants.

“Lindsay?”, he called. It wasn't loud, his voice toppling over itself and he had to swallow. His throat was dry and rough from the dust around him.

Without much thinking he opened the others bag and pulled out a bottle of water. Drinking quickly and burping quietly to himself, he tried again: “Lindsay?”

She had been close to him before the panic and the chaos made his memories blurry. He hoped she was alright.

“Lindsay?”, he tried again. “Anyone? Is there anyone near? Hello? I need help!”

Nobody answered and nobody came and he listened to the silence around him. For the first time he noticed how truly strange it was.

A world without sound after so much noise and chaos. Sometimes the small clank when a stone fell and somewhere there was a fire but besides that only himself. His own breathing and his own thoughts.

Looking back down to Gavin, his tail flicked nervously before he decided. Crouching down, he placed the water next to his hand so that the other could reach it if he woke up.

“Sorry, boi. I need to get you help.”, he mumbled. “I'll be back as fast as I can. Just hold on for a bit longer.”

Ruffling the others hair with affection, he began to climb up to what had probably been the rooftop of something. What mattered was that it was high enough for him to have an overview.

His eyes were good, he should be able to see far enough to hopefully make someone else out. Normally he would rather rely on his sense of smell but there was too much in the air. Smoke and ash, making him sneeze.

Carefully making his way upwards, he watched his step. Avoiding glass and steel that looked like nails, waiting for him to trip into it.

The thought alone made him grimace as he pulled himself onto the roof and looked around.

The destruction he witnessed made him go numb. Numb with so many feelings that just curled inside that he simply had to shut them away to sort them out later.

As far as his eyesight went was nothing but grayness. Gray debris and gray dirt to cover it all. There were some specks of color in form of cars or billboards that weren't completely covered by dust but that made it only worse.

Made it real.

He could see smoke. A lot of it. From here he could see at least four fires.

In destroyed buildings or abandoned buses.

It took him a while until he made out the group of people walking and even over the distance he knew that they were infected. It was something in the way they moved or the fact that they didn't look around. His mind rejected them instantly and he was glad they weren't headed towards him.

There was a familiar voice.

His ears twitched and he made out his name. Turning towards the source, he saw Geoff, waving brightly at him.

Michael started to grin before he jumped down the roof.

That was good. Geoff was strong and Geoff would know what to do. And if that damn boulder thought it could stand between him and Gavin – ha!

They weren't even far apart, not by normal measurements but walking had become hard on this underground. At least for Michael.

He watched with awe how easily Geoff sprinted in his direction and even if he had never considered it before; he was a ram hybrid after all. Apparently that didn't stop at the winded horns on his head.

“Michael!”, the other called relieved as they were closer before taking a hold of his shoulders, inspecting his face. “Are you hurt? Is everything alright?”

“I'm fine.”, he quickly assured. “But I need your help! I can't get Gavin out.”

The other went pale in an instant: “What's with him? Is he hurt?”

“Not badly bu-”, Michael started but that just set the other on fire. Apparently the thought of Gavin being hurt was enough to tighten the others grip: “Show me!”

The cat nodded right away, knowing better than to prolong this any longer. But as he turned around he hesitated. For a moment he wasn't sure anymore where exactly he was but what was worse was that he couldn't really remember where he had come from.

Swallowing tense, he looked around because Gavin was out there. Gavin was out there and he was the only one who knew where and he had to help his boi!

Then he remembered the rooftop and his eyes found it again. He quickly nodded towards it because from there he should be able to see Gavin.

Geoff headed off, way faster than him and Michael struggled to keep up. If he wanted, he was usually one of the fastest in the office, only rivaled by Gavin himself and of course Lindsay.

Her name nearly made him whine because he couldn't be sure if she was alright. Looking around, he still hoped to simply spot her or anyone else but no such luck.

Stumbling further, he watched Geoff climb onto the rooftop and Michael hurried up to reach him. He didn't even get to the edge as he saw the ram pull out his hunting rifle.

It left a cold feeling inside Michaels stomach and he actually flinched when Geoff shouted: “Step away from him right now!”

Pulling himself up, Michael noticed the group of three crouching next to Gavin and his first panic filled thought was that they were infected. But they looked up to them now and they looked human. Shaken and dirty but alive.

Maybe they wanted to help?

Then he saw how they tried to strip the backpack from the bird. And not even gently. The man holding the bag was violently tearing at it, not minding the wings that were in the way.

A hiss escaped Michael before he could stop it. He let it die down slowly until it was only a growl that vibrated through his whole body, making his hair stand on edge.

How dare they!

They were looting!

They were fucking looting someone who clearly needed their help!

It disgusted him and he felt the emotions shaking through his limbs. It was nothing against Geoff who radiated such an rage that Michael wondered that the three men didn't back down immediately. But his hands were steady, the gun barely moving thanks to his breathing.

“I said”, he rumbled lowly. “Get the fuck away or I'll blast a hole through your skull.”

“Listen man, we don't want him.”, one of the guys stepped up. “You can have him for all I care. We just need some food and water!”

“I don't care. You will step away right now!”

“We'll starve! Come on, just let us have the stuff and we can all part wa-”  
“That's not my problem. We also need the food.”

“But w-”

The shot was loud and the man jumped in surprise. The bullet had hit the rock next to him and Geoff slightly adjusted his aim: “Have I been clear?”

“Fuck you!”, the guy yelled and pulled out a pistol, aiming it instantly on the ram.

Geoff didn't even flinch but Michael felt his growl grow louder, felt it rumbling through his chest and noticed the reaction of the one kneeling next to Gavin. Right now his nose wasn't all too useful but his eyes were good and he had noticed the trembling going through that man at his noises.

Prey.

He focused on that guy because right now he could do nothing more. Their stalemate terrifying in its simplicity.

That was until the third guy pulled out a knife. Striving towards the hybrid, he shoved him aside before pressing the blade against Gavins throat: “What about now?”

Geoff breathed through his nose loud enough for Michael to hear but his gun wouldn't move. Moving would mean to be without any cover. Moving would mean losing the control completely.

“How about you two give us your backpacks too and we'll go our merry way?”, the guy called with a smug grin on his face. “That way nobody will get hurt.”

“Michael.”, Geoff simply whispered, as if he hadn't heard any of the others words. “I want you to go into cover, alright? They might actually shoot.”

“No wa-”  
“The moment they are not paying attention I need you to crouch down and make yourself as small as possible. You got me?”

And this time he got it. He also saw the big figure behind the three and nodded.

Geoff grinned widely at that: “Good boy.”  
The roar interrupted the tense atmosphere. Somehow more threatening and louder than the shot before and even though Michael had seen Jack before and had expected it to come, he was still frozen for a second before he dropped to the ground.

The hybrid of the other group did the same, cowering at the sound of the predator while the other two men immediately turned around.

Somehow Geoff hadn't froze at the roar of the lion as he took aim at the man with the knife. He was still quick enough to not shoot as a wing knocked the guy onto his back. Gavin fluttered mindlessly, covering his head quickly to avoid most of the dust.

Those wings were heavy and strong, more than once Geoff had gotten a hit from them so he knew the man would be dazed for a solid while.

He aimed back at the last one standing who only slowly realized in what a terrible situation he was in.

The man looked up towards the gun and seemed to want to lift his own but hesitated. There was a lion hybrid in his back and those were strong and dangerous. They could rip a man apart.

Putting his weapon away, he raised his hands.

“Good choice.”, Geoff growled before Jack came closer.

“Get your friends.”, the lion instructed, his voice rough with the strain he had just put it through. “And get away from here right now.”

“Alright.”, the man said, slowly walking towards his downed friend. “Just don't shoot.”  
“We won't if you don't give us a reason to.”, Geoff assured them, not lowering his weapon. Without another word they watched him gathering his two companions, before they walked off.

The ram didn't even wait until they were out of sight, he slung the rifle over his back before jumping from the roof. On fast and steady feet he ran towards the trapped bird, while the other two followed as quickly as possible.

“Gavin! Gavin, are you alright?”

“Geoff...”, the other whimpered and reached out to him. Quickly the ram took the hand and crouched down next to him. He brushed the hair and dirt out of the others face and found the skin beneath sickly pale.

“It's okay, buddy. We'll get you out right away.”

“Can't feel my legs...”

“Just a minute, alright?”

Gavin nodded weakly, his eyes traveling to Michael before going back to Geoff: “What happened?”

He was ignored as Jack reached them and Geoff stood up to greet him: “You alright?”

“Better than you'd expect.”, he replied, his voice still hoarse. “What about you guys?”

“He's trapped.”, he nodded towards the boulder. “You think we both can lift it?”

The lion eyed the stone thoroughly before nodding: “I think so. But not for long. Michael?”

“What do you need me to do?”, the cat asked eagerly.

“When we lift it pull Gavins legs out from under there, alright? As fast as you can.”

“Will do!”

“Gavvy? Please try to remain ca-”, Geoff addressed the other but found him in a daze, his eyes closed and probably out like a light. For right now that was good.

“Alright. Let's hurry.”

Jack searched for a good grip on the stones while Geoff pushed with his shoulder against it.

“One, two, three!”

With a grunt they threw themselves at it and slowly, oh so slowly the rock actually moved. Gavin made a strangled noise but nobody had the time to care as his legs slowly came free.

Michael took a tight hold on them and pulled them free, securing them over his lap: “Okay! Okay, I got him!”

The boulder crashed back down, leaving Jack and Geoff to pant with red faces. Before he even caught his breath completely, the ram already crouched down and turned Gavin onto his back. He pulled the bird against him and gently slapped his cheeks: “Come on. Wake up.”

“Let me see his legs.” Jack sat down next to Michael and they both carefully stretched Gavins legs.

“Are they broken?”

With gentle touches, Jack investigated the limbs before shaking his head: “I don't think so. At least I can't feel anything but I am not a doctor. We have to get the circulation going though.” He tried to pull the pants up a bit to look at the damage done but of course that idiot had to wear his usual tight jeans again! No way for him to move it higher than the ankle!

Growling beneath his breath, he simply started to massage the others calf and before he could tell him to do so as well, Michael took care of the other side.

Geoff watched them a bit distant, patting Gavins hair fondly: “Jack? Have you seen any of the others?”

“No, sorry.” Noticing the way Michaels ears lowered, he quickly added: “But I am sure they are fine! Bad weed and all that shit, you know!”

Geoff nodded: “Yeah. They are tough as dicks – we just have to find them now.”

“-could fly...”, Gavin babbled quietly, his eyes barely open. “I'll f-”

“Hey buddy.”, Geoff interrupted him, smiling down on him. “You need something?”

“I'm thirsty.”  
“No problem.” He helped him drink, the poor guy still halfway between conscious and knocked out and so some water landed on his shirt but that was alright. He seemed a bit more awake afterwards.

Blinking the tiredness away, Geoff watched him look around and felt the shiver going through him. That was maybe a minute before Gavin hissed in pain as his body went rigid.

“What's wrong?”  
“Feels like thousand needles.”, he muttered through clenched teeth.

“Then it's working.”, Jack told him while kneading through the others muscles. “That's good.”

“Doesn't feel like it.”

“Your legs got nearly crushed by a bolder.”, Michael remarked dryly. “And you bitch about a massage.”

“Shut up!”

Patting the others leg, the cat stood up: “Now that he's alive I will look for Lindsay.”

“You will not go alone!”

“Geoff, I have t-”

“You don't have to do shit! First off; you have no weapon with y-”

“I'm a predator!”

“You're a kitten! What do you want to do if someone aims a gun at you?”

“That won't happen!”

“You don't know that! Also you have no orientation whatsoever! You'll get lost and then we have to search for you!”

They both stared at each other with heated glares. Michaels fists were shaking and it seemed like he was nearly ready to just turn away and walk off. Instead Jack sighed: “He's right Michael. I am also worried about the others, believe me and I would come with you but then we'd leave Geoff alone.”

“Gavin i-”

“Did you take a look at him? That kid is out for a while, he doesn't count.”

“Hey.”, the bird protested weakly but was ignored by everyone.

“Geoff got a gun!”

“Let's just get moving.”, Geoff offered. “All four of us. I can carry Gavin meanwhile. So we cover at least some ground.”

“I'd be faster alone!”, Michael insisted.

“You'll be dead alone!”

“I will not!”

“Quiet. Both of you!”, Jack said sharp. There was a hidden growl beneath the words that made them actually listen to him.

That was rare enough.

“We'll stay togeth-”

“Bu-”

“We'll stay together, Michael. But I'll carry Gavin. Geoff, you are the only one who can use that rifle. We need your hands free for that.”

Geoff looked at him like he was ready to protest but his face softened after a moment: “Alright. Please do that.”

It took some shifting and sharing backpacks until they could move on and through all of that Michael was twitchy, hurrying them along. It grew a bit better when they started walking, the uneasiness of doing nothing gone.

Gavin was carried by Jack, slowly getting back to himself and testing his wings carefully. Stretching them to their full potential before folding them close to his back like usually. They felt sore and were in a need of a good grooming but that was all for later.

Nuzzling against Jacks shoulder, he said: “That was one hell of a roar, Jack.”

The lion hybrid chuckled: “Thanks. I've tried.”

“I never heard you do that before – it was scary!”

“You should be glad you never heard it before, buddy.”, Geoff added thoughtfully. “It's probably his sex-noise.”

“Gross!”, Gavin laughed.

“How are your legs doing?”

“Bloody feeling like they are currently residing in an ant hill or something like that.”

“At least they are not broken.”

“I guess so. But I could still fly.”

“Oh yeah, I'd like to see you crash land even more than usually!”

Gavin pouted at that when Michael spoke up, way quieter and more serious than before: “Those three guys from before...”

Geoff threw him a look, frowning over the worried look of the other: “What about them?”

“Why didn't we just give them Gavins backpack and let them go? Do you think they would have hurt him?”

“Maybe. Those were desperate people.”, Geoff admitted. “But most of all we need the supplies just as much. Food and water, the change of clothes – all of those will be things that will be hard to get. And we are a group of seven; that are seven bellies to feed and seven people to look after. We are not well enough to allow us the luxury to share.”

“That's cold, man.”

Geoff simply shrugged: “It may be but if it helps us out than we might as well be cold. Look around, Michael. This city is destroyed and we won't find any supplies here. We don't know how it looks in other places but if this continues we will have a really big problem.”

“I don't like it...” It was Jack who muttered that and the ram turned towards him. They watched each other for a long moment before Geoff smiled sadly: “I know you don't, buddy.”

“If we lose our humanity thanks to this situa-”

“I only said we should be careful.”, Geoff interrupted him quickly. “We have to look after our group first before helping outsiders. Those three men were healthy and strong but went to rob someone who was unconscious, hurt and trapped without even stopping to help him. They didn't deserve our mercy. If there had been other circumstances... then sure. We could have shared. But not with those people.”

The brown eyes of Jack bore into the blue ones, searching for a lie and Geoff let him. Because he was honest right now and he knew that Jack didn't like his choices but they were necessary.

In the end the lion nodded: “Alright.”

“Let's find the others.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was slowly getting dark when Gavin finally spotted Ryan and Ray from above. Geoff had protested that he wasn't ready to fly yet but his wings weren't hurt and his legs had finally stopped feeling tingly.

And the nearing night made them all uneasy.

“I have them!”, he shouted down. Even from this distance he saw Rays ears perk up at his voice before he pointed up towards him. Grinning, Gavin let himself glide down. He had to be careful because with all this debris landing was even harder than usually and when he finally hit the ground he nearly fell.

Straightening up, he hurried the few steps towards them: “Are you alright, guys?”

He saw the answer before they opened their mouths. It weren't Rays hands and arms that were covered in clothes with stains of blood on them. It wasn't Ryan whose face was so immensely tired or the fact that they both seemed too pale.

It was how Ray stared at him shocked before throwing a helpless look at the older man. It was how Ryan stiffed and took a deep breath and Gavin knew that something was absolutely wrong.

Something was really, really wrong and right now he didn't want to know.

“We're fine.”, Ryan still said. “Considering the circumstances. Do you know where Jack is? He needs to take a look at Rays hands.”

“He's with the others. I can show you the way.”

“The others?”

The bird hybrid nodded quickly: “Yeah. Jack, Geoff and Michael.” He noticed Ray flinch at the last name and frowned slightly: “With you guys there we are only missing Lindsay now.”

Ray hid his face in the side of the bull and Gavin felt his heart growing heavy. His eyes darted back to Ryan as he slowly asked: “Have you... have you guys seen her?”

“Yes.”, Ryan said. His eyes were dim and tired, his hand laying between Rays shoulders.

“She didn't make it.”

Gavin simply continued to stare at him, his expression distant and unreadable. Only his wings lowering a bit: “She... Is she dead?”

“I fear so.”

“How?”

It was such a quiet question, Ryan could easily pretend he didn't hear it but in some way that was his training for later. And later would be way worse because how was he going to tell Michael?

It was hard enough how it was now!

“She didn't survive the bombing.”, he lied and felt Ray flinch next to him. He gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze because this was better. This was easier than the truth. “I think... I think she was dead right away. She wasn't suffering or anything.”

“Oh.”, Gavin made before falling silent. His wings folded neatly as he worked through those news.

Ryan could see it. Could see how he slowly got to the fact that she was dead. That she wasn't coming with them anymore or hum his morning songs with him. The truth would hit some time later. Hell, he himself hadn't really understood it and he had kneeled next to her and checked on her pulse even though that was stupid. That was really stupid because part of her head was missing and a good portion of her brain splattered over the ground.

It was stupid because her blood was already clinging on him but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't help himself but closer her eyes and take the gun she shouldn't even carry from her loose fingers.

He couldn't help himself thinking back about it now and wishing he wouldn't. Because it made him sick and made his legs weak and how should he tell Michael?

Gavin seemed to come to the very same thought, he saw the dark shadow pass the birds face before he shivered.

“I see. That's good.”, he finally said before shaking his head. “Not that she is... but that it was fast, you know? That's... that's good.” It sounded like a hopeful question and Ryan nodded: “Yeah, it is.”

“Okay.” He hesitated, unsure of what to do next as his eyes darted from one to the other. In the end he turned around: “Follow me. I'll show you the way.”

 

* * *

 

 

When the others came into view, Gavin felt his uneasiness spark because Michael was there. Michael was there and Lindsay wasn't with them and he saw the eyes of the cat move over the group before he frowned.

“Gavin?”, Ryan behind him asked quietly, making him turn around. “Would you please sent me Geoff first?”

“Yeah. Sure.” He took off because flying was faster. But it also made him land with the other group so much quicker and he couldn't look at Michael. He couldn't.

“Are they alright?”, Jack asked.

“Ray is hurt.”, he said, remembering the poorly bandaged hands of the other. “But besides that they are fine, I think. Exhausted.”

“Understandable.”

And the bird turned to Geoff, fighting with the words in his head before the older took over: “What is it?”

“Ryan... Ryan wants to talk to you.”

“Well, he ca-”

“Now.”

There had to be something in his face because Geoff didn't ask further. He watched Gavin for a moment longer before nodding and walking towards the other two. Gavin followed him with his eyes and watched as the three met a bit further away.

“We don't have time for that.” That was Michael behind him and he couldn't find the strength to turn towards him. “Lindsay isn't with them. We have to find her before it gets dark!”

Gavin didn't answer but he felt Jacks eyes on his back. Still he just continued to watch Geoff and after a few seconds he saw the ram slump into himself. His shoulders sinking, his hands grasping his clothes.

He knew now.

Jack also knew. He could read them good enough.

A part of Michael also knew. It seemed impossible for him not to.

Gavin could hear it in the low growl that came from the cat that seemed more defensive than threatening.

“We have to move on!”, he insisted. “We have to find her!”

Again no answer and he seemed to get desperate: “What if she's hurt! It's getting dark, I'm sure she's scared! There are still infected looming around! _We don't have time for that!”_

Finally, Gavin turned towards him. He barely recognized his friend because he had seen him scared before. But that was because of stupid shit. Video Games or movies or some small shocks.

Nothing like that.

A bottomless fear that made his eyes grow dark as they searched for his own.

“Gavin?”, he asked. “What is going on?”

He opened his mouth but brought no noise out, let alone words. Also, what should he possibly say?

“Gavin!”, Michael insisted. And now he got angry because Michael always got angry when he was backed into a corner. He stepped towards him and it would normally make Gavin at least flinch. Not this time.

That fact let something in the cat grumble and wither. His eyes growing big in horror and maybe no words were needed after all.

Jack put a hand on his shoulder and that made it better and worse at the same time.

The nearing steps let them all look up as they reunited. At least the six of them.

“Michael.”

“No.”

“She's dead.”, Geoff simply said but Michael replied immediately.

“Liar.” And as the other didn't even bother to answer, he snarled: “Liar! Don't lie about something like that, Geoff! That's not funny!”

“She got crushed by debr-”

“That's not true!”

“-by debris after the bombing.”

“That isn't what happened! That isn't true! We have to look for her! Maybe she is buried somewhere! We can't just stand here and not do a damn thing!”

“She was dead instantly.”

“Geoff, listen to me! She is buried and she needs our help! We ha-”

“We don't think she was in any pain.”

Michael took a breath and seemed to choke on it. His eyes darted from one to the other as everyone was staring at him and he flashed his tiny fangs at Geoff: “Fuck you!” He pointed at Ryan and Ray: “You believe them? You believe them just like that? What if they are lying! What if she is still out there!”

“Michael. She is not.”

“You don't know that! You can't possible know that!” His voice was breaking as his hair stood on end, his hands tightly curled to fists: “You wouldn't be this fucking calm if it was Gavin! You wouldn't believe them one second! You'd go out there and search for him until you found him! That's because you fucking care about him! But you don't care about Lindsay! You don't give a fuck about her!” And that hit home. Geoff flinched as if he had punched him straight in the face.

“None of you do!”, Michael growled. “You assholes! We should be out there! We should search for her and if you guys don't do that then fuck you all! I will! I won't stop until I find her!”

He then turned away from them without a second glance as he began walking. Gavin wanted to reach out and hold him back but the other was still emitting danger, a predator ready to pounce and it made him stand still.

It was Jack who stepped ahead. His hand laid down in the nape of the others neck and squeeze. Immediately some tension left Michaels shoulders before the cat turned around and hissed at the other, knowing that it was a cheap move.

That place was a weak spot for him.

“I'm sorry.”, Jack whispered, not reacting to the aggression. And maybe that was what did it because Michaels rage crumbled. It crumbled down and let the fear shine through.

“I am very sorry, Michael.”

“You don't...”, he muttered, before shaking his head. “She's not... We have to find her! I have to... I-” He stopped, starring up at Jack and his whole body was begging for him to finally agree. To finally come with him and search.

But Jack didn't and slowly Michael turned his head. His eyes searching for Ryan and Ray, finding them not able to meet his gaze. They were tired and bloody and he stared at that blood and felt like throwing up.

Finally Ryan lifted his gaze and he saw it in the blue eyes.

The pure shock that settled on Michaels face was as clear as the destruction around them. He shook his head once, then again before stepping back. Wanting to run away from it but Jacks hand was still a warm weight against his skin and hindering him.

Then it all withered and died, leaving him empty.

They all saw the light dim before vanishing in the others eyes.

Michael carefully looked up to Jack like that was his last hope but he couldn't find any of that there.

The lion simply pulled him close and he staggered until he was held and would wait until he would be let go again.

Closing his eyes, he let it happen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ufff, like I said: huge chapter!  
> I hope you guys enjoyed it!  
> See you next week with chapter 3!  
> (btw; thanks Rachel for reminding me that I am actually posting this on Michaels and Lindsays anniversary... whoops?)


	3. Doubt the choices that we've made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You wanna say we got lucky?”, Gavin asked bitterly. “Doesn't bloody feel like it.”  
> “No, it doesn't.” He laid an arm around the smaller shoulders and pulled him close: “It's a terrible, terrible day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for nasty stuff like blood and things like that. You know, Zombie-things.

Chapter 3

Doubt the choices that we've made

 

“That will fucking hurt tomorrow, you know that, right?”, Geoff asked as he directed the light of the flashlight down. Gavin grimaced at his battered legs. As if it wasn't enough to sit here in the cold in his boxers, he could feel his muscles go stiff. His skin was starting to color and swell and Geoff was probably right; it would be awful to move in the morning.

For now they had settled down for the night in the husk of a building that had probably been a garage or something similar before. The windows were broken and the garage door was nowhere to be found but it would protect them from the worst wind and cold of the night. If it didn't collapse on their heads.

“You packed any shorts?”

“No. Why?”

“Your jeans are too tight. Wear a pair of mine until the swelling goes down.”

“Okay.”

Geoff went to get his bag and Gavin took the moment to look around. In the back of the big room was another door and Ryan had gone through there to look around. He hadn't showed up again and Geoff had said to give him some time.

He had worked close together with Lindsay for years and of course it would hit him hard. Just like it hit them all.

Turning his head, he found the other three at the open door. Jack was using the remaining light of the day to take care of Rays wounds. He had taken the tweezers from the first-aid kit and continued to pluck shards of any kind from the others hands and arms.

Gavin could see Ray flinch each time, his ears lowered but he didn't protest.

Michael slept next to them. He had sat down and drifted off the moment Geoff had said they would rest the night here.

He hadn't said a word on the whole way.

Gavin wasn't sure if the other would say a single one tomorrow.

“Here.” The jeans were thrown into his lap and he jumped.

“Thanks.”, he muttered.

“No problem.”

Geoff watched him dress clumsily, having problems bending his legs before he slumped back with a huff.

“That will really be a problem, won't it?”, he said quietly as he pulled up the zipper.

“I prefer it like this, actually.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”, Geoff said before sitting down next to him. “You do realize that you got lucky? Instead of your legs it could have been your spin. Could have been your head.”

“You wanna say we got lucky?”, Gavin asked bitterly. “Doesn't bloody feel like it.”

“No, it doesn't.” He laid an arm around the smaller shoulders and pulled him close: “It's a terrible, terrible day.”

Because Lindsay was dead. His girl was dead, body broken by debris and shit like that only happened in movies.

This whole shit they were in should be a movie.

A bad one even.

Now he simply rested his chin on top of the others head and felt the wings curl around both of them. Right here he was just glad that Gavin was alive. That they all were alive and even if he also didn't like the term lucky for today they had been. God, it could have come so much worse than it was now.

He also knew he could tell that nobody – it was _his_ lonely truth.

It was a terribly dark truth, but in reality they could all be dead.

He should have seen it coming! The city had been in the quarantine zone and the government had bombed other cities before.

And still he also hadn't believed...

He shivered slightly and felt the wings tighten. Their texture was a bit different, not as smooth as usual. He wanted to tell Gavin that he was in need of some grooming but the other probably already knew that.

Also they were all a bit scruffy which was no wonder after this day.

Instead they continued to sit in the unusual silence that only was occasionally interrupted by the soothing whispering of Jack and quiet answers from Ray. It was the same silence in which they had walked after reuniting.

“Okay, buddy.”, Geoff said because he didn't like this silence. He hated it. “How about you give Michael a blanket and take care of your wings? I'll check on what we have for dinner.”

“I'm not really hungry...”

“Me neither. But we have to.”

“Okay.” Sighing, the bird let go before searching through their bags until he found a blanket. Geoff watched him as he crouched next to Michael and tugged the cover around him. He also saw how Michael woke up, blinking confused up at Gavin before he turned away, closing his eyes immediately.

There was a shadow on the birds face and still he settled close to his friend as he started to groom his wings.

Smiling with a tint of pride, Geoff stood up himself. Dusting his trousers off, he turned towards the door in the back. He had told Gavin himself to leave Ryan alone because the other obviously needed the distance after all that had happened and he was willing to give him that. But he was in there too long and Geoff started to get worried.

“Ryan?”, he asked as he cracked open the door and found darkness beyond. He reached for his flashlight, shining in the direction from which he heard the shuffling noises. In the harsh light of the flashlight, he found the bull standing up and rubbing his face.

“Sorry, Geoff.”, he said quietly, clearing his throat. “Was right on the way back. It's all safe down here.”

“Sure.”, the ram quickly agreed to the obvious lie. The room here was smaller than the one before and had no other doors. And of course nothing would explain why the other sat here in the dark.

But it didn't really matter: “Take your time. Just wanted to check if you are alright.”

Ryan looked up at that, his eyes somehow more blue than usually before shaking his head softly.

“Okay.”, Geoff muttered as he closed the door behind his back. “I'm not going to ask what's wrong because that should be obvious. Just tell me how I can help you.”

“I can't get her face out of my head.”, he simply said. “Her eyes were open but it wasn't her, you know? She wasn't there anymore. So I... I closed them.”

“I see.” He switched the light off because it wasn't really needed right now.

“That's... what you do when people die, right? You close their eyes.”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”, Ryan said thoughtfully. He shifted slightly: “I should have... taken her wedding ring or something. Maybe that... maybe that would have helped Michael.”

“You got Ray out of there.”, Geoff reminded him. “That was more important.”

“I guess.”

“Did Ray... see what happened?”

“More than I did... god, I wish it wouldn't be like that but he was with her. He was with her way longer than me.”

“Ryan?”

“Yes?”

“She wasn’t killed like you said, right?”

“No.”

“Fuck.”, Geoff whispered as he leaned back against the door. Closing his eyes, he felt a new wave of horror wash over him. That wasn't right!

God, just last night he had talked with her in the hotel. And she had said how pretty the city was.

And now that city was gone like she was. Just a grave.

“So Ray... Ray saw it?”, he asked quietly. “Everything?”

“More than enough.”

“Fuck.”, he whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck...”

“Yeah...”

They stood in the darkness a bit longer, only their breaths remaining until Ryan asked: “Could you bring me my bag? I want to change clothes.”

And Geoff remembered the spots of blood all over the other and had to swallow thickly. He had thought it had been from small bruises or from Rays wounds and parts of it probably were but not everything. No, of course not.

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin woke with the first rays of sunlight just like every morning. His muscles ached from sleeping on the ground but he wasn't as cold as he figured. Pulling the blanket around him tighter, he listened to the soft breathing around him, along with quietly spoken words.

Cracking his eyes open, he orientated himself shortly before searching for the source of the noise. He found Jack and Ryan sitting next to the open garage door, the lion talking with a soothing voice.

From here Gavin couldn't quite make out the words but he didn't need to. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he swatted the ears away that were tickling him right beneath his chin. Rays nose twitched before he nuzzled his face into Gavins side again.

They had shared a blanket due to the fact that half of theirs had been in Rays bag that had gone missing in the chaos yesterday. At least it was warm like that and seeing that Ray was also a prey, none of them minded.

Letting his eyes travel further, he found Michael sleeping with his head in Geoffs lap. The cat looked paler than normally, the early light making it even worse. He looked sick and stressed even though he slept calm and with deep breaths.

Geoff was leaning against the wall, a hand laid on the curls but he was resting not so quietly. Fingers twitching and face scrunching but he made no noise.

It was a somehow sad picture to look at and Gavin sighed quietly. Sitting up, his spine popped and cracked unpleasantly as he carefully untangled his wings. He had wrapped them partly around himself and Ray in the night and he tried not to wake the other up now.

Moving out of the way, the rabbit immediately took hold of the blanket and wrapped himself around it, curling into a tight ball. Gavin grinned because like that he could see the tip of the dark cottontail the other usually hid.

His smile fell as he tried to stand up and his knees gave out underneath him. Stumbling back down, the stinging pain made his eyes water and he quickly stifled his cry behind his hand. No need to wake everyone around him up as his legs started to pulse and ache. The blood too hot and thick for his veins.

“Gav?”

Blinking the tears away, he looked up, surprised to find that he had wrapped his wings around himself. A defense mechanism when he was scared or in pain and as he lowered them, he saw Ryan kneel next to him: “Are you alright?”

“Forgot about my legs.”, he replied with a sheepish smile. It was fake because he really was in pain but it didn't stop him from asking: “Are _you_ alright?”

“Sure.”

Only that it didn't look like it. Because he had dark bags beneath his eyes and his hands shook as he helped him stand up. Ryans touch, usually warm, was cold and damp and Gavin was nearly afraid to put his weight on the bull as if it would tip him over.

“You didn't sleep?”, he asked as they hobbled towards Jack.

“No.”

“I tried to get him to sleep but he's stubborn.”, the lion assured him, greeting him with a smile.

Gavin tried to protest but it ended in squeaks of pain as Ryan helped him sit down. Once settled, he stretched his legs carefully and huffed out the breath he had held.

“This bloody sucks.”, he muttered.

“Guess we'll have to carry you today.”

He pouted: “I can fly.”

“Might be but not for long.”, Jack reminded him. “And you honestly can't land like that.”

He shivered at the thought alone and he really wasn't happy with it. With the situation as it was, he really didn't want to be a burden to the others. Also who should carry him?

Geoff had to keep his hands free because he was the only one who really knew how to handle a gun and Jack would take care of Michael. Both being cats had brought them close and the lion was probably the calm the other needed now.

Ryan? Ryan looked ready to drop down and sleep for a whole day any minute now.

Sighing low, he pulled the legs of the jeans up to examine the damage. It wasn't a nice thing to look at. The skin swollen and bright blue, some spots even red by the blood welling up beneath.

“That looks like you held your legs in a blender.”, Ryan teased him but with sympathy laced in his words.

Covering the bruises quickly, Gavin simply nodded: “Maybe it will get better tomorrow.”

That didn't seem to be realistic but nobody told him. In the end Jack stood up and stretched his limps: “Let's get breakfast ready before we wake the others. One way or another – we got a lot of ground to cover.”

A few minutes later they had gathered around the canned food. It was far from being a tasty meal, even less so because there was no way to heat it up but they were hungry and didn't really have a choice.

“Any activities tonight?”, Geoff asked, wiping thick sauce from his mustache.

“There were some people going around, yeah.”

“Were they..?”

Ryan and Jack threw each other a quick look before the lion said: “There was a small group and they used a flashlight but... there were also just some guys in the dark. But they were further away.”

“What do you say?”

“Infected.”, Ryan affirmed. “By their noises I am sure. Like in a fucking horror movie.”

Geoff nodded thoughtfully, turning to look at the lads. Ray was still sleepy but still unusually quiet. Of course nothing against Michael who simply sat between Gavin and Jack, eating mechanically.

He had shaken the cat awake from a sleep that had been so deep, it had scared him. Had watched the tired eyes turn to confusion as he looked around before they died once again. The light vanished and he didn't know how to get it back.

Most of all they didn't have the time to deal with it.

None of them had.

“Finish up everyone.”, he said in the end. “Let's get out of this city.”

Before it became a land of the dead.

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff lead the way through the destruction, always walking a bit ahead to check on their surroundings. They were nearing the outskirts of the city and the debris cleared a bit here. It meant that they moved a bit faster but also that the horror beneath was revealed and so Ray simply kept his eyes on the ram. Watching him search for higher grounds to look around and probably to orientate himself.

At the beginning Ray had sometimes looked over his shoulders to check if the other four were still there because they were dead quiet. Now it wasn't really needed anymore because he heard Ryan huff with each step he took. He was carrying Gavin on his back and occasionally the bird would offer to walk for himself but was always declined. It would be useless anyway. Firstly it would probably hurt Gavin like hell and furthermost not with these surroundings.

Ray had a hard time not to trip over everything as he was now and his legs were okay. It were his hands that pulsed but they stopped bleeding at least. His back was worse; stiff and bruised but he kept it to himself.

They all had enough problems already.

Throwing a quick look back, he controlled if Jack and Michael were still there. Those two were the quietest. Michael simply following the lion along, eyes on the ground and without making a single noise. Jack would occasionally check on him but he also looked tired.

They all were.

Dragging his feet, he adjusted the backpack he was carrying. It wasn't his own but he had lost the overview. It had to be carried and it was heavy – that was what he knew.

They all heard the wet sound from the right and even before looking up his stomach made a flip-flop. He saw the dead body and couldn't tell which gender it had belonged to. That wasn't the first time that had happened today and he still rejected the pictures.

But now there was a woman sitting next to it and her skin was white and her veins black. The infected bent down again and continued to rip stripes of skin from the others throat. Devouring the slice of meat with a sound that was too close to a purr to not be meant delighted.

Ray barely heard the noise as Geoff brought forth his rifle, it was Jack telling him to not waste ammo on something like that. Also the infected might become aggressive then. Like this they could just continue their way.

Only that the rabbit couldn't.

Because he should have known that the infected had to live on something, right? And he sure as hell had played enough games and watched enough movies to know on what they lived. He shouldn't be that surprised by it.

He should have thought about it way sooner and it shouldn't freeze him on the spot. And still he felt the bile rise in his throat because that had been a human once. Both of those... those things!

Somewhere behind him he heard Gavin gag quietly and as he looked for him, he saw Ryan. And Ryan had looked shitty before, really. He had never seen the man like that but it was nothing against now. The dawn of horror and the following sickness.

The blue eyes flickered to Ray and it was as if the bull had sent his thoughts with the gaze.

Lindsay.

Ray retched before he even truly progressed the thought. He threw up the disgusting food from the morning because she hadn't been covered! They hadn't covered her up and oh god she was getting eaten! Her corpse was-

He vomited again even though he didn't even know what could have been left in his stomach and then someone was rubbing his back. Wiping his mouth, he looked up to Geoff whose eyes were still locked on that creature.

He didn't understand. He didn't understand and Ray hoped that only him and Ryan did.

Turning around he already knew he was wrong. He saw Michael staring without blinking but his mouth was moving. Still without a sound but with the same name over and over again.

“Michael.”, he gasped out but it wasn't enough to break the others concentration. But Jack reacted, looking first at Ray and then back to the cat. He was barely fast enough to catch Michael as he simply stopped working, his body shutting down. He fell like a dead weight and Geoff had to move towards them and help Jack.

“We need to go.”, the lion hissed. “We need to go right now.”

Because now Ryan was also throwing up and Gavin seemed ready to follow him any second as he rubbed his back, standing on trembling legs. And Ray looked back up, finding the infected staring at their group. Blood smeared across her chin and chest but she didn't attack. She actually seemed to sniff the air and he really wanted to go now because there was a primal fear clawing at his heart and maybe if he stared for a moment longer he would never get rid of it again.

“Move.”, Geoff told him and it sounded breathless. “For the love of god, move.”

 

* * *

 

 

They rested the moment they found the first patch of actual green. Most grass they had seen before was gray from dust or burned down. They had actually followed a mostly intact street to this and Geoff dropped his bag on the grass.

“30 minutes break.”, he simply said and they all sat down in an instant.

Rays feet hurt and his stupid cheap sneakers were starting to fall apart. He couldn't remember the last time he had walked this far and still he was one of the lucky ones.

Ryan looked like he'd drop down dead any second as Gavin carefully stood on his own feet. He just let himself fall on his back and didn't move again. The wings of the bird lowered with guilt but he didn't say a thing, letting the other rest.

He hobbled to Jack who had carried Michael. Michael who had still not regained his consciousness. Michael who was white as a sheet.

Michael who looked as dead as someone could be while still breathing.

“Eat. Drink.”, Geoff commanded, the only one still standing. His eyes darting around like a wolf and not a ram. It got even worse when nobody reacted; a dangerous glint in the usually tired eyes: “I said you should eat and drink. You need the energy.”

The last thing Ray wanted was to eat something but he slowly followed suit. His stomach was empty because he had thrown everything up and that brought him back to why he had been sick and that wasn't helping.

Geoff was now finally settling down, only to shake Ryan awake again: “Eat.”

“I'm no-”, the other started to mumble but was immediately interrupted.

“You will eat right now. Otherwise you are really done for.”

There was a silent fight between them and in the end the bull gave in. Sitting up again, he seemed too tired to resist.

Jack and Gavin lured Michael back a few minutes later, even getting him to eat a bit. He still didn't talk.

When they moved on it was like the hopelessness of the city was following them. Gavin had insisted to walk alone, saying that it got easier as they let Oklahoma City behind but Ray was pretty sure it was because Ryan didn't look like he could carry him another step. It didn't help the mood at all because Gavins face was a mask made out of stone and only his eyes showed in how much pain he really was.

They all noticed though. Ray caught Geoff occasionally look over his shoulder, concern written all over his face. Still he didn't offer to help, leading them on with a hand always ready to grab his rifle.

Then there was Michael who appeared to be a thousand miles away, eyes on his shoes and on nothing else. Jack always next to him but the tiredness already showed on his face. He had stayed awake a good portion of the night and it was taking its toll.

Rays ears sunk even more and he reached out nervously to massage the tips. He wondered if he could say something to make it better but there wasn't really anything. He thought about asking where they were headed in the first place but he was pretty sure the answer would be: away.

And away sounded great even though his feet hurt and his shoes were coming undone and his backpack was heavy on his shoulders. Away sounded too much like he could just leave everything that had happened in that city.

It was a haunted place now anyway.

But he couldn't leave this all behind. His head wouldn't allow it and most of all it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair to Lindsay to just try and forget her and he remembered how concerned she had been about him even though she had been the one who was hurt. It sickened him.

Maybe it should have been him.

Shivering, Ray pulled the hood over his head and let his thoughts go, simply staring at Geoffs back.

They found a street to follow out of the main part of the city and at some point the destruction inflicted on the houses wasn't fatal anymore. There were even people. Normal people, wandering the same way as them but none of them talked. None of them even shared more than a look until Geoff lead them away to another street.

In the end that was the right decision because half a mile later Ryan spoke: “Geoff? That down there looks like a hardware store.”

The ram didn't even throw him a look, his voice tense: “Congratulation, Ryan. Not the right time tho-”

“Think about it.”, the bull insisted. “They have axes and other weapons. Maybe they have a camping department or something similar. We need supplies!”

Now Geoff stopped in his tracks, his eyes first wandering towards the huge building before darting back to Ryan.

“Sleeping bags.”, he muttered. “Hell, maybe even a tent. One of those camping cookers! That's brilliant!” Stepping towards him, he ruffled the others hair affectionately, careful to mind the horns: “Thank god one of us is smart!”

Smiling a bit shy, Ryan brushed the hand away: “It's only logical. We all need some kind of weapon and it's a good place to start.”

“You heard the man!”, Geoff turned towards the others. “We're going in there and see what we can get!”

The sudden burst of motivation and confidence was contagious and they moved a bit faster, with Gavin hobbling behind them. Geoff took mercy on him, grabbing an abandoned cargo cart and heading back to him: “Get on, buddy.”

“Oh thank god.”, the other muttered before sitting down. Grimacing as he pulled his legs up. Geoff reached down and squeezed his shoulders quickly before catching up to the others.

“Come on, Michael.”, he continued as he reached him and Jack. “You as well.”

The cat looked up slowly as if he had just woken up before his eyes lowered to Gavin. The bird offered his hand and carefully helped him to climb on.

“Team Lads shopping adventure!”, Ray yelled from the site before jumping on as well. Gavin turned his head to grin at him and for a small moment everything was nearly back to normal.

Geoff immediately pushed them on, not waiting until they settled and they drove over the empty parking lot. The moment they gained enough speed, the ram also jumped on and with no real direction they spun around but that was alright because they simply flew past the abandoned cars, Ray clutching Gavin tightly for hold and Gavin laughing into Michaels ear and there was the tiniest of sparks in Michaels eyes.

Chuckling, Geoff made the cart stop in front of the store and waited as both Ryan and Jack caught up to them. The mood was definitely lighter now and the ram sighed softly to himself as he let go of the cart and let Jack handle it. Getting his rifle he checked if it was loaded before turning towards them: “Listen guys. We have to be careful in there; there might be Infected. So keep your eyes open not only for supplies but also for any danger. Nobody goes anywhere alone. If I find one wandering alone in there they'll get this rifle up their ass, understood?”

“Yes, boss!”

He rolled his eyes. Apparently it only took the fucking apocalypse for them to finally listen.

“There is still some space left, Ryan.”, Jack said softly, nodding towards the cart. “Get on. You're exhausted.”

Gavin immediately peeked up: “Yeah, Rye! Come on!”

“Ryan is officially welcome to ride with the lads!”, Ray added eagerly and for a moment the bull appeared to consider it before shaking his head.

“No, I am fine.”  
“But Rya-”

“Maybe later.”, he offered before drawing his knife. “Concentrate now.”

He followed Geoff who looked through the glass doors. “Power's out.”, he muttered. “Otherwise those would open.”

“That also means no alarm, so that's something. Think we can pry them open?”

“Sure.”

Breaching the doors was easier than expected. They gave in under their combined strength and they all stepped inside.

It was a creepy place with no light besides the sun that came through the windows high above them. There was no shitty music playing and as they stood in the entrance the place simply sounded dead.

Then Geoff went on and soon their steps and the rattling of the cart echoed through the large hall. Stepping into the main hallway they looked around before Jack drove the cart towards the cash register. Parking in front of the snacks he reached out to grab some chocolate bars.

“Really?”, Geoff huffed amused.

“What? Sugar gives you energy, right?” He threw them each a bar: “We can eat and walk through that.”

“He's right.”, Ryan said, already unwrapping his chocolate. “I think you don't have to worry about your weight on that one, Geoff.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He wasn't even listening. He was watching Gavin searching through the shelf for something special until his face lit up. Unwrapping the candy bar he gave it to Michael, making sure the other had a good hold on it before turning to get his own treat. Geoff couldn't help but smile warmly at that.

“Where do you want to head first?”, Jack asked.

“Check what they got for camping. I guess down where the garden supplies are?”

“Sounds about right.”

They headed down the hallway until lawn chairs greeted them.

“Fuck, I'd love a good barbeque right now.”, Geoff muttered as he took a longing look at the grill. “With some marinated steaks and everything.”

“Don't make me any hungrier!”, Ray groaned as he stepped off the cart. There was melted chocolate in the corner of his mouth.

“Anyway.”, Jack interrupted him. “Ray and I don't have any weapons. What about we look at axes or other tools?”

The rabbit shrugged but it was clear that he wasn't really fond of the idea of carrying a weapon around.

“Wait. I'll come with you guys.”, Geoff said before throwing a look to Gavin and Ryan. “You two stay alerted. We'll come back here.”

“Sure.”

They watched them go and the bird slowly got back on his feet, hissing slightly at the pain: “I'll go check out the aisle.”

“I can do it.”, Ryan offered immediately.

“Nah. You sit down for a moment so that you can carry my ass again.” It wasn't really a joke and both of them knew it. “Also my boi will help me, right?”

He turned to Michael who didn't even look at him. He was still sitting on the cart, staring down into his lap and Gavins smile slowly fell. It came back when the cat got to his feet and stood beside him, waiting.

“Alright.”, Ryan agreed. “I'll keep an eye down here. Don't wander off too far.”

“Of course!” Taking Michaels hand, they went down the aisle. There was a tent to their right and he figured it was a good place to start.

On the shelf next to it were different brands and kinds of tents and he searched for the bigger ones. Finding one for six people, he pulled it out but huffed instantly.

“Heavy.”, he muttered. “You think we should rather take two smaller ones?” Not that he really expected Michael to answer but he couldn't just act like he wasn't there, right?

“But that takes up too much space, doesn't it?” Moving on, he looked over the amount of sleeping bags with confusion. Was there something he should consider?

It was Michael who pointed to one kind and Gavin pulled one out. It was rolled up tight with a carabiner to attach to their bags.

“Perfect!”, he grinned. “They seem good to me and they are pretty light.” Collecting six they headed back when they noticed Ryan sitting in the lawn chair, head sunken to his chest. For a moment Gavin panicked and he reached out to check if he was hurt before he noticed the deep breathing of the other.

Chuckling to himself, the bird placed the sleeping bags on the cart.

“Stay here.”, he told Michael. “Keep an eye on him. I'll see if I can find one of those cookers.”

Geoff had said not to wander off alone but he would just go down the aisle a bit further. Hell, he could still see Michael from here!

Still he kept his hand on his shotgun like he had seen Geoff do before. Stopping in front of the shelf again, he let his eyes travel. He had never known how many different utensils there were but most were just fancy stuff they wouldn't need and would simply weight them down.

There were some cookers but they were big and way too heavy. There had to be smaller one-

A noise let his train of thoughts derail and he quickly turned around, starring at the tent behind him. He jumped when someone talked next to him: “I thought we should stay together.”

He looked at Ryan and Michael before his eyes darted back to the tent. In the end he said: “I figured you could use the sleep.”

“I'm fine.”

“You're not.”

“What are you looking for?”

Rolling his eyes, Gavin pointed to the shelf: “Geoff said something about a camping cooker but I don't know shit about them.”

“Okay.” They continued to search until they found a smaller model they could fit into one of their bags. It certainly wasn't the best there was but at least it wasn't heavy.

“It should be enough for the start.”, Ryan muttered and Gavin shrugged. Taking the cooker he got it back to the cart and looked down the hallway to the other end of the store.

No sign of the others and it made him a little nervous.

Michael growled lowly next to him and he spun around. There stood a man behind Ryan and before the bull could even look up the stranger launched himself at him. They fell to the floor with a loud thump, fighting for the upper hand. Gavin saw the hatchet in the others grip and immediately reached for his shotgun. Pushing the stock against his shoulder like Geoff had shown him, he switched the safety off before yelling: “Stop!”

And everything did.

The man looked up and froze at the sight of the gun, the hatchet still raised above his head. Even Ryan stopped reaching for his knife as he laid on his front, held down by the weight of the other.

Even Michaels growl had stopped and Gavin used the silence to actually aim this time because right now he was merely threatening the sleeping bags. But the moment he pointed the muzzle at the man his own heart stopped.

That wasn't an Infected.

That was a human and he couldn't kill a human!

But he feared the stranger would notice that, would notice him hesitating and simply drive that hatchet into the back of Ryans head.

“Stand up.”, he whispered and wished his hands would stop shaking. “Stand up and step away from him.”

The stranger slowly followed his command, his arms raised: “Don't shoot.”

“Then put that thing away.” He nodded towards the hatchet and the man threw it to the ground.

Slowly Gavin stepped ahead, moving to kick the weapon away because that was what they did in movies, right? Only that he didn't expect the man to leap at him and they crashed together. Gavin yelped surprised and it sounded shrill in his own ears before he went deaf as a shot rang from his gun.

Hitting the floor hard, the weapon tumbled from his hands and he turned to reach for it. Someone stepped on his legs and the pain that erupted was nearly unbearable. He screamed, trashing around and actually caught the man with one of his wings as he was reaching for the hatchet again.

Then Michael jumped at him with a growl, kicking the weapon away from them right as Ryan appeared. Grabbing the man at the collar, he shoved him violently against the shelf, letting tent pegs fall to the floor.

The scene froze again the moment the bull pushed his knife against the others throat, pinning him against the shelf.

“You motherfucker.”, Ryan whispered lowly. “Don't you dare touch them.”

Gavin watched them with blurry eyes and he couldn’t even tell how his head was resting in Michaels lap as he gasped for air. His thoughts were occupied with the burning waves his legs were sending out as his whole body was drenched in cold sweat.

Still he noticed the movement in the corner of his eyes.

“Ryan.”, he called, surprised by the strain in his own voice. “Ryan, stop.”

There was a quiet whimper but it was enough to make the bull look up.

Looking out of the tent was a little girl, staring at them with fearful eyes.

“Your daughter?”

The stranger nodded: “Yeah.”

“You could have said something.”

“Because three armed hybrids surrounding her hiding spot are up for talking.”

“We won't hurt her, we were just looking for supplies.”  
“Then I don't have a reason to hurt any of you.”  
And slowly Ryan let the knife sink, allowing the man to hurry towards the tent.

There were steps closing in on them and as Gavin turned around Geoff fell on his knees next to him. “Are you hurt?”, he asked, hands warm on his forehead and shoulder. “I heard a shot. Are you-”  
“I'm fine, Geoff.”  
He sighed relieved, hurling the bird against his chest to wrap his arms around him: “Thank god.” Pulling also at Michael, he held both of them close.

“What happened?”, Jack asked slowly, his eyes darting from the stranger and the kid to Ryan who slowly put his knife back.

“Just a misunderstanding.”, the bull said without turning around, his eyes still locked with the man, who nodded hesitatingly. “Yeah. I think we are alright now.”

Not that he had much of a choice; they would overpower him easily otherwise.

“I see...”, Jack said. “Maybe we should go on.”

“Good idea.”

“Can you stand?”, Geoff asked quietly and Gavin shook his head. “No, sorry.”

“It's alright, buddy.” Getting to his feet, he held him bridal-style even though it wasn't necessary. They still had the cart but the bird was shaking slightly, arms curling around the others neck.

“I nearly shot him.”, he whispered. “I think I nearly shot him, I think it was really close. I can still hear it.”

“But you didn't.”, Geoff reminded him. He was watching Jack pick up the shotgun, making extra sure the other put the safety on before they slowly left the tent behind.

“He wanted to hurt Ryan.”

The ram nodded lightly before asking louder: “Ryan? Did that guy get you?”

Shaking his head, the bull seemed too pale, like he would get sick but it was hopefully only the shock. Then he understood because Gavins eyes found him and Ryan came closer.

“I'm not hurt.”, he assured him quickly before ruffling his hair. “You stopped him.”  
“See, Gav?”, Geoff asked. “You had no other choice. It's alright.”

“Okay.”, he finally muttered, sounding a bit embarrassed. “You can put me on the cart though...”

“Maybe later.”, the ram chuckled before squeezing him tightly, luring a soft cooing from the other. “That's payment for scaring the shit out of me.”

“Fine. Still you should check if the stuff we grabbed is alright.”

“In a moment. First, does anyone else need new shoes? Ray already got his.”

The rabbit rolled his eyes: “Fucking steel-capped boots. They are heavy!”

“Of course you'd think they are heavy. Your others were barely more than fabric! I can't believe you wore them for this.”

“You seriously act like I have more than one pair of shoes.”

 

* * *

 

 

They took the cart with them on the street. It was filled with their bags, a dozing Ryan and Gavin who had folded his wings as tightly as possible to not bother the other in the close space. At first they had traveled a lot faster like this but their energy was lacking as the sun slowly began to set.

“What's the plan for tonight?”, Jack asked as he pushed on the cart. It were the first words since an hour. “I'd prefer a bed over the floor.”

Geoff nodded towards the houses: “You wanna break in?”

They were in the suburbs with pretty little houses behind white fences.

Since walking down the street they hadn't seen another human being. But also no Infected.

Jack shrugged: “We need a good nights rest and I don't think we'll bother anyone.”

“I never thought I'd live to see the day Jack Patillo would ask me to break into a house together. That's so romantic.”

“Shut up and get going.”

Chuckling, Geoff jumped over the next fence with ease and opened the gate for them. Without waiting as they woke up Ryan and helped Gavin stand up he marched to the door and knocked loudly: “Hey! Anyone home?”

“Zombies get attracted by noise, you know?”, Ray told him as he suddenly appeared next to him.

“People as well.”, he replied. “And right now it seems that we rather sneak in there and get shot by someone then to get eaten by fucking zombies.”

The rabbit pouted up at him and Geoffs face softened immediately: “But you are absolutely right. I'll be more careful now.”

“Cool.”, the younger replied before he stepped back. He waited as Ryan and Geoff breached the door, their combined strength more than enough to break the lock. Stepping inside the foyer, they stood there awkwardly. Knowing they were disturbing someones privacy in one of the worst ways.

Then Jack moved ahead, finding the stairs to the second floor to his right and called upstairs: “Anyone there?”

There was no answer and slowly Ryan closed the door behind them all, nodding towards the empty coat rack: “Seems abandoned.”

“We have to check.”, Geoff insisted. “We'll go through every room and make sure we're alone. Stay on guard.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack was in the smaller bedroom downstairs, looking into the wardrobe briefly and even under the bed. But he was pretty sure Ryan had been right; this place was abandoned. This here seemed to be the room of a teenager and even if he expected it to be messy it seemed to be searched through in a nearly clinical matter. Clothes pulled from the wardrobe until it was completely empty, books tumbled over on the shelf and places without dust showed that some things were missing.

Someone had quickly packed to head out.

This family had fled with hopefully more luck than themselves.

Jack could hear Ray looking through the bathroom next doors as he moved back to the foyer. His plan was to check if he could blockade the door with something but on the way there he found Michael on the stairs.

He was staring at the pictures on the wall, arranging the crooked ones neatly.

“What are you doing?”

The cat flinched, his ears peeking up as he turned to Jack. Just like a kid getting caught while trying to steal a cookie from the jar. And Jack didn't expect an answer, he simply walked up to him and looked at the picture as well.

Mom, dad and a young boy.

Typical family and only a dog was missing to make the cliché perfect.

“That's very nice of you, Michael.”, he told him. Reaching up to straighten the ones higher up. “They are probably fine but are going to worry about their belongings. We should take good care of their stuff, don't you think?”

With some hesitation the younger nodded and Jack squeezed his arm: “I'll leave you to it.” He went back to the front door and frowned over the broken lock. He'd feel much safer if they could just lock themselves in tonight but maybe they could use something as a barricade.

“Nothing.”, Ray said as he stepped into the foyer. “I'm pretty sure those guys are gone.”

“Let's meet upstairs with the others then.”

The stairs lead into an open kitchen and living room area. Geoff was searching through the fridge and huffed irritated: “Those guys have so much good stuff. If we had electricity we could have a feast!”

“It has probably gone bad already.”

“Not if we had electricity.”

“Well... I guess?”

Closing the fridge, he noticed the other three: “Downstairs is also empty?”

“Yeah. The people here are gone.”  
“Good. Let's all take a short break and after that I want to look for stuff to eat. Maybe they have something we can still use.”

Flopping down on the couch next to Gavin, he rested his head against the soft pillow and sighed long and heavy. The bird scooted closer and leaned against him, eyes observing the others who sat down around them.

Ray on the couch next to Ryan and Jack on the floor, Michael always close to him.

“Is that what we gathered in the hardware store?”, the lion asked, pulling the bags to him.

“Yeah.”

Opening it, he rummaged through it: “So we have enough batteries to get us probably through the next year but still we should be careful with that. Ropes?”

“You never know when you'll need them!”, Geoff proclaimed immediately.

“Well, I won't deny that they could be useful. We have the sleeping bags, that's good. A camping cooker a-”

“Give that one to me. I want to take a look at it.”, Ryan said before starting to unwrap the cooker, Ray peeking over his shoulder.

Jack let him do his thing before going on: “A flashlight with a solar-panel – that one should be helpful. Some snacks, seeds and the axe I grabbe-”  
“Who the fuck took seeds?”

“I did.”, the lion said before pulling some packages out to show them. “They aren't heavy and just for precautions. If this shit goes on longer vegetables will be rare.”

“And I hoped the apocalypse would finally be an excuse to not eat fucking vegetables.”, Ray deadpanned, making Ryan chuckle.

“You can do whatever the fuck you want with your share. I'm sure you can trade it for some instant meal.”

“Funny.”

“Apocalypse...”, Gavin echoed quietly. “Is this really an apocalypse? Like... they should get that under control quickly, right? This is just temporarily?”

Geoff let a hand drop to his head, fingers brushing through his hair: “I hope so, buddy. But Jack is absolutely right. We don't know what will happen next so we have to be prepared.”

“Then what's the next plan?”

And Geoff hesitated. It immediately made everyone uneasy and even Michael looked up, his tail twitching nervously. Because without a doubt Geoff was their leader. Had always been in some way but now it wasn't about small fights in the office or finally getting their work done. Now they were fleeing and their lives were on the line and their leader of this small, unconventional pack hesitated as if he didn't know for himself.

Some might say that it was a strange choice because their group contained three predators that usually were higher ranked hybrids. But Jack kept them calm and Michael was too young.

Lindsay had been as well.

“We need information. We need to know what the fuck is actually going on.”, Geoff finally said and the restlessness vanished. “But first of all we need to be safe and we are clearly not safe in this city. Not after what happened.”

And Michael lowered his head again, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

“So we will get out of the city first thing tomorrow.”, the ram continued. “We have to avoid crowded areas because they might be another target but also because this disease or whatever it is will spread the fastest there. If we get lucky we will find a farm or something similar. Out on the countryside. They usually have generators or some shit like that. That allows us to charge our phones, go online and check what the fuck is going on.”

He looked up, eyes blue and demanding, taking the stress a bit from them: “Then we decide on those information. If we go to the border. If we wait it out until there is a cure. Maybe we will do something else. But first we have to know. We have to plan and we have to be certain because I am sure there will be a dickload of rumors floating around.” Shrugging, he smiled slightly: “That's what I have for now. Anyone got a better plan?”

They all shook their head and with a huff Geoff stood up: “Let's search through this house. I am hungry as fuck.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael will be the end of me.
> 
> See you guys next week =D


	4. I know that we can't hide our shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a stupid habit and if he would get caught the teasing would find no end but it put him to ease when he knew the others were alright.  
> To some extend it was probably natural, after all he was responsible for those idiots and he would keep them safe.  
> But what about Lindsay then?

Chapter 4

I know that we can't hide our shame

 

Geoff woke up to darkness. Real darkness, undisturbed by any standby lights or distant street lamp. Just blackness all around like he was covered by something and that didn’t help his pounding heart at all.

The nightmare was already fading, a mixture of movies and things he had seen and he didn't want to remember in the first place.

He reached out, searched for his phone on the bedside table and found it a bit more to the left. The display didn't light up as he pushed the power button and he swore quietly, searching for his charger.

It was then that he noticed the steady breathing not far away and the fact that he was laying on a couch and not his bed. It froze him for a moment before the memories came back, cruel and true.

Letting the phone slip out of his hand, he leaned back against the pillow and gave his head some time to figure everything out. They were in the house of some strangers with barricaded doors, keeping them hopefully safe.

And he should go back to bed. He needed every sleep he could get.

But now he was restless and reaching underneath the pillow he found his flashlight. Flicking it on he found Ryan on the other couch.

He had gone out like a light the evening before which wasn't really surprising. Geoff had to look out for him, make sure he really slept.

Insomnia was always unpleasant but in this situation it could be deadly. There was no room for mistakes.

But right now exhaustion had taken its toll and the ram quickly lowered his light to not disturb the other. Standing up with a huff, he carefully strolled towards the master bedroom. Opening the door he found Gavin and Ray asleep. Even though the bed was big enough to fit both of them comfortably, they laid close enough to touch.

Ears peeked up and Ray quickly turned around to check what kind of noise he had heard.

Prey instinct.

“Just me.”, Geoff muttered and the rabbit got back to sleep without another word. At least those two were alright and he closed the door quietly.

Minding the bags scattered across the floor, he found the stairs. Just a quick check on the bedroom downstairs and on the doors and he could go back to bed. It was a stupid habit and if he would get caught the teasing would find no end but it put him to ease when he knew the others were alright.

To some extend it was probably natural, after all he was responsible for those idiots and he would keep them safe.

But what about Lindsay then?

The thought was like a slap in the face and it turned his stomach like it did every time. He wished he could have prevented her death. He wished he had considered that Oklahoma City would get bombed but the fundamental fact was that he hadn't. Not even once had the thought crossed his mind. Too occupied with other things and what if that happened again? What if he had already overseen something and was now leading them into another trap?

Should they stay in this city? In this house?

But Infected were already here, it was too dangerous. They had to move on!

Someone touched his arm and he nearly leaped out of his skin, his heart beating hard as he turned his head and found glowing eyes.

Predator.

Then Jack shushed quietly and the ram relaxed at the familiar voice.

“Don't do that.”, he hissed. “I nearly took you out.”

“Sure you did.”

Jack sounded amused which pissed him off even more: “What are you even doing creeping around here? Why aren't you asleep?”

The lion nodded towards the front door and Geoff wanted to tell him that there was no need to keep watch, that they were safe and Jack had already spent the last night awake and needed the rest but then he turned around. The beam of the flashlight was barely enough to see the figure curled up between the shelf they had shoved in front of the door and the wall.

Michael rested in the tiny space, asleep with fingers tearing at the blanket but no voice leaving his mouth. As quiet as before.

“What is he doing there?”

“What do you think he is doing?”

Waiting.

Waiting for Lindsay to knock on the door and come in and curl up next to him, sharing the warmth.

It broke Geoffs heart and he whimpered because that wouldn't happen. Because Lindsay wouldn't come back and he felt so helpless because of it.

“What should we do about him..?”

Jacks hand was still warm on his arm as it squeezed tightly: “He won't leave the place. I tried to get him to bed but he just sneaks out again.”

“That's not...” It wasn't about Michaels sleeping habits, it wasn't the sneaking out or any of that. It was him not talking and not interacting and barely eating and had the boy even drank enough this day, he hadn't paid enough attention to tell.

“Stay with him.”, Jack said, understanding him even when he didn't find the right words. “Stay close, show him that we are still there. I think that's the most important thing.”

Geoff nodded slowly, feeling an undeniable wave of protection towards the cat. “It's just...”, he began before stopping, wondering if he should really say it. But the words had already risen in his throat like bile and he would choke on them otherwise: “It's like he stopped living together with her.”

“But he did not.”, Jack assured him quickly. “It's in the small things, Geoff. He ate the chocolate bar, he sat on the stupid cart when you asked him to. And today when they were attacked he growled, didn't you hear? He stayed with Gavin, protected him and cared about him. He's still alive. He's still here.”

And Geoff smiled up to him, feeling like a heavy weight had just been lifted from his chest: “I guess you're right.”

“People tend to say that.”

“I can look after him – you should rest.”

“No need to. I was just going to grab my stuff and just sleep next to him.”

“That doesn't sound like a comfortable nights rest at all.”

“I'll live.” Jack let him go and Geoff already missed his warmth. “Now head to bed yourself. Tomorrow will be another long day.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ryan joined Geoff at the window and both of them observed the street in silence. It was a disturbing picture they saw. In the early morning light they watched the Infected walk around. They didn't seem to have any real goal or purpose. Some of them even stopped at one spot and continued to stand there.

Probably waiting for anything they could rip apart.

By the amount it would be a massacre.

“There are a lot.”, Ryan whispered and Geoff nodded.

“They are crawling out of the city.” He wondered if he should call the others to look at the street. To maybe scare them a little because they had to take this serious and he wasn't sure if they really were.

Of course they were afraid but not enough. This wasn't a game and they wouldn't respawn.

Turning around he watched them instead, finding strength in their liveliness even if it was dulled.

Jack was taking a look at Rays hands, checking for any infection or dirt, maybe even shards he had missed. It was obvious that the cuts still hurt the rabbit but he simply pressed his lips together and stayed quiet.

Just like Michael who sat beside him but closer than what was actually necessary. There to give some form of comfort.

Michael was still there.

Michael didn't die on that day.

It made Geoff sigh in relieve to know that.

“You figured out how to use that cooker?”, he asked.

“I think so.”

“Let's have something warm today. After the past days it's the least we can do.”

“Okay.”

Geoff watched him settle down, opening the little case it was in and instantly Gavin popped up at his side. He didn't even talk, just watched as he stretched his legs carefully and after a few moments Ryan gave him the instructions, coaxing him in to help.

They discussed among themselves and it was a nice change in the otherwise quiet room.

It was nearly peaceful.

 

* * *

 

 

Pushing the shelf to the side, Jack opened the door and Geoff stepped out, his gun already raised. There were some Infected down the street but the closest to them was standing right by their fence. It was a man and slowly he turned his head towards them.

Geoff wondered if he would ever get used to those eyes.

Aiming, he watched the Infected slowly walk down the fence, searching for an entry as if he couldn't just step over.

But that was good.

That meant they weren't intelligent.

Lowering his rifle he decided against shooting. Maybe Ray was right and it would attract the other ones.

“Clear.”, he muttered. “But be quiet. They are close.”

With a side glance he noticed the cart they had used the day before and frowned. It was too noisy, especially with so many around.  
“Sorry Gav. We can't take it with us, it'll attract too much attention.”

“I understand.” But he wasn't happy about it, his whole form slumping down at the news he had probably already expected. Throwing a shy look up to Ryan, he muttered: “Sorry...”

The bull seemed ready to tease him about it but one glance down to the guilty bird made him soften up: “It's nothing. Don't worry about it.”

Geoff watched Gavin climb on the others back, checked if Jack had a tight grip on Michaels arm and then looked at Ray.

The rabbit nodded at him, his hood pulled up so that nobody was able to catch his long ears. Smart kid.

“Okay.”, he said with a pounding heart. “Stay together, stay quiet. Don't get bitten.”

Not waiting for them agreeing or throwing a look back to the house, he moved on. Walking towards the Infected at the fence, he picked up a stone and chuck it. It hit the street and sure enough the man turned towards the noise.

It gave Geoff more than enough time to whack him over the head with his rifle. The skull gave in way too easily, letting thick, dark blood spill on the pavement as the body hit the floor.

Jumping over the fence, he kept an eye out while the others followed but the Infected didn't take any notice of them. Leading them down the streets he felt like watching a really good horror movie: on edge, with his heart beating in his throat and most of all scared. Scared but trying to not let it show.

Because if he would panic the others would too.

Passing the Infected in a wide radius, he just waited for one of them to trip and fall down. For some sudden noise to alert the whole damn street.

It didn't happen in the first thirty minutes, not even when the hour was full and when they finally stepped onto a highway and left the city behind, Geoff was the first to take a deep breath.

His shoulders were tense and he felt exhausted from the stress. Throwing a look over the shoulder he found the others in a similar way but with a relieved smile on their faces.

“Good work guys.”, he praised. “Let's follow this highway for a while – maybe we can even snatch a car.”

He remembered that he had suggested that before and Gavin had asked if he meant to steal a car. It had seemed outrageous to even suggest something like that but now it had already passed.

Sometimes it was scary how fast things could change.

 

They didn't have much luck.

The highway was clogged with abandoned cars. Some even held their keys but there was no going anywhere so it would be stupid to even try and break in.

Jack walked a bit faster, tugging Michael along to catch up to Geoff: “We should walk next to the street.” He lowered his voice a little: “We can't oversee this area an-”

Michael behind him made a strange noise, right before he was ripped from his grip. Jack turned around in shock and found the cat in a tight hold of pale arms. They reached out the window of the car they had just passed, the infected woman behind the wheel baring her teeth.

Jack reached out to get a good hold on him but Ray was faster. He appeared next to them, ripping at the hands that were tearing at his friend and so the teeth bit into his arm instead of Michaels neck.

The rabbit screamed loudly and Jack watched him trash around to get free as the woman was getting interested in him now. Her hands wrapping around him and Jack pulled Michael to safety before reaching out to-

The head of the woman exploded into gore and Ray hit the ground, crawling backwards to get away until his back hit Ryans legs.

Now they were all staring at him, even Geoff who still had his rifle in his hands and oh god, they would shoot him! He would have to be shot like Lindsay!

“I-”, he began breathless, feeling the warmth of blood on his face. “I'm not bitten.”, he finally blurted out, covering his arm quickly. “Not bitten. Please don't, Geoff. Please don't shoot me.”

The horror that washed over the rams face made him only more scared and he was ready to beg on his knees for his life if he had to. He didn't want to die! He didn't want to be shot in the head by the people that were his family! He didn't want to get killed by his pack!

God, his body would get eaten like Lindsay!

Was that his payment for leaving her behind?

His breathing was going too fast but he couldn't stop it. Not even when there was a loud crash somewhere to his right as he cowered at Ryans feet. The bull reached down, grasping his hoodie and hurled him to his feet: “Move!”

There were more Infected now, crawling from underneath the cars or hands reaching out of windows, all alerted by the sound of the gunshot.

For a terrifying moment they just stared before they started to run away from the street, into the woods and somewhere he could hear Geoff yell: “Don't get separated!”

Ray turned his head towards the voice and only saw trees. His breath hitched but then Gavin called his name and he followed him and Ryan, steering more to the right.

They caught up to the others and Ray threw a look over his back.

The Infected were running now, not stumbling like the dumb zombies he had seen in games. They were running and they were fast.

And a lot.

An awful lot of them.

It made his heart pump faster and spurting him on. He passed Ryan who fell behind with the extra weight and he saw Gavin struggling on his back: “Let me down! Ryan, let me down!”

“Leave him behind and I'll kill you with my bare hands, Haywood!”, Geoff screamed from the front and the bull just grunted.

“No, you don't understand!”, Gavin yelled back. “We can't outrun them! We have to hide! I can find a place for us, Geoff!”

“You will stay right where you a-”  
“Let me fly!”

“Your ass stays on the grou-”

Gavin unfolded his wings to their full length and the sudden resistance made Ryan stumble. With a strong push, the bird freed himself from the grip and fell to his knees. Groaning at the struck of pain that went through his legs, he barely heard the bull swear. He damn well saw Ryan though as he turned back around to snatch him back up but before he could reach him, Gavin swung himself in the air.

Geoff screamed after him but the other was quickly out of sight.

“Keep on moving!”, Jack told him as he tore at the others sleeve, throwing a look behind to check if Ryan was also coming. “There's nothing you can do now anyway – he'll have to come down eventually!”

And down he came just a minute later.

Breaking through the leaves, he hit the ground hard, howling in pain at the impact. “House!”, he screeched, pointing up a hill right before something swept down through the trees, crashing into him.

They rolled over the dirt in a pile of flailing wings and fluttering feathers. Upon hearing the cry of horror Geoff didn't check if it was an Infected or not. He took aim and shot.

The owl hybrid collapsed on top of Gavin and with a frantic movement he rolled the body off of him. Ryan reached him and threw him over his shoulder. The bird barely noticed, gasping through clenched teeth.

“House...”, he whimpered in pain. “On top of the hill. You have to-”

“On it already.”, he assured him.

They were racing up the hill, trying not to slip on stones and sure enough there was a huge wall showing up. Too high to climb up on it so they followed until they found a closed gate, made out of winded iron bars.

“Get them in!”, Geoff bellowed before stopping dead, bringing his rifle up. Jack stopped next to him, drawing his new axe.

Ryan passed both of them: “Michael! Take him!”

The cat looked up, pupils blown wide and hair standing on edge but he listened immediately. The bull threw Gavin towards the other, no time to be gentle because he could see the Infected closing in on them. Without hesitation he charged at the gate, throwing his full weight against it.

The iron budged before there was a bang and Ryan was thrown on his back. A sweet smell laid in the air as the bull twitched once, twice before laying still.

With a scream, Ray fell to his knees next to him, wanting nothing more than to shake the other awake but his ears peeked up underneath his hood as the first shot fell behind him. Jack urged them to hurry and the rabbit looked up. There was a latch on the gate that kept it closed and the gaps between the bars should be enough for him to fit his hand through. Reaching out, Michael was quick to grab him and rip his arm away.

“Don't touch it!”, Gavin said before pushing himself off to fly up to the wall. Settling on the ledge on top, he stared down. Sure enough at least 10 feet beneath him was a small generator. Leaping off, he tried to compensate the fall while rolling over his shoulders but the impact still rippled through his legs.

Grunting in pain, he crawled towards the quietly buzzing machine. His eyes followed the wires that were wrapped around the iron bars, letting electricity flow through the metal.

Bloody smart.

“Hurry up! Hurry up!”, Ray called from the other side and Gavin sat in front of the generator. There was a red button and he pushed it quickly, hoping it would shut the machine off.

The buzzing stopped and the bird turned towards the gate. Hesitating for a moment, he wondered if he would get a shock in the next second but another shot alerted him again. Ripping at the latch, he opened the gate: “Get in!”

Both Michael and Ray took one of Ryans legs each and pulled him inside before jumping back towards the gate, the rabbit screaming for both Geoff and Jack.

Gavin rolled towards the bull, shaking his limp form: “Come on! Come on, wake up! Breath, Ryan!” He punched the others chest hard: “I will not bloody kiss you or some shit! Breath, you bitch!”

The gate was thrown shut and Jack quickly snapped the latch back. Stepping away, he took a good look at the generator before pressing the green button. The machine came back to life right as the first Infected hit the gate.

The same bang as before echoed through the air, paired with the sickening, sweet scent of burning flesh. It was nothing against the horrifying screams that rose as more and more came.

They all stared at the ugly picture in front of them, unable to look away at the pure death that it was radiated as the Infected simply didn't stop to push as if the electricity wasn't even there and they all took it in with all of their senses. If it was the heat of erupting flames on their skin or the taste of the smell on their tongue.

“Geoff!”, Gavin finally called but his voice didn't carry far enough against all the noise around him. “Geoff, help! He got electrocuted! We need to do something! Geo-”

Someone tugged at his sleeve and he looked down at Ryan, watching how his lips moved to form words too quiet to understand. He leaned down until he nearly touched them with his ear.

“Electric shock.”, Ryan breathed out.

“What?”  
“Electric shock, Gav.”, he repeated. “Not electrocuted. Then I'd be dead. Just an electric shock. Didn't kill me.”

The bird sat back up and stared at him a bit dumbfounded before he snorted: “You bloody nerd!”

Ryan actually cracked a smile before closing his eyes again, breathing shallow. Relieved, Gavin let himself fall on his back, groaning quietly as the adrenaline faded and the pain in his legs came back. They felt like they were on fire, pain rippling through them in waves and his muscles trembled.

But all in all he was alive, watching the sky above him as he panted. Someone dropped down next to him and turning his head he found Michael. He threw the cat a smile but got none in return.

The Infected finally thinned out or at least learned that they couldn't get to them and the silence that suddenly fell around them was scary in its own way. Just filled with all of their heavy breathings and the stench surrounding them.

At one point Geoff crawled over to him, his worried face appearing in his line of sight: “Are you hurt?”

“My legs. It's pretty bad.”, he answered truthfully.

“What about the other hybrid? Did it get you?”

“The owl? No. No, he didn't.”, Gavin said. “I was faster but that bloody bird was on my tail the whole time.”

“The next time you fucking listen to what I tell you! I said to stay down!”  
“But then we wouldn't have found this place here!”

“I know.”, Geoff hissed before wiping over Gavins face with his sleeve. “I know that but please let me worry. You're fucking covered in that disgusting blood.”

“Oh...”, he hadn't even noticed and now he simply let his eyes fall close while Geoff cleaned him up. The gentle strokes were nearly enough to lure him to sleep when Jacks voice cut through the peace: “We should probably get inside. If this generator was running there have to be people here.”

And for the first time since he literally crashed here, Gavin took a look around. They were in a big garden with soft grass and some rosebushes, even a small pond. A way lead towards a big house, a mansion even and from here it looked like there was a light on.

“You think they will be friendly?”, Geoff growled beneath his breath. “We literally just stumbled inside here and are probably not the most trustful looking bunch.”

“What do you think they will do? Just shoot us?”

“These are strange times. That might be a possibility.”

Jack threw him a look that seemed doubtful before he nodded hesitatingly: “Alright. But at least let us get away from the gate. I'd feel safer.”  
“Okay.” Bending down, Geoff lifted the bird up, careful to not put any pressure on his legs.

“Don't leave Ryan behind.”

“I'll get him in a minute.”, the ram promised before he was called.

He turned around at the worrying tone of Jack, feeling cold all of the sudden. His eyes found Ray sitting at the wall, curled as tight as possible. There were shivers running through his whole body, visible even from here and oh right.

Right.

He had been bitten.

A bit helpless he watched Jack nearing the rabbit but the boy just shrieked and pressed his back closer to the wall to get away.

“Don't!”, Gavin called, fighting to get free. “Let me! He's scared, you're scaring him, Jack!”

The lion immediately stopped, realizing his own mistake and he was quick to step away. Ray was prey and he a predator. It usually didn't bother any of them but this was a different scenario and adrenaline and fear made their instinct act up.

“Be careful.”, Geoff whispered as he slowly helped Gavin to get on his feet. “Really, really careful, you hear me? If he acts different or you feel like you are not safe around him just... just get away from him, alright?”

The sentence sickened him and Gavin nearly pushed him away as he staggered towards the rabbit. Of course Geoff was right. Of course it could be dangerous. Did they know how long it took until Ray would show the first symptoms? But maybe it took days or weeks! Maybe he was immune!

What did they really know in the first place?

He let himself fall to his knees next to the rabbit and stifled his groan of pain behind his hand. Stretching his legs carefully, he asked: “Ray? Are you... okay?”

That was a dumb question and the other quickly shook his head.

Now closer to him, Gavin could see him cradling his arm to his chest.

“Does it hurt?”

“Just a bit.”, he admitted. “It's not really bad.”  
“Okay. That's... good, isn't it?” The other didn't answer and swallowing loudly, he asked gently: “Can I see?”

Raising his head, Ray stared at him, his eyes wide and round, the dark drops of blood so much more visible as he made himself even smaller. He shook his head so violently that his ears flapped against Gavins shoulder and the wall.

“Okay. Okay, Ray.”, the bird quickly hushed. “You don't have to. I'm sorry. You don't have to show me when you don't want to.”

They both looked up at the nearing steps and immediately Michael stopped in front of them. His ears laid close to his head, nearly covered by his still fluffed hair. His tail swayed slowly as if he didn't want to scare them with any sudden movement as he carefully sat down in front of Ray.

Even though he was a predator, Gavin felt the rabbit next to him relax slightly and he knew it was because of the sorrow in the cats eyes. The bite had been directed at him, not at Ray and they all knew that.

Coming closer, he softly rubbed his head against Rays, giving an apologizing purr from deep within his chest and the rabbit pulled him closer. They held on tight to each other, searching for the tiniest of comfort in their warmth and slowly, ever so slowly their breathing calmed down until Ray was able to lift his gaze. Brown eyes searching for Gavin: “Will you shoot me?”

The bird stared back at him in horror, unable to say anything as he felt the weight of the shotgun on his shoulder.

“It really doesn't hurt, you know?”, Ray said, nuzzling closer to Michael. “I somehow expected it to burn. But that's poison, right?”

“I could never.”, Gavin finally managed to bring out. “God, Ray. I could never...”

“That's good.”, he muttered. “Nothing against you but I figure... Geoff has more experience. And he'd probably be faster, has a steady hand and shit like that.” He lowered his gaze again, a humorless chuckle coming from him: “It really doesn't hurt.”

Michael moved so fast that he startled both of them. The cat reached for the youngers arm and ripped at the hoodie. Ray was fighting him but Gavin quickly held him tight and the rabbit closed his eyes.

Finally Michael managed to pull the sleeve back and both of them stared down at the bite. The skin was red and there were clear dents where teeth had dug in but...

“You're not bitten...”, Gavin whispered. “Ray, you're not... Ray, it didn't break skin! It didn't break skin!”

“What?”, opening his eyes, the rabbit looked down as well.

“You're not infected!”, Gavin called before turning towards the gents. “He's not bitten! He's alright! He's okay!”

And Ray still looked shocked, fingers pressing down on the mark as if he expected blood to ooze out. Michael let out a long sigh, burying his face against the others shoulder and Gavin threw his arms around both of them. Wrapping his wings around the three of them, he shielded them from anything else, wrapping them in their own little world. And between his own shaking chuckles and Rays labored breathing he could hear Michaels voice.

“Ray, Ray, Ray...”, he kept on whispering, voice hoarse from underusing but it was there and right now it was the most hopeful sound Gavin had ever heard.

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright, big boy.”, Jack said. “Up you go.” With a huff he and Geoff pulled Ryan to his feet before throwing his arms around their shoulders.

“Sorry...”, the bull muttered, having a hard time to organize his legs beneath him.

“Yeah, think about that the next time you charge into an electric gate.”, Geoff grumbled.  
“Will do.”

Throwing a look over his shoulder, the ram checked on the lads and couldn't help but smile. They had finally untangled themselves from the pile they had created. Michael was giving Gavin a piggyback ride and Ray was desperately holding one hand of the bird. They looked even more like little children than normally but at least they looked like happy little children.

He was glad.

He was glad to see that small smile on Michaels face and he was glad that the sun was back in Gavins eyes.

Most of all he was glad that Ray wasn't bitten. God, and how glad he was. It still made him feel sick to even think about what could have happened. Or what nearly had happened. The horror it would have brought with it.

Now they were on the way towards the house and he guessed whoever was inside was already waiting for them. They surely had made a ruckus big enough to get noticed and he swore he had seen a figure on the window before.

Considering that they hadn't already been shot it was probably a good sign.

“So what's the plan?”, Jack asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You just gonna knock and say: hello, here we are. Let us in?”

“Kinda.”, he shrugged. “Maybe going more for the zombie-part of it all, you know? Add some drama to our story.”

Ryan between them snorted: “Perfect.”

“Or we sent the Lads ahead. They already look like we dragged them across a continent, add some puppy-eyes and we're in any second.”

“Is this how they got their job?”, Ryan asked, making Geoff grin.

“Kinda.”

Stopping in front of the door, Jack took a deep breath: “Here goes nothing.” Knocking loudly, they stood there awkwardly, waiting for any reaction. As nothing came Geoff boldly reached out and opened the door, a bit surprised to find it unlocked: “Guess that means we are welcome.”

“I am not sure if they see that the same way.”

“Oh, shush.” Stepping inside the foyer, he pulled the other two after him before calling: “Hello? Anybody here? We're friendly!” There were stairs leading up and by the way Jack was fixating them, he turned towards them: “We just want to rest here for the night!”

He listened but the only thing he heard was Gavins impressed whistling: “I could live here. It's a bloody mansion!”

“Shut up.”, the ram told him even though the other was right. It was a big house, huge even. Looking up the stairs he could at least see two floors above them and a basement beneath.

“Someone is upstairs.”, Jack muttered. “I can hear them.”  
“How many?”  
“At least one person. On the third floor, I think.” Fluffy ears flicked before he nodded: “Yeah. I don't think anyone is beneath us.”

“Okay. Let's go up then.”

The staircase was thankfully broad enough to allow them to still carry Ryan and they found themselves in a big open dining room. A huge table dominated the space and they headed towards it, allowing the bull to sit down. Michael followed suit and helped Gavin take a seat.

“Alright.” Taking a look around, Geoff watched Ray who still looked pale and shaken which wasn't really a surprise after everything. “All four of you stay here. Rest a bit. Jack and I will take a look at whose guest we are.”

Sighing relieved, Ray sat down as well. Immediately Michael was next to him, standing between both Lads like a guard dog.

“Gavin.”, Geoff said and the bird looked up at him. “I want you to take out your gun. I want you to be ready when you hear any strange noises, okay?”

“Okay...”, the other said timidly but reached for the shotgun on his back. Carefully he laid it in his lap, before letting his eyes travel between Jack and Geoff: “Please be safe.”

Geoff wanted to tell him that there was no need, something about bad weed or being tough as dicks but Gavin sat in front of him with lowered wings and blood over his face and clothes. A gun in his hands and he couldn't say it.

He nodded, even managed a small smile before ruffling the others hair. Throwing a look at Jack, the lion nodded.

Heading back towards the stairs they climbed up. The third floor also had an inviting, open room. In the corner was a little bar and right now they were looking over a terrace, the whole wall made out of glass.

“Gavin's right, though.”, Jack muttered, the axe in his hand. “That's one hell of a house.”

“It really is.”, Geoff agreed before pointing towards the two doors next to the bar. The lion nodded and they both closed in on the rooms: “Hello?”

No reaction but now even Geoff could hear the shifting in the room to the right.

“Are you okay? We mean no harm.”, Jack tried now. “We just want to make sure that it's alright for u-”

“Is the gate still secure?”, someone finally answered. It sounded like an old woman, the voice proud but shaking slightly.

“Yes, Ma'am.”, Jack assured her quickly. “The gate saved our life.”

“Good. Then just stay downstairs. I don't want you up here.”

“Are you all alone here?”, Geoff asked, flinching when the woman scoffed.

“Why do you want to know? So you can be sure you killed everyone in this house and get no sudden surprises?”

“God, no!”, the ram said, shocked over the sudden ill will. “I was just wor-”  
“I don't trust you monsters. Never have.”, she said lowly. “Hundred years ago you'd all be feared as some devils who made deals with a demon in animal-form to save your damned soul. Dead men living again. Not that I believe that, no. But I still don't trust you.”

Geoff and Jack threw each other a look when the woman continued: “But that doesn't mean that I am a monster. I know something godless when I see it and those things that roam the forest are way worse. So just don't burn the house down or something and leave me alone.”

Still dumbfounded and a bit offended they stared at each other before Jack shrugged: “Thank you, Ma'am. Please call if you need anything.”

They didn't get an answer but they didn't really expect one. Turning around, the lion was already on the first step when he found that the other wasn't next to him. Looking up, he saw Geoff in front of the bar. He made no attempt to take any of the bottles but Jack still said: “Don't. We're in the fucking apocalypse, it's sure as hell not the time to get drunk.”

“Or the fucking perfect time for it.”

“You think so? We're all on edge, we are all in some sort of denial about the shit that's been happening and we have guns. Does that sound perfect to you?”

Turning towards him, Geoff sighed: “You're right. Like you always are. Sorry.”

“No damage done. Just don't tell them about it.”

“Okay.”

They headed back down, finding the others where they had left them in multiple states of being passed out. Michael sat on the floor, head in Rays lap where it was sleepily patted, Ryan jerked up from what seemed to be a solid nap and only Gavin looked up immediately.

“We're welcome here.”, Geoff announced. “Well, kind of. Listen up, kids. None of you go up these stairs, got it? We will not disturb the lady and she won't mess with us. Be polite and don't fuck shit up like you normally do.”

They nodded and rubbing his face, Ryan said: “There has to be a generator of some sort. We have electricity here. Don't waste it.”

“But you guys know what that means?”, Geoff asked, grinning brightly. “I will cook us something. We're having a feast today.”

 

* * *

 

 

After Geoff found the kitchen and couldn't stop gushing about it because it was modern and big and everything he had ever wished for, the others took a look at the rest of the house. Down on the first floor, Ryan slowly opened the door, knowing that Ray was in the room beyond. It was a spacious bedroom with thick, soft carpet and a king size bed.

“You're alone in here?”, he asked as the rabbit turned towards him.

“Yeah. I know Geoff told us to stay together but I am going to take a shower and no matter how much I love you – we won't shower together. Sorry.”, the younger huffed. “Also we are as safe as possible in this whole mess, so give me that privacy at least.”

“I wasn't...”, Ryan began before shaking his head. “I wanted to talk to you and didn't want anyone else to listen.”

“Oh.”, Ray made a bit flustered. “I am still not going to take a shower with you.”

“You're hurting my feelings.”, Ryan snorted before nodding towards the bed. “Sit down.”

“That better not be something serious because I am so fed up with this for today.” He hopped on the mattress: “Or like for the next month, really.”

Ryan grimace was answer enough and the rabbit sighed: “Figured that much. Okay, let's get it over with.”

Locking the door, the bull sat down beside him: “You didn't get yourself a weapon when we were at the hardware store?”

“No. I found the axes too heavy to carry around all the time and they are also too close ranged.”, he shrugged. “In all honesty; if one of those zombies comes close enough for me to use an axe, I'd probably freeze and do nothing. Animal instinct or not.”

“That's what I figured.”, Ryan said before pulling a gun out of his waistband. “I'd like you to learn how to use this.”

Ray frowned at him as he took a good look at the pistol. He seemed open for it right before his eyes widened.

“No!”, stumbling to his feet, he stepped away from the bull. “No, Ryan! That's... that's Lindsays!”

“I know bu-”

“She shot herself with that!”, he said, his voice sounding nearly hysteric. “She shot herself with that and you want me to take it?”

“Be quiet. We don't want everyone to know that.”, Ryan ordered and Rays mouth snapped shut. The bull waited, watching as the other took in deep, soothing breaths, his long ears dropping a bit in a more comfortable manner.

“You need to be able to protect yourself.”, the older said slowly. “Otherwise you maybe won't have that much luck the next time.”

His hand found the place where he had nearly been bit, the skin red but otherwise unharmed. “She shot herself with it.”

“I know.”

“She shot herself with it, Ryan!”

“I cleaned it.” And god, he didn't want to think about all the red he had washed from the barrel.

“That's not...” Ray breathed heavily, his ears close to his head now as a slow shiver went through his body: “Why did you even take it?”

“Because it's useful. Because we _need_ weapons to survive.”

“It didn't help her either!”

“She shot them all down.”

“Not fast enough.”

“Than be faster than her.” Holding the muzzle, he offered him the pistol: “Be faster than her and survive.”

“Are you saying I'm better than her?”  
“You think I do?”

Looking up into the others face, he immediately felt guilty for even saying it.

“We got lucky.”, Ryan said slowly. “And she didn't.”

“Could have been me.”, Ray whispered. “I was only a few steps away from her but it was harder to reach me. Or it was because she was bleeding and they can smell it or some shit like that.”

“Luck.”

“It's not fair.”

“No.”, he said. “It's not fair. None of this is.”

The rabbit nodded, feeling slightly better by those words: “I don't know how to use a pistol.”

“Geoff can show you. I also know the basics but Geoff would be the better option.”

“What about ammo? I can't just waste it with my training.”

“It's in some of the backpacks. We'll check how many bullets we have but even if there are just a few – if you hit with one of those when you need to, it will be better than to have no weapon at all.”

“Like today.”

“Like today. You would have been able to shoot that woman.”

“I guess so...” Hesitating for another moment, he slowly came closer again before reaching out. Taking the gun into his hand, he frowned: “Heavy.”

“Yeah.” Taking a hold of the others hand, he gently pried his finger from the trigger. “You only move your finger there when you get ready to shoot.”

“Isn't there a safety on?”

“There is but it's still a safety measure.”

“Okay.” His hand moved delicately as if he feared to break the gun as he felt the texture of it. Careful to rest his fingers below the trigger guard he lifted the pistol to aim towards the window. Frowning at the shaking hold he was having, he used his second hand to stabilize it.

“Good.”, Ryan mumbled next to him. “I know they always show in movies how they shoot with only one hand but that's bullshit. Always use two hands.”

“Okay.”

“Don't be too stiff.” Taking a hold of the others elbows, he forced them to bent slightly: “There will be a recoil and you will hurt yourself otherwise. Also do you notice how tense your shoulders are?” His hands moved up, laying themselves gently on his shoulders and yeah, he was right. Ray tried to relax, letting the stiffness melt away slowly.

“See the tree outside?”

Focusing his gaze from the gun out of the window, Ray nodded.

“Those here are the sights.”, Ryan pointed at them. “They help you aim. Take your time with that. Better one good shot than three missed, you got me?”

“I think so.” Aiming at the tree, he took slow and measured breaths before giving a single nod.

“Okay.”, the bull said calmly. “And only then you will move your finger to the trigger.”

“Is this thing loaded?”

“You think I'd give you a loaded gun?”

A small smile showed on Rays face as he moved his finger to graze the trigger. He didn't pull it though.

“Always be aware of where you're going to shoot. The bullet can go through so you might hit what is behind it as well. There might be a sudden movement and someone walks in front of you.”

“Like fucking Rainbow Six Vegas.”

“Exactly.”

Lowering the gun, he quickly handed it over to Ryan again. He took it without hesitation, hiding it in his waistband.

Ray was staring at his fingers, rubbing his hands together as if he was searching for traces of blood and with a deep sigh, he whispered: “I want to take a shower now.”

“Of course.” Giving a small squeeze to the others arm, he left him with his thoughts alone.

 

* * *

 

 

When Geoff was about to finish the meal and ordered the others to set the table, Jack was the first to prepare a plate. The ram threw him a look before nodding: “Good idea.”

“It's only fair.”, the lion mumbled before heading towards the stairs. Michael was on his heels instantly like he was most days. This time maybe to just flee the work but that didn't matter.

Smiling at the cat, he got a shy one in return as they walked upstairs. Knocking on the still locked door, Jack asked: “Ma'am? My friend cooked us something and you have to be hungry. He's pretty good so I am sure you'd like it.”

Waiting for a response, he watched Michael walk towards the bar and frowned.

“I'll just leave it here but please eat.”, putting the plate down, he quickly turned towards the cat. “Don't.”

Michael looked up to him before quickly putting the picture frame back on its place.

“Oh...”, Jack made. “I thought... no, that's fine. Of course it is.”

Brown eyes observed him carefully before Michael picked another picture up, watching it before carefully placing it back down.

Jack kept an eye on it, knowing that the other had already done that in the last house they had stayed in and the gesture made him wonder.

When he finally figured it out, he felt the seeping feeling of sadness looming around them.

“Today everything is digitized, right?”, he asked and the other nodded before picking the next picture up.

It was true. Most of the pictures they had taken were on their phones, stored there or on hard drives. Not a physical thing hanging on the wall or standing in a shelf to look at.

And now that electricity was rare all of those were unreachable and gone.

He wanted to ask Michael if he had any picture of Lindsay with him but in the end he watched the cat put down the other frame. No need for any more sadness.

“Let's get some food.”, he muttered and with the slightest hesitation Michael followed him.

 

* * *

 

 

Stepping out of the bathroom and shaking the last drops of water out of his wings, he found Geoff on the sofa. Stretched out, with an arm thrown over his eyes he was napping.

Hobbling towards him, Gavin crawled on top of him without so much as a second thought, draping his whole body over him before burying his face in the others chest. Taking deep breaths, he allowed his wings to fold and settle. Closing his eyes, he took in the familiar rise and fall of the others chest.

A hand moved into his hair, petting him lightly: “Hey there.”

“Hey.”, he answered, his whole attention at the fingers carding gently through his strands and he felt like melting. Then Geoff moved to carefully groom his wings and he started to coo, ready to fall asleep right here and now.

“How are you doing, buddy?”, Geoff asked after a while, his voice still slightly rough from sleep.

“Okay.”, he replied, feeling that there was a lot more to say to that matter but right now he didn't want to think about that all. It were all such dark thoughts and here he was safe and it was warm.

“How are you doing?”, he rather asked and felt the other shrug.

“Also okay. I have to be.”

Making a distressed noise, he buried his face deeper in the chest of the ram before huffing: “You don't smell like you.”

“Yeah sorry that I didn't bring my whole bathing shit.”, Geoff replied amused. “I'm glad we got a hot shower anyway – I took what I could get.”

“Smell like old people.”

“You smell the same, buddy.”

Shrugging, he whispered: “Thanks for shooting that owl...”

“No need to thank me.” His hand moved up, playing absentmindedly with the strands of his hair: “How are your legs?”

“Hurt. And they look like shit.”

“Maybe we shoul-”

“That owl.”, Gavin interrupted him. “It was infected.”

“I figured that much.”

“I kinda... hoped.”, the bird admitted quietly. “You know we haven't seen an infected hybrid by now.”

“You hoped that we were immune?”

Shrugging, he said: “It wasn't all too likely but it would have been good, you know?”

“Yeah, it would have been.”, Geoff agreed. “Don't think about that anymore. Not for tonight, okay? Just relax; it was a hard day.”

“It was.”, the bird sighed but did as he was told. Relaxing his wings until they were both buried beneath them, his body melting into the others while Geoff continued to pat him, coaxing soft coos out of him.

He was half asleep when he started to smile: “But today also something really good happened.”

“Yeah? What was it?”

“I heard Michael talk again.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand there we go!  
> Lads cuddle-pile; let's face it: that's what we are really here for!


	5. Learn to live another day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They stink.”, Gavin interrupted his thoughts. “Like they are rotting from the inside. It's disgusting.”  
> “They probably are.”  
> “You think after a while... they'll just decompose?”  
> “Might as well be. They could also starve at some point.” This time it was Ryans turn to shrug: “But my guess is as good as yours.”

Chapter 5

Learn to live another day

 

Gavin turned around as he heard the metallic noise of a ladder and found Ryan climbing up. Scooting out of the way, he allowed the other to sit on the wall surrounding the house as well.

“What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you.”, the bull said. “Geoff called you about half an hour ago and you didn't come in.”

“Did he? I didn't hear him, sorry.”, Gavin admitted quietly, moving his eyes back to the trees. “Did something happen?”

“No, lunch was just done. There's still something left if you're hungry.”

“Lunch? What time is it?”

“Early afternoon. You've been sitting here for quiet a while.”

“I guess...”, he muttered before shaking out his wings as if he was suddenly aware of their stiffness. Stretching his limbs, he sighed loudly: “I'm getting antsy staying in this place. Feels like a cage.”

“This house protects us, even saved our lives.”, Ryan reminded him. “So what did you see from here?”

Gavin shrugged: “The usual. Bloody Infected everywhere.”

“And I hoped it would finally calm down.”

“Compared to last week this is calm.”

“I know.”, Ryan said, feeling the stress coming from the other in waves. They were all on edge, being trapped inside this safe haven. Not once had they planned to stay this long but up until now it had to be at least two weeks. They didn't have much of a choice though. Infected had swarmed the forest soon after they had come here, making the attempt to leave a suicide mission.

All in all they had gotten lucky once again.

But now it really had become a cage with nothing to do.

“They stink.”, Gavin interrupted his thoughts. “Like they are rotting from the inside. It's disgusting.”

“They probably are.”

“You think after a while... they'll just decompose?”

“Might as well be. They could also starve at some point.” This time it was Ryans turn to shrug: “But my guess is as good as yours.”  
“I hate that we have no information whatsoever!”, the other hissed, knowing that the bull was nodding at his side. Then, much quieter, he added: “I hate to think that Lindsay also ro-”

“Don't.”, Ryan said quickly.

“Sorry.” Closing his eyes, the bird took some deep breaths. He didn't want to think about that, he really didn't. But there was nothing else to do.

They maybe had electricity but there was nothing on the TV besides static and it was impossible to get a signal, let alone connect with the internet through their phones. It was frustrating to be standing in one spot and he knew he should be glad to even be in this spot but it was growing more and more dangerous to stay here.

They were running low on food with seven people under the roof but before that the generators would collapse. They needed fuel badly or everything would grow dark in the next days and without the needed power to keep the fridge cold their remaining food would go to waste even faster.

“Geoff wants to go tomorrow or the day after that.”, Ryan said as if he had read his thoughts. “He asked me to stay here in case something happens to him or Jack...”

Gavin full out snarled at that: “Nothing will happen to Geoff because I will come with him!”

“You know he won't allow that.”

“And you know he won't take Jack with him. He will bloody sneak out alone to look for supplies like a fucking idiot!”

Raising a brow at the curse, Ryan threw him a quick look but couldn't really fight his argument. That was what he feared as well: “Is that why you're sitting here all day?”

“I will go with him, I have a gun – I can help!”

“Jack is-”

“He won't take Jack, I'm telling you!”, he interrupted him agitated. “Jack is feeling like shit, Jack should lay down because he is sick! Geoff wouldn't risk him getting hurt!”

“It's just a cold.”, Ryan mumbled and it let both of them fall silent.

Of course it was just a cold. It had to be just a cold. It couldn't be something more serious, something they needed a doctor for.

It couldn't be that he got somehow infected because they didn't even fucking knew how that disease spread.

Just a cold.

Of course it was.

It made them all feel uneasy because Jack tried so hard to hide it but it was too obvious and that only made it worse. His coughs were heard through the house from the room he had claimed as his own, banning everyone else from entering besides maybe Geoff.

It mostly left Michael alone and of course the cat understood it but he still seemed miserable. The few words he had spoken upon arriving here had stayed lonely and he seemed even more distant nowadays.

Gavin had invited him to sleep with him and Ray but it had been uncomfortable in the beginning. Having a predator so close to you while being this vulnerable was scary and even if he knew that Michael would never ever do something to harm them, more than once his instincts had acted up.

It didn't help.

Not at all.

His train of thoughts got derailed by two Infected coming in their line of sight. Both hybrids stiffed, watching them intently.

“It's strange.”, Gavin said, not even bothering to lower his voice. It caught the attention of the Infected and they turned towards them. “Look at this.”

Ryan did. With growing worry as the stench of unwashed and dead skin reached them and he couldn't help but take a tight hold on the bird because he was kicking his feet against the wall to coax them closer.

“What the fuck are you doing?”, he whispered aggravated, trying to pull the other away because his legs were dangling over the edge and the Infected were reaching for his ankles. They barely missed.

“Why don't they jump?”, Gavin asked over the groaning. It always sounded like those things were in terrible pain or more self aware than they would like to believe.

“You're damn glad they don't!”

“Last week they did.”

That cut through Ryans panic slightly but his eyes were still transfixed on the reaching arms that were oh so close: “What do you mean?”

“Last week when I was sitting here and there was this horde there were like seven down there, jumping to get me. But I stayed out of their reach and at one point they gave up.”, Gavin explained, continuing to kick his feet. “And when we were getting out of Oklahoma City and we were on that highway? After that Infected nearly bit Ray and Geoff shot and they all went mental? I am sure I saw some even opening their car doors... are they getting dumber?”

For a while the bull stayed quiet, working through that idea and Gavin gave him the time, playing some more with the Infected as if they were stupid dogs. Only that dogs were a lot smarter, no doubt.

It worked until Ryan actually pulled him to sit in his lap and dragged his legs to rest on top of the wall: “Stop that, its making me nervous.”

“And me being in your lap doesn't? You're hurting me.”

“I could have also pushed you down there.”

Gavin grinned at their little banter before asking: “So what do you think?”

“You could be right.”, he admitted. “The factor that changed was the time and I guess their brains are also decomposing. But it could also be that those Infected back then have just been smart.”

“Or it was because there were more of them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well that's also a factor that has changed, isn't it? Their number.”

“That is one disturbing thought.”, Ryan whispered as he watched the Infected lose interest and head back into the forest. Letting Gavin go, the bird still stayed in his lap. “That would mean the more they are the more powerful they get.”

“Kinda.”, he admitted. “But that doesn't make any sense, right?”

“No... no, I guess not. Let's just forget about that.” Watching the forest to make sure there were no other Infected in their line of sight, he scoffed: “Also please get off of me.”  
“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh Gavin stood up before jumping down the tall wall, spreading his wings on the way down. He landed more elegantly now that his legs were mostly healed and looked up with a pout.

“Don't.”, Ryan told him immediately but already noticed his mistake.

Turning around, Gavin gave the ladder a kick so that it fell on its side.

“You motherfucker!”

 

* * *

 

 

Closing the glass door behind him, it still wasn't enough to shut out the yelling. Sighing, Ray threw Michael a shaky smile before he flopped down on one of the deck chairs.

They were at it again. Gavin demanding to come along on the search for food and fuel and Geoff being against it, claiming he wasn't ready for something so serious yet.

Having heard the same discussion more than enough over the past days, Ray had simply grabbed Michaels hand and dragged him away. Here on the roof terrace it still wasn't far enough away but being outside was nice and he stretched in the warm sun.

Downstairs he heard Gavin scream: “Then train me more! I am sick of shooting the same bloody tree each day. It's as dead as it can get! Let me go out there and shoot one of them!”

At least Gavin hit the tree even from across the property, Ray himself was still struggling with that. Apparently video games weren't the best teachers out there.

“You'll just get yourself killed! You're fucking prey – they'll rip you apart in seconds!”

“I wish they would stop.”, Ray muttered to himself but he kept voicing his thoughts more often now that Michael had fallen so silent. The cat nodded, his ears laying against his curls in a show of distress.

“Or at least find an agreement!”, the rabbit continued as the other stepped closer to him. “If this goes on Geoff will sneak out in the middle of the fucking night while telling no one and that would be even worse than him going with Jack!”

Also sitting down on the chair, Michael curled into his site, carefully butting his head beneath Rays chin.

The rabbit knew that the other was doing it to calm him down and he smiled, allowing his body to relax. Reaching up, he began to rub the others arm, drawing gentle purrs from him.

Closing his eyes, they laid like that for a while, the sun still warm enough and right now he felt safe. Even if there was a predator dangerously close to his throat but this was Michael.

And he trusted Michael.

The fight downstairs calmed down or just moved – at least they didn't hear it anymore. What reached them were the coughs.

At least not the deep, rough ones but the small ones, sounding like someone was out of breath.

“Mrs Kingsley is sounding worse.”, Ray whispered, feeling Michaels nod beneath his chin.

Mrs Kingsley was the owner of this house, an old lady that still stayed for herself. Ray had barely met her but when she had stood in front of him, she had seemed proud and tall. Her husband dead and her family out on a trip as things went to shit she acted like she didn't mind.

Ray didn't like her all too much but was thankful for her house and the well stocked storage. Also she didn't like them either so that was only fair.

Of course suddenly living together had brought them a bit closer but she had only opened up to Geoff and Jack, mostly because she liked Geoffs cooking and Jack usually brought it to her.

She had also fallen sick.

Did that mean it was just a normal sickness? Or had one of them been infected?

He hated not knowing the answer.

 

* * *

 

 

“Higher, Ray.”

He did as he was told, focusing on the cross they had carved in the tree. The pistol was shaking even as he stabilized it with both hands but he couldn't control it. The fear of shooting settled too deep in his guts to keep calm and his heart was racing.

“Concentrate.”, Geoff next to him said. “Take your environment in.”

Meaning that he was suppose to make sure not to shoot anyone. The words always made it worse because what if he screwed up? What if he hurt someone or even worse?

He couldn't live with himself...

But right now he took a reassuring breath. Geoff was behind him, he wouldn't hit him. The others were all inside besides Gavin. Gavin was on the wall at the entrance, either watching the forest or them. Also out of reach.

Moving his finger to the trigger, he pulled.

The shot was loud and though if he had expected it, he flinched, his ears perking up in shock. There was a small hole in the tree, slightly to the left of the cross and he frowned.

“You're getting there.”, Geoff said before patting his head.

It wasn't really true. Yes, there was some progress but not fast enough. Their ammo was limited and he couldn't fucking train until he was good. If that cross would have been the head of an Infected, it would have maybe cost it an ear. An ear wasn't going to stop them.

“Fuck...”, he mumbled as he lowered the gun. A quick look to the other tree showed him the crosses for Gavin, finding them all riddled with holes.

“Patience, buddy. You're getting better.”, Geoff assured him. Just like he did every time. “One more shot left for today, kid. Let's make it count.”

Ray didn't want to. He usually didn't want to but he knew he had to learn it. The fear of getting bit and actually turning into... into whatever those things are was still too fresh. Shooting made him uncomfortable but it could safe him. It could even safe some of the others and in the end he really didn't want to be the reason that some of them got hurt.

Like Lindsay.

Raising his gun again, he did a mental check on his stance, relaxing his arms a little to get through the recoil unharmed. Looking back at the tree and the cross that seemed to mock him and maybe he should let it. Maybe he should get angry and ambitious. Hell, Gavin was a better shot than him!

Aiming carefully the shot made him jump. He hadn't meant to shoot yet, he hadn't taken in his environment and his fingers nearly to let go of the pistol until he noticed it hadn't been him.

Lowering his gun carefully, he looked around and at the second shot he was sure that it came from outside of their little refuge.

“Where's Gavin?”, Geoff next to him asked before he was already on his way to the gate. Rays eyes darted swiftly over the wall but couldn't find the bird and he was quick to follow the ram.

A third shot and Geoff crouched down next to the generator, searching for the off button, his face a cold mask. Ray reached him, standing next to him without knowing what to say or do. His pistol was still aimed downwards but he saw how Geoff drew his rifle as the fourth shot echoed over the forest.

And then with flapping wings Gavin appeared back on the wall before jumping down into the garden. With a cocky grin, he neared them, throwing his shotgun over his shoulder. “Four shots and four hits!”, he proclaimed.

Geoff was in front of him in the blink of an eye, grabbing him by his collar: “What the fuck d-”  
“Can I come with you now?”, Gavin asked, not even flinching at the motion. “I killed four with four shots and then got out.”

The ram looked ready to hit him square in the face and was barely holding back: “Are you that stupid! You could have been bitten!”

“But I didn't! That's why I learned how to use this gun, right? To shoot those things!”

“I taught you so that you could defend yourself!”

“So what was your plan? For me to shoot my first moving target when we are knee-deep in? Bloody brilliant!”

“You are not ready to go ou-”

“Then when will I be ready?”, Gavin screamed in his face. “I can do it, Geoff!”

“I will tell you when you are ready!”

“It's my decision! Stop pampering me!”

They both stared at each other, chests heaving and Ray stood beside them, feeling incredibly nervous. Geoff still looked more aggressive than he had ever seen him and Gavin simply stared back at him, determined and with some specks of blood on him.

“Go inside.”, the ram whispered and it sounded strained. “Go inside or I don't know what I'll do with you. I swear.”

Instead of talking back, Gavin simply reached up and pried the hand from his collar. Turning around, he walked towards the house without another word.

Geoff didn't even look after him, his eyes focused on some point in front of him as waves of rage shook through his body. It made Ray wary, his ears pressed close to his head and he didn't know what to do.

He reached out but didn't dare to touch the other: “Geo-”

“Ray.” Both of them looked up at the sound of Jacks voice. The lion stood in the front door, looking pale in the sunlight: “Come inside.”

The rabbit listened, carefully putting the gun into the pocket of his hoodie. Even while being sick, Jacks presence made him calm down as the other man gently put a hand on his shoulder: “Leave him alone for a moment.”

“Bu-”

“I'll talk to him, okay?”

He nodded, nearly jumping at the clattering noise coming from inside. It was the shotgun that was thrown to the ground before the door to the master bedroom got thrown shut.

“You take a look at Gavin.”

“Maybe he wants to be left alone...”  
“I don't think so.”

Throwing another look to the lion, he nodded again before walking into the foyer. The front door got closed behind him and stepping over the shotgun he stood in front of the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he moved inside and found the room abandoned. A bit dumbstruck he simply stood there before he heard sounds out of the bathroom and headed there.

He found Gavin kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up his breakfast.

“Gav?”, he asked and watched the wings curl tightly around him as if to hide him. It was nearly enough to make Ray retreat again but he saw the tremors shaking the other and carefully sat down next to him.

“That were humans once.”, the bird whispered. “I shot them in the head.”

Unsure of what to say, Ray bit his lip because he wasn't wrong, was he?

“There was a boy, maybe as old as we are.”, Gavin continued. “My hands were shaking and I didn't hit as good. It blew half of his head away but... but he still made two steps and I couldn't... I couldn't shoot. I just couldn't. It was so horrifying! There was only one eye left and it didn't even focus on me. It just r-” And he gagged, throwing up again and Ray quickly reached up to rub his back.

“I'll get you a glass of water.”, he told him only to say anything at all. Standing up, he opened the mirror cabinet. He only found the mug for the toothbrush but it had to be enough. Filling it with water, he crouched next to the other: “Here.”

Gasping for breath, the bird shook his head. Bracing his arms on the toilet seat, he buried his head there: “I don't wanna do this... I don't want this anymore...”

And then a noise that sounded too much like a sob ripped through him and Ray had never heard that from him before: “I'm scared. I am so scared!”

Placing the mug on the floor, Ray gently leaned forward to rest his head right between the others wings, feeling the shivering of the other. He wanted to tell him that he didn't have to. He could stop carrying that gun but what then?

They were both prey.

They were both weak, at the mercy of others and in constant need of protection.

In the end he settled on: “I'm sorry.”

“Fuck.”, Gavin whispered and it sounded like a whimper. “Fuck... I shot them... I-”

The door got ripped open and both of them flinched. There was Geoff, blue eyes darting from on to the other: “Are you alright?” And his voice was full of worry. Full of concern and full of love and he sounded scared.

Wiping his mouth, Gavin sat up straight and nodded: “Yeah. Yeah, no problem.”

The ram tried to say something but the bird was faster: “Can I come with you now?”

“Gav...”  
“I'll do it again if you want to watch!”, the bird promised. “Just take me with you! If you go alone you'll get killed.”

“Jack will come with me.”

“Geoff... Geoff, please!”

And the ram gave in with a heavy sigh: “Tomorrow morning then.”

The younger didn't look relieved or happy at that. Just exhausted: “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Geoff stepped into the kitchen the next day it was barely dawning. His plan was to get ready and if until then neither Jack or Gavin was here, he would head off alone, no use to wake them.

Gavin was too young and Jack was sick. Jack should rest until he was feeling better but none of them listened.

And right now both of them were sitting at the table, quietly talking and Geoff frowned. Not that he was surprised.

“Morning.”, he muttered, making them look up.

Gavin instantly started to smile: “I made you coffee, Geoff!”

“Yeah, whatever.”, he sighed as he sat down, while the bird headed towards the kitchen to prepare a cup. His eyes went to Jack instead who also had a steaming cup in his hand, stirring it absentmindedly.

“You look like shit.”

“I'm fine. Just tired.”

“Get to bed then!”

“Didn't we have this discussion already?”, Jack asked before drinking. “Also Mrs. Kingsley gave me some painkillers. I should be fine.”

“Great. You'll be drugged up!”

“Geoff.”, the lion simply said and it made the other huff.

“Sorry. It's early.”

“Yeah.”

Gavin joined them again, serving the fresh cup of coffee: “So... we're looking for fuel and food mostly, right?”

“Also a pharmacy.”, Geoff added. “We need medicine so that Jack won't have to rob old ladies anymore.” Reaching over the desk, he took a tight hold on Gavins arm: “Look at me, Gav. Are you really sure about coming with us?”

“Yes!”

“Then you have to promise me to listen. If I tell you to do something, you will. If I tell you to get out of a hairy situation, _you will._ Got it?”

“Okay.” It didn't sound too convincing and again Geoff frowned at him. Hopefully it was just the early hour that made him see only the dark side.

 

After they had eaten, they headed into the foyer. Each of them one empty backpack on their backs and both Geoff and Jack carried canisters for the fuel.

“You'll get slower the more you guys collect.”, Ryan said. He was sitting on the stairs next to Geoff who was tying his shoes.

The ram grunted affirmative and the bull watched the other two getting ready: “You don't have the best team with you.”

“I have the ones with the thickest heads with me.”, Geoff agreed. “But I can't really tie them onto something. Well... maybe Gavin but can you imagine trying it on Jack?”

Ryan gave a humorless chuckle at that: “I guess. Still I could come with you guys.”

“No, I need you here. If we won't come back you have to look after them.”

There was a grimace on Ryans face and Geoff sighed: “Sorry. I know how this sounds like but it's just a safety measure. Nothing will happen to us. We'll be careful.”

“Okay.”, the bull agreed quietly. “Just... I want all of you to come back safely.”

“Me too.”, Geoff mumbled before standing up. “You guys ready?”

“Sure!”

And he watched Jack fastening his axe on his backpack and watched Gavin throwing the shotgun over his shoulder. Not even three weeks ago they would wake up around now to get to the office. To play fucking video games.

Time sure passes fast.

They headed towards the gate and Ryan shut off the generator before opening the gate: “Okay. There you go.”

“Thanks.”, Geoff passed him to check on the outside. “We're clear for now. So... I guess we'll see each other in a few hours.”

“You better be back before noon. Otherwise I will have to cook.”

“Would still be better than Rays food.”, Gavin said.

“You be quiet.”, Ryan scolded him but it sounded affectionately. Reaching out, he ruffled the others hair: “And listen to them, got it?”

Squirming to get out of the grip, the bird huffed amused: “Alright, lovely Ryan.”

“Shut up.”, the bull groaned before someone squeezed his arm.

“Look after the other two, okay?”, Jack said and the other nodded quickly.

“Same goes for you.”  
“No problem.”

Geoff threw the gate shut after they passed through and found Ryan watching them. Ears down against his head and tail hanging low, clearly unhappy with the whole situation.

“Fuck, you look like an abandoned puppy.”, Geoff said. “Get the generator going and go back inside. Check that Ray and Michael get some food in them.”

“Okay.” Pushing the power button, the generator came back to life and everyone took a step back from the gate.

Geoff watched Gavin giving a small wave before turning around and following them. Stepping back into the line of trees, the ram stopped before they were really out of sight, half expecting the bird to walk right into him.

“What did you forget?”, Jack asked with a sigh.

“Nothing...”, the older mumbled before nodding towards the body to their left. They all turned towards that and a bit scared, Gavin admitted: “That was me. Yesterday.”

“Okay.”, Geoff slowly said before getting closer to the woman. Now he could see the other bodies, all killed with more or less clean shots through the heads.

Heading back, he saw the bird stare at him. Defensive, with his lips pressed together as if he expected yet another fight.

But Geoff just reached out to throw an arm around Gavin shoulder and pulled him against his side: “Good shots, buddy.”

A bit surprised, the younger looked up to him, searching in his eyes for a lie. And as he couldn't find one, he managed a shy little smile: “Thank you.”

 

They reached the suburbs half an hour later. The streets were surprisingly empty and strangely quiet, their boots loud on the pavement.

“Check for toys in the garden.”, Geoff said as they passed fence after fence. “If they have children they will absolutely have medicine.”

“What about down there?”, Jack asked, nodding ahead to a house. There was a swing outside and they headed there.

Jumping over the fence, Geoff stopped: “Gav?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to stay outside.”

“What?”, he replied, maybe a bit too sharp. “Why? I can help you gu-”  
“I need you to keep an eye on the street.”, the ram told him. “I don't want to step out of here and be surrounded by fucking Infected, got it?”

Fuming, the bird seemed ready to fight back but caught Jacks eyes.

“You promised.”, the lion said and huffing the younger gave in.

“Okay.”

Watching as the other two broke the door open, he leaned against the wall. It was frustrating because he was pretty sure this was a needless task, that Geoff just wanted to get him out of the way. Yeah, maybe also put him out of danger but what was the point of that?

They were in constant danger now and pampering him wouldn't help anyone.

Now he stood here, listening to the noises coming out of the house and waited for a scream of panic. Or a groan from one of those zombie-things.

It was making his heart beat fast as he reached for his shotgun and held it in both hands.

But from inside he could only hear Jacks dry coughs and Geoffs mumbled words, so he concentrated on the street. There actually was a movement there but too far away to be of any concern. It was an Infected and he kept his eyes on the woman who wandered around mindlessly.

He wondered how conscious she was in there. If she had the slightest idea of what was happening to her. If she wanted it to stop.

God, he hoped it wasn't so. Because that would mean that there was still something human there and that would mean he had shot four humans yesterday.

He felt the need to gag again and tasted bile like an old memory. Shivering, he tried to tell himself that even if it was like this those people would probably be happy to be put out of their misery.

He knew that he would be.

That was probably a topic they should discuss in the group, right?

Jack coughed again, a bit more violently than before and he heard Geoff ask if he was alright.

It was just a cold. That was what Ryan had told him.

What if they had to shoot Jack?

Like Ray if he had been bitten.

And he saw the rabbit sit next to him again, scared and small and Michael nuzzling against his side in comfort as Ray looked up at him: _“Will you shoot me?”_

A full body shiver went through Gavin, strong enough to even shake his wings and he ripped his gaze from the woman.

Both of the others walked out a few minutes later and he turned towards them: “So, what did you get?”

“Some food. A handful of painkillers.”, Geoff muttered darkly. “Let's hope the next house is better stocked otherwise this right here will take forever.”

“Most of the families here fled.”, Jack reminded him. “They took whatever was useful with them.”

“I know...” Lost in thoughts, Geoff wandered back to the street before he sighed: “Gavin.” Reaching inside his jacket, he pulled out a pair of walkie-talkies: “I need you up on the roof.”

“For what?”

“Keep an eye out for a convenient store or something like that. Jack and I will search further.”

“Okay.” He moved to grab the walkie-talkie but the ram didn't let go. Instead he searched for his eyes: “Stay in contact. Stay alerted. Don't take any risks.”

His words were earnest and low: “Please.”

And Gavin saw the worry in the others gaze and felt guilty for always revolting against him. Geoff was trying to protect him, to protect them all but sometimes it felt like he was going to get smothered by that concern.

Now he just nodded and grabbed the walkie-talkie. Stepping back to not hit any of them, he pushed himself off of the ground and flew up to the next building. Landing, he knew they were staring at his back and he fumbled a bit with the walkie-talkie until there was a static noise. Pushing the button, he asked: “You hear me?”

“Loud and clear, buddy.”

“Cool.”, he replied. “Where did you even get those things from?”

“Found them in the house. Figured nobody would miss them. What do you see?”

And Gavin looked around and felt coldness rush through his body. He pushed the button again but couldn't voice what he actually saw.

He settled on: “Destruction.”

It was like a line was carved into the city. In front of him were the same pretty houses as the one they had just robbed. Beyond that was debris and grayness and death.

It was an unreal picture.

“God...”, he whispered in disbelieve.

He had known that. He had known that, of course! He had been in the middle of that damn bombing!

But seeing it now when the dust had settled and the fire had burned out it felt so unreal. That dark day so blurry in his memory.

Somewhere in there was Lindsay.

“Gavin.”, Jack said gently. “Gavin, calm down.”

And he noticed his heavy breathing, his thumb slipping from the button and pressing back on it. Ripping his eyes from the picture in front of him, he shook his head: “Okay.”  
“Get back down here.” That was Geoff and the bird frowned again.

“No.”, he replied. “I'm fine now. I was just... just shocked for a moment. It's okay now.”

“Gav-”

“Geoff.” Again Jack and the ram stayed quiet.

“I'm going to look for a convenient store now.”, Gavin assured them before taking off again. Simply flying over the rows of houses, he headed towards what appeared to be a shopping center in the distance. Small shops here and there on his way and keeping close to the ground, he took a look inside of them. Most display windows had cracks in them, some even broken and when he had to land to rest his wings for a moment, glass cracked beneath his shoes.

Passing clothing stores, he nearly missed the small entrance next to it but his eyes immediately lightened up. Reaching for the walkie-talkie again, he pushed the button: “Geoff? Jack?”

“What is it?”

“I found a Pharmacy.”

“Really? That's amazing!” He could hear the ram walk around, calling quietly for Jack. “Where are you, buddy? We'll get there.”

“Get here?”, he asked confused. “Geoff, I flew here. You guys will take forever to get here. I'll go in.”

“You will not go in without cover!”

“So you want me to stand here in front of the shop to wait for maybe an hour until you guys find your way here? That's the great plan?”

“It's the safe plan!”

Rolling his eyes, Gavin could hear mumbled words from the walkie-talkie as Geoff told Jack about the situation. Not paying all too much attention to that, he stepped closer to the pharmacy.

The door was open halfway and that seemed logical, he surely wasn't the first one to search for medicine. Stepping closer, he pushed the door completely open and peeked inside. Because there was no electricity, the back of the shop laid in a dim twilight and reaching into his backpack, he pulled out his flashlight.

He jumped at the sudden voice: “Gavin? In which direction did you head off? We'll hurry.”

“I'm going in now.”, he simply answered and before Geoff could even take a breath to yell at him, he added: “I'm going to shut the walkie-talkie off, I need to listen closely now. Sorry. I'll get in touch with you guys after I am outside.”

And he switched the device off.

He already felt bad for it because Geoff would be pissed.

God, he didn't even want to think about it!

And he probably shouldn't right now.

Putting the walkie-talkie into his jacket, he stepped into the pharmacy.

Some shelves were nearly picked clean, others were tumbled over and different bottles and lotions were spread on the tiles.

There was a clear liquid on the floor, making everything smell like lavender in here.

Lightening his way, he kept a hand on his shotgun. Just in case.

Carefully Gavin walked through the aisles, checking around every corner until he was sure nobody was hiding anywhere.

It wasn't until he reached the counter that he noticed the sweet stench of decay. Scrunching his nose, he stepped closer, trying to only breath through his mouth.

Behind it laid a man on the ground and from here he could only see his back.

“Fuck...”, swallowing thickly, Gavin stood there unmoving. He had to make sure, right? Otherwise that guy could sneak up on him and bite.

“Fuck...”, he repeated as he took his shotgun in his hand. “Please be dead...”

Leaning forward, he hesitated because his hands were shaking and his heart beating loudly. The smell told him that man was dead but the Infected also smelled bad.

Swallowing again, he poked the man with the muzzle and instantly jumped back. Aiming at the body, his finger hovered over the safety, ready to flip it the second there was a movement.

But as nothing happened, he let the breath go he'd been holding before lowering his shotgun.

“Thank god...” Throwing another look behind the counter to make sure he was really alone in here, he hurried back towards the shelves. He checked on the nearly empty ones first, finding most of the painkillers gone and quickly he opened his backpack, shoveling the remaining boxes inside.

Walking ahead, he frowned at the little amount of antiseptic left but simply grabbed the last two bottles.

They were too late.

They should have already moved days ago!

Frustrated, he stood in front of the empty shelf which should contain bandages.

“Fuck!”, he hissed and kicked a nearby bottle through the shop.

That was stupid! They needed those!

Looking around, he hoped something else would catch his eye but vitamin pills were useless and they surely didn't need a pregnancy test!

His gaze stopped at bright red boxes and he moved ahead. First-aid kits!

Perfect! They had bandages and all kinds of other useful shit!

Throwing them into his backpack until it was full, he zipped it back up and looked around. Did he have everything?

A bit reluctantly he pulled out the walkie-talkie again and took a big breath. Just to check in on them and tell them what he got.

Listening to the static a moment longer, he pushed the button: “Jack? Are you there?” Because Jack wouldn't explode into his face. And while he thought about the lion, he reached for a coughing syrup and stored it in his pocket.

But nobody answered and frowning he asked: “Geoff? Hello?”

Was he out of reach inside of here?

Stepping onto the street, he tried again: “Jack? Geoff? Hey guys? Anyone there?”

Nothing.

“That's not funny. Come on! I think I got most things.” Waiting, he listened to the static and felt himself grow cold. It really wasn't funny and it wasn't really a situation in which one of the two would play a prank on him.

No; no matter how mad they were at him.

“Geoff?”, he asked again, feeling his voice carry high in panic.

Did something happen to them?

“Jack? Please!”

“Gavin?”

He closed his eyes in relieve at the lions voice: “Oh thank god...”

“Get back here immediately.” And it sounded urgent enough to make him shiver.

“What happened?”

Jack pushed the button, he could hear the other man breathing heavier than normally but he didn't talk. A moment of static before he said: “Just... just come back as quick as possible.”

“On my way.”, he agreed as he put the walkie-talkie in his pocket and took off.

 

* * *

 

 

“Geoff? Jack?”

The ram flinched because for a moment he couldn't place the source of the voice. In this unfamiliar house, he turned around to check if someone was behind him before he remembered the walkie-talkies. He had it clipped on his belt and quickly reached for it: “What is it?”

“I found a Pharmacy.”, Gavin told him and his eyes lit up.

“Really? That's amazing!” It really was! Painkillers, bandages! He had hoped to find something in the houses but this was way better! “Where are you, buddy? We'll get there.”

“Get here?”, Gavin asked after a moment. “Geoff, I flew here. You guys will take forever to get here. I'll go in.”

He had moved out of the kitchen to find the lion when he stopped dead at the idea of the other: “You will not go in without cover!”

“So you want me to stand here in front of the shop to wait for maybe an hour until you guys found your way here? That's the great plan?”

“It's the safe plan!”, he frowned. For once in his life he wanted everyone to simply listen to him! Things could be so much easier then!

Jack walked towards him, a questionable look at his face.

“Gavin found a pharmacy.”, he explained quickly.

“That's great! Where is he?”

“I'm trying to find that out.” Pushing the button, he asked again: “Gavin? In which direction did you head off? We'll hurry.”

“I'm going in now.”, came the answer and Geoff took a shaking breath as he tried to swallow down his anger. He couldn't be serious... “I'm going to shut the walkie-talkie off, I need to listen closely now. Sorry. I'll get in touch with you guys after I am outside.”

“Gavin!”, he yelled immediately, even forgetting to push the button. He couldn't be for real! Not even he could be this stupid! Not even he could be this reckless! “Gavin, don't you dare! Tell us where you are and we head there right now!”

Static.

“This isn't a joke, you asshole! You will stay right there and we come and get you! Gavin!”

Still no answer and Geoff stared down at the walkie-talkie as if it was his mortal enemy. If he was honest he was one step away from throwing it against the next wall even though he knew that would be stupid.

Jack seemed to sense that and gently took the device out of his hand: “He shut it off, Geoff. That's good, so we won't startle him.”

“I can't belie-”

“He's grown up.”  
“Do you think I don't know that?”, the ram hissed agitated, only getting more worked up at the look the other threw him. “They are all grownups but are they really? Do you think the Lads would survive a day out there? Hell, even Ryan is still an idiot we have to constantly look after! And right now Gavin is out there.”, he spat. “Fucking Gavin with a shotgun and no back up and no way to contact him. But hey, at least we won't fucking startle him!”

“Geoff...”, Jack said slowly. “Have a little trust in him.”

“I trust him! I trust you all!”, he replied harshly. “But that doesn't fucking mean I will get reckless and stupid. This isn’t a game anymore!”

“I know. We all know that, Geoff!”

“I'm not so sure about that!” Passing Jack, he went up the stairs and threw the first door open. He wanted to get through this house quickly and get back on the street. But what then? He wasn't even all too sure where Gavin had headed to but he needed to find him! He needed to make sure Gavin was alright!

God, what if something would hap-

He was in a brightly colored room with pictures of Disney princesses on the pink walls. The bed stood beneath the window, sheets in a pale blue. Besides where the blood had stained them. The light shining from outside illuminated the face of the little girl and Geoff stopped working.

Alerted by the noise, the child began to move and he was ready to run towards her to help, not minding the toys that were mindlessly spilled over the floor.

The bunny that had been tugged in next to her fell to the ground as she sat up.

He didn't see the red eyes or the dark veins, his eyes fixed on the gunshot wound in her chest and oh lord, who would do something like that?

Who would lay her in bed and give her the bunny and tug her in and wait until she was asleep before shooting her? He knew the answer and it made him sick, it made him take a few steps to help, to take the pain away and he wanted to call her. To calm her down because she was groaning and that had to be because she was hurt.

Jack grabbed him and pulled him away, talking all the while but Geoff couldn't take his eyes from her as she walked on bare feet towards them. The door was thrown shut and he fought against the grip because _they had to help!_

She was just a little child!

The next thing he knew was that he was staring at his shoes. Lifting his head he sat on the grass in front of the house, shaking mindlessly.

Jack was next to him, talking into the walkie-talkie and Geoff asked: “Where's Gavin?”

“On his way.”, the lion said before crouching down next to him. “He's alright. What about you?”

“Me?”

Jack didn't answer, he sat down as well and pulled him close. Geoff frowned at the unusual behavior but now he noticed how much warmer the other was and he himself was still shaking and oh god _that girl._

A shiver went through his body and he groaned himself at the memory. That couldn't be true, dear god please!

What had happened in that house? What would he have found if he had went into the master bedroom?

“We have to help...”, he muttered slowly, his thoughts catching up to him.

“We can't help anymore. There's nothing we can do.”, Jack squeezed his shoulder but the ram simply shook his head.

“But... but there has to be something...”

“Sorry, Geoff.”

Minding his horns, he leaned his forehead against the others shoulder: “Fuck... Should we... go back in and..?”

“And what?”, Jack asked him and it sounded defensive. “I can't do it. You neither.”

“We can't just leave her!”

“What other choice do we have?”

The ram whined but looked up when he heard the sound of impact as Gavin landed ungracefully on the street. The green eyes found them and fear washed over his face as he jumped over the fence: “What happened? Are you guys hurt? Yo-”

The moment he was in reach, Geoff took his arm and pulled him down. Ignoring the surprised squeak, he wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

A bit dumbfounded, Gavin threw a questioning look towards Jack but whatever he found in the others face seemed to be enough. Returning the embrace, he buried his face in the others chest.

“Sorry.”, he whispered without really knowing what he was apologizing for himself. He simply felt the winded horns moving against his hair as the ram shook his head.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray was sprawled on the big couch, tapping mindlessly on his phone. He was bored which was to be expected considering that there was literally nothing to do and by now he had spent the day scrolling through old apps. Well, that wasn't really true.

First he had scrolled through pictures and videos like he had often done before. Looking at better times and smiling to himself. He had quickly retreated from that when Michael joined him, curling against his side and watched as well.

Ray knew well enough that there were pictures of Lindsay on his phone. Pictures of them all in the office. Making ridiculous faces.

He wasn't sure how Michael would react to those so he had settled to play.

Somehow he had found a chess app and well, why not learn chess in the apocalypse? Maybe he could use that somehow.

Trying to lure Michael into playing with him hadn't worked but the cat seemed content enough to simply watch so he let him.

Sometimes Ray looked up to check if Ryan was still there. The bull had stepped out onto the small balcony from which he could watch over the forest, obviously waiting for the return of the others. It was nearing noon by now and the bulls tail was swishing nervously back and forth.

That was also what made this situation so unbearable. Yes, Ray was bored but it wasn't the repetitiveness of the game he didn't really pay attention to or the silence Michael was emitting. He didn't mind that all too much, he knew Michael needed that, he knew Michael somehow healed through that and he would help him even if he couldn't do much.

It was not knowing what was going on out there. Not knowing how the other three were doing, if they were alright. Hell, if they even were alive at this point.

Also how would they know?

What would they do if the others simply wouldn't come back? Go out and search for them?

Probably.

What if they wouldn't find them?

What if they would? What if they were infected or dead or getting eate-

Michael reached out and the movement startled Ray. Hesitating, the cat looked up to him with big eyes and there was a spark of warmth in them. It fascinated Ray because it had been too long since he had seen them.

There was a single purr before Michael moved the white rook ahead and the rabbit took a look at the board before humming in agreement. For a moment he considered talking but the silence between them was more comfortable and after black did its turn, he moved the white knight.

Waiting again for the opponents move, he offered the phone to Michael.

The cat didn't react at first before he reluctantly tapped on the phone, making the rabbit smile.

It was a start.

They continued with this for a while to get their minds off of other things even thought they mostly lost.

It was some time later when Michaels ears peeked up. Ray barely reacted until the other actually sat up, his warmth gone from his side.

“What's wrong?”, he asked, disturbing their silence. He watched as Michaels eyes fixed on the stairs and Ray listened as well, half expecting to hear steps and he quickly threw a look to Ryan. But the bull was still deep in his own thoughts, watching over the gate, so the others hadn't come back and the only other person in this house was Mrs. Kingsley.

Which did actually remind him that he hadn't heard from her in a while, not even her quiet coughs.

Frowning, Ray also stood up and followed Michael who was heading up the stairs. Reaching the upper floor, they listened for a moment before the cat walked to the door and knocked loudly. It was followed by a pained moan and Ray quickly joined the other.

“Mrs. Kingsley?”, he asked alerted. “Are you okay? Is there something you need?”

This time there wasn't an answer but he did notice that the food Ryan had brought her before was still sitting next to the door.

“I'm coming in now.”, he called out before he and Michael shared a look. Reaching out, the cat was actually faster in grabbing the handle. He gently moved in front of Ray before cracking the door open.

The woman threw herself against it, making the door hit the opposite wall. Immediately Michael started to growl and Ray couldn't help but give a startled whimper as he recognized the dark veins and the bloody eyes.

“What the fuck?”, he babbled, the shock making his voice go high. “She's infected! She's infected, Michael!”

Instead of answering, Michael kept a tight hold on his arm, making sure the rabbit was still behind him. Without any harsh movements he stepped back, forcing Ray to get out of reach as well.

The woman groaned as if in pain and both of them shivered until a deep growling came from the cat as the Infected turned towards them. Ray gasped, clutching at Michael in fear as his other hand pulled the pistol slowly from his hoodie. With shaking hands he raised the gun but couldn't bring himself to aim properly.

He stared at Mrs. Kingsley, knowing she had been a human not too long ago and how did this even happen? He couldn't just shoot her! Not only because of who she was and because the house had saved them.

But also because Michael was too close and he should actually hold the pistol with both hands but just couldn't get himself to let go of the cat. The fear had him frozen in place and that wasn't right.

He had trained for this right here!

Michael didn't have a weapon, he had to do something!

Concentrating on the fingers that were tightly clasped around the gun, he willed them to stop shaking. To move, move, move!

They didn't. Not in time before the woman charged at them and Michael threw Ray to the floor. He landed hard, his back hitting the bar but he didn't let go of the gun. He held on to the pistol determined, knowing that it was their only defense right now. Gripping tightly, he felt himself pull at the trigger nearly absentmindedly, a simple reflex after all the training. His heart missed a beat at the realization but the safety stopped him from shooting blindly and thank god, thank god! What if he would have hit Michael?

The thoughts had him frozen on the spot right as Michaels voice rose: “Ryan! Ryan, get up here!”

It was laced with a hiss, his words toppling a bit over each other and his voice carrying high because it was underused but it was still nice to hear it. Nice and somehow calming and Ray managed to move again.

Lifting his head he saw the other effect his voice was having because Mrs. Kingsley was now only concentrating on Michael.

“Hey bitch!”, the rabbit called as he sat up, raising the gun again. The woman stopped in her way and Michael threw him a quick glance: “Be quiet!”

Catching his eyes, Ray saw his friend again. For the first time in so long Michael was really there and considering the situation and considering his worry and his fear – considering everything, he smiled gladly.

Then he adjusted his aim but the cat was still too close for him to dare shoot. “Step back, Michael.”, he said loudly, watching the woman turn towards him at the sound. “I got this! I'll take her on! Yeah, get over here! I'll blast your head off, just come a step clo-”

Mrs. Kingsley was thrown to the side by the force of the impact and for a moment Ray was dumbfounded because he fucking hadn't shot! Then he saw the knife stick out of her temple before she crumbled into herself.

Silence followed, loud and heavy in its simplicity.

Ray noticed that Michael was staring at him and he noticed that he still held the gun high, his fingers picking up the shaking again. It grew even worse at the realization that he had been so close to shoot, that he would have done it.

He would have killed that woman or maybe she was already dead but did that really matter?

Letting go as if he had burned his hand, the gun fell to the ground and he pressed his back against the bar to get as far away as possible from it.

God... God, what had just happened? God, please!

There was a movement on the stairs and he jumped a little before he recognized Ryan. The bull didn't look at him, he stared at the woman as he slowly came closer, his tail flicking stressed.

Then a jolt went through him and he grabbed Michael and pulled him closer, hands wandering over his arms and chest: “Are you alright? Did she hurt you? Did you come in contact wi-”

“Fine...”, the cat muttered, eyes still on the pile that had been a woman before. A woman he had seen on the dozen of photos. “I'm okay.”

Ryan stared at him for a long moment before cupping his face and turning it to look at him: “Say that again.”

“I'm not hurt..?”, Michael asked, confused by the request. Ryan cracked a smile at his voice, even giving a quiet laugh. He couldn't help himself but pull the other close in a quick hug: “Welcome back.”

Hesitatingly Michael laid a hand on the others back before starting to fight against the embrace. He was blushing in embarrassment and Ryan let him go before quickly turning towards Ray.

“What about you?”, he asked as he crouched down in front of the rabbit, feeling Michael right behind him. “Did she get you?”

“No.” It came out as a whimper as he pulled his legs against his chest. Once again his ears were hanging low, shivers wrecking his small body: “Ryan... Ryan... It's a haunted place... oh no, it's haunted now! She-” And he gasped for breath and for a terrifying moment the bull was sure he would say something about Lindsay. It wouldn't even make sense but the fear was there and he was ready to simply clamp his hands over the others mouth.

“She's still moving, Ryan...”

The bull spun around alarmed, noticing in the corner of his eye how Michael did the very same but the woman was still laying there. First he thought Ray was playing a distasteful prank but that seemed out of character for him. Maybe it was his imagination acting up. It wouldn't surprise him after the horror just now.

Then he noticed the bloody eyes focusing on them and a low groan came from the woman. Hurt enough to not be all too dangerous anymore but still alive.

Swallowing heavily, Ryan looked up to Michael. After a moment the cat returned the gaze and he searched in the brown eyes, searched for the Michael that had been there before everything had happened.

Still there, weak and battered but coming back with each word and he asked: “Can you take Ray down and take care of him?”

The cat nodded and the bull continued to wait. In the end it was nearly a whispered word: “Yes.”

Smiling, Ryan added: “Thank you. Get him something to eat and to drink. Keep him warm, yourself as well. I'll finish this up here.”

Michael fought with the next words and he seemed to lose. He made a noise that sounded nearly like he was choking and gave up in the end. Throwing Ryan an apologizing look, he simply nodded again.

“It's fine. You're doing good.”, the bull assured him. “One step at a time, okay? What matters is that you try.”

Blushing once more, Michael gently pulled Ray to his feet. Keeping him close as they walked towards the stairs, careful to not get too close to the woman.

Throwing a last glance to Ryan, he lead Ray into the living room. Softly sitting him down at the couch, he threw a blanket over the rabbit before hurrying to the kitchen to grab them both a bottle of water and some energy bars.

As he settled next to Ray and offered him both, the other even gave a shy smile. They ate in silence, still a bit shaken but the closeness helped and when Ray lifted his blanket and scooted to Michael to wrap him in as well, the spreading warmth was even more welcome.

They stayed like this for quite a while, waiting for a noise from above but the nearing steps came from beneath. Shifting, Michael escaped the comfortable cocoon and headed towards the stairs, feeling Rays gaze on his back.

It was the rough cough that made him relax because it was Jack and then he heard Geoff answer quietly. Just a few moments later Gavin appeared on the stairs and he seemed stressed and a bit pale but it melted into a slightly forced smile as he saw the cat: “Hey there.”

Michael opened his mouth to reply but found the simple answer stuck again. He fought against it, just like he had done before, just like he had done more than the others would believe but it just wouldn't come out. The words somewhere buried beneath guilt and denial and maybe he shouldn't talk when she couldn't anymore and maybe he shouldn't be here when she wasn't, right?

Gavin stared at him confused and he really had to look stupid, just standing there with his mouth open but then the bird seemed to understand, his smile coming back and this time it was more genuine and reassuring.

Closing his mouth with an annoyed huff, Michael nodded as a greeting before turning to Ray to tell him who it was. And again he couldn't, knowing he wouldn't find the strength right now and he grew angry.

So angry at himself that he curled his hands to fists, letting his fingernails dug shapes into his skin.

Gavin squeezed his arm as he passed him, frowning when he saw Ray still on the couch, wrapped in blankets: “Everything alright?”

“Mrs. Kingsley turned.”, the rabbit said matter-of-factly. “She became one of them.”

“What?”, Geoff said, appearing behind them and Michael had thought Gavin looked bad but the ram seemed exhausted to the bone. Not even from any wounds or bruises but simply mentally. If Ray noticed he didn't let it show: “You heard me. She fucking attacked us!”

“But...”, Gavin began confused. “She wasn't bitten! How did she get infected?”

Ray shrugged, wrapping the blanket more tightly around himself. They all fell silent because they were thinking the same but nobody said it just now.

Gavin was the first to move, slowly stepping up the stairs as if he had to see to believe it. Geoff opened his mouth as if he wanted to talk back but stopped. The ram simply walked into the living room and dropped down on the couch, his whole body collapsing into itself.

Now there was a new worry gnawing at him and he felt both of the other two take small glances at him. He had to collect himself but the small girl had hit low and he couldn't get her face out of his head. Couldn't get Gavin out of his head. And now Mrs. Kingsley and no, she hadn't been bitten – she hadn't been outside and they were here for so long that it couldn't have happened before they had stumbled into this house...

“Where's Jack?”, Ray finally asked, sounding a bit breathless.

“Laying down.”, Geoff explained with some hesitation. “He wasn't... feeling all too well.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Gavin reached the top floor, he stared down at the woman that was still laying on the floor. The knife was embedded to the hilt in her temple, letting thick and dark blood pour over her face.

It smelled bad.

Wrinkling his nose, he averted his eyes, finding Ryan sitting on the floor a bit further away, Rays gun loosely in his hands.

“Don't step too close.”, the bull said quietly. “She's still alive.”

Turning back around, it took Gavin a moment to notice the small twitches of her fingers.

“We should... you know, end it or something.”, he muttered as he crossed the room and sat down next to the other.

“I know. I just... couldn't.”

“This here is way crueler, Rye.”

“I know.”, he said again, sighing heavily. “I just can't shoot her. She's... helpless and...” Shaking his head, a tremble went through him: “When she was after Ray and Michael it was so much easier. She was so close to Michael and I just... reacted. I didn't think about it but now... now I look at her and I think. I think and think and don't stop and don't shoot even though I should. Even though I know it would be an act of mercy.”

He looked down at the gun, seeing the weapon shake in his grip. “I've never shot at something.”, he confessed quietly, like it had become something to be ashamed off. “Most of all never at a human.”

“She isn't human anymore.”, Gavin replied with a shrug. “At least that's how I am trying to see it. Also I'm sure she wouldn't want to become like this.”

“I guess so.”

“She wasn't bitten.”

“No.”, Ryan agreed, looking everywhere but never meeting Gavins eyes. “She couldn't have been bitten, we would have noticed. Also she was weak in the past days...”

“She was weak because she was sick.”, the bird said, his voice quiet as if he wanted to make extra sure that no one else heard them even though they all probably knew. “She was sick just like Jack is right now. Maybe it is transmitted through air.”

“Maybe.”

“That would mean Jack will turn as well.”

Ryan nodded, burying his face in his hand: “Fuck...”

Next to him Gavin made an agreeing noise.

“That's also why I couldn't shoot her. If I do that and Jack turns...”, the bull stopped talking, another tremble going through him at the mere thought. He let go of the gun quickly as if the metal had burned him: “What should we do..?”

The bird moved and he looked up again. Watching without a word as Gavin took the pistol and stood up.

Slowly nearing the woman, he didn't hesitate all too much. Aiming carefully, he shot her clean in the head and watched her body finally go limp.

It had been loud in the silence of the house, the echo buzzing in the air and he saw Gavin breath heavily as if he was trying hard not to throw up.

He stepped even closer before bending down and ripping the knife out of her head. It made a sickening wet noise as he did so and Ryan couldn't help but shiver again. It grew only worse as the bird turned back towards him, blood splattered all over his front as he held the knife out for him to take.

And suddenly he remembered Rays words. Back when they had stood next to Lindsays body in the destroyed city.

“ _It's a haunted place. Please, I wanna go!”_

“It's an act of mercy.”, Gavin repeated, his eyes cold. “Just like that little girl. They would have wanted it that way.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important news, guys!  
> Seeing that the chapters of this are way longer than the ones of the Royalty!verse I won't be able to update each week - sorry!  
> I know that sucks but hey; at least longer updates!  
> So chapter 6 will come out in TWO WEEKS!!!
> 
> If anything changes you can always check here:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/tagged/on%20writing
> 
> I usually keep that updated...


	6. Lost the meaning of our stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it was a sickness there was nowhere for them to flee. Then it was just pure luck, just waiting until it got every single one of them. Or maybe one of them was immune and what a joke that would be!  
> And so he couldn't really give anyone the fault because it had been a sheer coincidence that it had been Jack.

Chapter 6

Lost the meaning of our stay

 

“Do you understand?”, Geoff asked and it was a little too concerned, too soft. He saw that Jack noticed it as well and it probably made everything worse. But the lion didn't comment on it, he simply nodded before sinking back into thoughts.

He looked miserable, wrapped in a blanket because he was cold, cheeks red from the fever wracking through his body. The coughs had tuned down a bit but everyone still froze whenever they echoed through the house.

And after realizing what this sickness meant – _could_ mean – Ray had panicked, refusing the idea of even telling Jack about it.

Geoff couldn't do that even though it would be easier but it wouldn't be fair. And they owed Jack that much at least.

So that's how he had ended up here, in the privacy of the basement. Sitting in a smaller living room with the empty bowl of soup Geoff had brought with him. After Jack had woken up they had eaten together in the familiar companionship.

That feeling hadn't dropped completely, not even during one of the hardest conversation Geoff had ever gone through and now he watched the lion think. Watched a nervously twitching tail and god it _wasn't_ _fair._

He couldn't count how often he had thought that by now because it _wasn't fair_ that Lindsay was dead and it _wasn't_ _fair_ that they were in this situation to begin with. But this right here, this felt so wrong.

If it was a sickness there was nowhere for them to flee. Then it was just pure luck, just waiting until it got every single one of them. Or maybe one of them was immune and what a joke that would be!

And so he couldn't really give anyone the fault because it had been a sheer coincidence that it had been Jack.

But _Jack?_

His right hand, his mirror, his..?

It hurt his heart to just think about it. About the possibility to go on without Jack because they needed him, _he_ needed him.

He brought the calm in his pack along with Ray. But Ray wouldn't be enough, far from it. They were the counterweight to the whirlwinds that were Michael and Gavin, sometimes even Ryan and yeah... maybe they had all calmed down on their own. Were forced to calm down in this situation and of course Michael wasn't... wasn't like he was before but none of them were but _without Jack?_

“Geoff.”

He snapped out of his dark thoughts, staring at the lion and he had to look vulnerable, even scared and a bit lost because Jacks features softened immediately: “It's alright.”

“No.”, the ram replied, his voice barely a whisper. “It's not.”

Huffing, the other shrugged: “No, probably not.” Wrapping himself tighter into the blanket, he fell silent again before adding: “That girl back in the house...”

“Yeah...”, Geoff agreed. “That's what I've been thinking about as well.”

“This won't work with just the two of us, Geoff.”, Jack said with a small smile. “We should discuss this matter together. With all of us.”

Surprised, the ram raised an eyebrow: “Are you sure?”

“I am. Just... give me some time? To work through this.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

And Geoff stood up but couldn't just walk away, lingering awkwardly. Thinking that maybe there had to be something more to say or at least to not let the other alone right now. It seemed to be a terrible move but Jack wanted it that way.

Throwing a last glance at the lion, he sighed heavily before heading out.

 

They were sitting in a tense silence and by this point it had nearly become the norm for them. Geoff was climbing up the stairs with Ryan right behind him. They had brought the fuel down to the generator without speaking and now they sat down to watch over the Lads.

They gathered around the backpacks to take a look at the supplies they had brought back. Not enough food but after what had happened with the little girl Geoff had just wanted to go back. Also Jack had looked worse by the second and so they had just took a quick stop at a gas station before heading here.

But seeing the amount of first-aid kits on the floor he actually laughed: “Good work on that.”

Gavin threw him a small smile: “I just grabbed everything.”

And he probably should still be mad at the bird for just taking off and not listening to anything he said but right now he didn't have the strength to do so. Maybe Gavin had been right in the end; it would have taken forever to get to him and it was done anyway.

They had more serious problems now.

As if it was his cue, Jack entered the room and they all stared at him. At least he had left the blanket back in the living room, letting him appear a bit more lively.

Still he seemed to bring in a looming darkness and from the corner of his eye, Geoff could see Ray cowering a little.

Then Jack huffed: “I'm not dead, guys.”

The ram grinned at that before patting the space next to him: “Damn right. Sit down.”

He did and the Lads shuffled around to properly see the gents, both Ray and Michael searching for Gavins warmth and wasn't that interesting?

“So I guess we have to talk about... that.”, Jack began, gesticulating first to the floor above and then to himself. “About what we will do if I am really infected.”

Geoff watched how Michaels hair began to bristle up at the words because it was easier to watch them than to look Jack in the eyes, even if the lion tried to.

He couldn't do what the other was going to ask from him.

At least he seemed to be understood without any words. Next to him, Jack nodded: “Okay. Then some of you give me a gun.”

“Oh god.”, Ryan muttered before burying his face in his hands. “That's so fucked up...”

Jack turned to him and gave a weak smile.

And Geoff stood up because he had to move, had to get this energy out of his body.

“It's just a safety measure.”, Jack assured them quickly. “Because I think none of you will do it, right?”

As no one dared to even meet his eye, he shrugged: “See?”

It was suppose to sound amused but it fell on heavy silence and even Jacks composure slipped a bit at that. That was until Gavin stood up from the floor and pulled the pistol from his waistband. Immediately Ray reached out and tugged at his arm: “Don't...”

For a moment the bird hesitated but then he freed himself gently from the grip before holding it out for the lion to take.

“Thank you.”, Jack muttered but the other didn't let go.

“The girl.”, Gavin whispered as if to remind him and Jack nodded.

“I know.” Taking the gun, it actually looked small between his hands. It looked wrong, Geoff thought to himself as he found the strength to gaze back at them.

Clearing his throat, he said: “But that's an important thing.” He came closer again, trying to catch the eyes of the three who hadn't been with them in the city. It wasn't really working because Ray was staring at the gun as if it was a ghost, his face pale and scared and Ryan was still hiding behind his hands next to Jack. Only Michael looked up to him, nearly pleading him to just _do something._

Well, he was trying.

“We broke into a house today and found a girl.”, he began, trying not to let his voice shake too much at the memory. “She was infected and went after us. But what's important is that she had been shot before.” He pointed to his heart: “Straight through the chest, definitely deadly.”

“So?”, Ryan asked and it sounded tired and muffled through his hands.

“I think it happened before she turned; there were no bite marks or anything on her.”, Geoff explained. “I think she became an Infected after she died.”

Now the bull looked up, furrowing his brow: “That isn't possible.”

“Then what's your explanation?”, Gavin asked and it sounded strained, like he was annoyed by the others logic. As if he was offended that the other didn't believe them.

“She could have been shot afterwards.”

“And a shot through the heart shouldn't have killed her then as well?”, the bird snapped. “One way or another – she should have been dead but she wasn't. She only dropped down after I shot her in the head!”

Ryan fell silent, if it was from the sudden hostility or to think about those words, Geoff couldn't tell. Instead he continued: “If it is true and I assure you all; I know what I saw.” God, he did; it had been burned into his mind. “It is maybe not a sickness, not one like we know at least. And it could mean that dead people... well, actually come back.”

“Zombies...”, Ray whispered, finally tearing his eyes from the gun. “You are talking about actual Zombies.”

“Wait.”, Ryan spoke slowly. “That isn't possible!”

“Well it is happ-” “Gavin.”, he interrupted the bird a bit too harshly. “You are meaning to tell me that those... things out there are actually dead.”

“Maybe not all of them.”, Geoff offered. “Some of them go through a sickness, we saw that. And they either die from it or... I don't know? They just are infected? Because some people take a few days to turn or some shit like that but what if... what if it is in us all? And it breaks out when we die?”

“And just allows our bodies to function with a shot through the heart?”, Ryan insisted. “Or after bleeding out as long as our brain still functions? That simply isn't possible!”

“It is happening!”, Gavin screamed at him. “That girl should have been dead but she wasn't! And do you remember the amount of Zombies that walked through this forest after the bombing? There were so many because so many people bloody died in the city!”

“It still isn't possible, Gavin! It just isn't! Even you should see it!”

“Stop.”, Michael whispered beneath his breath but none of the them listened.

“The dead can't just walk around! There is no brain function left!”

“What if it is a parasite then? What if it... takes control or something like that!”

“Stop.”

“Takes control? Are you even listening to what you are saying? You still need a fucking beating heart to function!”

“Sto-” “Well she sure as hell didn't have one left and she was walking around!”

“Maybe it just seemed li-”

“I know what I saw!”, Gavin screamed enraged.

“St-” “Calm down. Both of you.”, Geoff said. “And I saw it as well. Jack too.”

“That still doesn't mean that it's possi-”

“Stop!” It was Ray who screamed it, having finally picked up on Michaels single protest. And they actually fell silent as they turned towards him and for a long, long moment it was the only word left in the world.

“Stop, stop, stop, stop...”, the cat whispered, the words spilling from his lips like it had finally broken the dam. He was covering his ears as he hunched over, curling into himself in defense.

They all stared at him and the realization hit them too slow. Too late to avoid the damage it had caused already because Lindsay.

Because Lindsay was dead and all the words had to be like tearing at the wound, digging deeper and deeper until they backed Michael against a wall until there was no way for him but to beg.

And they were sorry and horrified about it and Ray reached out gently but the other flinched away, making a noise as if he was in pain.

He probably was.

Jack was the one who moved, hurrying to the others side, even though he had to be shaken as well, considering the gun he had put in his pocket. And it showed for the tiny moment in which he hesitated, unsure of what to do before calling the other softly.

Michaels answer was a howl, full of raw hurt that had been built up way too long, the loudest sound he had managed for so, so long and it cut through them all. The cat didn't cry, no. The moment Jack touched him, he clawed at the other for hold. So desperate like he was drowning, like his life depended on it.

Jack actually picked him up like he was a little child, cradling him against his chest and after that lonely howl Michael just hung there limply.

Turning towards Geoff, the lion opened his mouth but no word came out and the other also didn't know what to say. In the end Jack settled on: “He needs to rest.”

Nobody stopped them from walking towards the bedrooms but it loomed over them. Heavy and crushing.

“Ryan.”, Geoff finally broke the silence. The heat left his voice like it had left them all, letting them simply stand there. “If we are right... if those are really Zombies – and don't tell me it's impossible, I know that as good as you – it would give Jack a chance.”

The bull looked up, tired and sad but didn't speak.

“Mrs. Kingsley was sick. Sick and old and maybe she died up there which made her turn.”, the ram explained. “Maybe it wasn't the sickness.”

“And then this sickness wouldn't make Jack turn.”, Gavin continued. “As long as he doesn'-” He stopped abruptly when Ray stood up. Without another word the rabbit headed down the stairs and Gavins wings lowered.

“It's the only hope we have right now.”, Geoff mumbled. “And I am willing to hope.”

Opening his mouth, Ryan seemed to want to say something but then he also stood and followed Ray, leaving the other two in silence.

Gavin turned towards the ram, appearing lost and confused as his hands were shaking lightly. Then anger crossed his face, defiant and childish: “Does he want Jack to die?”

“Of course not.”

“It sure as hell sounds like it! Why doesn't he believe us!”

“Because it isn't logical.”

“But it's happening!”, Gavin all but screamed. Geoff wondered briefly if Ryan could still hear them and sighed inwardly.

“Buddy. We're stressed.”, he began, trying to sound soothing. “You are as well and today was a terrible day. We need to calm down.”

“Bu-”

“Gavin.”, and the word came out too harsh, making the other flinch. “After everything that has happened... we only have each other. That's all that is left. Please calm down, I don't want to fight with you.”

For a moment the anger was still there, only on the surface because Gavin wasn't really angry. Confused and scared and shaken, yes but not angry.

It collapsed quickly enough and he stood there like a lost child and Geoff knew they had to talk about some other things. About how the other had just walked into that house before and shot the little girl and Ryan had told him that it had also been him who ended Mrs. Kingsleys misery. But he couldn't really scold Gavin for it.

What he had done wasn't necessarily wrong. In their situation it was rather good that the bird didn't hesitate because it could safe their life.

He just hadn't seen it coming from Gavin.

“I'll go outside then.”, the bird informed him before turning away as well.

Rubbing his face, Geoff let him because there was a nearing headache behind his eyes and nothing had gone as planned today.

It was crushing.

Letting himself fall on the couch, he looked towards the stairs, knowing that there was a dead body above them.

That couldn't really wait but right now he didn't have the needed strength to deal with it.

 

At least Ryan seemed to have. He came back half an hour later, looming in the room like he wasn't sure what to do before nodding to the stairs: “You wanna..?”

It was probably the most awkward thing Geoff had ever heard but it was somehow endearing in it's simplicity.

They wrapped her in a blanket and after that it was a bit easier. She had been an old lady and was light as they carried her outside, so the actual hard work was the digging.

They found shovels in the garage and decided on a place next to the rose bushes, all with as little words as possible as they began to work.

Gavin was perched on the wall again but didn't come over to help them. Geoff was a bit glad for that, even though he knew the bird was throwing them gazes once in a while. Ryan also kept looking for him but both were careful to not actually make eye contact.

When the grave was deep enough, they carefully lowered the body inside before stepping back. Standing there a bit awkward, Geoff asked: “You want to say something?”

The bull shook his head and the other shrugged helpless: “Thanks for letting us stay here.”

And after another moment of silence, he took the shovel again and began to shovel earth over the blanket. Ryan was quick to help him.

After they were done, they headed back inside and it was a bit lighter now. Knowing that what they had done was right and... and yeah, also human. It felt good to do something that was so human and not necessarily normal for them but rightful.

It somehow eased their mind after the past days of killing those Infected and trying not to think of them as persons. Like they were slightly cleansed.

“Geoff?”, Ryan asked and it sounded lost.

The ram stopped and looked at him, alarmed by the hurt in the others voice.

“I don't want Jack to die...”, Ryan confessed quietly and alright, he had heard Gavin say that. “What I meant was that I can't believe that those are actual Zombies out there. I would never want any harm... I'm sorry.”

“God, Ryan!” Shocked by the misery the other was emitting, he was quick to come closer. The bulls shoulders were slumped down, his whole body hunched over as if an invisible weight was resting on him. He actually believed that!

“We all know that!”, Geoff was quick to assure him. “I would lie if I said you weren't right. It shouldn't be possible! And none of us paid attention to Michael, so we're all at fault. He's fragile and hurt and broken – of course he is and we should have kept an eye on him but we didn't. We were just too worried about Jack and got angry and stressed.”

“Gavin thinks I wan-”  
“He doesn't! He said that in the heat of the moment, Ryan! None of us believe that, god no!”

Ryan didn't believe him and he looked like a little child after being scolded. It hurt Geoff to see him so vulnerable and he quickly draped an arm over his shoulder: “You saved both Michael and Ray today-”  
“I couldn't kill her. Thanks to me she had to suffer so much longer...”

“That doesn't make you weak; it makes you human! I couldn't kill the little girl either.” Again he shivered as he his thoughts traveled back to the child. “What really matters is that none of us got hurt. We're all alive.”

“I hope you guys are right... about your theory...”, Ryan mumbled, still staring at the ground. But he hadn't shaken off the others arm. “Then she wouldn't have been alive anymore. Then it wouldn’t have been me or Gavin who killed her but the sickness. And Jack isn't going to die.”

“I hope so as well, buddy. I really do.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ray woke up with a gasp and didn't know where he was. There was something wrong, he knew that deep inside. A sagging feeling in his stomach that made him fell sick to the bone, like he was having a fever. It would explain why his whole body was drenched in sweat and he was shivering helplessly.

It was the same sickness as Jack had and he would die from it. He would die and turn and one of the others would shoot him.

He didn't know who it would be but he hoped it would be over quick, he hoped he wouldn't get one of them first.

And that possibility really scared him as he listened to Gavins breathing next to him and he hadn't even talked with the bird before. As he had stepped in the room they had awkwardly shared a look before turning the backs to each other.

And the bird slept so quickly and tight when it grew dark, he probably wouldn't even notice him until he bit down on his skin, right in his throat. The blood would pour just like it had done from Mrs. Kingsleys head and oh yeah, also from Lindsay.

Red, red, red.

Like roses and crowns and coats.

Such a powerful color and now it scared him senseless.

Turning away from Gavin to protect the sleeping form next to him, he stumbled out of the bed.

Panting for air, he searched in the darkness until he found the wall and leaned against it heavily. Willing himself to wake up because a part of him knew it was just a dream. A nightmare, forged out of the stress and the fear and _the gun._

He couldn't stop thinking about the gun and Lindsay and Jack and oh god, was that dead body still upstairs?

This was a haunted place now, right? Like the city had been and now this as well and he wanted to go. To flee but most of all he wanted to breathe.

He couldn't breathe, no matter how hard he tried and he did try hard. Forcing the oxygen down his lungs but it never reached and he would wake up Gavin but maybe that was good?

Maybe the other could help him but maybe he himself was turning and would attack Gavin instead and that was bad.

He needed to breathe.

Inside of here it was too narrow, too tight and he searched for the door in the darkness before stumbling out of the room.

They were in the basement, furthest away from where Mrs. Kingsley had died, just like he had wanted and Gavin had quickly agreed. Now it seemed like a terrible idea because the outside was so far away in this dark, dark house as he dragged himself towards the stairs.

Outside it was wide and there was air. He would breathe again and right now that was his only goal because his throat was tight and he needed to breathe. Stumbling up the stairs, he didn't even care about the noise he was making and as he reached the first floor he could see the light fall in through the windows.

It was a relief to see the pale moon outside and but still too far and he fell to his knees. Feeling his head floating, like it had filled with all the air he tried to get into his lungs and that wasn't right. What was his body doing?

His heart was pumping too fast and he felt his vision go fuzzy, a funny noise in his ears. It overlapped with his own name and he shivered.

A haunted house.

She was coming for him because once again it hadn't been him and _that gun._

He couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe, _couldn't breathe_ and he tore at his shirt, the collar too tight to let the air through, letting it all float in his head.

She was coming for him and he didn't know who it was anymore. If it was Lindsay or not and then the light went on, blinding him as he curled up, shielding himself.

But he was grabbed, shaken and sat up by someone way stronger and he whined in fear, hiding his face behind his hands.

“Ray? Ray, what's wrong?”

“I can't breathe.”, he gasped out, falling heavily against the other body. “I- I can't-”

Someone tore at his hands, trying to uncover his face and he shrieked in horror.

Predator.

Infected.

Ghost.

“It's me, Ray! Please, calm down!”

“No!”, he spat. “I'm suffocating! Plea- Please, help me!”

“Get over here. Maybe he'll listen to you!”

“Ray? Ray, what's wrong?” A second voice.

Lindsay and Mrs. Kingsley?

“The gun!”, he brought out in a long whine. “Take the gun away!”

“Nobody here has a gun, Ray.”

“Is he sleepwalking?”, that voice was filled with concern.

“Something like that. I think he's scared.”

“I can't breathe... please...”, Ray whimpered, feeling dizzy now. He was going to die, oh god, he didn't want to!

Someone took hold of his shirt and tore at it. For a moment it made everything worse and he started to trash around. A second pair of hands tried to hold him still but wasn't quite strong enough.

Then he heard the ripping of fabric and the pressure against his throat was gone.

“Is it better now? Can you breathe?”

He nodded, taking breath after breath to fill his lungs and his head.

“Slower. You have to breathe slower or you'll faint.” A hand pressed against his chest, showing him when to breathe again and he was eager to learn.

It helped slowly. The ringing in his ears vanished and everything stopped turning. Still covering his eyes, he slumped back against the other body, letting a hand brush through his damp hair.

“Good. You're doing good.”

“Is he alright?”

“He was just scared, right, Ray?”

They expected an answer from him now but he couldn't. He was too weak, too exhausted and he let his hands fall into his lap. Still keeping his eyes closed, he hung there limply and just existed for a while.

There were more hands now, rubbing his arms and that felt good. It brought back warmth and eased the shivering a little and he felt ready to sleep now.

But first...

“The gun...”, he whispered, his voice hoarse. “The gun killed Lindsay... don't give it to Jack. Take it away, please! I don't want to see it anymore!”

“What?”

“I don't want Jack to die...”, he begged and his eyes fluttered open.

Gavin was sitting in front of him, looking confused and pale but most of all concerned. Worried over him as he rubbed his arms and his wings shielded him from danger.

It calmed Ray down to see a familiar face and that it wasn't a predator. Craning his head slightly, he checked on who was sitting behind him, finding Ryan who looked thoughtfully down at him: “It's not the gun, Ray. You had a nightmare.”

“What happened?”, he wanted to know, confused as to why he was in the foyer. Did he walk here?

“Just a nightmare.”, Ryan repeated, pressing his lips against the others hair.

“You scared the shit out of us.”, Gavin assured him, his voice shaking. Ray looked back to him, confused and he couldn't really remember. Pictures and noises and lost words in his mind but he couldn't piece them together.

“Did he just kiss my head?”, he asked and Gavin snorted.

“He might have.”

“Ew.”

“Shut up.”, Ryan told him before moving.

And the fear came back with a pang and before Ray knew it he clawed at the others legs. A whimper escaped his throat as he stared up at the bull.

“Alright.”, Ryan sighed but it sounded like forced annoyance. “Let's get you to bed.”

And oh god, that sounded fantastic. He was tired. So, so tired.

He was picked up and that was kinda embarrassing but right now he didn't mind. It felt absolutely right because he was still shaking slightly and it was cold. And now there was warmth and people around him.

Letting his head roll against the others chest, he watched with mild interest how Gavin walked ahead. Down the stairs, holding the door open and flicking on the lights.

He was put down on the bed and for a moment he was alone again. It was only while Ryan tugged the blanket up to cover him and then the other body was back. The rabbit searched for it, burying his face in it and clawing in the others shirt.

The lights went out and he grew afraid again, scrunching his eyes shut. Waiting for the ghosts and the gun and all those thoughts to come back. Waited until he was close to suffocate again as the grip of fear choke him and dead hands wandered over his exposed back.

It was a body that pressed against his spine, shielding him and he made a little, pleasant noise in the back of his throat. It grew louder when a wing covered them all, protecting him completely.

The other two were talking, if among themselves or with him he couldn't tell. He listened absentmindedly until it lulled him to sleep.

 

When he woke up he felt heavy in the best kind of way. Like he was melted and moving seemed like a terrible, terrible idea because it was comfortable and warm through his muscles to his bones.

Sighing delighted, he didn't even think about standing up and just basked in the moment with closed eyes and deep breaths. He was sprawled over someone, he could feel the rise and fall of a chest beneath him and his legs were tangled with another pair.

A hand rested on his neck, petting him absentmindedly and if he could he would probably purr. Now he just twitched with his nose and slowly opened his eyes.

Blinking against the harsh light he found Ryans face resting on the pillow above him. The bull was still asleep, his expression completely relaxed with his arm draped across Rays shoulders.

His other hand was pressed against Gavins back who was huddled close to both of them, nuzzling into Ryans shoulder.

Ray watched his face for a moment before frowning, not buying that the other wasn't awake yet. The sun was already standing high enough and he was an early... well, bird.

As if he had waited for it, Gavin opened one eye and looked at him. The corner of his mouth twitched before he pressed a finger against his lips, asking him to be quiet. Ray was quick to nod, also not wanting to disturb the sleep of the other.

Grinning at each other they settled back down, dozing for a while longer.

The rabbit was on the verge of going back to sleep when Gavin moved again. Watching him with mild interest, he saw how he rolled towards the bedside table before returning with his phone. Throwing him a questionable look, he soon huffed as Gavin reached out and tried to take a fucking selfie with all three of them together.

'You're horrible', Ray mouthed but couldn't help but grin into the camera. The first picture was a little shaky because Gavin tried hard not to laugh but he held his breath this time and aimed a bit better.

It looked good until Ryan slapped the phone out of his hand. The bird shrieked surprised as it landed on the floor, his wings jittering in sudden shock.

“You'll break it, Rye!”, he croaked with his voice still rough from sleep. Snorting, Ray started to laugh while the bull beneath them groaned: “It's too early for that...”

“But Rya-”

His hands settled on their heads and pushed them back down: “It was so peaceful, you brats.”

They fought to escape his grip, Ray chuckling and Gavin with a fake pout when the obnoxious ringtone cut through the scene, making them all laugh.

“You broke it!”, the bird said again but made no attempt to untangle himself from the mess they were.

“Your own damn fault.”, Ryan retorted before ruffling their hair. “How are you two?” His eyes rested on Ray and with a sudden clarity, he remembered why exactly they were in this situation to begin with. Embarrassment painted his cheeks and he was quick to nod: “I am fine.”

He wasn't all too sure what had happened yesterday and what had set him off but the memories he had were cold and dark. Quite the opposite of right now.

“Sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”, his voice was laced with affection and maybe it was too early to properly hide it because it was clearly there. “And now get off of me. Both of you.”

Ray threw a glance to Gavin who smiled whimsically back but before the rabbit could grin in return, they were both thrown off. Squealing they tried to get the upper hand but it was a useless fight and Ryan seemed ready to tickle them into defeat when Rays phone also started to ring.

All three of them stopped for a moment, starring at the device before Gavin asked: “We don't have reception... right?”

“No.”

Ray wiggled himself free and Gavin also made its way out of the bed for his phone. They both stared at the display before sharing a look: “I got a new message.”  
“Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff was in the kitchen, trying to scramble something together for breakfast when the phone rang. He was deep in thoughts, wondering why Gavin wasn't here. The bird was usually the first up, not cooking – god, no! – but sitting there, joining him in a familiar conversation. Just like back in their old house.

But not this morning and he had also noticed that Ryan wasn't on the couch. It didn't really matter, it only bugged him, his inner curiosity getting the better of him. But he would only act on it when they started fighting somewhere in the house. As long as he couldn't hear them it was probably safe.

Maybe.

His mind wandered to Jack and that hurt. Because he had visited the lion the night before and he looked worse and exhausted. Michael still with him, curled on the bed and Geoff didn't believe one moment that the cat was sleeping.

He had offered to take over because Jack needed the sleep, needed every rest he could get but to no avail.

Still, that wasn't a solution.

So when his phone rang he didn't react for a moment. The sound still somehow a usual thing in the domestic task.

When he did realize what had happened, he stared at his phone as if he wondered about his sanity before reaching out.

An unknown number had sent him a message and if that was going to be spam he would flip his shit.

Reading through the message, his whole body went stiff. Leaning heavily against the kitchen counter, he scrolled back up to make sure he didn't get it wrong. There were steps on the stairs and he looked up briefly to see Ray, Gavin and Ryan run towards him.

“You also got it?”, Gavin asked immediately.

“Yeah.”, he jerked himself into motion, looking from one to the other. “Anyone still has the map? It should be in one of the bags, right?”

They brought it out quickly, spreading it out on the table just when Jack opened the door.

“What's the fuzz about?”, he asked quietly, his voice rough from sickness. He looked pale this morning, as if he hadn't slept the night and that was certainly a possibility.

“They are evacuation fucking America.”

“What?”

“Grab your phone.” Geoff told him, his look intense. “And help us here.”

The lion stared at him, fever tinting his cheeks red and making his eyes glassy but he seemed oddly reassured by those words. He returned fast, shutting the door carefully behind him to not disturb Michaels sleep.

Sitting at the desk, he stared at the message on his phone as if he didn't believe it. “They are evacuating America...”, he repeated stunned, scrolling through the list of cities that contained evacuation camps. Coughing dry, he stared at the map before holding out his hand: “Someone get me a pen.”

They searched a bit before finding some sharpies and the lion put a cross through Oklahoma City: “That's where we are.” Scrolling through the list again, he began to mark more cities and Geoff quickly fell in to help him.

They worked quietly and when Gavin returned with a mug of steaming tea, they were still at it. He placed it next to Jack, not able to listen to his raw coughs anymore and the lion threw him a quick smile.

“All the cities are on the coast.”, Ryan said slowly, looking over the map. “They want to get us out with boats.”

“God...”, Geoff mumbled before slumping down in the chair, leaving Jack to make the last crosses, hoping for a small miracle.

No such luck.

“We are awfully far away from any of that.”, the lion said slowly. “Like... really far away.”

“Fuck...”, the ram said in disbelieve. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He stood up, pacing across the room while quietly cursing to himself.

Gavin threw him a worried look but Ray next to him caught his attention first: “What's the closest to us?”

“Mh...”, Jack made thoughtfully. “Jacksonville in North Carolina? Or probably Los Angeles.”

“That's still...”, Ryan whispered but stopped, shaking his head. “How many miles are those?”

“A thousand.”, the lion admitted very slowly. “Roughly a thousand, probably more.”

“Holy shit...”

“What about New Orleans?”, Geoff asked, striding back to them. “That's way closer!”

“It's not on the list.”

“It has to be!” He picked up the phone, staring at the message like it was an enemy: “This isn't fair! Those cities aren't fair! They are all up north, how are we suppose to reach them?”

“They consider the south to be lost.”, Gavin mumbled.

“But it's not! Fuck!” Throwing his phone on the desk, he observed the map closely as if he hoped to find a mark on a city that he had somehow overseen. Something close to them, something not fucking out of reach!

But Jack remained to be right.

Los Angeles was the closest and he stared at the distance, feeling his hope slip away. “A thousand miles...” He half expected the others to break into some unfitting song but they also stared solemnly at the map.

“It's possible.”, Ryan said after a moment. “From Austin to Oklahoma were what? 300 miles, even more?”

“But we had a car!”, Geoff snapped at him. “We had a car and there weren't fucking Zombies everywhere!”

“We can still get a car. Avoid the highways and make our way slowly towards Los Angeles.”

“It's too dangerous.”, the ram said. “We can't risk it.”

“What do you mean?”, Gavin asked bewildered. “We have to try! It's our only hope!”

“It's not. We can survive right here.”  
“We're literally trapped here!”

“Other people would kill to have a place like this!”

“We will run out of food eventually! This house here is no solution!”

“Calm down, both of you.”, Jack interrupted them. Reaching for his tea, he drank slowly before leaning back in his chair: “Let's think about this some more. It's no use to work each other up over something yet.” Pointing to Los Angeles, he continued: “Let's say that are a thousand miles, even more. How many miles can someone walk a day?”

“Around 30 miles?”, Ryan said. “Which meant that would be a marsh of over a month. On foot at least.”

“You can't count on 30 miles a day.”, Geoff hissed. “We carry weight and we will quickly get exhausted. There is no constant food and water supply we can rely on. Most of all there are Infected everywhere! We can't just march in a straight line! Try 10 miles a day.”

He saw the slow realization in the others eyes and he nodded grim: “Exactly. That would be around 100 days of walking. Over 3 fucking months from here to Los Angeles. _It's too dangerous!_ ”

They fell into a silence until Gavin carefully added: “On foot. But with a car..?”

“We don't have a car!”

“There are cars everywhere! We get one and drive as far as possible and then get the next one! It shoul-”

“It's still too risky!”, Geoff hissed, slapping both of his hands on the table. “Don't you understand? We had all that! We had food and water and guns and a fucking car! We had everything before we stranded here and it got us what? 400 miles top?”

“We just take the next ca-”

“400 miles until the first one of us was dead!”, Geoff growled. “We are not safe out there!”

They stared at him shocked and that was good, maybe that would get through their thick heads. “And we got lucky.”, he added. “We had enough close calls as it is. We will not travel 1000 fucking miles unharmed. No way.”

They stayed silent, thinking about his words and he took the time to take some breaths, trying to calm himself down. He was reacting too strongly but he couldn't help himself.

“That's what we are risking if we go out there.”, he added quietly. “Our lives – as simple as that.”

Now they stared at the map instead of him and hopefully they saw the immense gap between Oklahoma City and fucking Los Angeles.

“It didn't say how much time we have.”, Ray said. He had barely spoken before but was staring at his phone intensely. “So there will be constantly ships going out, I guess?”

“Maybe.”, Ryan agreed. “Probably Europe helping us out. They secured the harbors and are trying to get as many out as possible. That will take months, maybe a year. They have to put every new person in quarantine before they can ship them out to assure this disease doesn't spread.”

“If we are right and it is in all of us...”, Geoff muttered and saw Ryan already wanting to talk back. Shaking his head, he interrupted him: “I don't want to fight about that right now. Nothing in the message says that we will get out of America. Maybe it's just a safe haven for us to live, kinda like we have right fucking here.”

“They could have a vaccine, right?”, Gavin asked. “To cure us and then we could go?”

Ray next to him went very stiff suddenly: “They want to get all people who aren't infected towards the coast...”

“That is kinda the point, yeah.”

“So what will remain in the fucking middle will be Infected.” He looked up, a bit terrified: “They will bomb this all, won't they? Bomb and burn and destroy as much as possible.”

“Of course...”, Jack mumbled. “The problem won't go away by luring the healthy people towards the coast – they will annihilate everything that isn't close to those cities to kill those fucking things.”

“We're in the middle of the blasting zone.”

Geoff stared at the map, stared at the little cross they had put on Oklahoma City that was so far away from any other marks on there.

If they had only taken another route in the beginning...

“That doesn't necessarily have to happen.”, he said slowly but it was a lie. It was a possibility. It seemed logical. Bomb everything open and then burn what remained.

He let himself fall into a chair while running a hand through his hair. He could use a haircut, he thought absentmindedly before shaking his head: “Fuck...”

Each decision sounded like a suicide now. Every single one.

Sit still and hope for the best or go out and take the chance.

The first option would probably keep them alive longer. The second could maybe assure them a life beyond this all.

He hadn't even noticed he had given up the hope on that.

Looking up, he found them all waiting for his answer and that was beyond him. He couldn't do that.

“I won't decide this.”, he said, noticing the slight unease spreading between them. “There is no way I will decide this because no matter what we'll do, I can't live with the risk or the guilt. You are all old enough.” He looked at every single one of them: “Everybody here can decide on their own.”

“You wanna do a majority decision?”

“No, Ray.” The ram shrugged, trying himself on a smile for the confused rabbit: “If you want to go, you can. If you want to stay, then do so.” He turned his attention back to everyone: “I don't want us to split up. I really don't. But we might have to at this point. We can't force each other at such a heavy decision.”

And with that he stood up and simply left the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Their decision was delayed with Jacks condition worsening drastically. It was a dark weight on all of their shoulders to sit still and do nothing besides listening to rough coughs. It was a large house but occupied by more than enough people and still it seemed to be the only noise here.

The lion had locked himself in one of the smaller bedrooms with nothing but the gun and now they simply waited. Waiting for a chance or a decision that nobody dared yet to make without knowing what would happen.

And so Geoff simply warmed up one of the instant soups before grabbing the coughing syrup. The key to Jacks room was in his pocket and he had promised the other to never give it to anyone else. He had also promised to not enter the room without his rifle.

The words still made him sick in his stomach.

“Hey Michael.”, he muttered briefly. The cat looked up, sitting on a few pillows on the floor outside the bedroom. He hadn't left that place yet and simply nestled there with pillows and blankets. Well, to be fair, it had been the other two lads who had brought him both of that. Before he had just sit on the cold floor.

“Will you open the door for me?”

Eagerly the younger got to his feet and fished out the key from the others pocket. Unlocking the door, he immediately returned it.

They had played that game for quite a while now.

With a quick thanks, Geoff walked inside, balancing the bowl carefully as he shut the door with his foot behind him. He felt bad for not allowing Michael to come inside with him, knowing that the other yearned to make sure Jack was still there but if the lion didn't want to there was nothing he could do.

And looking down to Jack, he could understand it. The other was deeply asleep, with red cheeks and heavy huffs.

He looked bad, weak even.

Considering he was a _fucking lion_ that was something to achieve.

Softly, Geoff placed the bowl on the bedside table, grimacing like always over the gun laying there.

He couldn't get the picture of Jack staring at it all day, waiting until he was sure he would turn, out of his head. And sometimes Geoff could swear it had moved, like the other had touched it, taken it in his hand and then..? Hold it against his head until slowly putting it back down?

Sighing, he sat on the edge of the bed, not really wanting to wake the other.

It were questions like this that held him up at night. Not that he was the only one. Michael sleeping in front of this damn door, roaming around quietly in the dark before settling back there. Like an abandoned puppy and it broke his heart.

And Ray as well. Plagued by nightmares, mumbling things about haunted places when he was on the verge between sleeping and waking up. Geoff wished he would stop that. It was getting to him, to be honest it was getting to all of them.

It was stupid – ghosts didn't exist!

Well, but Zombies neither.

Sometimes he found Ryan already attending to Ray or simply sitting in the living room. His insomnia not helping the matter at all.

The rarest to find in the night was Gavin, which was maybe because of him being a bird-hybrid or maybe he just kept to himself.

Hell, sometimes it felt like this house was more lively when it got dark!

Sighing once more, he reached out to rub over Jacks back. It wasn't even to wake him up but simply in hope to ease the strain a bit.

But the heavy breaths continued and the heat radiating from the others skin didn't lower.

It wasn't right and most of all not fair.

Brown eyes fluttered open, staring up at him and none of them said a thing. He wasn't all too sure if Jack even saw him, his gaze a bit unfocused but then he heard the small purr coming from him.

Smiling softly, Geoff continued to rub over the others back because it sure as hell was rare to hear something so vulnerable from the other man. He silently continued until he felt like the other was properly awake: “Jack?”

“Hey...”, he replied, his voice hoarse from the deep sleep. “You're a sap.”

“Oh well.”, Geoff said with a forced smirk. “You have a fever. High chance you'll think you dreamed this all.”  
“Yeah, because that wouldn't be weird at all.”, the other huffed.

“Alright, big boy.”, patting his arm, he stood again. “Sit up. I got you some food.”

He doubted that Jack was even hungry but the lion didn't fight it as he reached for the bowl.

They sat in comfortable silence as he ate slowly, everything that had to be said either already said or ignored at this point.

When the other was done, Geoff was quick to gather the dishes before nodding to the coughing syrup: “Take a good shot of that.”

Jack nodded, already looking exhausted but still he asked: “Michael still sitting outside?”

“Yeah. Should I ask him to come inside?”

“No.”, Jack replied immediately. “I don't want to pass this down on him. Or you for the matter. You should stay out of this room as well.”  
“Are we going to have this discussion every day now?”

The lion didn't even roll his eyes at him and that made Geoff sad. He watched at the other sighed, sinking lower into the bed again as if his energy was getting sapped.

“How are you doing, Jack?”

“How are you doing?”, was his answer and Geoff huffed amused.

“I'm alright.” He wondered if it was a lie or not.

“And the others?”

“Doing their best.”, he assured him. “Waiting for you to get better.”

'What if I don't?', said his face but he simply nodded. “Okay. I'll give it my best as well.”

“Cool.”, Geoff replied lame, knowing there were a thousand better answers but he was tired of worrying and trying to reason with the other. And Jack looked up to him, almost a bit relieved because of that.

Squeezing the others arm, he headed towards the door: “Call me when you need something.”

“I will.”

He locked all the unspoken words in the room behind him before leaning against the wall next to it. This left him drained every time. The silent question if this would be the last time seeing him.

If he would hear a gunshot next.

He was so sick of it all.

There was a tug on his leg and with one last breath to steel himself for this challenge, he let himself slide down to the floor. Sitting next to Michael, he watched the cat. Saw how he opened his mouth, trying to voice his question before growing frustrated with himself.

Giving him a small smile, he draped an arm around the others shoulder: “It's alright. Jack is doing okay.” Pulling a bit, Michael immediately snuggled into his side: “Just be a bit more patient, yeah?”

The nod made him smile because the curls tickled his chin and he pulled a blanket around both of them. Now sitting together in this nest was somehow comforting and he let his head rest against the wall, closing his eyes.

They stayed quiet like that for a long time, listening to each others breathing and the occasionally coughs out of the room behind them. It wasn't really peaceful but close enough to let his mind drift.

“I miss Lindsay.”, he said and felt Michael going stiff instantly.

Letting his eyes flutter open, Geoff stared at the opposite wall in worry. He hadn't really meant to say it but it was a fact. And he wasn't feeling all too guilty about it because as simple and cruel as the sentence was; it was still the truth.

He wondered if it would be easier with her here and yeah... yeah, probably.

“Me too.”, Michael whispered and Geoff looked down at him. That was the first time he himself had heard him talk. Yeah, Gavin had told him about it but it wasn't the same.

It was like Michaels voice had become some kind of privilege to hear.

The cat avoided his eyes, playing with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“I can imagine...” Only that wasn't quite true, right? He had no clue how heavily it was weighting on the other and he was a bit glad for that.

Of course he also felt the loss, he also felt the pain because something was clearly missing now but he didn't even begin to think about how bad it was for Michael.

“I want her back.”, the cat continued and it came out as a rush of words. Like the sentence had waited for a weak moment, for when the others tongue was loosened enough.

Geoff didn't know what to answer. It was a lonely statement and all he had were faint phrases; insults to use against that raw fact.

“What about you?”, he asked finally. “Do you want to stay or head to Los Angeles?”

The other shrugged, locking his words up again. He seemed to grow heavier, leaning his full weight against Geoff and the other simply held him, continuing to doze away.

He was shaken awake later and immediately felt a jolt of pain in his back.

“You'll get a stiff neck when you continue to sleep like that.”, Ray told him. He was crouching in front of him, ears hidden beneath his hood as he watched both of them with a soft look in his eyes.

“Yeah, no shit.”, Geoff groaned, gazing around groggily. He felt a bit disorientated but when he found Michael sitting up next to him, it slowly came back to him: “What time is it?”

“Afternoon.”, the rabbit told him. “I'm hungry.”

“God, Ray. You're old enough to make yourself something. How did you survive at home?”

“I was old enough to order shit for myself.”, he said matter-of-factly. “Will you cook something now?”

“Can't some of the others cook for you?”

“Who? Gavin or Ryan? If I wanted to die I'd just step out of this gate.”

Geoff huffed amused: “That's not funny.”

“Feed me.”, the rabbit demanded.

“Yes, yes.” Untangling himself from the blankets, he caught the amused smile on Michaels face and that was good.

That made everything a bit lighter.

Standing up, he stretched and heard his spine pop back into place. Both of them grimaced before Ray added: “You're old.”  
“And you are hungry, so stay quiet.”

“Fair enough.”

Turning towards Michael, Geoff asked: “You coming?”

Looking up to them, Michael seemed ready to nod but then his eyes darted to the door. He shook his head.

“Okay. Keep an eye out for Jack then.”

“I'll stay with him.”, Ray offered quickly and dropped down into the pile of pillows and blankets. “Call me when the food's ready?”

Sighing, Geoff rolled his eyes: “Yeah, whatever.” But he wasn't irritated, not really. He was actually a bit glad because he would feel guilty just leaving Michael alone here. And if Ray wanted to keep him company then so be it.

Watching as the rabbit threw blankets over both of them, he turned away and headed towards the kitchen.

Their supplies were running low once again and they had to go out soon. But who should he take with him?

Jack was out of the question and he didn't want to ask Ryan. If something would happen out there and they wouldn't come back, he wanted to be at least sure that someone would take care of the lads.

And Ryan could.

After all Gavin seemed like the best solution but the bird hadn't listened to him the last time and that could get dangerous. Also he wanted to keep the lads out of the line of fire as much as possible.

Stepping into the dining room, he found both of them sitting at the table, hunched over the map. Their quiet discussion came to a halt by his arrival and while Ryan seemed to want to cover the map, Gavin put a hand on his arm and stopped him. He looked at Geoff, not even challenging just... just pleading him to understand.

To maybe reconsider.

The ram simply moved past them into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him. He didn't want to fight over this and he was glad that Gavin saw it the same way. It still saddened him a little, knowing that those two had made their choices just like he had made his. He wished it would be different but it wasn't.

He could just hope that they somehow changed their mind.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a few days later when Geoff sat on the very same table, feeling terrible. The bottle of liquor he stole from the bar open and he wanted to down it in one go. Instead he used a glass, hoping it would slow him down a bit.

It was dark outside and late.

He had spent the last hours in Jacks room, trying his best to make the other more comfortable but it was useless. His fever had skyrocketed and the coughs had become so violent that the ram couldn’t even hold him down when he dared to fall out of the bed.

Jack was going to die.

Geoff knew it and the lion as well, probably Michael too.

The cat hadn't sat in his nest when Geoff stepped out of the room after the other had finally, finally fallen asleep.

And Geoff should have stayed with him but right now he was lacking the strength to do so. He felt heavy and exhausted. _Sad._

Yeah, most of all sad and hopeless.

That's how Ryan found him. The bull sat down next to him and simply kept him company. They didn't speak but at some point Ryan took the bottle from him and he didn't protest. Drinking the remaining liquor in his glass, he leaned back in the chair, dozing for a while.

When he felt ready to go on, he stood up and Ryan followed him into Jacks room. Sitting down with their backs against the wall, they listened to his labored breaths and waited for them to slow down.

For them to stop.

The pistol still on the bedside table and close enough for them to reach quickly.

They waited and at some point Ryan began to talk quietly. About nothing much, just everything. Mostly the past when things had been better. It took a while until Geoff joined in but then he found it strangely therapeutic. It was nice.

They switched the topic and a bit shy Ryan asked him about traveling. About what he should look out for on his way, tips and tricks. He was wording the question carefully, testing the waters and Geoff realized, that the other feared he would explode into his face.

He didn't, of course not. He explained everything he could think of and then some more. That was good, he felt like he helped someone and Ryan soaked in each word. Knowing that the other took the matter so seriously, it somehow lifted a huge weight from Geoff.

“Keep them safe.”, the ram told him. “No matter who will join you; keep them safe.”

“You as well.”, he agreed quickly. “I just wish... you'd change your mind.”

“I wish that as well.”

They looked at each other, smiling slightly and it felt like they settled things.

Dawn came and Jack was still alive.

 

* * *

 

 

They came back from a trip to the city with bags that weren't as full as they wished they were. But Geoff wanted to go back fast, firstly because they were only two and because he felt the need to be in the house if something happened.

Gavin seemed to understand without him having to say a thing.

They were greeted by Ray who was waiting for them behind the gate. He grinned when he saw them, shutting off the generator before opening the gate and letting them in.

“Jacks fever broke.”, he said, his smile growing wider with each word.

And he said it like it was no big deal, like he was telling them that today was a nice day and for a moment Geoff simply stared at him. As if on cue the rabbit grew excited, grinning at them with a glimmer in his eyes: "Ryan checked on him after you guys were gone and Jack said he was feeling better. He even left the room around an hour ago! It's really amazing!"

"Are you for real?", Gavin asked, sounding disbelieving but when Ray nodded, it quickly turned into hope. Turning around, he stared at Geoff and for a moment the ram didn't know how to react.

It didn't necessary mean that Jack was alright now. It could be the calm before the storm – hell; it could be a symptom of the sickness. But he didn't want to believe that.

Running towards the house, he left those two behind him. Not even checking if they closed the gate or not, he busted through the door. He was halfway down to the basement when he remembered Rays words and headed up instead.

Ryan was in the dinning room, bringing back some dished. He looked up at his sudden appearing before he nodded towards the living room.

Geoff nearly fell into the room.

It was true, he realized. Jack was laying on the couch, wrapped in seemingly all the blankets that had been part of Michaels nest before. Michael himself was sitting next to him on the floor, head resting close and the lion was gently petting his hair, making the other purr in bliss.

Jack looked up at his sudden entrance, first confused and then with a small smile. It even seemed a bit amused and Geoff also huffed out a laugh.

He felt relieved. So, so relieved to see the other like this again. Not in a bed or sick to the bone. The other was still sick, of course he was and he looked exhausted but to get here he had to sit up. Sit up and walk here and maybe with help but that didn't matter.

Right now it really didn't matter.

And Geoff crossed the room and threw his arms around the other, even falling on his knees to be on the same height. Sighing into the lions shoulder, he whispered: "Oh thank god. Oh thank god!"

Jack chuckled, his voice still rough from the strain of the coughs: "Look at you. Were you that worried about me?"

"Pah.", Geoff muttered but felt the strong arms patting his back and felt instantly better. It was like all the tension and the worry of the last days was drained from him and he relaxed against the other body: "Me? I'd never."

"Sure."

 

* * *

 

 

"I think Michael will go with them.", Jack said quietly. It was a few days later and he was keeping Geoff company while the other cooked. He was way better now, his fever was nearly completely gone and he barely coughed anymore.

"You think so?", the ram asked, actually a bit surprised by that. "The last time I asked him, he wasn't sure."

"He might not know it himself.", the lion mused, sipping from his tea. "But he can't stay in the city. Not after everything that happened here. This is... well, it is Lindsays grave. If he doesn't move on from this place... he will never move on. I think it is important for him to know there is still a goal left. To... you know? Simply to show him that there is a world outside, even if everything has gone to shit."

Falling silent, Geoff thought about that and yeah, that seemed right. There was still an outside and there was hope. Even though the way was dangerous maybe...

"Ray told me he wanted to go as well.", he admitted carefully. "He said, he didn't want to stay here."

"I think he fears this house after what happened. I think he fears this whole damn place."

"I never took him for someone who was afraid of ghosts."

"If it's his way of coping with all of this, I don't mind.", Jack shrugged. "Could be worse."

"Could be much worse.", the other agreed. But it was a sad thought. To watch them all go away, to watch them try their luck and hoping it would work out. But he could never be sure right? If they said goodbye... he would never see them again.

"They are still young.", Jack reminded him. "They have a whole life ahead of them. If they make it to Los Angeles they can start again. Maybe even forget all of this. It could be possible."

"Could be, yeah.", Geoff murmured. Too dangerous, _too dangerous._

The way to Los Angeles would be a death trap, he wanted to keep all of them here. Safe and sound.

He also knew that he couldn’t force them and with each day it grew harder and harder. Good thing there weren't all too many days left, he thought grimly.

"Do you trust Ryan to get them through?", Jack asked suddenly. The lion was staring into his cup as if it held the secrets of the world.

"No.", Geoff admitted, making the other look up to him. "I wouldn't trust myself on that."

"Yeah... it's a huge risk."

"I believe that Ryan will do his very best to keep them safe. I know he will keep them together."

Jacks eyes were deep and thoughtful when he observed the others face. He searched long and hard before turning away again: "Guess it's you and me then."

"Mh.", the ram made. "Just like in the beginning."

"I'll help Ryan."

They both nearly jumped, turning around and finding Gavin standing in the doorway. He smiled sheepishly at them: "Sorry, I didn't want to eavesdrop. But... I will try my best as well."

Jack was the one who returned the smile, a lot warmer than the other: "I know you will, buddy. I know you four are a great team."

The bird nodded slowly, before walking past them and taking a mug from the shelf.

"There should still be hot water in the kettle."

"Okay."

He began to make his tea but seemed too lost in his thoughts, staring down at the kettle with the teabag in his hands. When he looked up again, he seemed sad: "I'm going to miss you..."

There was a sinking feeling in Geoffs stomach, because he didn't want to think about it too much. He'd do stupid things otherwise.

"When we head off, we won't see each other again.", Gavin continued with a hasty voice as if the words had built up for quite some time now and wanted to get out. "So we will never ever know what happened to the other group. There is no way to contact each other or to... I don't know! It's just like we will walk out of each others lives and that's what scares me! More than those Infected or that bloody long way! You two... you'll just be gone!"

"Gav-"

"I don't want that!", he insisted and the teabag fell to the floor without anyone noticing. "I want us to stay together! We all want that but we have to take the chance! We have to hope at least!"

Geoff stepped closer and the bird actually flinched as if he expected the ram to be mad at him. But with a look into the others face, he immediately hugged him.

"I don't want that...", he repeated and it sounded close to begging. "I really don't... please, can't you come with us? We would all feel saver and... and we would be together. Right now that's all that matters to me."

“Then you should stay.”, Geoff whispered into his hair, feeling the other shake his head.

“I want to try.”

Sighing, the ram leaned his cheek against the unruly hair: “Please don't die out there.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dundundunDUN!
> 
> See you guys in two weeks with a BIG chapter!


	7. As long as I can touch your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still wanted to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge chapter, get ready!  
> My Beta said I was being mean... He might be right.

Chapter 7

As long as I can touch your face

 

"Do you have everything?", Ryan asked as he kneeled next to him. Gavin looked up before nodding: "I think so."

Still he let the other check on his backpack one last time. Better safe than sorry, right?

But the bull seemed to be pleased with what he found as he checked out the clothes and most of all the food inside. The flashlight in the pocket outside to reach easily.

"Where's your compass?"

"Here." Gavin pulled a string out from underneath his collar on which the compass was hanging.

"Good. Always keep it in reach."

"Will do."

Ryan gave him a pat on the back before standing up. The bird watched him go to check on Michael as well before helping Ray to fasten his backpack.

The bull was nervous, they all were but Ryan the most. His hands were shaking as he untangled Rays jacket and checked if the backpack really fitted. There was a lot of pressure resting on the others shoulder and with a sigh, Gavin threw a look towards the stairs.

Neither Jack nor Geoff had shown up by now and it made him furious. He wasn't so delusional to think that both of them just didn't care, rather that they cared too much and just couldn't deal with it. But it was hard for them all!

But maybe... maybe they were packing? He knew those two had talked a lot those past days and he still had a small hope that they would join them.

He wanted them to join them! It wouldn't feel right without them, like some part was missing.

Also – and he would never tell Ryan that, the other would feel devastated – he felt saver around Geoff and Jack. Not that he thought for a moment that Ryan would abandon him but... but it was easier with the other two. Maybe simply because they had been there way longer and he had depended on them from the start.

Also it would be good to know that Geoff and his rifle were with them. Right now he himself was their best shot and thinking about that, he figured he knew how Ryan felt right now. The other counted on him if anything went wrong.

Yes, Ray had his pistol back but the rabbit hadn't really fired the gun at something besides a tree before. And if they got attacked and were in danger... Gavin just hoped he wouldn't miss.

It added to his invisible weight and for a moment he wasn't sure if he could lift his backpack at all. Just sitting here – staying here – sounded great.

It was easier and safer, yes.

But he still wanted to hope. To reach Los Angeles and get out of here and be free! Locked up in here, he felt helpless and frustrated to just... just survive. Surviving was great and everything but there was more out there. More to do with his life and he knew the others felt it too.

They hadn't come this far through just existing.

"This is already heavy.", Ray groaned next to him and Gavin gave him a small smile.

"You are one hell of a superhero, X-Ray."

"Hey, my strength lies in my fucking glasses, not in muscles. I guess you found out about my kryptonite."

Gavin snorted at that before standing up, swinging his own backpack over his shoulder and okay, it really was heavy. But now he couldn't really show that so he just reached for his shotgun. It also added to the weight but he'd manage.

Looking back towards the stairs, he frowned because they were nearly ready now. They were ready to head off and where were the others?

Did they really bitch out?

Ray seemed to notice his mood and followed his gaze, sighing quietly: "You wanna... check on them or something? Look what they are up to?"

"They should be the ones checking on us!"

"Maybe they... I don't know; have forgotten? Are doing something else?"

Rolling his eyes, Gavin scoffed: "What could be more important than this right here?"

"Maybe they are banging?", Ray offered not really helpful.

"Great, thanks for that mental imagine now.", the bird muttered. "And you want me to check that out? Gross!"

"It's the apocalypse – there are no rules; so go for whatever sells it for you."

Gavin stared at him in disbelieve before punching his shoulder: "You're weird."

Throwing him a smile, Ray put his rucksack back down, seeing that there was still some time left before heading off. Gavin was debating to do the same when he finally, finally heard the steps from upstairs.

The four of them turned around, waiting wound up as the others walked up to them. All the tension shattered immediately when Geoff sighed hard enough to make his mustache shake: "No word or I'll punch you guys in the dicks."

Gavin started to grin because both Geoff and Jack had a rucksack on their back and were wearing in sturdy layers of clothing.

Ryan stood up from where he had helped Michael pack his last stuff and raised an eyebrow: "You guys are coming with us?"

"Can't really leave you alone, right? You'd be dead before reaching the fucking street!"

That wasn't true and by the way Jack rolled his eyes it also wasn't the reason at all but none of that mattered. Because Ryan smiled and gave him a strong pat on the shoulder: "I bet we would have made it into the next city!"

"Yeah, sure."

"What Geoff wants to say, i-", Jack began but the ram was quick to shake his head.

"No, that's exactly what I wanted to say! Don't get sappy here or I'll turn around and go back to bed! But I'll throw you guys out before that!"

Chuckling, the lion let it go. Not telling them about their late night discussion and Geoff realizing that surviving meant nothing to him if he wasn't sure about the others. That he would regret that decision forever if he let them go without knowing what happened to them or a way to make sure they were okay and save.

Jack knew that since the fever had gone down enough for him to think clearly again. It had actually worried him to see Geoff taking so much time to realize it for himself.

But in the end he did and they all had a better feeling about this.

Gavin was grinning widely but didn't say a word, just like Geoff had requested. But the tension in the air had vanished and Ryan visibly relaxed.

"Way to make it thrilling you guys.", he scolded but it was with a smile. "I wish I'd known that before and maybe I wouldn't have aged like ten years in the past days."

"Your golden god years are over anyway.", the ram muttered. "Can we finally go now or does somebody have to pee? You better go now because you will miss the luxury you have here, I'm telling you. Don't even get me started on taking showers! God, I can't believe I am doing this in my old days!"

 

* * *

 

 

They reached the highway quickly and followed it – just like they had done three weeks ago but now they kept enough distance between them and the cars. They would probably have done it without the shock of the last time, simply because this place reeked. Reeked after death and rotting skin.

It forced them all to breath through the mouth, trying their hardest to not think about what exactly they were smelling here.

None of them really talked as they simply marched but it felt good to be on the road again. It felt good to do something besides waiting for a thing they weren't even sure what it was.

The cars next to them seemed to go on endlessly and it reminded Ray of the first day they had been traveling on foot. Only that back then there had been honking and harsh light from the headlights. Most of all there had been people. So many people on their way to Oklahoma City and he wondered if they had reached the city in time. His thoughts traveled towards the baby that had cried so violently back then. If it was still alive? If it had been killed in the bombing?

He frowned at his own dark thoughts but couldn't quite stop himself. They always came back to him, back to the bombing and at some point back to Lindsay. More than once he had asked himself if it would end if he just told Michael the truth about what had happened to her but always stopped himself. The cat was slowly getting better and he didn't want to put more weight on him than he was already carrying.

Looking up, he observed his friend, finding him staring at his feet, deep in thoughts.

Was he also thinking about Lindsay?

Would he ever stop thinking about Lindsay?

Probably not. She was haunting Michaels mind like she haunted his own.

The cat seemed to notice that he was being watched and threw Ray a confused look. What would normally end in a snarky remark, remained silent and the rabbit smiled carefully. It didn't seem to be enough to reassure Michael that everything was alright but the cat only came closer, taking Rays hand in his own.

It was a sweet gesture and the cat probably thought that he was nervous or scared and to some point Ray was. Squeezing the other hand, he let his thoughts rest at least for a moment.

 

It was nearly noon by the time there were finally a few gaps between cars. They had wandered a bit away from the bigger streets to avoid most of the jam and right now they passed one car and couldn't see the next. Geoff stopped them by raising his hand: "Let's rest for a moment. Gavin?"

"On it." Without hesitation the bird flew up while the others sat down with a sigh of relief. Jack was starting to pass around water bottles when Gavin landed close to them.

"I saw a village, maybe two miles ahead but the street appears to be free. Here and there an abandoned car but I think you could drive past it."

"Sounds good.", Geoff said before patting the place next to him, asking him to sit down.

They all ate little, minding their supplies and at some point Ryan nodded towards the car next to them: "Wanna try to get this thing running?"

"Sure." Getting to his feet, the ram strolled to the car and threw a look through the window: "No key. Would have been too easy."

"I think I can get it running even without."

"Do I want to know how?"

"I went to college.", Ryan said while shrugging and Geoff sighed heavily.

"It's disturbing that that's your answer for everything, you know?"

The bull simply smirked before opening the door: "At least it's not locked."

"Whoever was inside probably fled real quick." Getting in on the passenger side, Geoff watched him: "Work your magic then and try not to trigger the alarm. That would fucking suck."

"I'll try my best." Kneeling on the pavement, he dug beneath the steering wheel and tore at the cover. It took him a while until the plastic gave and drawing his knife, he checked on the different cords. Geoff used the time to look around, frowning a bit: "The car is too small."

"If you want to go on until we found a fitting one just tell me.", Ryan muttered while cutting through a cord. "Also I don't think we will use it all too long."

"I guess there will also be no cop to stop us, right?" Looking towards the bull, he huffed amused. "You look like you'd come right out of a nightmare."

Ryan couldn't answer with the large knife between his teeth but at least rolled his eyes. He worked quietly for a while before the engine gave a sound. Raising his brows, Geoff waited and with some stuttering the car came to life.

"Good job."

Freeing himself, Ryan stood up and put his knife away: "I'm a bit rusty. In my prime I was way faster with that."

"I don't even want to know." Getting out of the car, Geoff called towards the others: "Everyone pile in. I'm driving – the rest of you can squeeze themselves in the backseats."

They all came over quickly, shoving each other to get a good seat. Sitting behind the wheel, Geoff waited amused before throwing a look at Jack who sat beside him. The other four were crowded in the back with Gavin and Ryan pressed against the windows as Ray and Michael squeezed themselves between them.

Snorting to himself, Geoff began to drive.

It didn't stay as quiet as before, there was a constant discussion now about too large wings and keeping ears to themselves and minding sharp horns. It eased everything a little and Geoff found himself laughing more than he had in the past days, Jack quickly falling in.

They didn’t advanced as fast as the ram had hoped because more than once he had to steer past abandoned cars and had to change the road if one of it was blocked. But it was better than walking and a part of him enjoyed it.

After maybe half an hour Michael huffed loud enough to make Geoff look into the rear view mirror. The cat seemed ready to scream at someone and god, he'd love to hear that! To have his daily dose of Michael-rage again – he really missed the others voice. Maybe this right here was enough; squeezed between Rays boney form and Gavins wings. It probably didn't help that Gavin had found an old magazine of some sort and had started to make little spitballs to chuck at Ryan – as expected he was a terrible shot and most stuck in Rays hair without the rabbit noticing.

Under normal circumstances Michael would have already exploded or joined the fight.

Now he just slipped into the foot-room and leaned against Gavins legs.

It gave them all more room to breath and that was all they needed to magically calm down, with Ray flipping through what was left of the magazine, Ryan staring out of the window and Gavin petting Michaels head.

They drove for not even two hours before they were forced into a stop by the sheer amount of cars in front of them.

"What do you say?", Geoff asked. "Continue to follow this road or take another?"

Jack was already starting to unfold the map and put it on the car dashboard. They searched for a moment until they found their exact position and even Ryan leaned forward to check over Jacks shoulder.

"There is another road.", the lion mumbled as he followed it with his finger. "But it would take way longer and it's closer to the highway up here. It's probably no use either."

"Let's just walk then.", Ryan said. "This jam can't go on forever and then we just take a new car."

Geoff nodded before killing the engine: "You heard it, Lads! We're walking again!"

Ray groaned loudly but didn't protest otherwise as they climbed out of the backseat. Stretching their limbs and popping their backs, they continued their way in a safe distance to the parked cars.

It was afternoon by now and Geoff began to think about the night. The next city was a few miles ahead of them and they could reach it by foot if they didn't take a break. With a car it would be no problem but it was important to get there before nightfall.

He didn't want any of them to be outside in the dark.

By now they hadn't seen any Infected. There had been people in the distance, mostly wandering through the woods and it was hard to tell if they were human or not. He simply hoped it had been humans.

Anyway he still didn't know the first thing about the Infected. Maybe they were night active. Hell, maybe they didn't like todays weather!

There were too many factors he couldn't control and he wouldn't feel safe until they were behind locked doors once again.

Ahead of them came a car wreck into view and the smell of burned rubber together with decay was omnipresent but nobody said a thing about it as they passed it.

There was a clear path ahead but he could already see the next traffic jam ahead so it would be of no use to try and get a new car. It lowered their spirits a little and he could hear Ray sigh deeply behind him but still no one said a word.

It was nearing evening before Gavin broke the silence: "I'm tired. Can we rest for a moment?"

Checking on his watch, Geoff shook his head: "Sorry, Buddy. Next stop is in the city ahead, otherwise we won't get there in time."

"How much further is that?"

"Not even two miles.", Jack answered and Geoff looked up in concern by how out of breath the lion sounded. He shouldn't forget that the other had been sick just days ago, he wasn't in perfect condition.

Jack seemed to notice the others gaze and threw him a thin grin: "I'm fine but I prefer traveling by car to this."

"Amen!", Ray called from behind.

"Two miles isn't too far.", Gavin nodded. "I can do that."

"Good. Otherwise we will just leave you behind."

"Ryan! That's not true, Ryan, you'd carry me again!"

"Nah. Your legs are healed. We have to sort out the weak."

"Ray, did you hear that? They are already planning to leave us behind!"

"Not true.", Ryan said quickly. "I'd carry Ray."

Smirking, the rabbit stuck his tongue out towards Gavin before actually jumping on Ryans back. The bull chuckled amused and steadied the smaller form without protest.

Pouting, the bird looked away and continued his way.

They reached the city at dusk and Geoff was happy that it wasn't a single minute later. His heart had been pounding by the last hour and seeing the houses now seemed like a gift.

"Any preferences?", he asked around.

"Just a surface I can sleep on.", Jack sighed. "And preferably without any Infected."

"Yeah, that sounds about right.", Gavin agreed. "Also when you are already asking. I'd like to have a whirlpool – I can't believe Mrs Kingsley didn't have one! That would have been the cherry on top!"

"Great.", Geoff muttered while rolling his eyes. "Now that house spoiled you guys. It's the apocalypse – be fucking happy that you are not sleeping outside. But hey, you could at least sleep up in a tree or something like that."

"Can zombies climb?", Gavin asked immediately. "I don't think they can but that would be scary. Imagine you sitting in a tree but there is already a zombie!"

"Why would I sit in a tree in the first place?"

"Well, to hide of course!"

"I think hybrids would be able to climb.", Ryan said thoughtful and the bird turned towards him.

"You think so?"

"Well, the owl hybrid we saw before could fly, right? So I figured while turning they wouldn't lose their distinct abilities."

The bird seemed to think about that for a while before nodding: "So I will turn into a flying zombie... I'd be everyone’s worst nightmare."

"You already are.", Ray whispered so that only Ryan heard, making the bull snort.

"Don't worry, Gav.", Geoff joined in again. "I'd shoot you before that happens."

"Well, thank you, Geoffrey!", Gavin said sarcastically but laughed it off. It turned a little nervous soon and the atmosphere shifted at the realization that it didn't necessarily had to be a joke at this point anymore. It could be a realistic possibility.

Watching Geoffs frown at his own comment, Jack was quick to point ahead: "What about that house?"

It wasn't different from the other houses in any way but it took their mind off of the previous topic enough and shrugging, the ram lead them towards it.

Standing in front of the door, he pulled out his rifle and turned towards them: "Okay, you guys know the drill but just to make sure; we search through every room first. Nobody goes alone anywhere before we haven't secured every fucking inch of this house." His eyes traveled over them before nodding as if to himself: "And I want one person with a gun on each team just to be sure. You got me?"

Ray made a face as if he had bitten into something nasty but pulled out his pistol slowly. Jack reached out and put a hand on the others shoulder, squeezing lightly: "Just stay close to me. I have an axe, we won't have to use your little gun there."

Trying himself on a small smile, the rabbit nodded: "Alright. Thanks Jack."

They moved inside quietly and parted ways. Geoff and Michael going upstairs, while Jack and Ray stayed on this floor and Ryan and Gavin headed down into the cellar.

It wasn't exactly a pleasant thing to do. Combined with the fact that they had to be alerted by every little noise and the adrenaline rushing through their tired body. It was dark in here. There was no electricity and therefor no light even though Gavin tried the switch as he moved down the stairs. But that was rather a reflex as he stared into the darkness ahead of them and with a low whine he gazed up to Ryan.

The bull didn't look any more happy about the situation they were in but with a sigh he got his flashlight out. The small ray of light cut through the darkness but left so many things in the unknown that Gavin couldn't step ahead. If it were his instincts or simply himself; his heart was pounding in his throat and thinking about stepping into an unknown room he couldn't really see and just waiting to be attacked...

Whining again, he tried to take a step back but couldn't get past Ryan.

"Come on.", the bull whispered but his voice was also strained, not hiding his own concern. "You have a gun and I have the knife. It'll be fine."

"Jack should look down here! He can see better in the dark!"

The other pondered about that for a moment and it wasn't necessarily wrong but: "No way that Ray will look through here. Let's just get this over with."

"You go first!", Gavin demanded and it wasn't helping that Ryan hesitated as if that was the last thing he wanted to do. But after a deep breath, he went ahead. His shoulders were stiff and his nervousness was obvious when he literally jumped as Gavin took a hold of his jacket.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think I am doing!"

"Keep your hands on your gun!"

He couldn't see it but he guessed the bird was shaking his head violently: "That is so not happening. I can't see shit down here!"

"Fine, whatever. Just be ready to shoot."

"Okay."

And Ryan continue to go ahead, feeling the other close behind him and yeah, maybe that touch was also reassuring. The light cone hit a wall and the cellar suddenly appeared much smaller than before.

A hand on the smooth concrete, he followed it to the right and found a metal door in the corner. It sent a soft shiver through him because it reminded him of every fucking horror movie ever.

“Is your cellar this tidy?”, Gavin asked right into his ear and he couldn't help but jump again.

“Fuck, Gavin! Don't do that!”

“Sorry.”, he answered sheepishly. “But seriously; Geoffs cellar is a bloody mess!”

“That doesn't apply to everyone!”

“I guess...”, he mumbled. “But what about your cellar, Ry-”

“Shut up!”, Ryan hissed and the other actually listened. He knew that Gavin was babbling whenever... well, okay, he did it constantly but it got worse when he was nervous. It was only that right now it wasn't helping at all!

Reaching the door, he pulled it open and threw it immediately shut again.

Behind him he heard Gavin gag and reached for the bird, only getting a handful of feathers. It made the other shriek and he was quick to apologize, knowing that his wings were a sensitive spot for him.

Finding him with his light, he got his arm this time: "Everything okay?"

"That smells bloody nasty.", the other mumbled, clearing his throat. "Damn, I didn't see that coming."

Turning back towards the door, he observed it for a moment: "We should check on what it is."

"Why? It's obviously dead!"

"It were your own words that said that dead didn't mean save. If those are real zombies whatever is inside can come out at night and I really don't want that to happen."

Gavin shivered at the thought alone but it seemed to calm him down a little: "Can't we just... lock this door and leave it inside?"

"We could but I wouldn't feel safe. Also if we make a mistake and get attacked in the night – I don't want to be at fault because of this."

Whining, the bird at least nodded. Pulling his shirt over his nose and mouth, he looked up at Ryan with pleading eyes. "It didn't attack the door when you opened it.", he said muffled.

"So it's probably dead, yeah. But we have to make sure." Getting his knife out, he reached for the handle: "Be ready to shoot when something inside moves, okay?"

"Okay." The bird brought the shotgun up and took one deep breath before he nodded again.

Ryan threw the door open and stepped back to not be in the line of fire. He tried to keep the cone of light in the room but it took him a moment to focus it on the back wall so that they could see the most.

The room had a washing machine and a dryer in the corner and baskets that overflowed with laundry. In the other corner sat a person curled up, a blanket around the body. They didn't move – no breathing and no attacking or groaning.

"It's dead.", Gavin whispered, trying hard not to breath through his nose. "Let us go."

"Then why isn't it attacking? The head seems to be intact."

"I don't know, Ryan! And I will not get any closer to find out! I want to go now!"

And he let the topic fall because the others voice was tense and he himself felt like getting sick with the smell. He closed the door again, more quietly this time and even though he was sure that the person inside was dead and not infected, he spun the key.

Gavin saw it and nodded fast: "That's good. Can we go upstairs now?"

"I think so." He let the light travel through the cellar once more, making sure to look in every corner before he actually moved. There was again a hand on his jacket, holding tight but he didn't say a thing about it.

"Why was that person down here?", Gavin asked slowly.

"I don't know. They probably hid there and died. Maybe they were sick or hurt or just scared."

"That's kinda sad..."

"I think no matter in which house we'll go, Gavin, there will always be something sad to find."

The bird thought about it for a while before asking again: "Do you sometimes ask yourself if there is someone in your flat or house right now and sleeping in your bed?"

"That could be, yeah."

"What if they bang in your bed?"

The bull huffed amused as they reached the ground floor, finding Jack and Ray in the living room: "What do I care? Let them be."

"Who bangs whom?", Ray asked from the couch, sounding slightly nervous but mostly tired.

"The people in Ryans bed."

"And I thought you had a quickie in the cellar."

Rolling his eyes, Jack ignored the two lads for now: "Everything clear?"

"Nothing we should worry about.", Ryan told them. It certainly wouldn't help anyone to know that tonight they were sleeping with a corpse,

"Good. Let's check on the others then."

 

The house was clean but also emptied of everything of use.

Using their food, Geoff began to heat it with their camping cooker and when they all sat in the living room to eat, it grew dark outside.

"I want someone to take watch tonight. I don't trust this city.", the ram proclaimed. "Two or three people who take shifts. There aren't enough beds anyway so we can rotate."

With Ryan on first watch and Jack taking the second, they all went to bed and slept through without any disturbances.

After a small breakfast, Geoff put the map on the table: "We are close to a highway again so the streets will probably be full, might take some miles until we reach a less crowded area. We can follow the street like yesterday but that will be a long way. See how it leads around this forest here? Roughly four to five miles more."

"So we just cut through the forest then?"

"We can but I want you all to know that it'll be more dangerous. We can't overlook the area as good thanks to the trees and there are enough corners and places Infected can hide. So that's my question to you guys." Standing up, he looked at each and every one of them: "Which way do you want to go?"

They were quiet for a moment, throwing gazes to each other before Jack pointed to the map again: "Even if we take the shorter way, it'll be hard to reach a city in one day."

"I know. On foot it is impossible if we follow the street and a close call if we cut through the forest. It really depends if we can find a car and if not we will be out in the dark."

A small whimper came from Ray and he flushed red as the others turned to him: "I want to go through the forest. It might be dangerous but being out in the dark is even worse."

"Yeah.", Gavin agreed. "We just have to be really careful."

"Okay.", Geoff said. "Ryan?"

"We have enough miles as it is, let's save them where we can."

"Jack?"

"It seems like Forest it is."

"Michael?"

The cat flinched as if he was surprised to be asked. Looking up, he seemed embarrassed as he found all eyes on him. He was quick to lower his gaze and he fought with the word on his tongue, tried so hard to get it out...

"Forest.", he whispered barely audible.

It was enough to make them all smile and with new determination, they began to get ready for the day.

The city wasn't as big and they managed to walk through it before the sun was fully up. It was as Geoff had said; the street was clogged with cars and they followed it for a while before drifting off to the left and into the woods.

It was a bit harder to walk here, they had to be wary of stones and broken branches and it was a bit uphill but nothing too bad.

"Stay close together and don't get lost.", Geoff warned them but it wasn't really needed. They were huddled together, Ray again in their middle as they headed on.

The sun lit up their way soon enough but it didn't get all too warm in here and at some point they found a path they followed.

It were Michaels ears that perked up and Ray noticed it only absentmindedly, his eyes on the uneven floor in front of him. But then the cat moved faster, reaching out to tug at Jacks sleeve to get the others attention. And when Jack looked down at him, Michael just stared into his face, mouth halfway open as if he tried to say something but couldn't.

Frowning, Ray stopped and Michael threw him a helpless gaze before the lion asked softly: "What is it?"

"Someone...", the cat brought out and he seemed relieved by that word alone. Taking another breath, he tried again: "Someone is here."

Ray couldn't help but shiver and immediately looked over his back. There were only trees, trees and more trees. And Geoff a few steps ahead, watching them in concern.

He made a motion with his hand to stop the others from walking further before coming towards them: "What's wrong?"

"Michael heard something.", Jack explained, his own ears flicking now.

"Okay.", Geoff mumbled, also looking around before resting his eyes on all of them. "Everyone stay on guard. Hands on your weapons and get ready to shoot if necessary. Let's move on faster."

They all nodded, something grim in their face and Geoff took a calming breath to himself. Reaching out, he ruffled Michaels hair: "Good work, buddy. Listen closely, okay? You too, Jack."

They went on their way, a lot tenser than before while trying to not make a single noise. Jack and Michael had a very concentrated expression on their faces, their ears moving carefully but they were nearly on top of the hill before both of them stopped.

"There are people.", the lion mumbled, looking to the right from where they came from.

"How many?"

He frowned a little, throwing a glance to Michael whose hair bristled up slightly.

"I can only hear one. Sounds like a little child."

"A little child?", Geoff asked, moving to stand beside them but his ears were nowhere as good as theirs. "Why is a little child in the woods?"

"Well, she is not telling me her story, Geoff. I can't tell you."

"She's crying...", Michael said quietly beside them. He threw Jack a quick look but the lion was already moving in the direction and he followed close behind.

"Are we really checking this out?", Ray asked nervously. "What if it is a trap?"

"What if it is a little girl that's lost in the woods?", Jack said without even looking over his shoulder.

"He's right. We can't just leave her out here alone. She'll die."

Groaning lightly, the rabbit joined them.

It wasn't long before the other could also hear the restless crying and they dashed through the forest, cutting corners until they finally saw her.

The girl was sitting with her back to one of the trees, looking up in shock at their sudden entrance and seemed ready to run.

"Not all at once.", Geoff ordered before turning his attention back to her. "Everything alright there, sweety? Did you get lost?" She didn't answer and he was ready to come closer but it was Michael who moved ahead. He let the cat be because the eyes of the girl instantly focused on him, seeming to relax slightly.

And Michael was about to crouch down in front of her when something rustled behind the tree. A woman stepped ahead, her gun instantly trained on the cat and he was quick to stand up and take a step back.

"We're just here to help. We mea-" Jack began but was cut off abruptly and as Geoff turned towards him, he saw the lion fall to the ground. Behind him stood an unknown man, rifle in his hand and where did he come from? He hadn't heard a single noise!

"Guns down.", the woman ordered and the ram spun back around. It felt like his heart stopped for a second because Michael was on his knees and the gun pressed against his temple.

"Don't-", he began but was instantly interrupted.

"I said guns down!"

God, had they shot Jack? No, that couldn't be. He would've heard that.

"What do you guys want?", Ryan asked somewhere to his left and as Geoff glanced to him, he noticed more men coming from the bushes around them. Moving like shadows because he saw them but he still couldn't hear them.

Ray raised his pistol, hand obviously shaking as he stared at the strangers. "Don't come closer." It was barely a whisper and it sounded pathetic. The man closest to him actually laughed before he reached for the rabbit. Ray stepped back but the stranger got a hold of his hand and twisted it.

The rabbit made a shrill shriek as the pistol fell to the ground, right before he got an elbow in the face.

Geoff saw the blood spraying on the floor and how the way smaller body collapsed and everything went red. He screamed, heard Ryan do the same and all hell broke lose.

It was a confusing muddle of noises as he brought his rifle up to aim at the unknown man but before he could even think about shooting something hit him from behind, strong enough to make him fall over. Grunting he tried to get back up, heard Gavin yell his name but in the mess around him he couldn't find him. That sent new panic through him along with the question what was happening?! They had just tried to help!

Ryan went down next, he saw it in the corner of his eye and he scrambled back to his feet, trying to reach the bull when he heard someone scream: "The bird!"

And now there were shots and it was the most horrifying sound in the whole world.

There was rustling above him but before he could look up, someone grabbed his arm. He jerked free, screamed after Gavin but saw the taser too late. Too late to step back even though he tried to and a terrible, terrible pain jolted through his whole body.

Everything went black before he even hit the ground.

 

It had all happened so fast.

Jack had fallen to the ground next to Gavin and then there had been a weapon pressed against Michael and then Ray... His poor heart had pounded in his chest as if it was ready to escape. Like he himself was.

Gavins first instinct was to call for Geoff, to get close to him and be safe. He was prey and his whole mind was screaming at him to get away, to run. And when someone had grabbed his shoulder, he had flailed with his wings, had hit them straight against the forehead before flying up into the next tree.

From here he could overlook everything better. He saw Michael fighting against the woman before he was hit with the back of her gun. He went limp after that and seconds later he saw Ryan fall. The man behind the bull had a taser in his hand and was now looking for Geoff, the only one still on his legs and gasping, Gavin raised his shotgun.

"The bird!"

The first shot actually hit the tree he was hiding in and he saw the man and the woman who were now aiming at him. He also saw the little girl, hiding behind them with her hands clasped tightly over her ears. Scared but not in panic, as if she had seen that before.

That thought made him shiver and the second shot startled him enough that he took off again.

He dashed through the treetops, heard Geoff call after him and wanted to go back. Go back and help but his instincts just continued to scream at him, telling him to run and hide.

What made him stop in the end were the other shots and those weren't directed at him. He froze and cowered on the branch of a tree, listening closely but now all he heard was his heart racing.

God, what had just happened?

Where the others..?

Whimpering, he didn't know what to do.

Should he go back?

But what if those people were just waiting for him? Ready to tie up any loose ends.

What finally moved him was the groaning somewhere beneath him. Looking down, he saw two Infected – lured by the commotion and his breathing picked up.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" No, that was even worse! He wouldn't let the others turn!

Dashing through the trees, he came to an abrupt stop when he saw the little girl from before come his way. Hiding in the leaves, he pondered if he should take her as a hostage and then... then what?

Sure, she had lured them into a trap but it wasn't her fault!

And just a few steps behind appeared the woman, calling her before picking the child up.

Gavin was ready to simply let them pass because they weren't important. But then he saw the men following and the shock was like a punch in the stomach.

They had Ray!

They had Ray and oh god, the guy in the back had Michael and what the fuck?

Why?!

His eyes were so fixed on his two unconscious friends that he noticed the familiar backpacks too late. They had robbed them, okay, he could understand that.

And hell, they could have their stuff for all he cared but what did they want from Ray and Michael?

Where were the others?

Had they just shot them?

For a moment he wondered if he could shoot them but he knew that would be stupid. There was no way he could get them all before they got him. No way to shoot them without hurting his friends.

Clenching his teeth he let them pass, feeling horrible while doing so but he saw no other way. Pulling out his compass, he at least checked on the direction they were going before heading back.

Circling around until he found the place they had been before, he quickly landed.

“Geoff!”, he called because oh god, none of them moved. They just laid there as if they we-

His breath hitched as he fell to the knees next to the ram, hands working frantically over the body but there was no gun wound. There was no wound or blood!

Looking up, he saw them breathing. All three of them and he sighed relieved, feeling like a terrible weight had been lifted from his shoulder and for a moment he just closed his eyes.

Closed his eyes and thanked whoever had showed mercy on them.

That was until he heard the groans and snapped back to attention. That was why they had shot, he realized suddenly. To attract the Infected. To not get blood on their own hands.

“Geoff!”, he called again, shaking the other roughly. “Wake up! Come on! You have to wake up!” And as that didn't help, he looked around for the others: “Jack? Ryan! Please, someone!”

Okay, he could deal with a few Infected, right? He had shot four on the spot before!

But there were more than four, he could hear it. And shooting them would attract even more – there was no safe house to retreat to.

His breath picked up as he stood indecisively, the shotgun heavy in his hands.

What should he do? What should _he do?_

“Fuck!”, he whispered before hurrying to Ryan, picking up his knife before pushing himself off. He circled around a moment, checking from where the Infected were coming from before heading there. Flying low, just out of their reach, he took a huge breath that tasted like death: “Hey bitches! Come and get me!”

Coming to an ungraceful stop behind them, he shot at the first one he could see. It was finally enough to make them shift their attention to him and he fired again. Not caring if he hit, he retreated while shooting, only saving himself on some branch if he needed to reload.

His breath was going fast, his heart was going faster and his blood was rushing through his ear. Or maybe he was already deaf by the noise around him and he was just hoping he was luring them all away. Because with each one he took down there appeared to be more and what if there were some strays going for the others?

Was he far enough now to fly back?

He couldn't risk making a mistake!

Resting on a branch for the tiniest moment, he tried to reload but his fingers were shaking too much and his wings hurt from the strain. And right now he just sat there, trying to breath, trying to stop his heart from giving out on him.

That was when he heard the noise above him and looked up, feeling sweat roll down his back.

There sat a woman, folding her wings on her back carefully. A bat, by the looks of it but her eyes were bloodshot and for a second Gavin felt exhausted. Exhausted to the bone and his gun was empty and he couldn't find the strength to move.

But then she came crashing down on him and he pulled out Ryans knife, wishing for the best as they clashed into each other.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hurry up!”

“They even took my knife.”

“And our other supplies!”

“I know!”, Geoff snapped at them. His head hurt like shit and he felt unsure on his own legs but they had to move! They had to move because those... those motherfuckers had dared to take them! Had dared to touch the lads and god, would they pay for it!

Looking for his rifle, he frowned because of course it was gone. Even the ammo he kept in his pocket was gone and fuck everything!

He should have listened to Ray! He had said that it was a trap and then Jack wouldn't have the nasty bruise on his head where they had struck him down and most of all they wouldn't have been taken and just thinking about it made him sick.

Just thinking about the fact that they had shot at Gavin and he couldn't even know if they took them or just killed them. A funny game of hunt!

“Geoff.”, Jack said and it was sharp.

He looked up and found Gavin between two trees and felt his heart stop.

The bird was drenched in blood, in dark blood but there were specks of red as well and he stared at them, his lips quivering. Then he began to move, stumbling ahead and he could see how disheveled his feathers were, how blood dropped from his hand and it was red, by god it was red.

“Geoff...”, he whimpered, passing the other two without so much as a glance. The stained knife fell from his grip, the shotgun sliding from his shoulders on his way and finally the ram could move.

He got to his feet, running towards the bird and Gavin collapsed in his general direction. He barely managed to catch him in time: “What happened?”

His voice was shrill, scared because Gavins hands clawed at him, pulling himself so much closer and the other was shaking violently.

“They took Michael and Ray...”, he mumbled. “Northeast. They headed northeast.”

“You're bleeding!”

And Gavin started to giggle, uncontrollably and a bit hysteric. “I'm so stupid, Geoff.”, he said. “So, so stupid. I cut myself with the knife and... and I don't know, you know? I can't be sure because there was so much blood from the bat and I think... I think I'm not clean. I think I am infected now, do you understand?”

He did.

Geoff wanted to throw up as the words hit him.

Instead he held the other just closer, trying to shush him down but listened with horror to the small sobs.

He couldn't remember an instance in which Gavin actually cried but now he felt hot tears against his neck as the bird nuzzled him.

“I don't wanna die...”, he wept quietly. “Geoff, please... don't let me become one of them! Please!”

“You won't.”, the ram said but it was without any strength. His own arms shook now, hands carding through the others hair and he didn't know what to do. He stared ahead without really seeing Jack or Ryan. Without really seeing their pale faces, not really knowing what was going on but they were smart. They were smart and there was a trail of red drops following Gavin and they would understand fast enough.

The bird was sniffing into his shoulder, already drying his face against his jacket but didn't let go. His hands clawing like his life depended on it and his wings wrapped around them in defense.

Right now he just closed his eyes, holding the shivering form as close as possible and hoped. Hoped for the best and that they found the other two and please, please Gavin had to be wrong.

He couldn't lose him as well. Not after Lindsay, not Gavin.

He was responsible for all of them, he was well aware and he tried, he really did. But Gavin was like his son.

He just had to be wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray was pretty sure he woke up while watching the ground beneath him move because he was carried. It was nearly nice because his feet had hurt and his backpack had been heavy – now both things were gone. But the grip around him wasn't reassuring, too light and none of the others would simply drape him over their shoulders like this.

He was afraid to fall off.

His head hurt and he faded back out.

The next thing he noticed was that he was lying down and the ground was hard, felt like stones and he opened his eyes groggily.

The sun was high above him, shining through the trees. He couldn't see it all too clearly which was partly because of the headache and also because of the mesh wire stretching above him.

“I think the bunny is waking up, mommy.”

Turning his head towards the voice, he saw the little girl from before. She was crouching a few feet away from him and the memories only returned sluggishly. He couldn't quite place her, didn't know what happened and then the child was picked up by a woman. They left his field of view and for a moment he simply laid there and breathed.

It helped clear his head but he grimaced at the pain. Reaching up he found his cheek swollen and could actually taste blood. Carefully tracing his lips, he found them to be bloody and split.

Right...

Right, they had been attacked.

What then?

He couldn't remember anymore. He didn't know where he was or where the others were and it sent fear through him.

Sitting up, he felt dizzy with the sudden motion but it faded quickly when he saw the other body laying behind him.

“Michael...”, he mumbled. It felt like his mouth was filled with cotton; he'd love to drink something.

“Michael...”, he said again, crawling to him. The cat didn't react but he was breathing. No wound and he remembered now clearly how this woman had aimed the gun at him.

Whimpering, he curled up next to him, tugging his head beneath the others chin.

He was scared.

Very, very scared. They had been taken. For what?

He wasn't quite sure but it couldn't be something good. No, he had heard the horror stories and that was back when there was police and a law.

What would they do to them?

His eyes darted around, hoping to find the others somewhere but he didn't see them. He saw a house that had maybe been an inn before or something close to it. Next to it was a shed that was partly open but he couldn't look inside.

He and Michael were in a cage.

It wasn't big enough for them to stand in and there was only a small door on one site. They would have to crawl through it if they wanted to get out.

This whole thing seemed to be made for dogs and it kinda smelled like it as well. It didn't help his heart at all, dogs were predators and he scooted closer to Michael.

The other made a small noise, his eyes rolling before his lids fluttered open.

“Oh thank god...”, Ray whispered, hiding his face in the others chest and concentrated on just _breathing._

The cat seemed to take some time to orientate himself, Ray could feel him looking around, a confused sound rising from his throat and then a hand on the rabbits head. Moving through his hair and patting his ears, before resting between his shoulders: “Ray..?”

It was a lost, rough word but it was reassuring nonetheless and the rabbit tried to relax, tried to get his head together but for now he was simply shaking. Shaking and trembling and afraid because they were trapped and it smelled like predator all around him and he was hurt.

Then Michael started to purr, the sound rumbling through the others chest and that really helped. Pressing closer to him, Ray let the other rub his shoulders until the tension slowly fell from him and his shivering finally stopped.

It took a while until he dared to look up again. Michael noticed, throwing him a small smile before sitting up, pulling him with him.

“They took us.”, Ray explained slowly. “And I think we are trapped inside of here.”

Nodding, the cat let his eyes travel and Ray followed them.

There was a barrier around the inn, the shed and the cages they were in. It seemed to be makeshift, built out of whatever had been there. Barb wire fence for the most part, filled with leaves and planks so that nobody could look through. Two dumpster on the far end which seemed to be the entrance to this whole area.

Well, at least they seemed relatively safe from the Infected.

“What do you think do they want from us?”, he asked, feeling his voice go high with panic. It didn't help that Michael didn't answer or that he was scooting away from him now, crawling towards the door to their cage.

He looked around, testing the lock and the bars keeping them inside. Finding that he couldn't move anything, he checked further but around them everything was made out of iron bars, the ground beneath was stones and concrete but above them was simple mesh wire and he pushed against it.

It gave in a bit, flexible up to a certain point but he couldn't see how it was attached to the rest. Still he simply tried to tear at it, jerking violently in hope to get it lose, to maybe create an opening to slip through.

Ray moved to help him but the cat quickly shook his head.

“Keep an eye out.”, he grunted before getting back to work and Ray was thankful. He knew that Michael talked to calm him down even though it was hard for him and knowing what he had to do was good. Fixing his eyes on the inn, he nearly missed the movement from the shed next to it.

“Michael.”, he hissed, even though it was just the little girl again.

The cat stopped immediately, just like the kid on her way and her eyes lightened up in delight. Turning on her heels, she headed towards the house: “They're awake! Mommy, the kitty and the bunny are both awake! Mommy, quick!”

And Ray froze in fear.

They would come for them now. They would come and do god knows what to them and he hated not knowing but he also feared the knowledge and a long whine escaped him.

The stories were old and numerous. About hybrids being treated like animals or even worse. Of being called freaks and some even killed. Hell, some people considered them a delicacies!

It was forbidden, of course it was. But who would stop them? There was no police anymore and they were completely at their mercy.

He was shaken roughly and his eyes focused back on Michael. His friend didn't seem frightened but his hands gave him away; they were trembling. Still he cleared his throat: “Calm down.”

“I'm scared.”, Ray whispered.

“I know.” Gazing over his shoulders, the cat checked on the house before looking back at Ray. The rabbit stared back, eyes big and fearful.

“They won't hurt you, you hear me?”, Michael said. “I'll take care of it. Okay?”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to believe him and the other leaned ahead. Michael rubbed his head against his, purring deep down and Ray closed his eyes, leaning into the touch.

It hurt a bit.

He knew enough to appreciate the sign of affection but he also was fully aware that Michael had stopped to do it with them a long time ago. A gesture reserved for Lindsay.

“Michael...”, he whispered, trying to word how much it meant but he couldn't.

“Sit down all the way in the back.”, the car ordered quietly. “And don't come out of there unless I tell you.”

“Okay.”, he scooted into the corner furthest away from the door. There were now people coming out of the house and the child wasn't with them. It were three men, one carrying a gun and Ray tried to make himself as small as possible.

It helped when Michael sat down in front of him, shielding him nearly completely.

“What do you want from us?", the cat asked as he looked up to the men.

They didn't answer, one of them simply crouched down to unlock the door.

"What about the people who were with us?", Michael asked once more. "Are they okay?"

"Get out.", the man said kicking the door open.

Ray could feel his friend stiffen and immediately clawed at the others jacket.

No! No, he couldn't stay here alone! He'd go insane without Michael here!

"Get out or I shoot one of you and wait until the rotting smell drives the other out."

The cat moved and Ray instantly gasped: "No!"

He tore at the other, trying to pull him back: "Don't leave me! Please don't leave me alone, Michael!"

Their eyes locked and slowly, oh so slowly Michael patted his head and for a single moment it was Lindsay, lowering her gun. And he was back, trapped in that hole and unable to help.

His grip went slack and the cat freed himself, crawling towards the entrance. The moment he was in reach, they took hold of his collar and jerked him out, throwing the door shut again.

Ray watched him stumble to his feet, standing tall while they circled around him. "What now?", Michael asked, his voice still leveled but then it hitched in surprised.

The gun was jammed roughly beneath his chin: "Did I allow you to speak?"

Raising his hands in a sign of peace, he quickly shook his head.

"He doesn't have whiskers.", one of the men said. He was smaller than the others, younger and he stared at Michael in wonder: "He's a cat, right? Cats have whiskers."

"Well he doesn't.", the man with the gun said before putting the weapon into his waistband. "He has the ears though. You think he can hear as good as a cat?" And without warning he clapped loudly into his hands, right next to Michaels left ear. Michael flinched away, growling low and was instantly hit across his face with enough force to snap his head to the side. Ray could clearly hear the slapping sound and whined quietly but nobody paid attention to him.

"Don't you growl at me.", the man hissed before taking hold of the twitching ears, twisting them a little between his fingers to feel the texture.

The cat tried again to get free but the third man grabbed his arms and held him still. He was way taller than Michael, his limbs flabby with fat but he seemed to be strong enough to restrain him.

"They are very soft.", the man commented before looking at the younger one. "Feel them."

"The cat will bite me!"

"Oh, he won't dare. Or I'll blast a pretty hole in his head. Right, kitty?"

Michael scowled at him but didn't answer. He huffed heavily as the other reached up to touch his ears until he was satisfied.

"They really are soft! Annabelle will love them!"

"She sure will. If he learns his manners." The man leaned forward, close enough to whisper to the cat and Ray couldn't make the words out. He was still cowering in the corner of the cage, his heart beating harshly and fear had frozen him in place. From here he could see how Michaels eyes widened a bit before he began to growl furiously. It was louder than Ray had ever heard him and the cat actually flashed his teeth, tiny fangs bared as a threat.

He got smacked in the face once again, harder this time and the rabbit could see how his lip split, spraying blood on the ground. He flinched, whimpering beneath his breath but Michael straightened himself again, growli-

He got kicked in the stomach and doubled over, only held up by the fat one. Winded, he gasped for breath, strings of saliva and blood dripping lazily to the dirt.

The men laughed, an ugly sound next to the frantic breaths.

And with a sudden move Michael broke free. Snarling, he rammed his head against the chest of the leader, sending them both to the ground.

Ray had never seen his friend so aggressive before. Michael was nearly howling now, scratching and biting to get the upper hand, to push the man down and reach the gun. He actually tried to reach the gun and after that? Ray wasn't sure but he cried out when the fat one kicked him square in the head.

Michael rolled off with a shriek and stayed down. His violent pants were ruffling the dirt and after a moment he tried to lift himself up. His limbs shook, barely enough to hold him but the other men were occupied with their leader and he had a moment to breath.

Lifting his gaze, he searched for Ray and the rabbit curled up even more. He was scared. Scared of Michael and that had never happened before. Now there was dirt over the others face and blood on his chin and he was still growling loudly. Then he found the brown eyes of him and they were familiar, they were still the same warm color and Ray relaxed again, making a noise of pity at the bruises of his friend.

Then the cat sprinted towards him, trying to reach the door but the younger men spun around, getting a hold of his foot and they both crashed to the floor. Michael kicked at him, trying to get free but before he knew it, he was forced onto his back and the muzzle of the weapon was pressed against his forehead.

Ray saw him go stiff and after a heartbeat the man pulled the trigger.

The shot was loud and left behind a white noise. He couldn't even hear his own scream for a second but he felt it wrung free of his throat, rising above them. Screaming 'No!' and 'Stop!' and 'Please!' but it wasn't heard and he suddenly had to think about Lindsay.

About Lindsay and how she had shot herself in the head after making sure he wasn't alone anymore. And now-

Michaels scream rose with his own and Ray stopped. Because screaming was good, screaming meant the other was in pain but not dead.

And he saw the man pressing the muzzle against the others temple, burning a circle into pale skin but there was no blood. There was a little hole in the earth above his shoulder and it had to be deafening to hear the shot so close to him but that was better than dead.

It was better than dead and Ray heard himself sob loudly in relieve.

"You are one wild bitch, aren't you?", the leader asked now, pushing the gun harder against the cat. "But also very stupid." He stepped a bit away but when Michael tried to move, the gun was aiming at him again: "Stay down."

He did.

Laying on his back, rubbing his ear he tried to catch his breath. He was shaking, obviously scared.

What happened afterwards was worse. Ray couldn't watch as they beat down on him, kicking him when he tried to protect himself and the rabbit averted his eyes quickly, feeling sick and terribly helpless.

He could still hear them, breathless laughter and grunts from either of them. Heard Michael cry out and he covered his ears.

Curling into himself, he waited for it to stop but it didn't and he started to cry into his knees.

It seemed to go on forever and there was nothing he could do besides plead beneath his breath and gently sway back and forth. Wishing to be somewhere else. Wishing the others would come to their rescue.

Wishing he had the courage to call out, to somehow stop them but he couldn't.

In the end he nearly missed the door opening but felt the touch on his ankle. He shrunk away, scared that they would now pull him out and do the same. Opening his eyes slightly, it was Michaels hand that limply rested next to his foot.

The fat man was crouching in front of the cage, locking it safely before turning back towards the house. The other two were waiting at the door for him before they all went inside.

Instantly Ray leaped forward, hands wandering over Michaels body as he tried to find words but all he could bring out were hitching sobs. The cat made a pained noise and he immediately let go, fearing to hurt him further.

"Fuck...", Michael groaned, repeating the word a few times without opening his eyes. Sniffing, Ray took in his bruises and shivered. Michaels lips were a bloody mess and part of his face was swelling shut, the skin already starting to darken around the edges. It seemed like his ribs were what hurt him the most, he carefully moved his hands on top of them and groaned again.

Ray made a pitiful noise and finally the eyes fluttered open. They took a moment to focus on them, the right one a bit bloodshot and Michael took a full minute to catch his breath, his face contorting in pain.

"Ray...", he finally brought out before closing his eyes again.

Whimpering, the rabbit moved and carefully wiped the blood away with his sleeve. The other let him, not even flinching away before asking again: "Ray..?"

"I'm here.", he answered a bit unsure of what Michael wanted to hear.

"When they come again to get one of us, I will go."

"No! No, Michael! They'll kill you!"

"Shut up. That was nothing." It was an obvious lie but none of them minded it: "They didn't lock the door when I was out there. The next time you have to flee, okay? Run for the dumpsters, climb over them and run into the forest."

"Bu-"

"Hide.", Michael interrupted him. "And then find the others, yeah?"

"I won't leave you here alone!"

"Well I kinda hoped that you would get me out then, you know?"

"That wasn't what I meant!"

"I know." He grinned up to Ray but it was forced and he quickly stopped as it tuck at his lips. Sighing, he opened his eyes again, becoming serious: "Just do it. You have to get out of here. Don't take any food from them and stay out of reach."

With some hesitation, the rabbit nodded but it didn't seem enough. "You have to promise.", Michael insisted.

"Okay, I promise."

"Good." Carefully he shifted to his side, flinching at the pain before he could place his head in the others lap. Ray was quick to card through his hair but the cat didn't purr this time.

"I'll sleep for a moment. Just... just a moment, no worries.", Michael explained to him. "But you have to wake me when they come out again, yeah? And don't forget."

"Okay.", Ray repeated and felt how the other instantly drifted away, his body falling into itself and Michael was gone. He still continued to pat through the others hair but mostly to calm himself down. The plan, the idea, didn't sit right with him.

Even if he would be able to flee, they would get angry. And they would let the anger out on Michael.

He wondered what they wanted from them or if it was just for fun.

There were people like that and he shivered at the thought.

He watched the house closely, sometimes gazing to the sun to guess the time but he wasn't very good with that. Michael started to tremble after a while and he couldn't tell if it was from a dream or the pain or because he was cold. Having no other clue as to what to do, he shrugged off his jacket before laying it on top of the cat.

It didn't help much.

The door opened and he stiffened in fear. It was the little girl and he was ready to shake his friend awake before he thought better off it. Michael needed to rest and he could deal with a child.

She walked quickly towards them, throwing small glances over her shoulder as if she had sneaked out. There was a bowl in her hand and he saw water inside. Good, he could clean Michael properly then.

"I'm Annabelle.", she introduced herself as she sat in front of the cage. "You guys are probably thirsty." And she carefully pushed the bowl through the little gap between the bars that seemed to be especially for that.

For a moment Ray stared at her dumbfounded before he sputtered: "We're not animals!"

That seemed to confuse her a lot but it was quickly replaced by a wide grin: "I had a bunny before! Her name was Kirby but I left her at home when those sick people appeared. Mommy said we couldn't take her with us and I was really sad about that. But you're better! You can actually talk!"

He opened his mouth, trying to find words to explain to her how wrong all of that was but simply shook his head.

She pouted a little at that but then her eyes moved to Michael: "Is the kitten hurt?"

Taking a calming breath, Ray closed his eyes and decided to play along. Maybe he could somehow turn that around: "Yeah, he is. We should probably take him to a doctor."

"Will he die?", she asked scared.

"Not if we take him to a doctor."

"I'll ask Rick if he-"

"No!", he said quickly. Rick had to be one of the men from before: "He was the one who beat him like this!"

"Because the kitty was rude! They had to train him right so that I can later play with him!", she explained quickly. "Before you two I had a mouse. She was very cute and she could also talk! I really liked her! But she tried to hurt me when we played and that made me really sad..."

Swallowing, Ray asked: "What happened to her?"

"Rick and the others got really mad at her. Then Rick took her out for a walk but she ran away."

Oh god.

Oh god, they had killed her.

Oh Christ, Michael was right. They had to get out of here.

He opened his mouth, thinking about offering to play with her. Maybe she would let him out and yeah, he could probably flee. He was fast and agile when he wanted to be, those dumpsters shouldn't be much of a problem. But what about Michael?

No way he could take him as well.

Would they kill him before he could come back with help?

He closed his mouth again and grew angry.

How fucked up were these people? They weren't animals and certainly not... pet dogs for that little girl.

Frowning, he kicked the bowl over and the girl shrieked.

"That was very rude!", she told him sternly.

"I'm not thirsty.", he replied even though it was a lie. But Michael had said to not take food from them and with their luck they had drugged the water.

Pouting, the child got to her feet and ran back to the house and he shivered again.

Would she call the men now? Were they up for round two to teach them some manners?

He waited, feeling uneasy and hoping he was wrong.

But he wasn't and he saw the door open again maybe half an hour later. It was the younger man and he stopped there, talking with someone he couldn't see from here.

"Michael!", Ray hissed, without thinking about it. The fear flared up again and he couldn't think straight. They were coming to hurt him. They were coming to beat him up like Michael and he was oh so scared!

"Michael, Michael, please! They are coming!"

And the cat sat up instantly, shoulders tense and his hair was bristling up right before he flinched and whined. Moving carefully, he rubbed his side as good as he could reach and Ray remembered the others bruised ribs. He felt sorry, thought for a moment to offer to go out himself but he couldn't. He was too much of a coward.

Michael turned towards him and for a tiniest moment he also saw fear in the others eyes. It faded the longer the cat looked at him before he asked: "Remember the plan?"

He nodded shyly and Michael took his hands inside his, squeezing tightly: "You promised."

"I did."

"Good luck, Ray."

He couldn't find words to answer even if he should. He should hug the other or just say anything but in the end he just moved back into the corner when Michael pointed to it. Cowering there, he watched as the younger man came towards them. He didn't pay any attention to the hybrids, he just stood in front of their cage and waited, obviously excited by something. And soon afterwards he could see the other two men carrying something he couldn't see yet. It took him a moment to understand that it was a rain barrel.

They put it in the middle of the small area and water sloshed from it.

The younger man laughed at the sight before finally turning towards the hybrids, a wide grin on his face: "Heard you guys weren't thirsty!"

Ray froze in fear, knowing it was his fault, knowing it was because of his stupid actions that they would... he wasn't sure what they would do or maybe he had an idea he didn't want to think about but it was his fault.

The man opened the door and Michael hesitated and that was maybe the worst. Ray was nearly ready to reach out to him, pulling him into his corner and maybe the men would just go. But then the cat moved and the moment he was in reach, he was roughly pulled out.

The door was thrown shut again but nobody bothered to lock it.

Picking himself up from the floor, Michael threw him one look. It was really short to not lure attention to him but intense.

_You promised._

Nodding, the cat had already turned back around and was dragged towards the barrel. The moment all three men had once again surrounded his friend, Ray carefully crawled ahead. He could hear their laughter soon afterwards and he didn't want to think about it. Panic burned low in his stomach but he tried to be angry like before, everything so that he wouldn't freeze in fear.

Listening to Michaels low growls, he pressed against the door but it didn't move.

His breath picked up as he tried again but it didn't budge. It wasn't locked, he knew that and on the other side was a handle.

Forcing his hand through the bars, his eyes flickered to the men. They were hauling Michael up from the floor while his fingers found the handle and pushed. His damp hand slipped and the handle snatched back up. The sound went down in furious hissing and Ray tried again, moving slower and finally the door moved.

Pulling his hand back, he pushed the door open and crawled out. He stood up slowly, knowing that his legs were shaking, hell, his whole body was shaking! His breath went too fast and his heart felt like it would explode.

Looking up, he fixed his eyes on nothing but the dumpsters, trying to ignore Michael screaming: "No!"

He could do it. If he ran he could jump on top of the first, he had done worse. He was a rabbit; no problem in that jump and then down on the other site and off into the woods.

They would hear him after the first jump, he knew.

_You promised._

Michaels growling stopped abruptly enough to make him turn towards the men. It was a mistake and he knew it but he moved before his brain could stop him.

Michaels head was submerged. He was bent over the barrel with one man pushing his shoulders down and the other holding his wrists tightly. They were probably laughing or talking or something but all Ray could hear was Michaels silence.

The complete lack of noise from his friend and it was scary. It was horrifying because maybe he was dead. Maybe he had drowned and a part of him knew that couldn't be. He should have more than enough air, Ray was pretty sure he hadn't breathed either in the whole time and he was still alive.

Then a shudder went through the cat and he reared up, trying to get his upper body out of the water.

They didn't let him and that was wrong. Michael had to breathe, didn't they understand?

The leader of them just pushed him down further and Ray watched Michaels feet dancing across the floor, searching for enough purchase to push himself up or just for something to kick at, to severe the tight hold on him. His hands clenched and unclenched, trying to break free.

They also didn't allow that.

And Ray suddenly had to think back on that last look Michael had thrown him.

_You promised._

But right now it just reminded him of Lindsay. Of Lindsay looking at him from where she was trapped before she had nodded. Staying with him until he had been found.

Michael would play their game until he was sure that Ray was safe.

He was ready to sacrifice himself for that.

Ray ran.

His legs protested a moment but he didn't allow himself to stumble. His weight was barely enough as he crashed into the barrel but it did tip over and he fell with it, rolling over the dirt. There was a spluttering noise next to him, a huge breath and he looked up, finding Michaels eyes and grinned. It was a hysterical grin, he felt ready to laugh as loud as he could just by the shocked look of Michaels face.

Then he noticed the water soaking both of them and it was cold.

He hadn't imagined it to be this cold and he started to shiver immediately.

There were angry voices but he reached for the cat without really knowing why. Maybe to pull him to his feet so that they could run but he didn't get that far.

A kick in his ribs threw him on his back before someone stomped on his chest. Ray lost all his breath, gagging dry but the foot vanished when Michael bit into it with a snarl. The cat threw himself over him and Ray quickly curled into him, barely feeling the punches and kicks that were raining down on them.

Something hit him in the head, really hard and after that he couldn't remember much.

There was pain, sure. Panic when Michael was ripped from him. Blood in the dirt and at one point he had trouble breathing.

He barely fought back, his head hurt and he felt dizzy.

It didn't really feel real to be honest. It felt numb.

 

When he really came back to himself, he was laying on the floor and staring up to the trees. It was a strange déjà vu because that was how he had woken up the first time here. Now it was dark and he was cold. His clothes were still wet and clung to him uncomfortably but his middle felt strangely hot. Like there was a fire inside of him and the more he concentrated on that, the more it hurt.

Turning his head he found Michael next to him, laying on his side and Ray could only see his back. Reaching out, he brushed against the others soaked shirt.

He was cold to the touch.

They were freezing, he realized slowly. They were back in the cage and freezing.

He palmed against Michaels shirt, trying to tug at it because they had to undress. Get the wet clothes away from them but he couldn't really take a hold on them. So he slowly, carefully rolled over. The motion fueled the fire in his middle and he had to stay still for a while, gasping for breath and it was cold.

So, so cold.

Pressing close to Michaels back, he let a small whine fall from his lips. He was crying a little, he noticed. Mostly because of the tearing feeling in his muscles so he didn't really mind it. Laying his cheeks against Michaels shoulder, he felt the other breath. It was slow, shallow and he didn't like it. Draping his arm around the other, he looked around.

It was darker but not yet night, so it would only grow colder. He also didn't like that.

There was a lonely guard at the dumpsters, the fat one. The man didn't pay attention to them and that was good.

Ray wished he had a blanket of some kind.

Something moved, really carefully and quiet. A bird, landing behind the man.

"Michael.", Ray mouthed, barely audible because his teeth were clattering. "Gavvy is here."

The butt of the shotgun crashed against the head of the fat man and he crumbled to the floor.

Throwing them just a quick look, Gavin moved to the dumpsters and began to pull very, very slowly. Trying to not make a noise and then Geoff squeezed through. They searched the man. Found a weapon that Geoff gladly took.

Ray was so focused on them that he barely noticed Jack and Ryan who hurried towards them. Turning his head, he looked up at them and they simply stared. He tried to smile but they didn't smile back.

Jack seemed too serious and Ryan... Ryan had such a dark look on his face that the rabbit whimpered. It matched Geoffs look as the other two reached them. Gavin just seemed shocked, eyes wide and red rimmed. Like he had been crying. Ray wondered if he himself was still crying and tried to wipe his cheeks on Michaels shoulder but the movement made him hiss in pain.

How embarrassing.

"Those guys are dead." He was pretty sure Ryan said that. Ray hadn't noticed that he had closed his eyes and he quickly opened them again.

Geoff had the gun from the fat man in his hands and the bull reached for Gavins now.

"I should go in.", Gavin said. His voice was flat. "I should go in first in case they are armed."

"You won't become a murderer." That was Geoff and his voice was the opposite. Tense and stressed. "And I sure as fuck won't use you as a shield."

"Ray."

The rabbits eyes darted to Jack and the fence above them was suddenly gone. When had that happened?

"I'm gonna pull you out now, okay?"

He wasn't sure if he nodded or answered. The lion leaned down and he instinctively reached out for him, like a kid wanting to get picked up.

It hurt and tore at him as he was lifted and he mewled in pain, burying his face in the first warmth he could find.

"Fuck. He's cold. Give him your jacket."

"Sure."

He was moved again and protested loudly even as he was shushed down. Something was put around him, warm and soft and he curled into it, curled into the new body and it smelled like Gavin. Like fresh rain in the morning and he finally relaxed, letting his whole weight fall against the other.

There was a shot somewhere and he flinched, opening his eyes once again without knowing when he had closed them.

"Michael.", he called, suddenly in panic. He couldn't see the cat, couldn't feel him breathing anymore. "Michael? Michael!"

"It's okay, lad.", Gavin said, rubbing his back through the jacket. "Jack has him. He's with Jack."

Turning his head, he saw the cat. He was asleep, split lips slightly parted and pale underneath all the blood and the dirt.

Another shot and he jumped in fear. That was before wings wrapped around him, dark but soft. Brushing against him like small touches and Gavin hummed quietly, like it would drown the shooting.

It was such a sad melody but a lullaby, Ray remembered it like he had heard it in a distant dream.

He fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops...  
> See you guys in two weeks =D


	8. And take the time to understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What about those men?", he asked quietly, like asking for a secret. His words sounded scared even to himself.  
> "Don't worry about them anymore, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean there are references to other stories in this chapter. I don't know what you are talking about.

Chapter 8

And take the time to understand

 

If he was honest, Ray didn't remember much.

He had been found and there had been shots and he had been warm. After that it were pictures and noises that passed too fast for him to take them all in. Like being overwhelmed by a nightmare and after finally waking up the memories faded quickly.

He was touched, he could feel hands on him and he fought them at first. But the voices were familiar and explaining him what they were doing but that was also something he didn't recall.

In the end he was warm and laid on something soft, it grew quiet and he liked that. He liked it here and that was maybe the moment were he really began sleeping. When he woke up the first time he didn't know how much time had passed. He didn't know where he was but panic shot through him like lightning.

Michael wasn't with him.

He sat up, groaning at the pain before he called loudly: "Michael? Michael!"

Someone else answered and that wasn't right. Michael had been with him, Michael had been hurt protecting him and now he was gone!

He called him again, screaming this time and he flinched out of reach when somebody touched him.

It was Ryan, looking down at him before sitting on the edge of the bed: "Drink that."

He offered him a bottle of water and Ray suddenly noticed how thirsty he was. Still he shook his head: "Michael."

"I'll take you to Michael but first you have to drink that."

He trusted Ryan. Taking the bottle he emptied it in three long gulps, feeling like his body sighed in relieve. "Michael.", he insisted the moment he could.

"Okay. Can you stand?"

He tried, placing his feet on the linoleum. That confused him and he continued to stare down. He didn't know the bed or the room or that floor and that was fine because Ryan was here. But he didn't know the socks he was wearing or the shorts or the hoodie.

"Ray?", the bull asked and he tried to stand up.

Hissing at his sore muscles, he wavered and sat back down. The second time Ryan helped and that worked a bit better. Leaning heavily against the other, the began to walk out of the room, into a little hallway. It was dark in here and everywhere were closed doors, that felt strange. The bull opened one of them and it grew a bit brighter.

There was a bed as well and inside was Michael and he walked ahead without Ryan. Ryan was talking with someone, sounded like Jack.

He didn't turn his head to make sure. He climbed in the bed, curled into the side of the sleeping cat and blacked out again.

 

He drifted in and out of sleep multiple times. It felt like days or weeks but he couldn't get himself to stay awake no matter how hard he fought.

It didn't help that nothing around him changed.

Still the same room and Michael was asleep next to him. It was never dark, there was a window but he couldn't look outside. A curtain was stopping him and that curtain was yellow. It wasn't a friendly color, it was the color of something old that hadn't been washed for a long time. Of something that had been white once. There were water spots on it but he could never count them all.

The only thing that did change was who was with them. It was either Ryan or Jack and one time he had to eat something. Soup, if he remembered correctly.

Jack had tried to help him but Jack had been a predator and he couldn't find the strength to fight so he whimpered until the lion stopped.

It worked better when it was Ryan and afterwards he felt terrible.

He apologized to Jack, even cried a bit and Jack quickly hushed him down.

He never saw Geoff or Gavin.

He smelled Geoff, his scent never seemed to pass and it took him way too long to understand that he was wearing the hoodie of the ram. Michael as well.

That was good. It was a good scent and he buried his face in it.

The scent of a pack leader, of his alpha.

Under normal circumstances that thought alone would make him flush red because it was something completely primal. On the verge of falling asleep he didn't mind it.

"Where are we?", he asked at one point, without even knowing who was with him in the room.

"In that inn. Do you remember?", Ryan answered, coming closer to him and crouching in front of the bed.

Ray nodded, turning towards him. "What about those men?", he asked quietly, like asking for a secret. His words sounded scared even to himself.

"Don't worry about them anymore, okay?" There was a strange expression on Ryans face, like he was in pain or like he was sick. It passed when he cupped Rays cheek: "They won't hurt you anymore."

"Good...", he whispered and fell back asleep, feeling a lot better.

 

It worried him that Michael was never awake when he was. He wanted to talk with the cat, wanted to thank him but couldn't.

It was scary and sometimes he pressed himself close to the other until he could feel his heartbeat.

"Is Michael okay?", he asked, shocked when he heard his voice tremble so much. Right now he was sitting up because Jack was checking on his bruises or something and the lion stopped at the question.

Brown eyes locked with his and Ray felt like crying, he was so scared. He was so scared because Michael couldn't die because of him. Michael wasn't allowed to die because of him!

Not like Lindsay.

"Ray, Michael is in pain." He took the others hands in his own, holding them loosely: "He's in a lot of pain because of those people so we gave him pills. Some painkillers, okay?"

"Okay."

"They make him sleep a lot but he sometimes wakes up and then he drinks a bit and he eats a bit and we give him another pill."

"Then he sleeps again?"

"Yeah."

Ray thought about that for a while, long and hard and then he squeezed the others hands weakly: "He protected me. They beat him up and he let them so that I could flee but I didn't. I didn't because I didn't want him to be here alone." And now he was crying, he could feel the tears run down his face. So hot they were burning: “I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I am such a coward! I'm sorry that people get hurt because of me!”

Jack hugged him very gently and he cried for what felt like hours.

 

The one time Geoff was there when he woke up, he stood in front of the bed and looked down at them. He didn't seem to notice that Ray was awake and simply continued to stare.

The ram appeared somehow empty, he looked terrible. Too much stress and not enough sleep.

Sick.

Sad.

A terrifying sadness was emitted by him, like he was completely hollow inside.

Reaching out, Ray took his hand and Geoff laced their fingers together.

He still didn't speak but it at least lured him to sit down on the edge of the bed. His free hand carded through Michaels locks, loosening any knots he might find.

That was when Ray noticed that the cat was also awake and smiled.

Michael didn't smile back, his eyes hooded and dark, his breathing heavy.

No purring came from him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Can you help Ryan in the shed?”

“No.”, Geoff immediately answered, not even bothering to look at him. He sat on the same chair like the past days, a single candle lightening up the room but it was nearly burned down by now.

“Please. He's waiting for you.”  
“You do it.”

Coming closer to him, Jack held up the first aid kit: “I'm busy.”

“I am, too.”

“Geoff.”

And the ram looked up at him, agitated, angry. Like he was ready to launch at him but when Jack held his gaze for a moment longer it crumbled just as quickly. Leaving the blue eyes dark and lost.

Geoff stood up and left the room.

Sighing deeply, the lion sat down on the chair next to the bed before reaching out. Placing a hand between the wings, he asked: “Gavin? It's time to change your bandage.”

He knew the bird wasn't asleep, he barely was.

He was quiet, yes. Not as bad as Michael but in a somehow darker way. It was pulsing from him in waves and Jack knew that Geoff only made it worse, that Geoff wasn't coping, wasn't facing it.

Geoff was still hoping and forcing Gavin to do the same. Forcing such a terrible weight on him.

Now the bird sat up, smiling at him for a second before it fell again. Offering his hand, Jack took it and began to unwrap the old bandage.

“Michael is doing a bit better.”, Jack told him. “He ate a whole bowl right before I came here. He's talking, at least with Ray. I could hear him.”

“Yeah? That's great.”, Gavin mumbled. “Are his wounds healing?”

“I think so. But those things take time. It's only been three days.” The lion stopped in his movements as he found the bandage caked with blood. Grimacing at that, he continued more gently to not pull at the wound: “It just won't close.”

“I try to not put any strain on it.”, Gavin promised.

“I know.” Putting the used bandage to the side, he took a look at the wound in the dim light. It was a clean cut in his palm, thankfully not deep enough to hurt his sinews or muscles.

“We maybe have to sew it shut so that it can heal.” But he wasn't a fan of that. None of them had ever done that and yeah, they knew how it worked in theory but that was nothing against actually doing it.

He began wiping the blood away and also looked for dark lines. For darker blood but it wasn't there.

None of them knew if it would be one of the first signs of the infection or not but he couldn’t help but check every time. It felt good not finding any but it didn't have to mean much.

They didn't know shit about it. About how long it took to show symptoms or if it would happen so suddenly that they wouldn't be able to react.

God, he knew how hard it was. He had gone through it himself before but the days seemed distant now. Blurry from the sickness and the fever and at least he had been barely aware of what was really happening.

Cleaning his own hands very carefully of any blood, he took Gavins face in his hands. The bird let him, leaned forward so that Jack could look him in the eyes, check if they were changing. They were bloodshot, yes but that seemed to be from the lack of sleep and the stress.

At least he hoped so.

“Still green.”, he told Gavin before starting to wrap his hand up again. “Ryan broke a part of the fence outside.”, he said as if it was nothing big.

The bird frowned at him: “Why?”

“So that Geoff gives you some room to breath. He will be out for around half an hour I'd say.” Finishing the bandage, Jack looked up and smiled: “Go and see your friends.”

There was a spark in Gavins eyes: “But... but Geoff doesn't want me to!”

“He's cautious, I know. But Gavin...” he squeezed the healthy hand. “You won't attack them, I know that. I know that you are not so far gone yet but I will also stand in front of the door, okay? Just to be safe.”

He nodded eagerly: “If I feel strange or aggressive I will immediately leave! I promise, Jack! I swear!”

"I know. Go now."

The bird stood up but hesitated before saying: "You have to pay close attention though. Promise me. If I'd do anything to hurt them I would never forgive myself."

"Gavin, you won't. You show no signs of aggression towards us."

"Yeah but you guys are big and have weapons. They are weak right now... maybe that isn't such a good idea after all." He seemed ready to sit back down but his eyes trailed to the door and Jack sighed: “Go now. You miss them and they miss you. You won't hurt them, okay? I'll even promise it if you want to.” Taking his arm, he dragged him out of the room: “Just remember... they don't know about what happened to you, okay? So it's your choice what you tell them.”

"Okay...", Gavin mumbled, staring at the door before turning back towards Jack. "Promise?"

"Promise."

And with a small smile he stepped into the room, checking immediately if the lion moved away but Jack stood there, leaning against the wall. Feeling a bit reassured because of that, the bird closed the door and looked around.

The room was pretty similar to the one he had been in before. Small and a bit crammed, not necessarily dirty but shabby. There was a table with a candle, a package of pills and some water on it, a chair next to it.

The bed stood at the back wall and was too small for them but they were curled tightly around each other so that it fitted.

Michael started to growl at him and Gavins heart stopped.

The cat could feel it in him, could maybe smell that he was impure, that something in him was wrong. That he was a danger to them and Gavin was close to simply walk right back out of the room.

It hurt.

The fact alone that he was infected, that he would die one way or another hurt enough but the clear ill-will was like a slap in the face. Maybe Jack was wrong, maybe he was a danger to them and just because you couldn't see it, didn't mean it wasn't nesting, growing somewhere in his blood. Just because he wasn't aggressive yet, didn't mean he couldn't snap any second. Could as well be he didn't know it himself. Insane people also didn't know that, right? And this sickness was close enough to insanity as it was.

Feeling terrible, feeling dirty, he reached for the door but couldn't bring himself to open it. It felt wrong to just leave without saying a thing.

Looking back towards them, he noticed that Michaels eyes were barely open, slits that barely left enough light in. His body language wasn't aggressive, his hair not fluffed but his ears pressed closely to his head.

He was in pain.

One of his arms moved carefully to not wake Ray up as he pointed to the desk.

Turning around, Gavin saw the bottle of pills and the glass of water but hesitated, opening the door now anyway.

Jack was still there, worry immediately on his face: "What's wrong?"

"Michael is in pain. He wants to take his pills."

The lion took a look at his watch, counting for a moment before saying: "You can give him half of one. Not more."

"Me?", he asked unsure.

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"I..." He lowered his voice: "I didn't want to get too close to them..."

"Don't be stupid." But Jack moved into the room as well, taking the pills and the water. He held it out for Gavin to take and said: "I'll stay in here if you want to."

"Okay.", he muttered nervously but took both things. Turning towards the bed, he neared them carefully, waiting for a sudden rage or something like that. It didn't happen and so he sat down on the edge and watched Michael sitting up. He was slow, obviously in pain and still growling because of it.

It hurt his heart to see him like that.

Handing him the glass of water, minding his hurt hand he opened the pills slowly and broke one apart. Placing it in the palm of Michaels hand, he watched him swallow it quickly, downing the glass along. Taking it from him, Gavin was ready to retreat but Jack had settled on the chair and he would feel stupid to just stand in the middle of the room.

So he watched Michael lay back down, pressing his face into the pillow as if to stop his noises. His growling was getting quieter but was only replaced by whimpers.

They looked awful, both of them.

Ray wasn't as bad and the edges of his bruises were already fading to yellow but the right side of his face was bright purple, his lips split and some cuts on his chin. Yeah, Gavin had seen them when they had saved them but he had hoped that without all the blood and dirt they'd look... not healthy but at least better. Now the damage was just clearer.

He felt rage over that, more rage than he had ever felt before. That was what Geoff and Ryan had felt as they had stormed into this house, killing the three men, banning the woman with the child.

Those two were probably also dead now but somehow Gavin couldn't feel pity for them. He didn't care about them. He had known that Geoff would never kill a child, Ryan neither and so they had at least given them a chance.

And the two had spent most of the first night with scrubbing any blood from this house, working quietly but determined together. In all honesty, Gavin didn't really remember that too much. He had crashed on the couch and in the morning Geoff had slept next to him, the horror of the day before just a memory.

"Look who came to visit. The Queen Of England.", Ray cawed. "Thought I wouldn't see you in here."

"Sorry. I was busy.", Gavin told him and hoped the other would leave it at that. Normally Ray wouldn't, after all what could have stopped him from walking the four steps separating them?

But the rabbit watched him for a long time, the humor in his face gone and again Gavin wanted to flee. It became even stronger when he heard people outside and then even Jack left them. The lion was right outside the door, he could hear him talking with the other two and that meant that Geoff was back.

And being with Geoff right now felt a bit like being imprisoned and he couldn't stand another hour of silence between them.

"You don't look all too good.", Ray told him.

"You've been looking in a mirror recently?"

But the other didn't even smile at that, he simply sat up. There was worry in his face and he nodded to his hand: "You got hurt?"

Geoff stepped into the room and saved him from lying but also threw him a sharp glance under which he cowered slightly: “Gavin.”

“I have to go now.”

“But-”, Ray began but the bird was already on his feet, moving out of the room. He was ushered into the living room and waited until Geoff followed, closing the doors behind him. For a moment he didn't talk, just took a huge breath. He also didn't scream and Gavin kinda wished he would, because then the next question wouldn't sound so serious: “Are you insane?”

Well, that was one hell of a question and he couldn't remember the answer.

“How can you take such a risk?”, the ram continued when he didn't say a thing. “What if you would have attacked them?”

“Jack w-”

“Jack was foolish, just like you!”

“But I-”

“Would it be worth it? Risking their lives for that?”

“I didn't do it, Geoff! I was caref-”

“Answer the question!”

He looked into the blue eyes and was stared down mercilessly. “I just wanted to see them, Geoff...”, he said quietly, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“I told you not to!”

“I didn't do anything wrong!”

“Yes, you did!”

“Geoff!” And then Jack appeared, standing between them. Gavin hadn't seen him coming because of how close he had been to simply curl his wings completely around him in defense. So he actually jumped when Ryan laid a hand on his neck, the only place he could reach from standing beside him.

“Come with me.”, he mumbled, guiding him outside and Gavin was glad, he could hear the other two fighting already. Fighting because of him and he felt upset, felt like a little child being scolded and that was what had just happened, right?

“If I am not allowed to leave this tiny little room then why doesn't he just shoot me already?”, he asked. He wanted his voice to be loud enough to carry inside, to hurt the other man even a little but it came out tiny, shaking.

He sounded weak.

“God, Gavin! He would neve-”  
“Then you do it!” He stared at the other, watched the shock in his face and now he also felt guilty.

Great.

Without waiting for an answer he probably wouldn't get or didn't want to hear, he took off. Flinging himself into the air and that felt great, he felt free and for a moment he considered just flying away.

Ryan was calling him but he didn't react, circling over the inn as high as he could. His wings soon protested, a mixture of the strain he was putting them through right now and the fact that he had barely eaten or slept the past days.

So he let himself fall back down, wanted briefly to just hit the ground before he caught himself again. Landing on the roof, he laid on his back, ignoring the calls until they stopped.

 

* * *

 

 

"God, Geoff! What are you doing?", Jack hissed and it sounded angry. Jack grew barely really angry. "Do you just want to add more weight on him?"

"Isn't the question what the fuck you are doing? How could you let him take such a risk?"

"He's not aggressive!"

"What if he would have attacked them?"

"He didn't! Christ, Geoff listen to yourself! You're scaring him, hell, he is afraid of himself! At first he didn't even dare to go inside that room!"

"That's a start at least, now if you would stop telling him it would be alright!"

"Of course it's alright! Those are his friends! You can't just lock him up!"

"Then tell me what I should do, Jack! Should I act like nothing happened, let him walk around like he wasn't a danger to each and every one of us?", Geoff asked but his very own anger was only a mask, already starting to shatter. "Because he is. Because I can't change it and I couldn't protect him. That doesn't mean I'll do the same again! We have to protect them! We have to lock him a-"

Jack took hold of his jacket and slammed him against the nearest wall, growling him into submission: "He shows no symptoms whatsoever! His blood is as red as ours and he doesn't deserve what you are doing to him! He doesn't deserve to be punished for fucking saving us! That's not fair!"

"I know it's not fair! None of this is fair!" He tore at the hands pinning him down until he got free, huffing frustrated: "Then tell me what I should do, Jack! I am serious! Should I shoot him in the head right now? Like... like a stray dog? Or should I wait until it gets really bad? Until he really becomes a threat and we have to take him out? Hey, maybe he'll do it himself! Maybe I just have to watch as he blasts his brain out!"

"Geoff-"

"Tell me! Because I am sure as hell all out of options!"

"It's still Gavin! You do-"

"Do you really think I don't know that?", he asked and now his voice was strained and he just sounded hurt and tired. "And I keep thinking that maybe he was wrong. It's fucking Gavin after all! Maybe he is not infected! The cut was bleeding pretty bad, maybe the sick blood didn't get into his circulation? Maybe it was just washed away? Hell, maybe it doesn't get transmitted by the blood at all, maybe he's immune or it'll take weeks until it breaks out. Maybe we can cut his fucking arm off and that's enough! Maybe, maybe, _maybe!_ " He took a deep breath as if he wanted to yell but in the end he just shook his head. Leaning against the wall, he slid down until he was sitting on the floor: "Tell me what I am suppose to do if I don't know what will happen?"

Jack didn't answer and the ram just huffed amused: "Isn't all there is... to watch over him? To check for a symptom and to decide then? And if there is none I can't just let him walk around because it could happen, right? Any day or any minute and we just don't know! And believe me, I don't want to do this to him but I also can't risk anyone else getting hurt because of it. So... what choice do I have? Really, Jack. If you have another way... just tell me. Please."

"Gavin is... infected?" That was Ray, standing in the doorway, clothes wrinkled and way too big for him.

Both Jack and Geoff turned towards him, staring at him but nobody said a word. That wasn't part of the plan but on the other hand they didn't really have a plan. Gavin didn't want them to know but it was also only right to inform them about the risk.

Now Ray just appeared deep in thoughts before walking past them, heading outside.

Ryan looked up briefly, sitting on the porch before asking: "Do you think you should already move so much?"

"I'm just a bit bruised up, I'll be fine. Where is he?"

The bull didn't ask who he meant, he just pointed up to the roof and the rabbit moved until he was in the middle of the courtyard, able to see a pair of legs.

"Gavin?", he called up there, ignoring the shed and the cage and every memory belonging to this place for now. "Gavin? Please come down here!"

"He doesn't listen.", Ryan told him. "I already tried."

And he seemed to be right. After a while Ray sat down next to him and they waited.

 

It was nearing evening and they tried to coax him in. First with food, then with the fact that it would grow cold soon.

In the end it was Michael.

Michael who suddenly appeared behind them on the porch, dragging himself further and ignoring their attempts to get him back inside because he winced with each step. An arm curled around his bruised ribs, he turned towards the roof and took a large breath.

"Get the fuck down here right now, Gavin!", he screamed at the top of his lungs, letting them all fall silent around him.

At least they could see the bird sit up now, staring down to them as if to make sure he had heard right. "Go back inside and lay down, you're hurt.", was his answer and Michael barely let him finish the sentence.

"Not until your feathery ass is also inside."

"Just leave me alone!"

"Will be a long night then." And Michael simply sat down there. He groaned and hissed while doing so, moving slowly and carefully but the moment he was seated, he just looked up to the bird. Gavin stared back with a sullen expression before laying back down on the roof.

So Michael didn't move and Gavin didn't move and Ray just stared from one to another before sighing and sitting back with Ryan. He wondered briefly if Michael knew what was going on and figured that either Jack or Geoff had filled him in. Their agitated voices had stopped coming from inside some time ago and they also hadn't joined them here.

So they waited and it grew dark and then they waited a bit longer. Ray started to shiver in the wind even though he was still wearing Geoffs hoodie and he curled into it. Ryan threw him a quick glance before going inside. He came back after a few minutes and threw a jacket over his shoulders.

The rabbit nodded in thanks before he watched him walk up to Michael and crouch down in front of him: "You should go inside now. This isn't good for you."

"I'll stay.", Michael told him, not even hesitating with his words anymore. "But thanks for the blanket."

Sighing, the bull threw the blanket over him before looking up. Gavin was still lying down and he couldn't make out his face from the angle but he didn't think the bird was asleep. "There is still one for you down here as well. I would throw it up to you but I don't think that would work."

No reaction whatsoever and so he sat down next to Ray again and they continued to wait.

Around an hour later Michaels ears perked up and soon afterwards they heard the distant groans. It was quickly followed by a lonely scream that ended in some form of gargle that let them all go stiff.

"I had a dream.", Michael said suddenly. His face was pale and tired but his voice even though it had appeared rare before was now loud and clear: "I dreamed we were in a castle, like when we do this stupid King Let's Plays, you know?"

"And what? Were you the fucking king?", Ray asked. "Because I was the Best King as everyone knows."

Ryan next to him huffed in disbelief: "Excuse you? Who here was King three times?"

"Yeah but you also put a cow in a hole."

"The fans loved it."

"Gavin was the king.", Michael said.

"Now that sounds more like a nightmare.", Ray snorted, while resting his chin on his hands.

"It wasn't the most pleasant dream, that's true."

"What happened in your dream, Michael?", Gavin asked from above and the cat smiled a bit.

"A lot of things. I was a warrior with a kick ass sword."

"Not cocky at all."

"Hey, I don't know what kind of pills I've been giving to recently! So don't blame me."

"What about me?"

"You were the kings counselor, Ryan!"

"So, I did all the work."

"Hey!", Gavin called from above but it at least sounded amused.

"Ray was a knight, always clinging to Gavin."

"Now that doesn’t sound realistic at all."

"And you called yourself Knight of Roses.", Michael grinned brightly.

"Wow, melodramatic much?", Ray snorted "You dream some horseshit."

"What about Geoff and Jack?", Gavin called and the cat fell silent, a strange shadow passing over his face before he said: "I'm not really sure. I don't think I remember." He shrugged: "It was a really strange dream."

"Sounds like it."

"Was I a good king?"

"Nah, you sucked."

"But Michael!"

Michael started to laugh at the disbelieving voice of his friend but it turned into a yelp. Putting a hand on his ribs, he closed his eyes and took slow breaths.

"You should really lay down."

"I'm fine."

"You're in pa-"

"Will you go inside when I come down?", Gavin asked and the cat was quick to nod.

"Would prefer it if you'd do it fast, boi." He looked up, trying to smile but it was clear that he was in pain.

There was barely any sound when the bird landed next to him because he hadn't even put on boots before storming out of the house. Now he stood a few feet away from them but the cat wasn't having that. Reaching out, he said: "The least you can do is help me up. Your fault I am down here in the first place."

"I shouldn't step closer.", Gavin mumbled, wrapping his arms around his own form. "It's for your own safety."

"I swear to God, Gav. There will never be a day when I will be scared of you. So move your ass."

His lips twitched nearly into a smile and the bird huffed slightly before coming closer and taking his hand: "Fine. Whatever."

 

* * *

 

 

Whatever the group that had resided here had done, it had clearly worked. The little shed next to the house was filled with supplies they could live from but also weapons. Weapons and ammo and they filled up on that.

Geoff gave Michael a pistol and Ryan a shotgun – none of them complained and they were both quick learners. Jack wasn't a fan of his rifle and after hitting the cans the fourth time, he claimed he knew enough and didn't train further.

They couldn't really force him and he seemed just as uneasy about guns as Ray.

As long as both of them hit when it was necessary, Geoff didn't care.

They left the house and the memories with it behind when Michael claimed he could move again. That was roughly a week after everything had happened and as Ray was already back on his feet, Michael still stumbling behind them. So they wandered slowly through the forest, minding the uneven ground beneath them and listening to any unusual noises.

Gavin landed next to Geoff, nodding ahead: "The street is close, maybe 20 minutes from now. It's not as crowded as I expected."

"Good. A car will make everything easier.", the ram said shortly. There was still a tension between them even though it had eased now that Gavin spent more time with the others as well.

Throwing a glance towards the bird, Geoff could still see the dark rings beneath the others eyes from too many sleepless nights. Letting his gaze travel towards his arm, he always expected dark lines to appear there but still nothing. The bandage around his hand was a bit dirty from walking through the forest but he saw faint traces of blood beneath.

The wound still hadn't closed and he said quietly: "We're going to sew that the moment we can."

Following his gaze, the bird nodded with some hesitation: "Okay."

They reached the street shortly afterwards and let Ryan work on a car. The ram flopped in the passenger seat and watched him for a while before muttering: "If everything goes well we should reach Sayre today. We can drive there in less than two hours."

"That leaves us with quite some daylight."

"Yeah but we will rest there. Michael is in pain and Ray also isn't in the best of shapes. I want you to show me how you hot-wire a car."

"Okay."

"I want us all to know how to do that. After that we go through some first aid stuff. We all should know the basics." He felt Ryans eyes on him, looking at him knowingly before he turned back to the cords.

"Sounds good to me."

 

They squeezed into the car shortly after and Jack steered them carefully through the few abandoned ones on the street. Michael sat next to him, arms wrapped around his ribs and dozing after taking another painkiller.

It left the other four quiet and cramped together in the back and after some shifting and quiet grunts, Ray had ended up in Ryans lap, his head hitting the roof of the car with every bump. It was still a tight fit and Geoff could feel wings pressing against his side. Gavin was sitting between them stiffly, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was sitting on his own hands and that had to hurt considering the cut.

He was restricting himself as good as he could in the closed space, eyes focused on his knees and Geoff felt a terrible feeling of loss. A sadness that was deep and dull, like a slowly starting sickness. And that was what it was, right? Waiting for the inevitable.

Without much thought, he draped an arm over the others shoulder and caught his eyes when Gavin looked up to him. None of them smiled but he saw the luring fear of the other, the black shadow covering his face and this time he didn't avert his gaze.

After a while he could feel the tension seep from the others shoulder and closing his eyes, he leaned against Geoff, falling asleep in seconds.

 

"There was an accident.", Jack said and woke them up from their dozing or their thoughts.

There was smoke coming from the street ahead and after a moment Geoff could make out the truck blocking the street. He wasn't burning but the car that laid on its side was, even when the flames were already dying down.

"How much further to Sayre?", he asked and rubbed his face to wake fully up. He hadn't been asleep but deep in thoughts and Gavin cooed confused next to him as he sat up.

"Less than two miles. We should walk, I don't think I can get past there."

"Okay."

Jack stopped the car in some distance to the truck before stepping out and stretching his limbs. They all followed suit, getting their backpacks from the car as they got ready. Taking a second glance into the vehicle to make sure they didn't miss anything, he caught a glimpse of Michael wandering off. Confused, he called out to him but the cat didn't listen. He just stopped in front of the crashed car before crouching down there.

Geoff was quick to jog over to him, ready to pull him away but stopped when he saw the woman laying in front of him. Her legs crushed beneath the car and from somewhere she was bleeding heavily. Michael threw him a quick look before taking her hand gently into his.

Her eyes fluttered open and they were bright blue as they searched for his face, still Geoff wanted to tell him to stop, tell him it was dangerous – hadn't he paid the highest price the last time? But he couldn't, not when he saw Michael carefully touching her hair that was fiery red on the asphalt.

The woman was too old and besides the hair color there wasn't a clear resemblance to Lindsay but he wasn't all too sure if the cat saw that as well. With some hesitation, he gave the others a sign to stay back.

"Who are you?", she asked confused.

"I'm Michael."

She stared up at him as if she tried to remember him but came up with nothing. "I'm Rebecca.", she introduced herself in the end. "But most people call me Becca."

"Hey Becca.", Michael replied, smoothing her hair. "Are you in much pain?"

"Actually no.", she sounded as if she was surprised herself. "It's just... cold? You know the feeling when you were outside too long?"

"I do." Shrugging his jacket off, he placed it over her upper body: "Better?"

She didn't answer, her lids fluttering shut and the cat waited. He sat down more comfortably before continuing to card through the red hair.

"Who are you?", she asked again.

"I'm Michael.", he answered again.

This time she smiled brightly and reached out. He was quick to take her hand again and she sighed: "Don't think bad of me. I wasn't the one who drove the car into the truck."

"Okay."

"From here you should head to Los Angeles. They say it's safe there. It's on the TV and on the radio."

"I know. We're heading there."

"Good. That's very good.", she sighed again, squeezing his hand before opening her eyes. "You look like you've been through a lot, Michael."

"Says the one who is stuck beneath a car wreck.", he said and she actually laughed at that. She laughed until tears streamed down her face and then she sobered up instantly. Tugging at his hand, he leaned down and she whispered something into his ear that Geoff couldn't hear.

He nodded while sitting up and she smiled again: "Look after yourself, Michael."

"Okay."

"Thank you..." Closing her eyes again, he just sat there for a while. Fingers carding through red hair and a hand loosely holding hers and when her breathing stopped, he slowly stood again.

He took his jacket back before folding her hands on her chest. Geoff stepped ahead to pull him away because this woman could turn any second now but the cat already pulled his pistol out.

"Michael!", Geoff hissed but the other just gave him a sign to stay back, not even looking at him. Michael just aimed carefully and hesitated then for a long moment as if he waited to make sure she would turn or not. But then he pulled the trigger and the shot was deafening.

At least he had hit her in the head and after making sure he carefully lowered his gun, secured it and put it back in his waistband. Turning around, he walked past Geoff as if he wanted to simply get back to the others, as if nothing happened but he didn't get that far.

Geoff could see how his shoulders tensed, how a tremble went through his entire body as he took a look back at the woman.

"Lindsay?"

The ram wasn't fast enough to catch him as he crumpled into himself, tearing at his face as he started screaming. Screaming her name as if he expected to find her now, to see her coming from the car or as if he expected the woman to just stand up and be her. He screamed as if he asked her to stop that game, to stop playing dead and come back to him.

She didn't listen.

Letting himself fall next to the cat, he pulled him close even though he was fighting, clawing at him as if he wanted to stand up and search for her. The others were closing in on them and Michael growled loudly at them as he tore at Geoffs arms and even the ram felt the shiver going through himself, instincts warning him about an angered predator.

Ryan felt it too, he saw it in his face and he was quick to understand, pulling Ray and Gavin away.

It didn't affect Jack, without hesitation he sat down next to him and pried Michaels hands away from Geoff, holding them tightly to keep them from lashing out.

"Where is she?", Michael asked, his voice defensive to hide the deep fear beneath. "Where is she? I want to be with her!"

"She's dead.", Jack told him, not letting go when the cat started trashing to get his hands free. "Michael, she died."

"I want to be with her!", he said again.

"I know...", the lion sighed deeply. "But you can't."

"Give her back!", he demanded, hissing now. And as Jack couldn't find the words to answer, the cat turned towards Geoff: "Give her back!"

"We can't.", he told him and it tore at his heart. It hurt to see the realization in Michaels eyes, saw them widen before they searched all around them. Still hoping she would just appear, that everything else had just been a dream but the truth was painful all around him.

The brown eyes found their way back to him and very carefully he asked: "She is dead?"

"Yes, Michael. Lindsay died."

He stared for a while longer and he saw the eyes fill with tears before they finally overflowed. His expression didn't change, a grotesque show of astonishment, of surprise as if he had just woken up.

"She is dead?", he asked again, wanting to make sure and Geoff could just nod and Michaels face slowly changed, contorted in such a raw pain that he could barely watch.

"I love her.", he whispered, tears still streaming down his face. "I love her with my everything."

Jack pulled him close, hiding him in his arms and he let it happen while crying softly.

"It's alright, cub.", the lion mumbled. "It's going to be okay, Michael. It's alright."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be part 1 of 2, so be ready! I will also finish the story this weekend and if everything goes according to plan it will have 12 chapters + 1 epilogue.
> 
> My next project will be Fake AH Crew; I'm already working on it!


	9. Find me on my better days (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wish we would have stayed in the house.”, the other answered immediately. “I wish I could have forced them to stay. All of this...” He made a gesture that reached from Michael and Ray outside, to the door Gavin left through: “All of what happened... It's not worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! Updates once a week again, look at me! I was working hard and now I am done and can update and work on the next story, yay!

Chapter 9

Find me on my better days (1)

 

Gavins breath was labored next to him, his face buried in his shoulder to not see how Jack sewed his wound. Geoff shushed him down even though he also couldn't watch. He rather concentrated to squeeze the birds damp hand, assuring him that they were nearly done even though that was half a lie.

It was needed and they all knew it but Gavins whimpers weren't helping and he rubbed his shoulder to help him relax a bit.

They had settled down in a house in Sayre and it was nearing evening. It was quiet here, no Infected as far as they could see and the house was also clean. Not all too much supplies but there was a small convenient store around the corner and after they were done here, he would check it out.

They had to find something, otherwise their food wouldn't be enough for all too long. Six mouths sure ate a lot.

His eyes wandered towards the window and he saw the other three outside. There was a car in the parking lot and Michael was currently crouched beneath the steering-wheel, Ryan right next to him, explaining quietly. It was a tight fit and even from here Geoff could see that the cat was in pain but he didn't say a word, just worked on in concentration.

Ray was sitting on top of the car, keeping an eye out for anyone nearing them. He flinched when the engine came to life and called something down to them.

Carefully, Michael stood up but a grin stretched across his face as he answered. That was good, it was as if some life had come back to him and he couldn't be certain yet but the cat spoke more freely.

Whatever closure he had found after shooting the woman and breaking down, it seemed to have erased some of the weight on him.

Ryan smiled proudly as well, patting his head before helping Ray and Michael change positions and killing the engine to begin anew.

“All done.”, Jack said softly.

Gavin sniffed before lifting his head, flexing his hand carefully.

“The stitches aren't that pretty, sorry, but hopefully it won't scar.”, the lion said as he cleaned the few drops of blood from the others palm before wiping his own hands. “I hope it didn't hurt too much, I tried to be careful.”

“It was fine.”, Gavin mumbled before giving him a small smile. He was still shaking a bit and slightly pale: “Thank you, Jack.”

“Nothing to thank me for.” He stood up and went to grab his bag when Gavin took hold of his sleeve: “Wash your hands.”

“Excuse me?”

“Wash your hands and disinfect them. Okay?”

The lion stared down at his hands before he understood: “You're right. Good call.”

Giving him a real smile, Gavin stood and took the needle from him: “I'm going to throw that away right now. Would be a shame to get that thing confused.” He left the room and both of them looked after him before Jack got the disinfection spray from the table. Sitting down next to Geoff, he cleaned his fingers thoroughly before asking quietly: “What are you thinking about?”  
“I wish we would have stayed in the house.”, the other answered immediately. “I wish I could have forced them to stay. All of this...” He made a gesture that reached from Michael and Ray outside, to the door Gavin left through: “All of what happened... It's not worth it.”

“But reaching Los Angeles could mean freedom. A safe life.”

“Even if we reach Los Angeles it will be without Lindsay.” He paused for a moment before adding: “Without Gavin.”

The sharp stench of the disinfection spray stung in his eyes and he rubbed them furiously: “It's not fair... I should have... I should have done _something._ Anything. To protect them, even a single one of them. But I didn't.”

“Geoff... you can't-”  
“But I want to. I have to." He let his hands cover his face: "How many miles since Oklahoma City?"

"Maybe a bit over one hundred.", Jack admitted slowly and Geoff sighed heavily, trying to keep calm.

“One hundred...”, the ram mumbled in disbelieve. “Normally we could have gotten here in what... three hours? Three hours instead of the days we have walked, the days that we had to rest because of Michael and Ray. Hell, I killed in this time.” He nodded towards Ryan outside: “He killed with me. And you know what? In that moment I didn't feel any remorse, not after what those men did. They deserved to get killed and I would do it again if given the choice.”

Jack next to him remained silent and Geoff smiled a little at that: “Sorry, I know that sounds terrible of me. I feel terrible by saying it but it's true.”

“I didn't stop you back then, didn't I?”

“That doesn't make you a murderer.”

“Might as well.”, the lion sighed heavily before throwing another glance to the door to check if they were still alone. His ears flicked and Geoff knew he was listening if someone was close enough to eavesdrop. “When Gavin starts to show symptoms...”, he finally began and the ram shivered. He had tried hard enough not to think about it even though that was foolish.

“What do we do then?”

“We shoot him.”, Geoff said matter-of-factly. “We shoot him in the head.”

“You know what I mean.”

And Geoff slumped into himself as if all strength had left him at once. “I'll do it.”, he whispered. “I think Gavin... would want that.”

Only that he didn’t want to. Only that the thought alone to look into his eyes while raising his rifle made him sick. To wonder if the other would even look at him or just close his eyes or maybe he would smile, tell him that everything was okay, that this was the right choice... or maybe he would beg to not do it, to spare his life, to find another way.

He couldn't figure out what was worse. He just shivered, feeling cold waves of horror roll down his spine and when Jack touched him, he actually flinched.

"You don't... have to do that, you know? One of us could.", Jack said slowly.

Geoff was grateful for the offer, he really was but he couldn't imagine any of the others doing it, couldn't replace himself with any of them in the picture he had created. "No.", he shook his head. "I will do it. But thank you." He stood up, trying to shake the looming darkness from him: "I'll check on that convenient store now and then we ca-"

"You should lay down, Geoff.", Jack interrupted him immediately. "I can do it, you need to rest."

"Bu-"

"I'm serious. You are too hard on yourself. Relax for today, everything is under control."

 

* * *

 

 

They reached Amarillo after three days and it was a small milestone for them, raising their spirits when Geoff told them they should see the city around noon, along with: "Welcome back in Texas, bitches!"

The sight was devastating after they took a turn. Ryan even stopped the car for a moment as they saw the destroyed city in front of them. It had obviously met the same fate as Oklahoma City and from here it didn't look all too different.

"Fuck.", the bull mumbled, letting himself fall against the seat.

Geoff threw him a quick glance before checking on the rear view mirror. Michael stared out of his window, seeming shocked but he was quick to bottle it up, averting his gaze and look at his shaking hands.

Jack next to him was careful to take them and stop their tremors.

The picture of the city had to stir some painful memories in all of them but he didn't want Michael to close up again. He was getting so much better in the past days, talking more, joking with them again. And even though it was cautious, as if he was testing their reaction, he would miss it dearly.

It had cheered them all back up, conversation starting easier and lasting longer in the hours of traveling.

Turning his attention back towards the city, Geoff took a deep breath before pointing ahead: "The south part of the city still looks kinda good. Let's head there."

"Okay."

They began to drive further, crawling closer to the city and Geoff turned towards the guys in the back: "Listen - we have to be careful in there, I don't need to tell you that but I will. Don't talk to anyone, don't provoke anyone, don't steal what clearly belongs to someone. I wanna get through the city without problems and without pissing anyone off. Keep close, no one walks off alone and always have an eye on your bags and each other. Understood?"

They nodded like obedient students and he snorted a bit before turning back around.

"You think we will meet some people?", Ray asked quietly.

"It's a big city and I bet there are some people left there. If not than maybe just some who travel like we do. But yeah, I guess it's more likely to find them here than somewhere in the wild."

"What if... they are like those men?" The question was shy, fearful and Geoff took another glance in the rear view mirror to find Ray blushing embarrassed.

"Then we will kill them again.", Ryan answered before Geoff could and so the ram just nodded.

"They won't get the jump on us again."

 

* * *

 

 

They had to stop the car sooner or later and moved on. It was strange in the streets of the city; some where clogged with abandoned traffic but others were nearly completely clear off cars and debris. To look down one of those streets left them with an eerie feeling because the city had been so active before and now there was no one to be seen.

At least it made traveling easier and Geoff urged them forward. He wanted to get as much distance as possible before the sun would set. They wouldn't make it through the city today but he hoped to cross most of it before searching for a house they could reside in.

"You guys are new.", someone said and he turned around, finding the street behind him empty. But Jack nodded to his right: "Up there."

There was a small balcony above them and a woman leaned against the railing to watch them. She immediately raised her hands: "I have no weapons, so no worries."

Geoff still let his hand settle on his rifle and he saw Gavin do the same.

"You guys are planning to stay or on the way to Los Angeles?", the woman asked, apparently not nervous by their behavior.

"We are just passing.", the ram finally said. "We don't plan to make any trouble."

"Cool. We don't like troublemakers here. Those fucking Zombies are enough, no need to have some maniacs running around." She nodded, as if to herself and he noticed she was chewing on something. It turned out to be gum as she let it pop in the silence. "No use to keep you from going your way.", she continued. "But there are some unspoken rule in this city but hell, I can't force you to follow them but they might be interesting. Keeping a bit of order in here, if you know what I mean. See that sign on my door?"

She pointed down to a circle that was crossed out on the door, sprayed with black paint: "There is a group of youngsters going around here, checking on the houses. They are okay but don't mess with them, they are keeping an eye on the city and don't like people telling them otherwise. Anyway, they go through houses and when they are safe they spray a big circle on the wall or the door, okay? Go into one of those at night if you wanna rest. But a circle that is crossed out means somebody has claimed that house, so don't fuck with them. Everybody who made it this long knows how to defend themselves by now. Just leave them be, there are enough houses to take. Also nobody will bother you if you place your shoes in front of the door. The Zombies don't give a fuck and people know that the house is taken, at least for that night. Works like a fucking charm."

Geoff stared up at her, still a bit taken aback by her casual tone and she popped another bubble. Jack was the one who spoke up: "Thank you. We will make sure to do that."

"Cool.", she said, propping her head up on her hands. "You know, been some time since I saw hybrids, let alone a group. People used this whole fucking thing to get aggressive against them again, fucking idiots."

"We noticed."

"I bet." Her eyes traveled briefly over Michaels face which was still blooming with color. "Listen, the streets are dangerous, barely anybody uses them anymore if they can help themselves. That's how I could tell you guys were new. Get up here and I show you a safer way."

"No way."

"Whatever you say, mustache-man.", she shrugged. "But I warn you – the city is crawling. We kill any Infected we see but there are too many. You will have to be lucky to get through in one piece. Hell, birdy here might just make it if he can fly, the lion king as well if those things still feel fear but you other guys are dead meat." She seemed to think for a moment before revealing her own wings: "Don't know if that changes anything but... it's really been long since I've seen another hybrid. They get hunted down but the people here are mostly okay. I'm just offering help."

Hesitating, Geoff threw a look to the others: "What do you say?"

"I like her.", Michael admitted slowly. "And I don't think she's lying."

"Also we could take her down."

"If she doesn't hide a weapon or reinforcements."

"I got beer!", she called from above and Geoff huffed amused. It was stupid and they should just go on but meeting another human being, another hybrid... he missed that. Talking with someone besides their group that didn't just snap, hunt them down and try to kill them. And he had heard the same longing in her voice, saw it in the faces of the others. All besides Ray who still seemed skeptical but when he looked at the ram he simply shrugged.

"Be on guard. All the time."

 

* * *

 

 

The woman introduced herself as Karen as she met up with them and she had no hidden weapons and no army coming from the apartment she had just left. They followed her up onto the roof, where they settled while she got the beer.

Her wings were thin, letting light shine through as they folded neatly against her bag and it was Gavin who asked if she was partly a butterfly.

"Moth.", she corrected before handing him a bottle. "I bet my wings are not as strong as yours but they get the job done, that's what counts."

"Brave from a prey to invite us in."

"I am actually a predator.", she said, chuckling at their confused look.

"You're poisonous, aren't you?", Gavin asked, pointing at her wings. "Your wings are black but with bright red spots – that's a warning."

"Exactly. But don't worry; you'd have to lick them for quiet a while so don't do that." She raised her bottle to him: "But there is a possibility so I am in category 3. Beware of me."

They chuckled and for a moment they just relaxed. It was warm in the sun and they were sprawled out on the flat roof, sipping from their beer – or in Ryan and Rays case, from the water – and let their eyes travel over the city. It was a surreal picture to look in one direction and find destruction and turn your head to find an apparently normal city.

Geoff let his gaze fall on the woman, who hid her nervousness good but not her curiosity. He guessed she was around thirty, probably a bit younger but not much.

Asian by the color of her skin. Her hair was shorter than his and he briefly wondered if she was sick, cancer or something but then she noticed him staring and reached up to play with the short strands.

"Was traveling with a friend before. Julie; pretty girl. Not the smartest there was but clever if she needed to be. Was always a bit peculiar about her hair, let it grow really long and everything. Anyway, we alerted some of those things and they got her by her hair, pulled her back to rip her apart. Gave me time enough to run but I learned that my hair isn't all that important, you know?"

"Sorry to hear that..."

She simply shrugged and took a sip from her beer but caught herself just as quick: "Where are you guys from?"

"Austin."

"Wow, not bad. I'm from Vici, so not really all too far from here but it sure as hell was a trip. You guys look like you had one as well."

"You could say that.", Geoff mumbled, mostly to himself and hoped she would let the topic fall.

"Are you also on your way to Los Angeles?", Gavin asked eagerly.

"Nah, Julie wanted to but I think I'll just stay here for a while." Her hand pointed across the roofs: "The city is dangerous but it's dangerous everywhere and here there is some kind of order at least. As long as I do my share they will protect me and as it turned out; being able to fly is pretty damn handy. Also I like to meet the people passing through. They bring great stories with them."

"That seems pretty dangerous.", Jack told her. "There are a lot of crazy folks out there."

"I trust my instincts, they were always pretty strong and now they actually became useful."

"Are a lot of people heading to Los Angeles?", Geoff asked.

"Most of whom pass through here, yeah. But not a lot make it through the city." She nodded towards the destroyed part of the city: "It's a fucking deathtrap. The part of Amarillo we are in is relatively safe but over there... you won't make it out alive. Fucking horde nesting there, if one is enough. They stay to themselves as long as they get enough food but they move constantly."

"Did they ever get here?"

"Quiet a few times, actually. The first time was pretty bad but that was before I got here. That's why nobody uses the streets anymore – we move from roof to roof here. That's why flying hybrids are so important. We check on the whereabouts of the horde and help build bridges between the buildings. It's far from finished yet but it is already way safer than the streets. I can show you the way later."

They threw each other looks before Jack nodded: "That would be nice."

"Cool. But first I have to check on the horde. As nice as it is to have some fellow hybrids out here, I can't really stop working because of that."

"No problem. We could use a rest anyway."

Nodding, she downed her beer before getting on her feet: "I'll hurry up so please don't burn my house down or something."

"I wanna come too!", Gavin said quickly.

"If you can keep up."

"Sure.", he caught Geoffs eyes, nodding briefly. He'd be careful.

 

* * *

 

 

They had circled over the city for quite some time and Gavin knew he was slowing Karen down. Her wings were big enough for her weight, while he had to land from time to time. The hours he had already traveled weren't helping.

But as he spiraled down now and landed messily on yet another roof, it was because of the picture he saw in front of him. Falling to his knees, he carefully scooted closer to look over the edge.

Karen was right; the city was crawling. The city was infested.

He tried to understand what he was seeing but the only picture he could associate with it were protests. Protests or big festivals, maybe concert halls in which people stood so close to each other. Like no space should be left unused but all that wasn't quite right. It didn't explain it because he had seen this here from high above and it went on for streets and streets and the smell. The smell made him gag but he couldn't look away. Away from all those bodies moving against each other in such primal ways, with no real direction or purpose.

"Jesus Christ...", he whispered to himself.

"It's pretty awful.", Karen agreed and he hadn't even heard her land beside him. Not over all that noise from beneath them, like thousand voices from just one mouth.

"There are so many!"

"Yeah. A lot of food, I guess. Traveler who get into their clutches, abandoned bodies. I am hoping they will move on when they picked this place clean."

"I saw a horde before.", he told her slowly. "We were hiding in a house in Oklahoma City after the city got bombed. But it weren't that many!"

"This whole bombing shit made everything only worse.", she muttered quietly. "Death isn't enough to stop them. Death makes them stronger." She touched her forehead: "As long as the brain functions there is a chance to come back as one of them. With those bombings they just increased their numbers." Her eyes searched him and she nearly sounded a bit nervous: “I know that's hard to believe but the word dead maybe needs a new definition.”

“I believe you.”, he said quickly. “I saw it myself. Some come back.”

“Yeah... but not everyone.”

“Any idea why?”

She shrugged: “No. There has to be some kind of factor that decides it. I heard stories that it happens to hybrids as well as normal humans, so it has to be something different.”

“Could be anything.”, Gavin admitted. Throwing the masses beneath him another look, he stood back up: “Maybe they carried the sickness inside of them but they were only the transmitter? Or it could be their blood-type.”

“Hell, could be their freaking hair color.”, Karen added. “I just know that if possible I will give myself a bullet straight through the brain before I die. Look at those... _things._ It's fucking disgusting. I'd rather die ten times before I turn into something like that.”

Turning his head, Gavin did look. He looked closely and grew sick again. Not because of the smell or the noises but because he imagined himself to be one of them. It was a possibility. It sure as hell was one.

He knew Geoff wouldn't let it come that far, that none of the others would let it come that far but still...

Could he do it himself?

Curling his hand into a fist, he felt the stab of pain from his palm. The cut pulsated hot and in waves, reminding him with every heartbeat.

“After you get infected... how long until you turn?”, he asked quietly.

“Dunno. Also heard different stories about that, so maybe it depends on the person as well.”

“I see...”

“It starts with the lines though. On their skin, you know?”, she explained. “It's when their blood thickens and darkens. I wonder what does that... Like, is that some kind of parasite? It's clearly in their blood, getting transmitted through every bodily fluid as far as I know. But yeah, their blood is freakish as hell. By the way; that's also a rule here: People with those lines get shot immediately. Prevention and shit like that, okay?”

“Okay.”, he answered automatically. He could feel her eyes on him and knew he was pale, he knew he was shaking a little but he couldn't stop it. Now he really felt like throwing up and he swallowed loudly to get his stomach under control.

“The horde is pretty close.”, he said in the end, finally meeting her gaze.

“It is. The city will be even more of a hellhole than normally.”

They stood for a moment longer before Karen turned away and spread her wings: “Let's head back, I have to report that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Moving from roof to roof was strange. Karen explained them the way and joined them for a while as they walked across planks, even bend metal plates to get into the next house. Not every building was connected but she and Gavin flew over and either found something or secured their surroundings enough, so that they could cross the street.

It wasn't necessarily fast but Karen assured them that it was safer that way.

It was as the sun started to set that the moth landed next to them and said: “I'm going to head back now. You think you can go the rest of the way alone now?”

“Sure.”  
“Sweet. Make sure to check out the market we have going on. It's on the edge of the city and you can swap all kinds of stuff there. Maybe they have something interesting for you there.”

“We will.”, Geoff assured her before stepping closer. “Thank you.” He offered his hand and she took it with a smile: “You're very welcome. It was refreshing meeting you.” With a wave she pushed herself into the air: “Hey, and maybe we see each other at the market tomorrow!”

They watched her fly back towards her house and Ray mumbled: “In all honesty I half expected your beers to be poisoned.”

“What the fuck, Ray?”  
“It's true!”

“And you're telling us now?”

“What should I have done? Slap it out of your hands?”, he shrugged. “You guys are old enough to drink.”

“Little shit.” But Geoff reached out to ruffle his hair.

“Nice to know that not everyone went insane.”, Jack said.

“I am still saying we wait if you guys die tonight.”

“Ray!”

“I'm just saying! Me and Ryan will survive! We'll make it, right?”

“Sure.”, the bull agreed.

“Shut up, both of you. Let's find a house we can sleep in.”

There were a handful houses which carried the crossed circle and then a few that had a pair of shoes in front of the doors so they didn't mess with those. They just decided on the next house and settled down.

Geoff took Michael and they headed across the street to check out a gas station while Jack checked on Gavins cut. Ray sat on one of the beds when the bird walked in shortly after and flopped down next to him.

“I wish we had a shower.”, the rabbit told him as he sniffed on his clothes, his nose twitching at the smell.

“I wish you had one, too.”

He rolled his eyes but his reply died on his tongue as he turned towards Gavin and found him staring at his hand. Scooting closer, he carefully grabbed the others wrist and turned the palm to him.

The stitches looked nasty but at least it had stopped bleeding.

“No lines.”

“I know.”, Gavin mumbled.

“Maybe... maybe you're not infected?”

“Yeah... maybe.” Sighing, he freed his hand before starting to undress as well. Letting the topic drop, Ray stretched and laid down. It grew quiet between them while Gavin started to groom his wings but it was a comfortable silence.

Ray allowed himself to drift off, knowing they would wake him when it was time to eat something. Gavins movement next to him had become something familiar and he fell asleep, knowing he was safe for now.

It didn't last long and he felt like only a few minutes had passed when the mattress dipped and he jerked awake from rolling on his side. Opening his eyes again, he found Michael between them as they talked quietly.

"Nah, was completely picked clean.", the cat whispered. "But maybe we can get some good shit on this market."

"Yeah.", Gavin agreed as he reached down to card his hand through the others locks.

Michael gave a pleasant purr as he let his head rest on the others belly. His tail swished lazily and Ray reached out and pulled at it.

It lured a flinch out of the other and he chuckled: "That's for waking me up."

"I tried to be careful!" But Michael was grinning brightly at him and he couldn't help but smile as well. It was refreshing to see Michael like this. Alive and present, like he had finally woken up from a nightmare and Ray wasn't stupid, he knew that Michael wasn't okay, not in the big picture but he was getting better and for now that was more than enough.

It left a light feeling in him and without much thinking, he rolled over to curl into him. The cat gladly pulled him in and so close to the loud purrs he barely heard Gavins soft 'uff'.

"You guys are heavy.", the bird told them but continued to pet both of them now.

"How are your bruises?", Ray asked after a while.

"I'm getting better." And that was true in so many ways.

"Good." He nuzzled closer into the others chest and was asleep after a few minutes.

 

It was always hard for Gavin to take a nap when the blinds weren't drawn. It was part of being a bird hybrid and even though it was usually convenient, he just couldn't seem to find any rest when it wasn't dark yet. So when someone moved in the room, he was instantly alerted and opened his eyes.

The door was open but Michael had closed it before and his heart picked up as he imagined an Infected somewhere in here with them. Maybe hidden underneath the bed or something like that. True, they had searched the house even though it had been marked as cleaned – they weren't stupid!

Then Ryan appeared back in the door and he was momentarily blinded by a flash. The bird was still rubbing his eyes when he heard muffled laughter.

Geoff and Ryan checked on the photo taken with Ryans phone, while Jack rolled his eyes: "I thought we only wanted to use our phone when there is an emergency. You know that electricity isn't the most common thing anymore."

"That was totally worth it.", Geoff assured him as he held the phone for him.

"And also payback." Ryan winked at Gavin and the bird made sure to give him the middle finger.

"Time to eat, kids.", the ram announced. "Also Ray is drooling on you. Just saying."

 

* * *

 

 

"Wake up! Wake up, quick!"

Ray was shaken roughly before pulled into a sitting position. Opening his eyes, he was quick to flinch away from the harsh light of the flashlight but that didn't stop whoever was standing next to his bed to force him onto his feet.

"What..?", he mumbled confused. His wrist was grabbed and he staggered behind the person, trying to make sense out of this all but his brain was still fogged from being asleep. He tried to look around but it was pitch black and his eyes couldn't make anything out besides the heavy contrast between his surroundings and the cone of light of the flashlights. It were more than one, he noticed and he finally made out the tattoos on the hand that was holding so tightly to him.

"Geoff?", he asked as he reached up to rub his eyes. "What's going on?"

"We have to get outside. Gavin?"

Somewhere from behind him came a sleepy coo and he turned around but couldn't find the bird. There were two pairs of glowing eyes and his heart missed a beat until he understood that it was Jack and Michael. Where was-

"Hurry up!", Ryan called and he had to be somewhere at the entrance because the door opened in the next second and he heard the yelling coming from outside. They were followed by shots and he could feel his hair stand on edge, his heart working hard to wake him up now.

His backpack was pushed against his chest and he threw it over his shoulder, holding on to the strap as if his life depended on it as Geoff dragged him on.

"Is that the horde?"

"Can't be – it was on the other end of the city; we walked away from it!"

Ray stumbled over his own shoes they had put in front of the door and he wanted to pick them up but Geoff didn't stop for that.

"Gavin, find a way out for us! Fast!"

The bird pushed past him, his eyes still puffy from sleep before he took off. Finally Ray could see a bit more, other flashlights on the street and then there was the groaning, loud and unmistakably. Geoff let him go in favor to reach for his rifle and Ray simply stopped.

Scared and with rough concrete underneath his feet, he stood in the street as good as blind in the darkness and didn't know what to do. His heart beating violently against his ribs and he probably made some kind of distressed noise because he saw Michael in the corner of his eyes and turned towards the cat.

He would never forget how Michael immediately came closer on his bare feet, eyes bright in the darkness as he reached for his hand.

Then something exploded. Something big and loud and he screamed, he could feel it in his throat but his ears were popping before white noise filled his head. He was ripped from his feet and fell hard onto his side, curling up to escape the debris that hit the ground next to him and it was like a hand pushing him down, making it unable for him to move and get up and find cover.

The heat came surprisingly late, rolling over him like a wave and he screamed again in fear because it was _too hot,_ he would burn alive!

Scrambling to his feet, he tried to breath but it hurt and he had to cough violently, dropping back to his knees as he doubled over. Wheezing, he blinked tears away but his eyes wouldn't stop watering from the smoke around him, thick and black and oily and it hurt his throat.

Behind the fumes was fire and it lightened up everything with a sudden intensity that he closed his eyes again. It was raging, he could hear it even over the white noise in his head and forcing his lids up, he looked around, hoping to find one of the others.

But even with the new light he couldn't see far and the street around him was empty. Looking up, he couldn't see the sky or the stars and he couldn't find Gavin, only blackness.

For a moment he was completely alone in this world.

Then he started screaming for Michael because Michael had been so close. Michael had been so close that they had nearly touched so he couldn't be far away!

Somehow he got back on his feet, still yelling and it hurt his rough throat but he could barely hear himself as he stumbled away from the fire and the smoke. He was completely disorientated and he couldn't remember from where he had come and where the house was and he should wear shoes, right? He should wear shoes because there was glass on the street and burning things in front of him and maybe he should go back and grab his shoes real quick.

Something hot touched his neck and he flinched before he turned around. There was some sort of burning debris on his backpack and he couldn't believe he was still holding on to that but there it was, slung over his shoulder. Quickly he wiped it away before having to cough again, the smoke curling all around him, trying to suffocate him. His knees grew weak and once again he fell down, wheezing for a clean breath that he didn't get and with a sudden pop his hearing came back, pounding down on him with screams and roars and those terrifying groans.

Whining, he tried to get back on his feet but couldn't find the strength to do so. Casting his watering eyes up, he saw a body only a few steps in front of him.

“Jack!”, he gasped, crawling over the distance before breaking down next to him, coughing and panting and his head started to hurt now, really badly.

“Jack.”, he said again, tugging at the others jacket because he had to move now, he had to bring him to safety but he wasn’t doing anything!

"Jack, wake up! Wake up, Jack! We have to move! We have to find the others!" But the lion still didn't answer, didn't even move and Ray coughed some more before rubbing his eyes to get a clean look on the other. Jack was bleeding from a cut on his forehead that drenched one half of his face in red. Whimpering, Ray didn't know what to do before he opened his backpack and pulled out the first fabric he could find. It was a T-Shirt and he used it to clean the other as good as he could before pressing it against the wound.

"Jack, you really have to wake up.", he sniffed because they had to get away from here. They couldn't stay here in the middle of the street - he could hear people running around him without being able to see but most of all he could hear the all too familiar groans.

Swearing beneath his breath, he got back on his feet before taking Jacks arm and pulled. The lion barely moved but Ray could see the pavement and whatever was behind that looked like grass and that was at least a start.

"Need help?" The man had appeared out of the smoke and took the other arm of Jack. Ray stared at him, before nodding quickly, muttering thanks over and over again while they dragged the bigger body towards the pavement and there was really grass, maybe a small garden or something but they didn't get there because the stranger started to curse and let go, taking a tight hold on Ray instead.

"Move, kid! Hurry!"

He got ripped away and the rabbit screamed as he lost Jacks hand. The groans around him appearing so much louder as he fought against the grip: "No! No, let's go back! We have to help Jack! We have to go back!"

"Be quiet! They can hear us and wi-"

"But Jack! Jack is still there! Michael has to be somewhere in there as well and all the othe-" He stumbled over his own words as he realized he couldn't see the lion anymore, his friend simply swallowed by all the smoke around them.

"You guys can regroup later. For now we ha-"

"Jack is hu-"

"We have to move, kid! You'll be thankfu-"

Ray turned around and bit into the hand that was dragging him away. The stranger yelped and let him go, stumbling away from him: "I just wanted to help you, you freak!"

The rabbit didn't even listen, he ran back into the smoke, passing someone who tried to get a hold of him and he couldn't even tell if it was a human or not. Under the drumming in his chest, the groaning was still deafening and he pulled his pistol from his backpack. The weapon laid heavy in his hand as he found the pavement again and followed it, asking himself meanwhile what the fuck he was going to do here.

The man had been right; he should get out of danger and search for the others when it had calmed down. And under normal circumstances he would have done just that but now he knew that Jack was hurt and wouldn't be able to move just like Lindsay hadn't.

He was sick of people getting hurt because of his cowardice.

Jack appeared back from the shadows and Ray nearly fell over him but managed to stop himself in time. There was a figure crouching next to him and he raised his gun and shot.

He didn't think about Geoff and Ryans tricks, he barely took time to aim or to check what was behind the target – he simply steadied his hand as good as he could before pulling the trigger. The figure groaned as it hit the floor and disappeared into the smoke.

The recoil shook through his arms and settled painfully in his shoulder because he had been too tense and he gave a small yelp before taking the few steps.

"Ray..?", Jack mumbled, lids heavy and the rabbit began to smile. That was more than what he had dared to hope for!

"Can you walk?", he asked as he crouched down next to the lion, trying not to think that he had just shot an Infected. Probably not in the head, he couldn’t really see far enough to check it out. They had to move and before Jack could answer, he already threw the others arm over his shoulder. At least the lion helped and got on his feet, even though he leaned heavily on Ray.

The rabbit didn't mind that as long as they stumbled ahead, his free hand curled tightly around his pistol as they both gasped and coughed.

A noise cut through the nightmare around him, loud and haunting because it was so full of pain and they both spun around, nearly losing their balance at the sudden movement. Then Jacks voice joined the cry, at least as loud: "Geoff!"

"Oh god... oh god...", Ray whimpered because he hadn't dared to recognize that howl but now he was starting to shake because the scream slowly faded before dying down and leaving them deaf in all that noise.

"Geoff! Where are you?", Jack called again but nobody answered this time. They stood there indecisively before the lion shook his head: "We have to go on."

After what felt like an eternity they emerged from the smoke into the cool night air and they both stopped wheezing and exhausted, trying to catch their breaths. It helped them to slowly grasp the situation and Jack appeared to be clearer now, looking around as if to orientate himself before nodding to one of the houses to their right: "Let's get inside. We have to get out of this chaos."

"But the others..."

"We won't find them like this anyway." And he wasn't happy with it. Jack was clearly not happy with that because he kept throwing glances back as if he expected one of the others to stumble out of the smoke.

With some hesitation, Ray nodded but Geoffs sickening scream still echoed through his head as they moved on.

They found the house locked and Jack stood there a bit dumbfounded as if that wasn't part of his plan and he didn't have a plan B.

"Can you stand?", Ray asked and even if the other nodded, he only let go when the lion leaned securely against the wall. Pulling out his pistol, the rabbit took some calming breaths before shooting the lock. It took him two tries to get the door open and when he put the gun back into his waistband, he felt the heat radiating from it. Not thinking about it, he helped Jack inside and threw the door shut behind them. They were instantly engulfed in complete darkness and his breath hitched with the same freezing fear that had taken a hold of him on the street.

"There's a door on the right. Just a few steps ahead.", Jack told him and he took a look at the glowing eyes of the other before nodding. They moved carefully and his free hand slid over the wall before he felt the frame of the door. Pushing it open, he found a living room and the big window towards the street let enough light inside for him to see.

He quickly stumbled forward and helped Jack to sit on the couch before he fell to his own knees in front of it.

His eyes burned from the smoke and the dust had settled in his throat, making it rough and sore. And he was drained. He could feel the adrenaline fading slightly and it left him burned out and exhausted. Resting his head against the cushions, he tried to catch his breath while listening to Jack doing the same.

Liking his dry lips, he jostled himself into action because the other was hurt and as much as he didn't like it he had to do something. First he ripped the rucksack from his back and pulled the water bottle from it. Taking huge sips to clear his throat, he gave it to Jack: "Drink."

The other did so slowly and his hands shook so much that Ray had to help him before setting the bottle on the table.

"Thanks...", the lion mumbled and it sounded as if he was ready to fall asleep. Retrieving the flashlight from his backpack, Ray flicked it on and flinched over the harsh light. He shone through the room before starting to shiver.

"Jack?", he asked quietly, shaking the other a little. "Do you remember what sign was on the front door? Was this a clean house?"

"Dunno...", was the slurred answer he got and he let the lion doze off, while standing up. Pulling his gun out, he carefully moved through the room and tried to look in every corner. To be honest, it didn't seem realistic that something was inside of here because otherwise they would have surely heard it by now but he couldn't be sure.

At least this room appeared to be safe and he slowly moved back outside, shining to the steps that lead into the darkness upstairs and by this point he couldn't even stop shaking. He held his gun close to the flashlight like he had seen in so many movies but Ryan had told him that he should always shoot with two hands on the weapon. How should he do that now? Why hadn't they taught him that?

He felt like throwing up as he turned his back to the stairs and waited for something to jump at him as he hurried to the front door. Pulling it open, he searched for one of the signs Karen had explained to them but he couldn't find it anywhere. So this house hadn't been checked on yet, okay. Okay that was bad and he quickly moved back inside.

His breathing went faster and horror crept up on him by just thinking about moving through this dark house by himself and before he could finish the thought, he quickly slipped back into the living room and closed the door. There was a key in the lock and he turned it before looking around. There were two armchairs next to the couch and with some tugging and pulling, he shoved one against the door.

If he could at least secure this one room... they should be fine, right?

Turning back towards Jack, he found the other man asleep already and he sat down in front of the couch to rummage through his backpack. The cut on the lions forehead had started to bleed again and he had to do something but now he couldn't find the damn first aid kit! Frustrated, he threw the clothes onto the floor and stumbled over one of the walkie talkies. Confused he stared at it before digging deeper until he found the small box all the way on the bottom and pulled it out.

Opening it, he took out one of the bandages before sitting on the edge of the couch and carefully started to wrap it around the others head. Jacks eyes fluttered open and he groaned but lifted his head to help him. Ray gave him a small smile as thanks but remained silent, knowing his voice would crack and shake if he spoke now. After a few minutes he was done and Jack back asleep. It looked a bit sloppy but for now he didn't care.

He was cold and still shivering and he had noticed small cuts all over himself.

Getting on his feet, he turned the remaining armchair until it faced the big window and then he grabbed one of the strays hoodies to throw over himself. It was too large, he noticed absentmindedly and the scent of freshly dried clothes told him that it was indeed Ryans. Confused he couldn't even remember if he had taken just a random backpack or if someone had given it to him and then he remembered the walkie talkie again.

Taking it, he flopped down into the chair and flipped it on. The static sounded loud in the room and he winced before licking his lips and pressing the button: "Hello?" He was right; his voice did crack and he cleared his throat before trying again: "Hello? Anyone? Geoff? Michael? Please... Please answer."

There came no answer and he let it sink into his lap, feeling drained again and ready to sleep. Shaking his head, he jerked himself back awake.

Sitting up in the chair, he placed his gun in reach before fixing his gaze to the window.

He started to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 comes next week!  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger~


	10. To lose it once again (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't really be sure if whoever he had shot had been an Infected, right?  
> No. No, because he hadn't checked.  
> He had shot because Jack had been in danger. But what if it had been help instead, somebody hovering over him to check on him before getting shot? Maybe one of the others?  
> But that couldn't be true! He wouldn't have done that, he surely would have recognized them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end, guys! Are you all excited?

Chapter 10

To lose it once again (2)

 

He was running through the smoke, desperately searching for Jack, noises of danger all around him and his instincts screaming for him to turn and flee. But then he finally saw the lion and a figure was crouching over him and without much thinking he shot.

Geoffs scream let him freeze in place as the man fell on the street, blood splashing red from his head and quickly pooling around him.

Ray stared at him confused before he felt his breath hitch.

Hadn't he learned to always check on his surroundings? Hadn't he learned to always make sure that he wouldn't be able to hit someone else?

He had done none of this and now the silence of both Geoff and Jack on the ground was deafening as the blood just kept on soaking the dirty street.

Ryan called him and quickly he let the gun fall from his hands, scared to make yet another mistake but he couldn't keep his eyes from the bodies and suddenly he saw Lindsay laying there as well and oh god what had he done? What had he done?

Ryan called him again, insistent, nearly pleading and Ray jerked awake.

The street in front of him vanished and he stared out the big window like before. He was curled in the armchair, his gun gone and he quickly sat up. It was still night so he couldn't have slept long but he felt cold shivers running down his spine to know that they had been completely defenseless in here. But Ryan was here, he could smell him and he remembered hearing him talk but as he looked around, he could only find Jack in the dimly lit living room. Jack who was still asleep with a messy bandage around his head but alive.

What about the others?

He tried to remember but his head was fuzzy.

Standing up, he found the gun on the floor and he picked it back up before moving to drink something. His throat was still rough and he tried to clear it for what felt like the thousands time.

Gavin... Gavin had been flying. Yeah, he had pushed past him before taking off, right before the explosion. And now that he was not so wounded up and in a state of panic Ray realized it had to be the gas station across the street. That would explain the heavy smoke and the terrible flames. Maybe a stray bullet or two? Was that enough to make it explode? He wasn't sure but he remembered the shock wave clearly.

It had surely brought Gavin down one way or another.

Closest to him had been Michael but the other had disappeared in the seconds after he had been thrown to the ground. It could also be that they had walked past each other in the chaos.

Geoff couldn't have been too far gone as well. He had let him go and then..? Ray wasn't too sure after everything that had happened. Had the other started firing? He could remember many shots but they hadn't been that close, right? And then of course that scream. This terrifying scream and his stomach clenched at the thought of it and then he saw his dream again. He couldn't really be sure if whoever he had shot had been an Infected, right?

No. No, because he hadn't checked.

He had shot because Jack had been in danger. But what if it had been help instead, somebody hovering over him to check on him before getting shot? Maybe one of the others?

But that couldn't be true! He wouldn't have done that, he surely would have recognized them!

Whimpering, he buried his face in his hands and smelled Ryan again. Right, he had grabbed the others bag and wore his hoodie to keep warm. It was too large but he didn't care as he shuffled to sit close to Jack and curl into it. Both the scent and the breathing of the lion helped a bit, calmed his heart down and for a few minutes he just sat on the floor feeling terribly vulnerable and confused. On the verge of tears because his muscles hurt and his throat felt sore and he was so, so tired.

And god, he couldn't stop thinking about that agonized scream of Geoff and Gavin getting wiped away like a fly from the shock wave and Michael who had disappeared from his side. Hell, he didn't even know where Ryan had been.

It had all happened too fast!

He was just so happy that he had found Jack, that at least Jack was alright and the rabbit leaned against the couch to be closer. If he wouldn't be afraid to hurt the other he would simply climb up next to him because he felt awful and was shaking even through his different layers.

"Anyone..? Please..." It was a begging sound and that didn't fit with the familiar voice.

Ray looked up in confusion, half expecting to see someone in front of the window before he launched ahead and pulled the walkie talkie from the table. "Ryan? Ryan, is that you?", he asked, his words tumbling over each other as he waited for an answer.

"Ray?"

"Oh god. Oh, thank god.", the rabbit mumbled to himself, hiding his face again. It took him some moments until he fought against the lump in his throat so that he could push the button again: "You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice."

"Are you okay?"

"I think so.", Ray answered before noticing that he wasn't all too sure. Yeah, he wasn't bleeding heavily and there were probably no broken bones but he hadn't checked on himself. "What about you?"

"Nothing serious." But something was wrong, he heard it in the others voice and Ray frowned at it. It was too numb, too far away and he briefly wondered if it was because of the walkie talkie but he didn't think so.

"Rye..?"

"Do you know where Jack is?"

"He's with me."

And now there was an emotion in his voice, like a heavy weight being lifted: "Really? Is he alright?"

"He's asleep but I think he is. He had a cut on his forehead but I think I fixed it... kinda."

"Okay. Okay, good." There was a long silence and Ray was afraid he had lost the other before he heard him again: "Listen, Ray. I need you to wake him up and then you have to move. You have to come to where I am."

"Where are you?"

"Not far from the house we stayed in. I can tell you the address – do you think you can find it?"

"Why don't you come here? Being so close sounds dangerous!"

"I can't.", was the short answer and Ray shivered.

"You said... you weren't hurt."

"I'm not. Ray, please just... just listen to me, okay?"

"Okay... We'll head over to you when it's getting a bit brighter an-"

"No. Right now."

That sounded like an awful idea: "But it's dark and dangerous outside! I ca-"

"Ray!" The word was sharp and threatening enough to make the rabbit flinch, his ears dropping to his side. He stayed quiet, not knowing what to answer to that and the other also seemed to take a moment. When Ryan spoke again it was a lot softer but still tense: "Sorry. Sorry, Ray. No reason to scream at you but please... please wake Jack and come here. I need Jack here, do you understand?"

He didn't but he still said: "Okay. Okay, Rye. We'll hurry."

Getting Jack awake was terrible because it was clear that the other needed more rest. The lion dozed off a few times while Ray tried to coax him to drink some more, maybe even eat something. But when Ryan asked them how it was going, it seemed to wake something in him. It was a strange edge in the bulls voice, close to hysteric but not quite.

Soon they stepped out into the dark streets and even though the gunshots were gone and the screams had passed it was loud, the blazing fire lighting up the sky. Jack was still talking to Ryan, guiding them to his place while Ray had his pistol ready, ears raised to catch any noise.

They moved closer to the fire again and here the street was illuminated by the flames. The lion stopped and Ray followed his eyes, watching as a door opened from one of the houses. Ryan just stood there without a wave or greeting, not even a smile. He just looked run down by the dirt and ash clinging to him but on the other hand Ray figured he didn't look any better.

They walked inside without a word and Ryan closed the door behind them, leaving them in darkness until he flicked on the flashlight.

"Come with me.", the bull mumbled, taking Jacks arm as he moved towards the stairs. Ray was quick to follow but Ryan stopped before a room and turned towards him.

"Wait here." Nothing more, no explanation or anything as they both headed through the door and he was left in the darkness. He frowned at that and then his nose twitched as he was hit the a strange smell from the room beyond. He didn't like that. Hell, he hated it already.

There was some light, he could see it from beneath the door and it was probably a candle but most of all there was only silence. They weren't talking or moving, he would be able to hear it and for a moment he could nearly pretend he was all alone here.

Swallowing nervously, he reached for his own flashlight and flicked it on. Looking around just to be sure...

Now the voices came, fast and panic-fueled. That was Jack and Ray stared at the door in fear.

Ryans voice was dull, tired.

Reaching out, the rabbit let his hand rest on the handle, trying to prepare himself. But it couldn't really be worse than standing any longer out here alone in the darkness.

Only that it was.

He opened the door and recognized a bedroom in the dim candle light. Ryan looked up but he wasn't mad at him, his eyes dark as he opened his mouth as if to say something but wasn't able to. Jack didn't even turn around. He stood next to the bed, his hands shaking indecisively between touching and not daring to.

On the bed laid a body and Rays first confused thought was, that the person was only wearing jeans. Than he realized that someone – probably Ryan – had cut the hoodie open and it was now laying on the floor, parts of it burned off and dark.

The strange smell from before hit Ray again and now he understood that it was burned flesh and skin. From here he could see the back of the person and somehow the skin had gone missing, showing the red and swollen flesh beneath. Big blisters spread over shoulders, deforming the artistic tattoos there into strange scribbles.

"Geoff?", Ray asked carefully but didn't get an answer. Carefully he got closer and he saw that the rams eyes were shut. "Is... is he..?"

"He's unconscious.", Ryan told him. "I knocked him out. I- I had to!" And suddenly the others facade started to slip, his voice carrying high: "He wouldn't even let me touch him, let alone listen! He was in so much pain, I just... I just didn't know what else to do! And we had to get away from the street as fast as possible! So... I just..." He shrugged as if he had forgotten what he was even talking about.

Ray stared at him, then back to Jack because the lion seemed to be frozen in place, his hands still hovering over Geoff and Ray could understand why. There was barely any place for him to touch without hurting. From here he couldn't even see the lions expression and was a bit happy about it.

Ripping his eyes from him, he at least stepped towards Ryan and carefully touched his hand.

The bull looked down at him as if he was surprised that he was even here. Then he reached out, pulling at the hoodie that was too large before cupping his face. Carefully he began to wipe dirt and ash from his cheeks and Ray let him, closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Allowing himself for a moment to not think, to just feel.

It didn't last all too long but at least Ryan let an arm rest around his shoulders after he was done.

"What can we do?", the bull finally asked and Ray turned around, finding Jack sitting in front of the bed. The lion didn't answer, still didn't even look at them and so the rabbit answered: "We need a doctor."

He knew that was stupid, that it was nearly impossible but he felt the need to say something, to maybe help. He noticed that he still focused on Jack, not daring to take another look at Geoff to remind himself that even with a doctor...

With a low whimper, he buried his face in Ryans side, listening to his breathing for a while.

"Any of you have an idea where Michael and Gavin are?"

"No.", Ray answered and that was another thing. That was another terrible, terrible thing.

How were they suppose to find them? How could they make sure they were alright?

What if they weren't?

 

* * *

 

 

It was dawning when Geoff woke up again and Ray could feel his hairs stand on edge when he heard the painful groans that reminded him too much of the Infected. Jack, who hadn't spoken since they came here, was immediately trying to calm him down while Ryan rushed to get a glass of water. The rabbit hid himself in the corner of the room, trying not to be in the way but maybe also to not be seen because this still felt surreal.

Everything that had happened... he still waited to finally wake up.

Ryan came back, handing the glass to Jack before grabbing the painkillers. Ray watched as the lion took out three and then even a fourth and thought to himself that that seems an awful lot. He remembered that Michael had taken one, maybe a half afterwards and it had knocked him out.

Of course he had still skin over his flesh and only some bruised ribs and Ray shivered as he watched them pulverize the pills before trying to get Geoff to drink the mixture. It was difficult because the ram laid on his belly and they couldn't turn him around.

And then he choked, started to cough and it ended in a high howl of pain. Closing his eyes, Ray pressed himself further into his corner waiting until it subsided in exhausted whimpers as Jack talked oh so quietly, his voice soothing.

His body started to shake as Ray watched Ryan put the pills back down and there were barely any left. The package nearly empty, used up by Michael and suddenly Ray realized how bad their situation really was.

He didn't know how much supplies they still had, which bags they had saved and which had gone lost in their headless fleeing of the night. He himself had grabbed Ryans bag but Jack didn't have one on him. Seeing that they had the pills, either Geoff or Ryan had secured a second one or maybe Ryan had found them in this house.

They had been running low on food before and even though he didn't feel hungry yet, he knew it would come eventually.

He was still pondering over that when Geoffs breathing became a bit calmer, shallow breaths but he saw the way the rams hands held on tightly to the blanket he was laying on.

"Where's Gavin?", Geoff suddenly asked and in the first moment Ray didn't understand him. The words so slurred and pushed together that he took a minute to sort the sentence out.

"We haven't found him yet.", Jack told him. Ryan had gotten him a chair at some point and the lion sat down close to the bed, a hand carding through Geoffs hair.

The ram made a stressed noise that sounded too vulnerable for him: "Ray?"

The rabbit flinched at hearing his own name, trying to disappear into his corner.

Jack didn't even look up, he just answered as calm as before: "He's here. Ray is safe."

Geoff turned his head, looking for him and for the first time Ray saw the others face. It was buried beneath dirt that had partly been wiped away and beneath the skin was red and burned, smaller blisters on his cheeks. What was worse were his eyes. They were bloodshot and were watering and something was just off about them. From here he couldn't tell what it was because it was just too overshadowed by the immense pain the other had to feel.

"Michael?", the ram finally asked but didn't avert his gaze. Ray wished he would.

"We haven't found him yet either.", Jack admitted slowly.

Geoff remained silent at that before he fell back asleep.

Now it was nearing noon and Ray sat on the porch of the house they were in, staring down at his feet and noticed that he didn't wear shoes. He couldn't remember walking all the time on bare feet but he guessed it was true. There were small cuts on the sole but they didn't hurt.

For right now it didn't really matter and he should pay attention to his surroundings some more because they weren't too far from the gas station and he could still smell fire. And of course hear the groans.

There were Infected and they were close but they didn't pay attention to him – they were having a feast a bit down the street and he didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think that Michael or Gavin could be among them. When he had first walked out here, he had raised his gun and debated on shooting as many as he could but he knew better and now the gun was laying next to him. It reminded him of the person he had shot in the smoke and the chaos. He hadn't checked his surroundings, he hadn't really looked.

What if it had been a human?

He would never know now and it was driving him insane.

Around half an hour ago he had went to the kitchen and had found some canned soup. They didn't have the camping cooker anymore and so he had just poured it in three bowls. Geoff had woken up once more, right as he had given Jack his share, grabbing his arm tightly.

"Where's Lindsay?", he had asked, the skin of his hand unnaturally warm. Ray had stared down at him before ripping himself free, staggering away in fear and guilt. And maybe it had stirred the battered body of the other or it would have come anyway, but Geoff howled in pain.

Ray had fled, out of the bedroom and had sat down here. Shivering and crushed and trying not to think.

Knowing that those burns had to be agonizing, knowing that they couldn't do anything against them.

Nobody had said it yet but he knew how this would turn out.

Knew that they should have already acted but who was he to say it if he couldn't even stay in the same room?

"Ray?"

He flinched and looked up.

Gavin was standing on the street, his clothes ripped and ruined and his wings more disheveled than he had ever seen them, one even bent in an odd angle. He had been bleeding from cuts and colorful bruises were hidden beneath soot and dirt.

The rabbit was on his feet instantly and even though the bird hesitated for a full second, they met halfway and threw their arms around each other. Holding on without a word and with only listening to the others breathing, bathing in the sound of it.

Gavin was shaking beneath his arms, he could feel it clearly and he just held tighter, minding the clearly hurt wing and was missing the way they would sometimes curl around him protective. It wouldn't be enough anyway because the moment he would let go and the other would step inside their little peace would be broken.

The longer he held on, the longer he would protect Gavin from the cruel truth.

But at some point it was inevitable and the bird let go, pulling back and the green eyes raked over him as if he had to make sure Ray was still in one piece. And the rabbit simply took the others hand and lead them inside.

The change was immediate.

Geoffs groans reached them here and he felt Gavin stiffen beside him.

The wings next to him fluffed up and Ray threw him an alerted gaze. He squeezed the others hand tightly, feeling how cold it was in his. Then the bird ripped his hand away, staring at him haunted before stepping back: "Don't touch me."

"Bu-"

"I'm bleeding.", the other whispered harshly. "I'm bleeding and don't touch me and wash your hands."

"Ga-"

"Don't touch me!" And he even bumped back against a low table, throwing it to the ground and breaking the vase on top of it. Ray flinched and quickly checked on his hand. There was no blood because Gavins cuts had long stopped bleeding and were mostly littered across his face but the rabbit stepped back, leaving the other the desired distance.

"Sorry.", he mumbled, showing him his hands. "I'm fine."

"Don't touch me.", Gavin simply told him, still pressed against the wall as one of his wings moved to curl around him. The other twitched and he hissed in pain.

"You're hurt.", Ray told him but shivered when a howl came from upstairs.

The bird looked up the stairs but didn't move. He was pale underneath the dirt, his eyes unnaturally wide and Ray knew that something wasn't okay with him. That he was in shock or something like that. Maybe hit on the head but he didn't know what to do about that.

Then Gavin stirred, grabbing the railing of the stairs as he rushed upstairs. Ray was so caught of guard that he followed him too late to see how he threw open the door but he could hear Jacks surprised gasp: "Gavin?"

Finally the rabbit reached them but couldn't see because the bird was standing in the door. Licking his lips nervously, he watched how wings lowered slowly as Gavin leaned heavily against the frame, hands searching for something to hold on to. Ray tried to help but Ryan was faster. Taking a hold of the birds shoulder, trying to keep him from hitting the floor. Calling his name but nothing was working as Gavins knees gave in. Ray helped him to sit on the floor, shocked by the violent tremors going through the others body.

"Hey, stay with us! Come on!", Ryan said, slapping his ashen cheeks gently. Behind them Geoff also called but the name was drowned in a cry of pain. Looking up, Ray saw how Jack tried to keep the ram down, stopping him from sitting up and Ray could see the burned muscles moving from here and quickly lowered his gaze. Watching numbly as Gavin rolled his eyes until only the white was left and he slumped into himself.

"Get him out!", Jack called harshly and Ryan did just that. Lifting the limp form, he closed the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin remembered not much from the night before. Geoff had woken him and Ray and he had felt disorientated not only by the suddenness but also by the fact that it was still night. His bird-part demanded to go back to sleep because it wasn't time yet but the panic around him washed it away quickly. Michael had been behind him as they walked outside, a warm hand on his arm until the bird passed Ray and pushed himself into the air.

His heart had been pounding and his mouth dry because it couldn't be the horde. The horde had been too far away! From higher up he saw that he was right; there were Infected, alright but not the big horde from before. Still enough to be concerned. His eyes weren't as good in the dark as usually but what he saw were at least fifty Infected.

There were some stray people on the street, shooting them while others retreated in panic. And suddenly the gas station exploded.

He didn't see what the cause was, he had barely enough time to even turn his head towards the spark in the corner of his eye before the shock wave hit him.

After that he had lost his consciousness.

He had woken up to soft light that coaxed his lids to open up but also stirred a pounding in his head. Letting his eyes flutter open, he looked out a window and saw the morning sky.

His first thought was that he had slept longer than usually and only the second thought was that the window was broken.

Someone moved behind him, breath tickling his neck and the noise was strange. Like he was being sniffed.

"Ray?", he mumbled confused of the others antics as he turned his head.

He ended up face to face with an Infected and froze. His eyes wide, he didn't even dare to breath as he stared into the bloody gaze of the other, skin hanging from its bones and the color a sickening gray. There was blood on its chin, a lot of it and it was red, still tripping down to the floor.

And then the Infected turned away, losing interest in him as it walked out of the room.

Gavin still hadn't moved, his eyes simply following the Infected and now he could see that it was a woman, her clothes ripped and singed. She hadn't smelled of decay, he thought briefly. She had smelled of smoke and fire and gas.

Jerking into a sitting position, he pressed himself against the wall behind him, covering his mouth. His heart seemed to pick up the lost beats and Gavin pulled his legs to his chest, making himself as small as possible. Fearing that the woman would come back but also knowing that he had nothing to fear besides himself at this point.

Reaching up, he rubbed his neck where he had felt her breath before stopping and checking on his hand instead. On his palm where the cut was so roughly stitched. It was healing slowly.

God, he felt stupid.

He felt so stupid for hoping, for listening to Geoff and Ray. To the maybes and could have beens. The small possibilities that he wasn't infected. That he could survive.

He had tried not to, had shut them down because hoping hurt. Hope was like an insect that just wouldn't die or like a lullaby stuck in his head, haunting him.

And now it came crushing down on him like a heavy blanket, trying to smother him.

Burying his face in his knees, he stifled the small noises coming from his throat. Noises full of pain and pleading, with slurred versions of Geoffs name because he wanted to be back in the house.

In their house, before everything had happened and play video games. Or just pretend to fall asleep on the couch because it was too comfy there, while being tugged into the rams side. And when Geoff was convinced the other was asleep, he would make sure he was safe and warm and card his fingers through his feathers.

Sniffing quietly, Gavin lifted his head after a while because his neck hurt. Blinking until he could see clear again, he noticed the shards of glass on the floor in front of him and he slowly understood.

He must have crashed inside of here after the explosion, the shock wave must have flung him like an insect away. At least it protected him from the fire.

Swallowing dry, he tried to stood up and winced at the stinging pain. It came from his sore muscles and small cuts all over him but most of all from his right wing. He tried to move it and had to stifle a moan at the ache.

Not broken, at least as far as he could tell. But sprained.

And his feathers were ruffled and itched as they rubbed at him in all the wrong ways. He wasted some precious minutes trying to restlessly groom himself before he noticed that this wasn't the right time.

Looking out of the window, he could see the gas station and there were still flames but they were dying. The street beneath was full of Infected and his stomach dropped as he saw them tearing at corpses, devouring junks of flesh.

Quickly to avert his eyes, he took the room in. The room of a child by the looks of it. Bright and colorful with stuffed toys neatly tugged into the empty bed. Careful to not step into the shards, Gavin headed for the door. He couldn't help but noticing that he was swaying as if he was drunk. Reaching up, he felt a painful bump on the back of his head and he missed the door handle twice before managing to open it.

The woman from before had found something in the corner, he could hear her eat so he kept his eyes on the floor in front of him. Following the stairs down, he stepped through the open front door and stared at the chaos.

There were bodies on the street, some even in the small patch of grass in front of him. Laying there like mindlessly thrown dolls.

Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself before taking a look on their faces, fearing for a familiar one but finding none.

That was at least something.

Heading outside, he stepped over one of them before standing on the street. Some Infected looked up but only to growl at him. Like they feared he would go for their prey.

The thought made him dry heave and he found himself on his knees, gagging with nothing coming. His head was spinning and there was a white noise in his ears. Spitting out some bile, he wiped his mouth before getting back on his feet. He stumbled a bit but kept his gaze fixed on whatever laid in front of him. Passing by Infected and stepping over faceless corpses, he followed the street without any goal.

When he saw Ray he stopped in his tracks. It was a one in a million chance to actually find him and Gavin hadn't even realized he had looked after them but of course a part of him had.

Ray didn't see him, he simply stared to his feet, ears low and he looked small and lost.

The bird continued to watch him, trying to sort his thoughts out because he could just go on. They could all pretend he had died in that explosion and Geoff wouldn't have to shoot him. Nobody would have to do it.

It was a possibility, sure.

But he was scared, fearing to be out there alone without knowing what happened to the others.

At least Ray was alright but what if there was no one with him? What if the rabbit was alone? Maybe Gavin could at least help him a little?

He was too weak to face his end alone, he realized numbly.

"Ray?"

 

* * *

 

 

“He's asleep now.”, Jack mumbled as he sat down on the arm chair. Ryan threw him a quick glance because the other sounded distant but could he blame him?

It had took him long enough to even coax him into the living room and he could understand that he wanted to watch over Geoff but they had to... to talk.

But now he didn't even know how to begin.

“We have to search for Michael.”, Ray mumbled.

The bull was surprised that the other even managed to speak. He hadn't made as much as a noise after they had brought Gavin into a separate bed room and in the end he had sat on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest and the familiar hoodie pulled around them.

Jack nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on the side table as if it held all the answers he searched for.

“And we have to check on our supplies.”, Ryan added. “Someone has to get an overview on what we still have and what we need.”

“I can do that.”, Ray offered quietly.

“Good.” Ryan gave him a small smile but got none in return: “When everything calmed down we should head back to the house, see if we can sti-”

“What about Geoff?”, Jack asked and the bull fell silent. “What do we do about him?”

“You tell me...”, Ryan whispered and he knew that wasn't fair but he couldn't say it himself. “How bad... are his wounds?”

“Bad.”, Jack said, still staring at the table. “Really bad.”

“Can we... help him?” He frowned at his own wording but didn't correct himself. Jack might know more about medicine and first aid but he didn't have to be a doctor to see that in order to help there was only one option left.

“We could shoot him.”, Jack said matter-of-factly, tail showing how anxious he really was. “That would help.”

Lifting his head, Ray stared at him: “Do we... have to?”

“He's in agony.”, Ryan explained as if the other hadn't noticed yet. “We are doing him a favor.”

“But...” It's Geoff. _It's Geoff._

Lacing his arms around his legs, he buried his face in his knees and fell silent. Not that he had to say it – they all knew already.

“When are we..?”, Ryan asked, making a rough gesture to the second floor.

For the first time Jack moved. He leaned forward to hide his face behind his hands and breathed out slowly. In the end he whispered: “I figured... later today? We should at least try to say our goodbye.”

Ray whined low and let his ears hang in distress. Nobody commented on it and Ryan just silently nodded.

“I'll do it.”, Jack added quietly. “I'll do it. He would have done it for me and I will... I will do it.”

And Ryan felt like a weight had been lifted because for some terrible moments he had wondered if he himself would have to do it. It seemed only fair because Geoff and Jack were close and Ray would never be able to and Gavin wasn't even an option.

But he kept that to himself, relieved by Jacks offer and he only asked: “Do we even have a gun? I didn't grab mi-” He stopped when Ray looked up quickly, his feet touching the ground as he sat up sharply. The rabbit opened his mouth but continued to stare into the distance before giving a long, low whine.

“Ra-”

“I have...”, he simply said. “God, I have a gun.” And he pulled out the pistol that had already killed Lindsay and seemed so, so cursed to him. For a moment he didn't move, staring at the weapon and wondered if it would also bring his own death.

Than he held it out to Jack: “Just take it...”

 

* * *

 

 

“Gavin?”

He was shaken nearly softly as if the other didn't really want to wake him up. He still did because the movement tugged at his hurt wing and he groaned quietly. Opening his eyes, Ryan stood above him. They were in an unfamiliar bedroom that seemed more like a guest room than anything else and he cooed confused.

“Are you awake?”

What a dumb question. Wasn't he looking at the bull?

Sitting up, he groaned once more as his head began to throb again and his muscles tensed up painfully. Ryan helped him a bit, giving him something to drink and maybe the question wasn't that stupid anymore because he stared at the water bottle like he had never seen one before realizing what he was meant to do.

At least the water was refreshing and rubbing his face, he finally nodded.

“Okay.” Sitting down next to him, Ryan carefully moved the others head to look at him: “Do you remember?”

“I don't wanna.”, Gavin said before really understanding the question.

“You have to. Please.”

The bird stared at him and whined quietly, still fighting against it because a feeling deep in his guts told him that he _really_ didn't want to. That he feared the knowledge and when the memories came back to him, he knew he had all the reasons to do so.

Closing his eyes, he let his head hang and tried to sort through the confusion in his mind.

He had hoped, yeah he had. Hoped that he wasn't infected and even if he was... at least he wouldn't have to watch anyone else die, right? At least he was next and maybe he would never know what would happen to the others but he would also never be forced to know that one of them didn't make it.

Why wasn't he left with that little blessing?

He had seen the burns on Geoffs back and he had understood what they meant. That they would get infected and kill the man from the inside out. He had understood that there was only one alternative.

“Gavin?”

Taking another breath, he raised his head and dared to look into the blue eyes of the other.

“What will happen now?”, he asked quietly.

“He's awake.”, Ryan told him. He reached out but Gavin shrunk away, remembering that his blood was dirty and the bull stopped quickly.

There was an awkward silence before Ryan cleared his throat: “We are waiting for you, he is as well... we all already talked to him.”

“Does he... know?”

“Yes.”

Taking a moment to himself, the bird stared into the distance before placing his feet on the cold ground: “What should I say to him?”

“I can't tell you.”

“What if I just can't do it? What if I forget something important?”

Ryan just shrugged and he knew it was unfair of him to ask, that he had to know his own answers to all those questions.

“Who will do it?”  
“Jack.”

Something like a smile appeared on Gavins face: “That's good. Geoff would want that.” Standing up, it took him a moment to get his balance back before heading towards the door. It felt unreal.

He would walk those few steps and enter the next room. Talk to Geoff and...

He stopped on his way and asked: “I'm the last? So after I am done it's over?”

That couldn't be. That really, really couldn't be.

Ryan didn't answer and what should he possible say? Taking yet another deep breath, the bird walked into the room and found Jack there, sitting next to the bed.

The lion looked up, eyes dark as he stood. While passing him, he squeezed his shoulders slightly before leaving them alone.

In the silence, Gavin moved to sit on the very same chair before looking to Geoff, finding the others eyes on him as well. His were glassy though and Gavin realized it had to be the painkillers and that made it a little better. Because then it wouldn't hurt him, right?

“Geoff?”, he asked because he didn't know what else to say. How does somebody even start something like that?

Instead of an answer, the others hand moved and Gavin quickly took it in his. He felt the burned skin against his and his breath hitched, thinking again that this was so unrealistic.

“Hey, buddy.”

This right here couldn't happen.

“You're doing good.”, Geoff whispered. It was a little slurred but still cut deep. “You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you.”

“Geo-”

“You look after Michael and Ray, that's good. They feel safe with you.”

“That's not true...” Why was he saying that? Why was he saying such things? That wasn't fair!

“You made me so happy. So proud to see you those past weeks – you learned so quickly.” And his free hand reached out, thumbing some tears away that Gavin hadn't even noticed: “You've grown up.”

“Geoff...”, the bird whimpered. Sliding from the chair onto his knees, he buried his face in the others neck, careful of the horns: “Please... please don't...”

"It's fine... It's fine."

"No, it's not!"

"Listen to Jack. Don't give him a hard time. Help him a little."

"Geoff, you can't!"

"It's fine." But his breath was shaking so close to Gavins ear and the bird cried silently: "I don't want you to die! I don't want you to be gone! I'll miss you! I'll miss you so much!"

"I'll miss you as well."

And that was when he realized.

"Not for long, okay?", Gavin whispered, surprised by his own thoughts. "You won't be alone for long, I promise! I'll follow you soon!"

"Gav-"

"Listen!" He lifted his head, not minding that Geoff could now see his tears flow freely – there was nothing to be ashamed of. "I will follow them as long as I can! I will protect and help them. I can shoot, I can fly – I'll be as useful as I can! Until the day I can't go on anymore, okay? I promise, Geoff! I promise I'll try to be good, to be you! I'll give it my very best!"

And now Geoff was pulling him close again and he could hear the other hiss in pain at the movement but it stopped none of them to embrace each other tightly and Gavin sobbed loudly against the others shoulder: "I promise! But you also... you also have to promise me! Wait, please. Wait for me. You won't be alone, okay? I'll follow you and we meet up again. We meet up and search for Lindsay, yes? Promise me!"

"I do.", Geoff told him, voice cracking like it always did. "I do. I promise."

"Thank you... thank you so much...", Gavin mumbled. Closing his eyes as he breathed in the others scent, searching it under the looming death and the burned skin. It was still there and it smelled like home, like old books filled with fairytales. He tried to memorize it, tried to lock it away in his heart but he knew that wasn't quite possible. That all of that was just weak copies of the real thing.

It had to be enough for now.

"I'm glad I got to know you, buddy.", Geoff whispered into his ear, holding him even tighter. "I'm so honored to have you as my son."

He burst into tears again, crying against the other. They hadn't said it like that before. Sure, it was in jokes and in teases and Gavin knew it wasn't the Truth but it somehow was.

"I love you... I love you...", he whimpered, knowing that he had to let go soon. That they had said their goodbyes and had to let go and let Jack do it. But it was so wrong. Each second he lingered would prolong the others life and what should he do without Geoff?

But after his tears were gone and only small sniffs remained, he slowly untangled himself, being extra careful to not hurt the others as Geoff laid down with a low huff. Gavin pressed a kiss against the others temple, feeling a hand stroking through his hair before he stood up.

They looked at each other for a small eternity and somehow... somehow that said more. That said more than all the words before and he didn't fear anymore that he would forget something important because in that moment Geoff understood.

And yeah, he understood as well.

Squeezing the others hand one more time, he wiped his face and turned away. On the way to the door he forced himself to not look back and with a deep breath he left the room.

Jack was waiting right outside and quietly closing the door behind him, Gavin looked at him but the other couldn't return it. It was obvious why and the bird knew that with him coming outside, he had sealed not only Geoffs but also Jacks fate.

Without much thinking about the fact that the lion was going to kill one of the most important persons to him in the next minutes, or the fact that he himself shouldn't be touched because his insides were dirty and rotten, Gavin stepped forward and threw his arms around the other. Jack immediately returned the gesture, pulling him as tight as possible as they basked in the shared horror.

"Thank you...", Gavin mumbled because he didn't know how to word it otherwise. Because Jack would do it and he would do it just fine. It was a strange relieve to not only know that he himself wouldn't have to do it but that it would be Jack. He trusted Jack.

"Thank you so much."

And the others breath hitched and Gavin could feel him swallow heavily as he whispered: "Please forgive me. Please forgive me for what I will do."

Nodding against his shoulder, they stood there for another minute before the lion let go: "Let's not let him wait any longer. That's cruel."

"Okay."

Holding the bird at an arms length, he squeezed Gavins shoulders: "Go downstairs. Sit down with the others."

He didn't react at first, he watched as Jack opened the door again and caught one last look on Geoff laying on his death bed. Then he did turn around, headed down the stairs and joined the others in the living room.

For a moment he stood there a bit awkwardly, knowing that the other two could see that he had been crying but then Ray reached out his hand and he sat down next to the rabbit, pulling his arms around his own form defensively. After that he didn't know what to do besides wait.

It was a cruel waiting, it made him feel sick and he trembled as his ears waited for the shot while fearing it.

Still it felt absolutely surreal, like he was watching a movie.

Geoff couldn't die. It was Geoff! Stupid, loud, drunk Geoff, who cared more than was probably good for himself.

And Jack shooting him? What kind of desperate joke was that? It sounded so wrong and out of reach – Jack who was so kind to everyone around him.

It couldn't be that this right now had been the last time talking to Geoff or seeing him. They worked together! They even lived together!

Things like that really didn't happen, right?

Ray touched his shoulder and he flinched away, staring down at the rabbit. He hadn't even noticed that he had stood up but the other was trying to tug him back down.

"Don't touch me.", Gavin mumbled as he sat again, feeling Ryans eyes on him. But even though he said those words, he scooted closer and let Ray hold him, fearing he would jump to his feet and run towards the room. Hearing it was more than enough, he really didn't have to see it. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he could stand seeing it. Imagining it made him already close his eyes and curl into the other body, whispering: "Don't touch me. Please..."

The rabbit rubbed his arm and again he didn't listen to his own words, tugging his face into the others neck just like he had done with Geoff just a few minutes ago. And at some point his words changed without him being able to control it.

"Please...", falling from his lips. "Please. That can't be happening... That can't be real."

He couldn't stop those flood of words, having to bleed them out in a last small hope before it got crushed.

 

* * *

 

"Jack?"

"It's me." He sat back down on the chair and Geoffs eyes followed him. They were red rimmed and tired. He was on the verge of falling back asleep and maybe that was good.

Putting the gun in his lap, he sighed heavily.

"I can do it myself.", Geoff offered but the other just shook his head.

"You just... rest, okay? You shouldn't even think about that."

"Kinda hard."

"I know." Staring down at the gun, he checked for the fifth time if it was loaded. Of course it was.

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Find Michael."

"I know."

"And after that bring them to safety. Get them to Los Angeles."

"I will." He knew what would happen next, knew there would be that terrible loud shot and then that small moment of terrifying silence. Then Gavin. Yeah, he would hear Gavin, than maybe Ryan. He wouldn't hear Ray. Ray would stay quiet.

"Jack."

He looked up and took the hand that Geoff offered him.

"I know you will take good care of them.", the ram told him. "I don't have to worry about them anymore."

"Okay." Standing up, he aimed the gun at the other. Their hands were still intertwined and Jack thought about that you should never shoot with only one hand at the gun but he couldn't be bothered with that. He was pretty sure they both needed that touch.

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too."

Geoff closed his eyes and Jack moved his finger to the trigger. His heart was loud in his ears as he stared down at the other and he had never thought it would come to this. He still wasn't sure if he would be able to do it but just imagining how long these few seconds were for the other...

He pulled the trigger.

The shot was as loud as he imagined and the deafening silence followed as well. Somehow he hadn't thought about the warm spray of blood on his hands and face as he quickly closed his eyes to not see what he had done. He also hadn't expected the others hand to squeeze his so tightly as if he was still in pain. He squeezed back, feeling his face contort in sorrow before the fingers went limp.

It could've only been a second, maybe even less because now he heard Gavin cry out.

Heard him howl in agony and it tore at his heart.

Then Ryan, trying to calm him down but his voice barely raised against the others, rivaling it in no way whether it was volume or raw feelings.

Ray was quiet.

Letting the gun fall from his grip, Jack sat back down and buried his face in his hands.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray had watched everything without really understanding. Of course he knew what was happening but it wasn't sinking in, it was rather like he was following a plot in a movie – things like that didn't really happen.

When the shot had rang through the house Gavin had screamed against his shoulder, breath hot against his skin. That was maybe the moment where Ray had stopped understanding.

So when the bird ripped himself from his grip, he simply let his arms sink and watched as the other headed for the stairs as if he wanted to storm inside the room. That seemed like a bad idea and Ryan seemed to think the same way. The bull stood up and grabbed him quickly, trying to avoid the flailing wings as Gavin was trying to break free. Screaming "No! No!" and then "Geoff! Geoff!".

And Ryan answered with his name, tugging him back inside the living room.

The wings knocked pictures from the wall and the telephone from a side table, only able to brush against Ryans head as the bird fought against the grip. Then he froze in place and while his last cry still rung in their ears, he started to frantically whisper: "Don't touch me." Repeating it over and over again like an anthem, hanging rigid in Ryans arms.

At some point Ryan had let him go but Ray couldn't really remember when it had happened. It seemed to be forever ago but he himself was still sitting on the couch and he wondered if he had so much as breathed all the while.

Gavin had curled up in the corner of the room furthest away from them all, wings hiding him.

Ray could see that the right one was trembling a bit as if it was a strain to stay in that position.

Ryan stood in the doorway, throwing them short glances before looking back up the stairs and Ray knew he was waiting for Jack or wanted to at least check on him.

It was good that he wasn't leaving them alone though. Ray wouldn't know what to do in this poisonous silence that just grew heavier by the second.

His ears picked up a noise from upstairs, doors opening and closing and he also saw Ryan tensing. It still took some time until there were actual steps on the stairs.

In the end he saw Jack briefly, before the lion passed Ryan and headed for the front door.

"Where are you going?", the bull asked, following him and now Ray could only listen.

"Searching for Michael. Watch after them."

"Jac-"

The door fell shut and the silence returned once more. Ryan didn't appear in the door frame but if he listened really closely, Ray could hear him breathe heavily. Turning his head, he checked on the bird. Waiting for Gavin to run for the stairs again but he hadn't moved.

It was like time was standing still.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack returned in the evening and sat down at the table in the kitchen right next to Ray and both of them remained silent.

Ryan had brought them soup but it wasn't warm and it smelled bad. None of them had touched it and now the rabbit just watched how the bull tried to get Gavin to eat.

The bird sat in the very same corner, had been there for the past hours but he had at least lowered his wings. Even though Ray wasn't sure if that was just because the strain on them had been too much.

In the end Ryan placed the bowl next to him and threw a blanket over his shoulders. Gavin didn't move, didn't even so much as acknowledge the others presence, so they left him again.

"We have to bury him.", Jack finally said as Ryan walked back into the kitchen. "Let's do it tomorrow."

"Okay.", Ryan agreed.

Ray opened his mouth. Wanted to ask if they could leave the house afterwards because it was haunted now. It was a haunted place.

Instead he closed his mouth again, watching his soup.

He wondered if Michael had something to eat. Wondered if Michael was in some house, worried sick over them.

"I want to look for Michael...", he finally said, feeling them all turn their heads towards him. He realized it were the first words he had spoken since...

"Yeah.", Ryan said. "We will. We search for him until we find him."

"Good."

After that they fell silent again and watched the darkness spread outside. Nobody dared to go to sleep and so they simply waited for enough light to head outside again. It were dull hours that were only interrupted by Ryan checking on Gavin but always coming back empty handed.

Around four in the morning, Ray found himself in the living room, crouching down in front of the bird.

Gavins eyes reflected the little light they had before he wrapped his wings around him again.

Ray took this as a sign to leave him alone and headed back to the kitchen. Sitting down on his chair, he waited.

 

The moment the sun lit up the room, the bird stirred. Without a word to them, Gavin passed the kitchen and walked outside. Ray could see him through the window, saw his still disheveled wings stretch before he took off. A few minutes later they followed but Jack immediately said: "We should split up."

Ray didn't want that but Ryan took his arm as the lion walked off, guiding him in the other direction.

"Bu-"

"They need time for themselves.", the bull explained to him. "Both of them."

"Geoff is dead.", Ray told him.

"Yeah."

They searched through the streets, calling occasionally and when they came across other people they asked them. It seemed all to be to no avail and for the first time it really hit Ray that Michael might not just wait for them. That something might have happened to him.

Again he remembered the moment just before the explosion. Michael reaching out to him.

Michael being close enough to touch – what if he had also reached out? What if he had gotten a hold of the others hand and had pulled him close?

In this first minutes after the explosion... he had to be right beside him!

Did they head into different directions? But that would mean that Michael had walked towards the explosion and the fire.

The question wouldn't let him go.

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin crashed onto the roof, scraping the skin on his knees and hands. Pushing himself back on his feet, he huffed at the tearing feeling in his wing. By now he hadn't bothered checking on it or even grooming his disheveled feathers. He already knew that he wouldn't reach all the places by himself and Geoff wouldn't help him anymore.

Dusting himself off, he tried to catch his breath while he waited for his wings to stop trembling. They were giving out all day and by now he had always managed to land in a safe spot but he knew he was being reckless, pushing himself too hard after he had no strength to begin with. Not after the past day.

And the further he headed out, the further he had to fly back as well.

Gasping heavily, he scanned the area around him, hoping to catch a glimpse of Michael but again he couldn't make the cat out.

He was probably already too far.

Michael wouldn't have wandered that far off, not after the explosion. Even if he had gotten out mostly unharmed, he would have been disorientated and confused. Probably searching for any shelter he could find.

Maybe he was close to where they were staying. Curled up somewhere and fast asleep.

But what if he was hurt?

What if he couldn't have moved?

Gavin clearly could remember the bodies littering the street and yeah, he hadn't checked on all of those.

Before the thoughts could stop him, he pushed himself off again. Rushing a terrifying, exciting moment towards the concrete below before his wings stopped protesting and caught his weight. Gaining height again, he followed the slightly familiar route until finding the right house. This time his wings gave out too early and he hit the roof hard.

Groaning, he let the impact ripple through his body as he rolled onto his back. Staring up into the blue sky, there was barely any cloud to find. It was a beautiful day and he hated it. He wanted it to storm and rain, like the world was going to end. Like everything was falling apart and everything should be terrible, everything should be mourning!

Hiding his face behind his hands, he stifled his voice.

It wasn't fair!

Why wasn't everything standing still? Why did no one stop for hours upon hours because of the ache in their chest? Because of the looming feeling of loss?

Didn't they know?

Didn't they care?

Had he not been worth enough for the world to stop turning?

"Fuck... fuck, fuck...", he whispered beneath his breath.

Trying to fold his wings again, he flinched at the pain. A hot throbbing that spread towards his shoulders, setting them on flames. Just like-

Biting hard on his lips, he lifted his hands again. Staring at the cut in his palm and didn't even care.

"Gavin?"

It couldn't be Geoff, it didn't even sound like him but still that small hope lingered for a painful second before it died down again.

"Karen.", he mumbled, craning his head to see her.

The woman stood in the doorway leading towards the roof before heading towards him: "I thought I heard something but... god, what happened to you?"

She reached for his arm and he noticed the blood drops on his jacket before jerking away: "Don't!"

"But you're hur-"

"I'm infected.", he told her and watched her stop. She stared at him for a while before her face hardened: "That's not funny."

"That's because it is not a joke.", he answered before sitting up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"You know the rules.", she whispered. "You'll get shot immediately. I should shoot you right now!"

"I know, I know! But first I need your help!"

"My help?"

"Did you see Michael?"

"Michael was the cat hybrid?"

"Yeah!"

She shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her chest: "Not since you guys left."

"I figured...", he mumbled more to himself than to her. "But you fly over this city a lot, right? Can you... if you could just keep an eye out for him?"

"I can do that but Gavi-"

"Don't shoot me.", he whispered. "Please. I can still help the others – I am still in control!"

Her dark eyes were furrowed, were disbelieving and he could understand that. He had nothing to back his statement up with and he wouldn't even be mad if she would just pull out a gun at him. But then it tumbled out of his mouth, like it had waited on his tongue: "Geoff is dead. Geoff is dead and... and we don't know where Michael is. We have to find him! We have to! And if I don't come back... I can fly, so I can search for him. I have to! So... so please... Please just let me go back and if you find him... just tell us, okay? That would be great."

She was still watching him and he just looked back, knowing that he had used up his words. All those poisonous truths, all those things that weren't fair still lingered around him.

"I'll look for him.", she finally said. "And you should get lost. The next time I will follow those rules."

"Thank you."

 

* * *

 

 

Landing in front of the house they were staying in, he felt immediately lightheaded. Sitting down for a moment, Gavin gasped for breath. His wings were numb at this point and he felt like throwing up but knew that nothing would come out anyway. He hadn't eaten since yesterday and now it was already evening, the sun slowly setting.

The door opened and Jack walked out. Gavin watched him for a while, eyes tracing over the bandage around the others head and the dark bags under his eyes.

"You killed him.", he finally panted out. "You shot him in the head."

"I did." The lion stepped closer before crouching down in front of him: "Give me that backpack. It looks heavy."

Nodding, Gavin started to untangle his wings from the rucksack. He had went back to the house they had stayed yesterday, walking past the Infected that were still lingering there and this time he had checked. Checked on their faces and the bodies on the ground as he roamed among the dead and the lost. He didn't find Michael and maybe that was good but there were also bodies without faces, torn to unrecognizable corpses.

He didn't want Michael to be one of them.

In the end he had just headed into the house and collected what they could still use, stuffing it in one of the bags, binding their shoes on it as well.

Now, with his shotgun he felt a little better and he had stood in the street, wondering if he could shoot the Infected. If they would attack him then.

Jack took the backpack from him and Gavin simply nodded absentmindedly at that, his hands falling back to his side. His palms were dirty and scratched, his knees bloody from hitting the ground so many times.

"You look like a mess.", the lion told him.

"You are not any better.", Gavin added, letting his eyes flutter shut. His heart wouldn't stop pounding and the heat from his wings seemed to spread through his entire body now, forcing him to gasp like a damn dog. Letting his head hang, he did just that.

Jack didn't touch him and he was glad for that. People suddenly always seemed to want to touch him. He wasn't sure if that always had been like that and he just didn't notice but now each touch filled him with horror. Of the fear to pass it on and god, he wished he was dead. He wished he would have stayed with Geoff, leaning their foreheads against each other and hopefully they would only need one bullet then.

It sounded like falling asleep, like slipping right into a dream.

It filled him with a feeling of peace, ignoring the fear of how he would meet his own end.

Now it was too late for that.

"Can you stand?", Jack asked him but didn't wait for an answer. "We waited for you to bury him."

He whimpered but pushed himself to his feet. His wings started protesting, his body followed the lead. Opening his eyes again, he followed Jack through the house into the backyard. He hadn't even known that there was a backyard here but there was Ryan, digging in the soft earth and Ray cowering close.

There was a body wrapped in sheets and blankets.

Gavin stared at it for a long time, debating if he wanted to check on it.

Maybe it was all a joke? Maybe Geoff would throw back the blankets and scream: "Boo!"

All a damn sick joke but it was Geoff after all. God, he would forgive him. Would call him terrible things while throwing his arms around him, punching and laughing until his voice would give out on him but even that would be alright.

That would be alright.

His feet had dragged him to the body but nothing was moving. It just laid there and he sat down next to it, eyes traveling to where he knew was the head. There was no blood and he numbly wondered who had washed him. Who had wrapped him up.

If they had closed the others eyes? Folded the tattooed hands on his chest. They had always been a little rough but warm, gentle.

Listening to the digging, he let his head hang, watching out of the corner of his eye how Jack went to help Ryan.

He should too but his legs wouldn't carry him any further.

So he just sat there, waiting for Geoff to scare him senseless but it wasn't happening.

It wasn't happening.

Ray was watching him, he could feel the others eyes on him and when he looked up, he saw that the rabbit looked wrecked. Pale and tired and shaking slightly. Gavin wanted to go to him and pull him close. To hold his hand through this but he wasn't allowed.

Then Jack and Ryan came to him and the lion asked quietly: "Gavin?"

His eyes wandered to him, confused as to what the other wanted before he understood. Looking down at the body, he opened his mouth but didn't know what to say. Reaching out, he touched the blankets briefly before nodding.

They took Geoff and carried him across the grass before carefully lowering him into the self-made grave. Stepping back, all four of them stared down before Jack moved. Grabbing the shovel, he began to throw earth down the hole.

Watching the white blankets getting dirty, Gavin felt his breath hitch: "Stop!"

The lion stopped immediately, searching for his gaze and Gavin saw the tears in the others eyes. He felt his own roll over his cheeks, felt like his own heart breaking: "Please... He isn't... He can't be dead! He's alive!" Starting to weep, he tried to get to his feet, to run and tear those damn blankets away. Ray held him back and he howled: "It's a prank! He is just playing dead! Geoff! Geoff, tell them!"

"Gav...", the rabbit whimpered, throwing his arms around his neck.

"Wake up! Geoff, wake up! Please! Please, you have to wake up!" But he didn't try to run to him anymore. Wrapping his arms around Ray, he cried violently into the others shoulder. "No... No, this is all wrong! Geoff! _Geoff!"_

Geoff didn't answer and Gavin simply clung to the rabbit like his life depended on it, screwing his eyes shut to not see, to only hear how they buried him.

"No... this can't be.", he tried to reason as his knees gave out on him and they sat on the grass. "This can't be real..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new project Lamp Halo is coming along! The first chapter is nearly finished - I hope I can show it to you guys soon!
> 
> See you next week!


	11. You know I'll never leave this place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It made him sick because he barely remembered how it was before. He didn't even remember how long they had been gone from home by now. How did his day start before they had to allot food and check on their guns?
> 
> It seemed like a distant dream, like some sort of lost paradise he hadn't appreciated.
> 
> A ghost of a utopia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we're nearing the end here!
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT!!!
> 
> This chapter contains a scene that is implied!rape - nothing happens but if any of that makes you uncomfortable be sure to skip the part between the  
> **************  
> okay?

Chapter 11

You know I'll never leave this place

 

“Maybe he is at the market.”, Ryan said thoughtfully.

It had been two days since they buried Geoff and still there was no sight of Michael. They had searched for hours on end, only taking breaks to eat and sleep briefly. Still nothing.

It was like the world had opened up and swallowed him whole.

“It's the only goal we somehow had besides Los Angeles. If he didn’t know where we are he would maybe head there.”

Turning his head, he watched Ray think about it.

It was in the middle of the night and they were sitting on the porch of their new house. They had moved here because the old one was too filled with memories, that left them with horrible nightmares but even now the rabbit didn't seem to be able to sleep well.

He mostly found his way here, to be close to whoever was on guard and Ryan guessed he felt alone now that Gavin refused to sleep in one room with him. But the bird had withdrawn a lot, still talking and interacting with them, sure, but always keeping a certain degree of distance between them.

“Yeah.”, Ray finally mumbled. “We could give it a try. I believe Jack wanted to go there anyway.”

“We lost too many supplies, maybe we can get some back there.”

“But we have to pay them some way, right? And we kinda got nothing.”

Falling silent, Ryan watched the dark street. Following the road up and down again, always with the small hope that Michael would just walk up to them.

Gavin had also done that, right?

But it didn't happen this time.

“We have a rifle no one uses.”, he said slowly and heard how Ray let out a sigh. “It might get us some stuff.”

“It's Geoffs. Saved our asses quite a few times already.”  
“I know. But I also know that Geoff would want us to survive. And nobody from us knows how to use that rifle, all of us have a weapon and it would just add weight. And right now food is more important.”

Ray nodded slowly before scooting closer, leaning his head against Ryans arm: “I still don't like it. Giving things from him away.”  
“I know. I don't like it either.”

“I hope we will find Michael on the market. He has to be so scared and worried... and he doesn't even know...”

“He will still be happy to see us. For what he knows we could all be dead.”  
“That would be terrible.”

“Yeah.”

Craning his head, Ray looked up to him before whispering: “What if he is not at the market? What if we don't find him?”

“We will find him there.”, Ryan immediately answered. “Of course we will.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin circled above them, showing them the way. His wings still weren't alright, no chance to heal when he used them every day but they didn't look as bad anymore. Ray had found a handful of feathers in the house and had helped him clean up, had even offered to help him groom the places he couldn't really reach but the bird had quickly refused.

Still Ray flinched every time the other landed with a hard thud but nobody said a thing so he also kept it to himself.

Like right now when he landed in front of them, knees bucking under the impact and sending him to the floor. Ray took a step ahead, trying to help him up but Jack stopped him and with a huff, Gavin stood and dusted himself off.

"It's not too far anymore.", he said, waiting for them to catch up. "Just around the next block."

"Okay.", Jack agreed before turning to the others. "Don't forget what we said. Don't stray too far, everybody stay close enough together to be in calling-distance. No ruckus, we fight with no one. Ask for Michael and go on."

"Keep an eye out for supplies.", Ryan added. "Food for the most part but check on everything that could be useful."

Upon reaching the market, it turned out that it was larger than they had expected. It was the biggest crowd of people they had seen since weeks and it was an unsettling sight. Most of them weren't even selling anything, they weren't even checking on the few that were. Most were just talking in groups, gathering to share stories.

For a moment Ray simply stood there and watched those people and it felt nearly... normal. Like in a mall or even back when he was in school. It was only when he came closer and listened to the topics that he realized how wrong it still was. Guns and deaths and diseases. How to effectively kill someone, which city was lost to bombing or Infected.

The dark topics made him shiver slightly as he watched Gavin disappear between the people. Right, they had more important things to do. Ryan was already talking to people and Jack had went to the left, so Ray steered to the right. There were eyes on him, whispers reaching him and he knew it was because he was a hybrid. Looking around, there were barely any but he kept his ears up high. Hoping to catch the slightest of sounds from Michael.

Still those looks made him nervous and he didn't dare to talk to them.

It was a young woman with darker skin and pretty dark curls he dared to near. She was talking with someone but her smile was kind, reminding him a little of Lindsay. She was one of the few who actually seemed to sell something and when the person in front of him moved, he fell silent in confusion. The small table in front of her was littered with plush animals and dolls, all neatly presented and then he heard her chuckle: "Hey there."

"Hey...", he replied and stepped in front of her. "Um... um, I am searching for my friend. I was wondering if maybe you have seen him?"

"What does he look like? I see a lot of folks here."

"He's a cat hybrid. A bit taller than me, reddish curls and quite pale. He's called Michael."

She laid her head a bit to her side and he already knew she hadn't seen him. If the reaction to him was any indication, hybrids stood out like a sore thumb around here.

"Sorry, Sweety.", she said, her smile turning a bit sad. "I can't say I did."

"Okay. If you do, can you tell him that Ray is searching for him?"

"Sure I can."

"Thank you." He was already turning around before he eyed the stuffed animals again and couldn't help but ask: "You are selling toys?"

"Oh, no! I don't sell them!", she was quick to explain. "I help with cleaning out the houses and while I am at it I grab the toys there. If children come along, I give it to them."

"Oh...", Ray made before feeling a smile tugging at his lips. "That's nice of you."

"Thanks."

With another smile, he had barely made a handful of steps before she called: "Ray!"

Turning around with new hope, he barely caught the stuffed animal she threw him. It was a black rabbit with a big white bow and a deep red cloak. It's eyes were of the same bright color and he frowned a little at that: "It's creepy!"

"Don't be a baby!", she called laughing and he snorted.

With a small wave, he pressed the toy against his chest before heading on. The long ears of it tickled his chin and he hummed amused, feeling a lot better now. He could hear Jack close to him and as he looked around, he saw the lion discussing with a man. Geoffs rifle was in his hands and Ray quickly moved in the other direction, not wanting to think about that right now.

There was a big board with people crowded around it, so he headed there, easily pushing through them before standing still. It took him a moment to make the single letters out by the sheer amount of them, all pinned to the wood with nails or tape. Small messages and each of them told their own stories. He felt like he read around one hundred that sounded the same. "Cassy, we will wait for you here each day around noon!!!", "Thomas, we headed on to Vici - we'll meet you there!", "Claire & Elena, we are at _that place_ and we will wait for you guys! Hurry up!"

Reading on, he felt his heart grow heavy, waiting to catch his own name and he did. Ray was a common name and with each hope that it could be a message from Michael, it was to somebody else.

He still didn't stop, looking over each of those letters and some made his heart so heavy that it hurt. Photographs here and there, pictures drawn by children, asking for their parents in shaking letters. Some letters full of hate, daring the reader to come after them and meet their end.

Turning around the corner to check on the other side, he froze, pressing the bunny close to his chest.

 _"In memorial of..."_ , was painted big on top of the board and beneath it nearly every space was filled with names. He read through some of them without really taking them in, maybe to just check if he found a familiar one.

In the end he did.

 _Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey_.

Touching the letters, they smeared a bit and he quickly stopped. Even though it was neater than usually, he could tell it was Gavin who had written it and it could've only be a minute ago. Staring at the name, he felt a lump form in his throat but quickly tried to swallow it down. Looking around, he found markers scattered on the ground and picked one up. Searching for a blank space, he hesitated.

It felt right to write Lindsay down as well, he was actually surprised that Gavin hadn't done it before. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that this wasn't his duty.

Michael should do it.

Michael was going to do it later.

Lowering the marker, he licked his dry lips before noticing the teenager standing next to him. The boy found his gaze and Ray handed him the pen before stepping back. Watching as the other reached up to write a name he himself didn't recognize down.

For the first time he noticed that it was dead quiet here in this place but it still felt too crowded. Retreating to the edge of the market, he sat down against a house, burying his face in the bunny. Soft ears tickled him as he breathed out long before whispering: "Where are you?"

He couldn't stop thinking about it. All those horrible possibilities and by now he had seen enough shit to know it might be true. That yeah, Michael was dead. Was one of those things, like Gavin was in some way.

It made him sick because he barely remembered how it was before. He didn't even remember how long they had been gone from home by now. How did his day start before they had to allot food and check on their guns?

It seemed like a distant dream, like some sort of lost paradise he hadn't appreciated.

A ghost of a utopia.

Sleeping in the same bed each night, heading to work with one of the others and wasting no thought that some of them might not make it through the day.

He hated it.

_He hated it!_

Wiping his eyes on the stuffed animal, he looked up to all those people again and knew they probably felt the same. It didn't help him though as it didn't help them that he was here.

They had somehow become terribly alone in this world and he could be happy that he had a group to travel with.

Reaching for his backpack, he rummaged through it until he found his phone at the bottom. Pulling it out, he started it but stopped when he didn't recognize the lock-screen. Right, he didn't have his backpack anymore and all their stuff was mixed together. He didn't even know if his phone was somewhere or if they had lost it. It didn't really matter as he tapped the gallery and went through the pictures.

It was Gavins phone he realized quickly. The latest pictures was that stupid selfie he had taken back in the house of Mrs. Kingsley.

Ray smiled at their sleepy faces and now that he checked closer he noticed that Ryan was hiding a smirk, so obviously awake.

It seemed so long ago.

Scrolling through the gallery, he found a picture of Michael pretty soon and he knew he should only use the phones to check for more messages but for him this was more important.

Hugging the bunny one more time, he squeezed it into his backpack and knew he looked ridiculous walking around with a toy but he didn't mind it. Now the ears were peeking out as he stood up again. Dusting himself off, he walked up to the first man he saw: "Excuse me. Mister?"

The man turned towards him, eying him carefully before he smiled: "What do you need?"

"I am looking for a friend of mine.", Ray quickly said before showing him the phone. "Have you seen him?"

The man looked at the screen for a long time and Ray was wondering if the picture hadn't already gone dark before the other asked: "He's also a hybrid?"

"Yeah.", the rabbit answered as he put the phone in his pocket. He stepped back, not liking that question.

"My friend said he saw a cat hybrid. Can't tell if it was your buddy but there aren't many hybrids around anymore."

"Really?", Ray asked eagerly. "Where can I find your friend?"

"I'll take you to him."

And Ray followed him away from the crowd and he wasn't even thinking about how stupid that was, that he should at least call one of the others for backup. All he thought about was that they had a lead, he had found a lead to Michael!

**************

"What's your name, kid?", the man asked as they headed down an alley between the houses.

"Ray."

"I'm Arthur. Nice to meet you! Hope it is your friend he saw."

"I hope so as well."

They turned a corner and Arthur threw him a look: "Bet you don't have to be hungry around here. Hybrids get by in the city."

"Excuse me?"

And the man scuffed amused: "It's not a nice world here, Ray. You have to scratch along somehow, otherwise you wouldn't have made it that far."

"I don't think I understand...", Ray said carefully, slowing his steps down a little. His instincts were acting up and he knew they had before and he hadn't listened.

"I mean, look at you.", Arthur continued. "Young, healthy. Pretty well fed, as clean as you can get around here. They pay well for a body like yours."

The rabbit stopped in his tracks, feeling his hairs stand on end as he understood: "I- I am not..! I just look for my friend!"

"I wasn't lying before. My friend saw a hybrid." But the smile said something else, Ray was pretty sure but what if it was true?

What if this was his chance to find Michael?

"I just want to know about my friend...", he said and it nearly sounded like he was begging. He wanted to take a step back but couldn't bring himself to do so. If there was even the smallest chance...

"Fair enough.", Arthur shrugged. "We are nearly there."

"I should... I should get one of my friends."

"It's just around the corner."

"It will only take a minute... I'll be right ba-"

"If you want to know more about that cat hybrid you should follow me now.", the man said and this time it was a threat. Ray could feel his breathing pick up speed but he didn't move. With a frantic beating heart, he licked his lips, feeling unfamiliar eyes following the motions before shaking his head. It was a trap! It was obviously a trap!

Stepping back slowly, he shook his head once more: "I will go now." He had a gun but he would never shoot this person, he couldn't bring himself to. Turning around, he noticed his own trembling- stupid, stupid, _stupid!_ Moving down the alley he felt foolish to just follow this person down these narrowed streets! He should know better!

But what if that guy really knew something ab-

He was grabbed by the shoulder and thrown around. Arthur towered over him, free hand reaching for him and Ray completely froze in fear.

"Stupid bunny.", the man grunted before clamping a hand over his mouth and too late Ray tried to scream, to fight against the grip that pressed him to a wall and oh god, oh god, oh go-

**************

Arthurs head exploded in a spray of red and the hand slid from his face as the body crashed to the floor.

The rabbit leaned heavily against the wall, shaking violently as he stared down to the man and the destroyed skull of him. The body jerked as another bullet hit it, then a third and finally Ray looked up. Finding Gavin a few steps behind him, reloading furiously.

The bird looked threatening, wings spread wide and his face nothing more than a grimace.

Ray made a distressed noise but his friend didn't even look at him, eyes still fixed on the man on the floor as he shoot again. It was deafening but already familiar and beneath the noise he could hear the coo of the other.

It assured Ray a little and he managed to whisper: "He's dead."

It didn't seem to matter as Gavin simply shot the others legs for good measure, still not looking up and Ray couldn't take it anymore. Taking a hold of the gun, he ripped it up making the next shot hit the house wall: "Stop!"

"He touched you!", Gavin growled and it didn't sound right. It didn't sound like him. The noise lingered after the words were already spoken, deep inside the others chest. Like Michaels or Jacks purrs sometimes did but this one was different. It sent his instincts up again and Ray quickly let go, pressing himself back against the wall as he realized it was a softer form of those terrible, terrible groans he feared so badly.

And aggression... aggression was one of the first signs, right?

Staring at Gavin, he watched as the bird took aim again, fingers lingering over the trigger as he breathed heavily. There were specks of blood on his face and Ray was pretty sure he didn't look any better. But it was that expression he couldn't watch. This numb determination as if all that mattered right now was to inflict as much pain as possible, no matter the reason.

And then Gavin looked up and Ray flinched harshly, expecting the bloody eyes. They weren't there but the green ones watched him with a lazy curiosity. As if he was surprised that his friend was even here and for a horrifying second the gun nearly pointed at him. Then it lowered and after blinking a few times, he recognized Gavin again.

"Are you hurt?", the bird asked, putting the safety on.

Shaking his head, Ray could smell the blood but didn't dare to lower his gaze to check on the body. Gavin did. He turned halfway around to do so and turned pale. Stepping away, it sounded wet on the concrete and with some clattering the gun fell to the ground as he tried to wipe his hands on his jacket, leaving red stripes everywhere.

"Oh god. Oh god.", Gavin mumbled.

 _"You won't become a murder."_ , Ray remembered Geoff saying, the sentence still lingering over them.

"Oh god!", the bird said again, wiping his face now and making it worse. "God! I killed him! I was so... so angry!" And his eyes traced back to Ray, wide and scared: "He touched you! He touched you and I- I saw you go away with him and kept close and oh god, I just shot him! I don't even- When did this happen? Did this happen, is this real?"

The rabbit still couldn't do much more than stare and lean against this wall but then his breath hitched. Gavin reached for him, either to pull him away from the body or to comfort him but Ray immediately shrunk away, nearly stumbling to the ground to get away from him.

The bird froze in horror before checking on his hand. Ray did the same, watched as Gavin rubbed the blood away from his palm and there was the cut.

"No lines.", the rabbit whispered. "No lines."

"I'm infected!", Gavin told him, stepping even further away. "I'm- oh no, oh no!"

And Ray saw him reach for the gun on the floor and felt panic flood him. Closing the distance, he kicked the weapon away, spraying blood from his shoes while doing so. It skittered across the floor before hitting the far wall and Gavin now stared at him, breathing too fast and Ray easily held the gaze.

That's how they stood in the alley for the longest time, nobody caring about the body just a few steps away and at one point Gavin gave a small nod.

Ray dared to blink.

He watched as Gavin closed his own eyes, breathing slowly and the tension, the horror fell slowly from his face. It took a moment but when he looked up again he seemed way more levelheaded than before and Ray was glad for that. He felt his own panic on the brink of his consciousness and it wasn't helping anyone if they lost their heads now.

"Where was he going to take you?", the bird asked after a while, tired eyes not leaving the body. Ray still hadn't dared to check on the man.

"To a friend. Said he'd seen Michael."

"Let's check that out."

"Okay."

Gavin gathered his shotgun again and this time the rabbit didn't fear whatever he'd do with it, he rather felt save. He took a hold on the others arm and Gavin immediately flinched: "Don't!"

But Ray didn't let go, needed the contact just like the other did as well. He at least didn't touch his skin, just clamped his hand around the others clothed elbow and that seemed to be enough for Gavin.

They followed the alley further and even though it spread into a labyrinth of ways they just kept going straight. It was clear that finding the mans goal was not likely but they both halted in front of a shed.

It was old and out of dark wood, looking shady as fuck. They didn't even say a thing, Gavin just shot the huge lock someone had put on the door and tore it open.

Inside it was nearly pitch black, just the occasional rays of light falling through the cracks between the planks, showing dust dancing.

"Got a flashlight?"

"Sure."

Flicking it on, Ray illuminated the narrowed space. There was a dirty mattress in the corner but besides that it was well kept. Why Arthur decided to stay here when literally any house would do or if it was just a place for... for whatever had been on his mind, Ray didn't know. He just knew that Gavin had started cooing to get his attention but only when the other actually took hold of his hand, he realized he was shaking, the spot of light dancing across the concrete floor.

The touch was warm as if Gavin had a fever but it was hard to tell because it were only the tips of his fingers that grazed his hand and the other quickly pulled away when Ray looked up to him.

"Okay?", the bird asked, worry in his tone and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah. This right here... just freaks me out."

"Me too."

"What... what if he brought Michael here?"

"No."

Gently taking the flashlight from him, Gavin stepped into the tight space and Ray was thankful for that. He wasn't sure if he could do it, suddenly he felt sick and he fought the need to throw up. Slowly, very slowly he realized how stupid he had been and with what price he could've paid for it.

Still... finding Michael would have been worth it.

Again he saw the cat in the night, so close. Reaching out and if he had just taken his hand!

Rubbing his face, he realized his hands came back bloody and he quickly tried to clean himself before reaching up, massaging the tips of his ears. It calmed him down, at least a little as he heard Gavin rummaging through the shed and after a few deep breaths he dared to look inside again.

Sitting on the ground, the bird barely fit inside with his wingspan but he had them both tucked neatly against his back as he shoveled cans into his backpack. Noticing the look of the other, he simply shrugged: "What? He won't need them anymore, right?"

Ray didn't tell him that they couldn't be sure that it was really Arthurs shed – for all they knew someone else could live here. He also didn't tell him that killing people had always been beneficial for them, resulting in stocking up their supplies as terrible as it sounded.

Instead he just nodded, handing the other his bag so that he could also carry some of the weight.

"Anything from Michael inside?", Ray asked suddenly and didn't even knew what he meant with that. Gavin also stopped and stared at him in shock and now Ray had to imagine finding a lock of hair or a finger or some other shit inside of there and felt bile rise in his throat once more.

No, no! He couldn't allow himself to think like that!

Michael had to be alright! Michael was alright and searching for them!

"Sorry...", he whispered. "God, sorry. Sorry, Gavin. I didn't mean..." Trailing off, he closed his eyes and leaned against the wooden planks. Listening how Gavin began to work again soon afterwards and when the bird stepped outside, nobody mentioned it.

Closing the door, they shouldered their backpacks and headed back towards the market. Not that they had actually considered getting lost in the labyrinth of streets here but they just had to follow their own bloody footprints and oh right, Gavin had killed that guy.

This time Ray didn't touch him, they just walked quietly next to each other, their shoulders sometimes brushing in comfort.

Walking past the body without really looking at it, Ray wondered what it would look like to any outsider.

A corpse in the middle of the street, shot multiple times and then footprints leading to his house, even robbing him. It made him sick but it felt numb, like that didn't really just happen.

Because no way he would have been so stupid and no way Gavin had simply shot another human and no way Gavin was infected.

It was all a big joke, haha.

And Michael would jump from around the corner any second now, scaring them shitless.

"We're bloody.", Gavin next to him said. "We can't just walk into the market like that."

"Most people there had some blood on them."

"But that was dry, Ray."

"I guess." But he didn't really care. In the end Gavin didn't seem to care either because they just pushed through the crowd, staying close and staring down to hide their face as good as possible. They found Ryan and Jack checking out the letters on the big board, pinning one down as well and Ray simply reached out, pulling at Jacks sleeve.

"I wanna go home.", he said and he meant it. Meant it in the purest form there was. To go back to Austin, back to his little flat. Working with the others, where the most frustrated thing that happened was that the Xbox froze _again._

Jack stared down at him and in the end he didn't think the lion even said something. His hood was tugged over his head, hiding his face and his ears as they were ushered along, away from the market.

Someone was having a tight hold of his shoulder, steering him home and it couldn't be Jack because Jack was with Gavin, doing the very same.

It was strange that the bird let himself be touched by him without fighting it but Ray understood. Because Jack had killed Geoff, had shot him in the head and somehow that made it alright to him.

He felt sad when he realized that they just went back to the little house they had stayed in. That in no way that was home and he said again: "I wanna go home."

His shoulder was squeezed but nothing more and in the end he had no other choice but to enter through the front door.

For a while he listened to the discussions that followed, to Gavin probably explaining what had happened but he didn't take the words in. They were static in some way, lulling him in and shedding his backpack, he went to one of the bedrooms.

Without even bothering to undress, he fell into the bed and closed his eyes. Letting the heavy depression settle over him because they hadn't found Michael.

Michael was somewhere out there and Geoff was dead and Lindsay was dead. Both killed by the same pistol and oh god, that Infected that had attacked Jack – he had shot him with the very same gun. What if it had been Michael? He hadn't checked!

Whining low, he buried his face in the pillow before pulling the pistol out of his waistband and hid it under the blanket. It was stupid but in his mind it somehow made sense. Figuring without this weapon they wouldn't shoot Gavin now.

The door to the room opened and closed quietly and he knew that someone was in here with him. He didn't bother checking but also didn't fight when the other pulled his boots from his feet and placed them neatly next to the bed. They tugged at his jacket and Ray shrugged it off, feeling a little better now.

The mattress dipped and finally Ryan asked: "Who's your new friend?"

Turning his head in confusion, the rabbit saw the plush bunny in the others lap. Thinking for a moment, he mumbled: "Fluffy McStuffins."

"Fluffy McStuffins?"

"Yeah. That's his name."

"Solid name."

Reaching out, Ryan gave him the toy and he held it close, squishing the soft body against his own. Nuzzling his face between the ears, he asked: "Will you kill Gavin now?"

The bull stayed silent, playing with the corner of the blanket as he thought about it. In the end he shrugged: "There are still no lines on his body."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"It could have just been... the stress, you know? After all he lost someone so important to him and then seeing you in danger? Maybe he just...", he shrugged again and to Ray it appeared like he was grasping for straws but that was fine. That was fine with him.

Sighing heavily, Ryan closed his own eyes. Leaning against the headrest, they both stayed silent for a while before he asked: "How are you doing?"

This time it was Ray who shrugged, not sure what to say to that question. But the more he thought about it, the more he knew his answer and then he shook his head. He simply shook his head because no. No to everything.

As simple as that.

Ryan pulled him close and the rabbit let him, resting his head against the others chest. Closing his eyes, he tried to relax but it didn't work. Not with the stuffed animal and not with Ryans scent. And Ryans scent always reminded him of freshly dried blankets, of warmth and naps and home.

Not this time because Michael was missing. Michael was still missing and it was eating him alive to not know what had happened to him.

He had been so close to him!

"We put a letter up.", Ryan told him and maybe the other could read his thoughts. That was also fine with him. "Asking Michael to meet us in the morning at the market. Maybe he'll read it."

 

Only that Michael didn't appear the next day or the day afterwards.

Ray stayed the whole day at the market, waiting together with Ryan while Gavin circled around the whole city and Jack roamed the streets.

Nobody had seen him, it was like he just disappeared. And Ray couldn't deal with that because it couldn't be. His friend had to be somewhere! People didn't just vanish!

So he sat next to the board, watching people come and go and listened to their rumors, listening to people whispering about Arthur, the old Arthur had been killed and robbed and in all honesty he didn't even care.

Had Michael already left the city? No, that didn't seem likely.

But even after four days they hadn't found him and when Jack sat down and carefully asked if they should move on, Ray figured he would snap at him but he didn't. He had seen it coming after all – they were wasting supplies and wasting time but Michael...

It was Gavin who snapped and it was somehow nice hearing him scream because now that he thought about it, the bird had nearly stopped talking.

Still the words cut deep and he knew them all, he knew they shouldn't abandon Michael, that they should continue searching because he had to be out there! All those familiar words that were roaming in his own head but Jack just listened, his eyes tired and sad and Ryan also didn't speak, watching his hands as if they were more important. And so Gavins agitated voice was the only filling the house and it didn't seem to stop, words flooding out of his mouth and Ray could tell that the other was outraged, was angry beyond believe and that also saddened him.

Wondering if it was another symptom or the stress as Ryan called it. They checked on his hand each day, waiting for the lines to appear but still nothing.

At one point Gavin stormed out of the room and they could hear him stomp above them, throwing doors shut but now it felt desperate.

Desperation was something disgusting, Ray had learned. It clung to one like glue, like something sticky that smelled bad but nothing could get rid of it. They were all drenched in it.

It grew stronger when he watched Jack write underneath the original letter two days later. Telling Michael that they would continue their journey. Telling Michael that they were sorry.

Ray wanted to add something, wanted to find some soothing words but couldn't. He touched the letter briefly before they turned away, leaving this place behind.

 

It felt wrong. With every fiber of his body he wanted to go back, to search the same streets again and again. Michael had to be somewhere. But a part of him also understood that it was necessary, that they had to keep moving.

And in some way it was a haunted place now. This whole city was haunted and they seemed to leave a trail of those places behind.

He hated it.

Keeping his eyes on Jacks back, he simply followed. That reminded him how he had done that before, out of Oklahoma City but back then it had been Geoff. Geoff who was also dead now, who was buried in some garden he wouldn't even find anymore.

Like a dog.

With a cheap, self-made wooden cross, a name written with markers that would not be recognizable after a few rains.

But that was at least a sign that he existed. Michael was just gone.

Swallowed up by the ground and it still sickened him. It made it so hard to not just turn around and run back. Roam through the streets and search, search, search.

He realized he had not once thought about actually finding Michael, he had not once allowed himself to really imagine what could've happened.

His whole body just wanted to act, to run and look around.

But now he allowed himself to imagine finding him, hugging him close like he had done with Gavin. And listen to his story.

How funny it was that they hadn't found each other – they always seemed to pass each other and hadn't he seen the letter? But that didn't matter because he was alright. He was alright and they were together and they went on.

Went on and got to Los Angeles and got out of here.

Yeah.

With an aching heart, he stopped his own thoughts and concentrated on walking. Walking and walking and not to stumble over something, to not listen to any voices around him no matter what they said.

He didn't trust anyone anymore. Not kids or women or men. All these people were rotten, were wrong somewhere deep inside and he considered if he could shoot them. When Arthur had cornered him, he had frozen up in stupid fear. Had thought that he couldn't shoot another human!

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized how naive that was. How stupid, how childish.

He had to grow up or he wouldn't survive.

They stopped after some hours and he sat on the side of a field, a plant growing there but he didn't know which one it was. He simply watched Ryan work on a car, realizing briefly that he himself could also do that, he had learned it and he could help. But he didn't.

Pulling his bag close, he noticed the bunny ears poking out of it and smiled briefly. It seemed stupid, considering that this dumb toy was taking up space but they didn't have anything else to fill it with anyway so why bother?

For now their supplies would keep them going for a few days and that was enough.

The car made a noise and came to life.

Standing up, he sat in the backseat and waited for the others.

They fit now comfortably in here, no pushing or sitting on each others lap. It was rather comfortable.

He watched the field pass by endlessly without really seeing it and Jack told him it was cotton – as if he would care. He just nodded and saw the lion frown in the corner of his eye and wondered briefly when he had talked the last time.

After all he couldn't remember, slumped into his seat and let his eyes travel again.

Ryan was driving and Jack was watching him through the rear-view mirror. Gavin sat with him in the back but was curled against the window, his wings also shielding him.

Trying to get as far away from them all as possible in this tight space. He was shaking, Ray could see the others leg jerk uncontrollably.

Reaching for his backpack, he pulled the bunny out. Pressing it to his chest, he tried to sleep.

 

They stayed in towns he didn't bother to remember and he slept in beds that were all somehow the same. At some point he lost the overview on where he was and what time had passed. If they didn't find a car they came forward at a snails pace and it was Gavins fault.

He was walking at the back and usually Ray didn't noticed him. He was always behind Jack, eyes locked on his backpack and sometimes he heard Ryan talk to the bird, asking over and over again if he needed a break, if he was feeling alright.

The answers to both of those question were pretty obvious to everyone but it didn't change a thing.

When Ray dared to throw a look over his shoulders his heart ached.

Gavin looked pale and exhausted. Dark rings underneath his eyes and a red flush on his cheeks the only thing giving him a bit of color. His hands were constantly shaking and sometimes Ray heard both Ryan and Jack talk about that.

Talk about what they should do and who should do it.

The rabbit usually stopped listening then.

Gavin had growled once more. The same growl as back when he had shot Arthur, that growl that reminded Ray so much of the Infected.

The noise had filled the car, right before Gavin had jerked awake and looked around. A haunted look in his eyes that only grew worse when he found everyone staring at him but nobody had said a thing.

Ray felt sorry for him, he really did but he couldn't say it. He tried to show it, tried to help the other but he wouldn't allow it. Wouldn't allow him to touch or come any closer and at some point Ray had stopped doing it.

His sympathy faded one day when they cut through yet another field – cotton, as he had learned by now – and it grew dark.

They had moved away from their planned route because of a group of Infected roaming there and also hadn't found a car. Now it was becoming night and at one point Ray began to realize they might not reach a city in time.

He was fighting those thoughts, was rejecting them because no way he was sleeping outside. It was too dangerous!

Sure it might get late but they would reach a city or a small town or anything, really. He didn't even care what it was.

But when they finally stepped out of the field, onto a dirt road, Jack let them stop and asked Gavin to check on the surroundings.

The bird barely got any height before hitting the ground again, stumbling a little before shaking his head: “There is nothing.”

“Okay...”, Jack mumbled, throwing a look to Ryan. They stayed quiet for a while as if they were talking quietly among themselves before the bull nodded: “We should search for something open. Somewhere we can watch over e-”

“No.”, Ray said and they all stared at him with something that was nearly shock.

They couldn't be serious. He would not sleep outside with Infected everywhere. No way.

“Ray?” Jack asked quietly, even stepping close enough to touch him.

“We have to go on.”, he told the lion.

“Are you alright?” His face was cupped and he frowned at the tender look Jack was giving him.

“What?”

“That's the first time you talked in... like a week.”, Ryan told him, appearing next to Jack. “Even longer.”

“That's not...”, Ray began but stopped because even Gavin shifted as close as he dared, looking with something like a small smile at him. “That's not true...”

“God, we tried to talk to you and you just... you just ignored us! You scared us so badly!”

Staring up to Jack in confusion, he was pulled close and hold tight. That couldn't be, right? He couldn't recall that happening, not at all. But he also couldn't remember the past days.

They had left Amarillo and then..? They had moved, yeah but that was blurry. The same over and over again.

Had he really not talked?

“I thought we had lost you...”, Jack whispered into his ears and suddenly Ray was afraid of himself, of how deep and dark his mind was. Like an abyss that stared back and now he couldn't avert his eyes anymore.

Clinging to the other in panic, he buried his face in his chest. Someone ruffled his hair and it couldn't be Gavin, the bird still standing apart from them all.

 

It didn't change much. Jack told him that walking was more dangerous in the dark, that besides himself nobody of them could see at night and they were exhausted. They needed to rest, if it only would be for a few hours.

Ray understood that, he understood all of that but he didn't want to.

It made his stomach twist in knots as they settled down on a meadow. It would be a pretty place any other time but he had trouble breathing as he unclasped his sleeping bag.

Sitting the bunny – he had already forgotten his name by now – next to it, he joined the others to eat even thought he felt sick. His hands were shaking, nearly as bad as Gavins at the mere thought.

Somehow he still expected this all to be a joke.

But they really did settle, cleaning their guns or running through their remaining supplies. Gavin was lying on his back, a good distance between them and simply stared into the darkening sky.

In the end Ray really did crawl into his sleeping bag, letting his pistol rest next to the bunny so he could reach it easily.

“Okay?”, Ryan asked and he was quick to shake his head. Nothing of this was okay.

“I see.”, the bull mumbled, throwing a look to Gavin, seeming endlessly alone out there before sighing.

Ray watched him drag his sleeping bag next to him before sitting down on it.

“Jack will be on watch.”, Ryan told him while playing with the stuffed ears of his bunny. “He can see very good in the dark, you know that, don't you?”

He nodded once.

“Good. And from here he can see very far and will see anyone who dares to come close very soon. Then he wakes us. We're safe.”

He wanted to tell him that no, they were not safe. Safe wasn't a word he would use in this world anymore but instead he nodded again.

“And I'll be right here next to you. Me and Fluffy.”

“Fluffy?”

“Fluffy McStuffins, right? That was his name?” Ryan twisted the ears of the bunny as if he wanted to put a knot in them.

Ray snorted because that was a ridiculous name so it was probably true. Freeing his toy from the torture of the dangerous Mad King, he pulled him against his chest. Rolling onto his back, he watched as the stars came out above him.

He could see them so clearly. Out here, away from the city and the pollution there were so, so many.

“You know any constellations?”, he asked quietly and it felt like a déjà vu.

“Let's see.” The blue eyes searched the night before he pointed upwards: “You see that really bright star?”

“That's the Polaris, right?”

“Yeah.”

“It points north.”, he continued. Freeing his arm, he followed the line of stars: “Which means... this should be the Ursa Minor?”

“I believe so.”

Letting his arm fall back on his chest, he continued to watch the sky above him. It calmed him down, made him feel small and dispensable. Because this above him, what his eyes could barely take in, had some kind of meaning. Some kind of message he couldn't understand.

It felt familiar, like a distant dream or an old lullaby.

He didn't avert his eyes, just reached for Ryans hand and continued to watch.

He didn't sleep that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter + epilogue next week, waaaaaaaaaaaaah~


	12. So try and love me while you can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I don't mind.', read the writing on the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is DONE!  
> Well... besides of the Epilogue...

Chapter 12

So try and love me while you can

 

'I don't mind.', read the writing on the wall. It was written in large, red letters on the white bricks.

The house was burning brightly, so Ray could barely read it but he still managed to.

The heat was brushing against his face, like lovingly touches and he was pretty sure that some minutes ago someone had been screaming inside.

'I don't mind.', he thought to himself, noticed the irony of it and smiled. Turning away, he quickly followed the others. None of them cared or even looked at the house – they had learned. Learned not to trust, to be careful, to never approach a stranger without a hand on the gun.

To trust nobody but each other and it somehow gave Ray a nice feeling. A safe feeling.

Sometimes he thought about Michael and Geoff, sometimes even further back to Lindsay and the feeling died a bit but it usually came back. It came back in the monotone days as he wandered with nothing but his thoughts, just like the others. With nothing more to do than to take the next step and hope for a car and to reach the next city.

Find a house.

Search the house.

Sleep.

Step after step.

He passed Gavin who still dragged himself on, eyes on the ground and wings defensively around him. Then Ryan who always made sure that the bird didn't fall too far behind, who checked that they ate and drank.

Ray settled behind Jack, watching the others back and stopped thinking.

Step after step.

'I don't mind.', he remembered briefly and again he smiled bitterly.

He really didn't. He didn't mind that he was tired and his feet hurt and their supplies were running low. He didn't mind that he was hungry.

They had offered him more food because he knew he was growing too thin, that he was growing weak but he had refused. Not necessarily because he felt bad for taking more than the others but because the hunger was... distant. Always there but more like a lost thought he tried so hard to remember but just couldn't.

Just like the days that just blended into each other. Street after street. Car after car.

Step after step.

Hoping for nothing more than to not sleep outside.

It hadn't happened often but when it did it left him paranoid, jerking awake with every noise if he even found sleep in the first place. It became worse after one night Jack had actually woken them, ushering them behind some bushes to hide and stay there for what felt like hours.

Groaning and slurring steps too close, nearly drowned by his violently beating heart. Pressed against Gavins rigid form, feeling the other for the first time since days and only because there was not enough space otherwise. Listening to his breathing and hoping that he wouldn't snap now. That please, please the other wouldn't lean forward and sink his teeth into his throat.

It didn't happen but the fear stayed. Not so much of Gavin but of those nights spent beneath the stars. They burned into his blurry memories, like glowing beacons.

It was one of the few things that stayed with him, just like the house right now. Not that a burning house was something that strange on their way. It were the words that made him wonder.

What did that mean?

I don't mind – what?

The burning house? Death?

This whole apocalypse?

Ray couldn't help but think about it.

Think about what those words meant to himself.

 

One day Jack stopped and he nearly walked right into him but caught himself in time. Standing still, he tried to listen to their surroundings, waiting for an attack or strangers. His hand moved to his pistol, ready to pull it.

But the lion just turned to him, took his shoulders and pulled him closer.

“See that?”, Jack asked, loud enough for the other two to hear him as well.

Ray stared at the sign in front of him, reading the name of the next city a few miles ahead of them. He guessed it would be their goal for today but besides that he couldn't put the name somewhere.

Then he realized slowly and actually moved up to the sign, having to touch it: “We are in Arizona?”

“Damn right!”

“Arizona...”, he mumbled to himself, wondering when the hell they had crossed through New Mexico. Not that he was complaining.

“What does that mean?”, Gavin asked. His tired eyes roaming over the sign and Ray wasn't even sure if he could read it properly.

“After Arizona comes California.”, Ryan explained. “And in California is Los Angeles.”

“Oh.”, Gavin made, laying his head to the side. “Are we close?”

“It's still a bit. But we are way closer than before.”

“Good.”

And with that they went on and Ray felt something like a small spark in his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

On the day they stumbled across the horde it was cloudy. Had been the whole day and Ryan expected that it would rain at some point. Hopefully during the night or tomorrow. He and Jack had talked before, to maybe rest a whole day because they were all wearing thin; Ray the most.

The rabbit followed them like a marionette getting dragged by their strings. He drank little and ate even less, making him weak to begin with and the endless days and weeks of walking were taking its toll. It seemed like he was trapped in some kind of dreaming state, not reacting to someone talking to him as if it didn't even happen and even if he did talk, it was even less than what Gavin did.

They had crossed through a small forest, finally finding fields ahead and Jack was signaling them to rest there for a while. The march through the trees had taken longer than expected because it had been a surprisingly hilly area but the bull was sure that they were still in time. Each evening after checking that the Lads had eaten and were safe, he and Jack sat together to plan the route of the following day. They tried to avoid sleeping outside because it became a burden to all of them and as Ryan made sure the two younger found at least an ounce of sleep, Jack always stayed up all night to check on their surroundings.

It was wearing both of them out, staying awake most of the time but the other two weren't capable of taking a shift. Sometimes Ryan himself wasn't; more than once he jerked awake after falling asleep but he kept that to himself. If he would tell Jack, the lion would offer to take yet another full night and by now Jack was what pulled them through this.

Ryan wasn't sure if he could do it without the others guidance.

"Gavin?", Jack asked softly and Ryan knew he felt worse and worse each day for asking the bird for anything. "Mind checking on the next road?"

With barely a nod, the bird pushed himself into the air.

Yesterday it hadn't worked. His wings had giving out on him and he hit the road like he had been shot right out of the air. Shaking and coughing and gasping for air. In the evening he had come to Ryan, sitting down next to him and had asked for him to shoot him. That if he wasn't of any use to them anymore then at least he shouldn't be a risk to them.

Ryan had checked on the scarred cut and hadn't found lines and had refused. It was selfish, he knew that. He had seen it in the betrayed look of the bird because it seemed inevitable now that he would change, that he was infected and it was only a matter of time. His days were counted and each time Ryan took a look over his shoulders and found the other dragging himself on behind him it was like a kick in the stomach. Still; he was sure he wouldn't be able to bring himself to shoot him.

But now he was back in the air while the others packed their food and fastened their backpacks and when the first yell reached them, only Jack reacted and looked up. The second time Ryan also noticed the word and saw the bird fly down towards them.

"Horde!", he screamed and Ryans first instinct was to tell him to not be so loud, to not attract them for gods sake! But as he stared in the direction the other was pointing, he saw a handful of people storming towards them, yelling at them and even though he couldn't understand them over the distance, he got to his feet. Because after them came hell.

"Move, move, move!"

They grabbed their belongings right as Gavin landed next to them, pointing towards the forest: "Stay on the right side. There is a farm or something on the edge of the forest! We can't outrun them, there are thousands!"

And now they could see them as well, coming over a small hill like a dark flood, chasing people towards them in the dim light. The wind changed and then they could also smell them. Smell them with their rotting skin and emitting sickness and they were fast.

Throwing himself around, Ryan grabbed Rays shoulder to push him on. The rabbits eyes were large in shock, his body not moving at first as if he was frozen in place. Than he finally began to run next to them and Ryan could hear Jack scream for Gavin to lead the way.

The bird flew away and disappeared as they reached the trees.

After that it was some form of hunt as for the first minutes the only noise were their own feet stomping over dirt and sticks. It was soon replaced by other voices, people they didn't know somewhere behind them and then even a hybrid passing them as they ran from the groaning that just came closer and closer. Gavin sometimes joined them, telling them the way but at one point he simply vanished.

When Ryan slipped on the loose ground and stumbled against a tree, he was already panting heavily. Giving himself a moment to catch his breath, he took a look back before Jack stopped and came for him, tearing at his jacket: "Come on! We have to move on!"

"We lost Ray.", the bull mumbled in disbelieve, eyes moving frantically over the trees. "We lost Ray!"

And it was true, he felt it in the way Jacks grip tightened before he pulled again: "Move! We'll find him!"

"He was right behind me... I don't understan-"

"He's faster than we are! Come on, Rye! We can't stay here! Move!"

He did. He continued to follow Jack and wanted nothing more than to scream for the rabbit, to hopefully hear an answer but he didn't have enough breath to conquer his surroundings in any way. Around them were screams and begging and gunshots. And of course those moans. Those terrifying moans and they were suddenly so damn close.

Keeping his eyes on Jack, he saw the lion lay his head in his neck and check on the sky. Probably hoping to see Gavin somewhere but the bird stayed hidden, maybe having to land somewhere to rest his wings.

Or attacked. Attacked from another hybrid and had spiraled down into the woods and oh god, where had Ray gone?

“Up there!”, Jack called and snapping out of his thoughts, Ryan saw a rocky cliff ahead of them. It wasn't as small anymore when they got closer and he guessed it was roughly seven or eight feet high.

Jack began to climb up there and Ryan was right behind him, hearing Gavin ask in his head: _"Can zombies climb?"_

And right after that: _"So I will turn into a flying zombie... I'd be everyones worst nightmare."_

_"Don't worry, Gav. I'd shoot you before that happens."_

“Fuck!”, Ryan grunted as he slipped back down, the stones too slippery to hold onto.

“Okay, okay...”, Jack mumbled as if it was true, looking around. Still hoping to find one of the others or to maybe check if there was an easier access somewhere. In the end he kneeled down and offered his muddy hands: “Come on, I'll lift you.”

Without wasting another second – because there were screams very close, screams and gunshots, oh god – Ryan steadied himself on the others shoulders before he was boosted up there.

Grabbing the edge, he pulled himself on top of the boulder. Panting, he turned around and reached down, grabbing Jacks hand tightly.

The stone he propped himself on gave in, nearly hitting the lion on the way down and Ryan barely kept himself up. The other plumped back to the ground, letting go to not take the bull with him and for a moment they both tried to catch their breath.

“You're heavy.”, Ryan panted, trying to clean his slippery hand on his jeans. “We are weeks into the apocalypse and you are still heavy. I can't believe it.”

“Fuck you.”, Jack snorted before throwing his backpack up to him. “You see any of the others from up there?”

“Come and see for yourself.”

“Fair enough.”

Laying on his belly, Ryan made sure he wouldn't tumble down the cliff again as he reached out. Taking a tight hold, Jack buried his free hand in the mossy wall and braced himself against it.

It was a slow process but finally the lion managed to reach the edge, his fingers scraping along the moss to find a good hold when the first Infected broke through the trees, charging right at them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!", Ryan hissed.

"What?"

"No time!", the bull said, grabbing the others jacket and pulled. His hands slid across the fabric and before he got a solid hold, Jack screamed next to him.

"No, no, no!", he mumbled as he watched the woman bury her teeth in Jacks calves, tearing until blood flowed and only more where coming. Only more appeared between the trees and Ryan pulled, feeling the others hand desperately searching for a hold on the stones and for a second he was sure they would do it, get out of here and maybe it only looked grim right now. It surely wasn't as bad!

Then the Infected jumped on the lions back, tearing at him and the extra weight made both of them slip further down, holding desperately on to each other.

"I can't reach the gun, I can't reach the gun!", Ryan whispered frantically, without really knowing what he was even saying as the edge was digging right beneath his ribcage.

"Ryan-"

"I'd have to let go! I can't let go!" But he should. He knew he should, somewhere deep down inside. There were hands brushing against his and he knew it would only be a matter of seconds before they would scratch his skin open, maybe rip open his flesh and even if not they would pull them both down. But before he could really think about it Jack slipped from his hold even though he was holding oh so tight. Even though he was burying his nails into the jacket but suddenly he was gone and he didn't even see him fall.

His body moved on its own, stopping him from falling as well and he sat back up, out of the reach of any claw or teeth. So when he looked down Jack was already gone. Buried beneath bodies and groaning and stench and how terrifying it looked from up here.

How worse it had to be beneath it.

For a moment that was his only thought, together with the usual 'that can't be true, things like this don't happen'. But here he was sitting and Jack... Jack was getting eaten beneath him.

Stopped by a damn cliff. Had they really only come this far to be stopped by this?

His name reached his ear and it was Jack. It sounded gentle, a bit soothing even. As if the lion was touching his shoulders and told him something he had forgotten. That couldn't be, he wouldn't be able to hear something so smooth underneath all this noise.

Of the groaning and the gunshots somewhere and the bloodcurdling cries.

Still it made him move, made him reach for the gun and he knew what he had to do.

He had hoped that shooting down into the mass, into that inhuman crowd would be somehow satisfying but it wasn't. It really wasn't.

With every shot he simply hoped he hit Jack, hit him straight in the head but he couldn't be sure. He couldn’t be sure because with every Infected that fell down, a new one took its place.

So he shot until he had to reload and then he continued. He used those bullets as well and reloaded a second time.

Oh god. Oh god, what had just happened?

Jack was dead, _hopefully_ Jack was dead and if he himself had just boosted the lion up... if they had switched places... It hadn't even been a decision, he had just acted.

And they had lost Ray. Ray had been right behind him and now he was also gone.

He didn't know where Gavin was.

He didn't know where Michael was.

He just shot until Jacks voice in his head stopped and then he simply stood up. Stood up and took Jacks backpack and went on.

 

* * *

 

 

Ray knew it was stupid of him, it was damn stupid but he couldn't help his instincts. He had never thought they had such a might over him, at least not before all of this happened but he couldn't deny them anymore.

Running behind Ryan and Jack had been easy, the looks to check on him had reassured him as well as Gavin guiding them. In the end he wasn't even sure if he saw or smelled the wolf hybrid first. Maybe he heard that growling over all of the other noises.

Whatever it was, it let his heart skip a beat and he simply stopped dead.

It wasn't even an Infected, it was a man who barely paid him a look before hurrying off, speeding past them. And Ray tried to do the same, to just go on but he couldn't. He felt sick and unsure on his legs, as if that shock had given him the final punch and his feet didn't listen. He knew that the others were going on and that the Infected, the zombies, were so close that he could already smell them.

But all he could do was breath and stare in front of himself, his strength gone and he was ready to just sit down.

Turning his head, he expected one of the others to turn back around. To maybe just grab him and carry him but they were already gone.

"Wait...", he whispered. Shaking his head, he felt dizzy. Too much adrenaline, too much stress for his small heart to handle and he wanted to sleep. To sit down and rest but he couldn't.

He had to move on, he had to go on and live!

Stumbling ahead, he couldn't help but feel lightheaded and he whimpered again: "Wait..."

Some people ran past him and behind them came the flood of Infected. The living dead and he just stared at them, his hand itching to grab his gun but he couldn't move, couldn't move, _couldn't move._

One of them collided with him, throwing him to the ground and now he screamed. Screaming and trashing around and he wasn't ready to die yet! Please, please no!

"It's me!", the Infected yelled. "It's me, calm down!"

And he recognized Gavin above him, pulling him up to wrap his wings around him. Pressing himself close against the other body, he sobbed tiredly, clinging desperately onto him. He waited for them to get ripped apart, to get eaten alive but they simply walked past them.

He could hear them so, so close, their stench nearly drowning him and he buried his face in Gavins chest, breathing the fresh scent of rain for at least a little peace.

"They won't have you. They won't have you, it's alright, Ray.", Gavin promised, his voice shaking. "I won't let them. It's okay!"

That seemed like foolish words, like naive hopes of a child but it was somehow true. The Infected were all around, swarming them like insects but none of them attacked. Some seemed to stumble against them, jerking the bird a little but they seemed uninterested.

Slowly Ray dared to open his eyes again, blinking in the dim twilight that the wings were creating until he could see clearly. The feathers were brown and soft as they brushed against him and carefully he asked: "What's going on? Why aren't they..?"

"They won't attack their own kind.", the bird answered slowly, making the rabbit look up in slight panic.

"Gav?"

Because the other was panting now, leaning forward as if he was in pain and helplessly Ray pawed at his chest: "Gavin? Is everything alright?"

"Just tired...", he mumbled but that was a lie. Ray could see it in the way the others hands were grabbing at everything as long as it was not him and he realized that he was the closest to the bird since days. Reaching out, he touched the tightly clenched hand but the other immediately flinched away: "Don't!"

"Oh god...", Ray whined as he understood. "Oh god, will you attack me?"

And Gavin looked at him, looked him right into the eyes and seemed hopeless. Hopeless and scared and then he swallowed loudly: "I try not to."

Rays breath hitched and he whimpered. Ears dropping low, he tried to make himself as small as possible to make sure he wasn't a threat to the other: "Please... please don't..."

Green eyes were watching him before Gavin nodded, letting his lids drop shut. He inhaled deeply, letting the air escape slowly before nodding once more: "Okay... Okay, Ray." He leaned ahead, very slowly as if he was testing himself and Ray let him. Holding his own breath, he allowed the other to rest his head against his shoulder, nuzzling against his throat.

Just as carefully Ray reached out and carded through the others hair. When the bird started to coo softly, he continued before leaning his head against his hair. They sat just like that and Ray tried not to listen to the groaning around them, tried not to think about the situation they were in. He concentrated on the wings that protected him and the deep breaths of his friend, taking in his scent.

Michael had once told him that his scent wasn't soothing like Geoffs or Ryans and right now he wished it would be, maybe to help his friend. He couldn't smell himself, too used to it by now so he had curiously asked the cat one day. If it wasn't soothing than maybe refreshing like Gavin or Lindsays nice mint-scent.

"Nah.", Michael had said. Sitting on the couch in Rays apartment while he didn't even look at him, too focused on the TV screen: "More like... I don't know? You smell like chocolate – sweet and tasty."

And tasty was really the worst word right now and Ray frowned and the Michael in his memory frowned as well: "Not chocolate... Oh, you know those strawberries dipped in chocolate? Like that shit! So you are kinda the same like me and Jack."

Comfortable. Ray had later sat down and had googled things about the scents and that kind was apparently called comfortable-scent. Freshly baked goods like Jack or cinnamon like Michael.

It had filled him with some sort of warmth and with a sigh he said now: "Chocolate strawberries."

Gavin scoffed before nodding: "Michael always said that. He could smell the scents the best."

"Yeah. What do you think happened to him?"

"I don't know...", Gavin mumbled. "I wish I did..."

"Me too." Leaning against the others head, he whispered: "I think he is dead."

"Yeah..."

"Does it help... my scent?"

"It does."

"Good." Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply. Feeling the heat the other was emitting, like a raging fever inside of him and maybe that was true. He couldn't remember if the other Infected had been hot to the touch or not and he also didn't want to think about them. They were so close and he didn't know what happened to Ryan or Jack. If they had been able to get away and find the farm or somewhere safe.

Probably not without Gavins guidance and they had to be so, so worried right now.

Something bumped against them and Gavin actually growled at it. It was the same deep growl as before, so close to become a groaning now and Ray shivered at the sound of it.

Opening his eyes again, he finally saw the fine lines. The hand resting in the others hair slowly moved down to his collar and he felt the bird tense against him but he didn't tell him to stop. Gently he moved the fabric out of the way and saw the web of fine lines on the others throat. Pulling the collar a bit further down they became darker and wider where the neck met the shoulder and Ray made a confused whimper.

"Sorry...", Gavin whispered against his skin. "I'm so sorry..."

Fingers trailed down the dark veins for as far as Ray could before stopping, unsure of what to do. "But...", he began because they had checked on Gavins hand. They had all seen it multiple times and there hadn't been any...

"Starts at the heart...", the bird mumbled. "Starts at the heart... not the wound. I am so sorry, Ray... I didn't want to lie... but Geoff asked me to help you guys and I thought I could fight against it but it moves so fast now that it started." His breath shook as he let it out: "It moved so fast in the past days and I asked Ryan to shoot me but he wouldn't. He wouldn't and I also can't but I don't want to turn to one of them... And I can feel it inside of me and it's getting so, so strong. It wants me to rip open your throat, promising me that your blood would be so red and taste like roses. Sometimes it tells me it would stop whispering when I do it. When I finally give in and it sounds so very nice."

Ray whimpered, brushing his face against the others hair, trying to sooth the distress the other was emitting and for the longest time that's how they sat there, taking in each others scent. When Gavin sat back up again, he was quick to wipe his face before carefully reaching out to cup Rays.

"We'll move now.", he explained. "We need to move because I don't know what I will do otherwise. I'll get you to that farm, okay?"

The rabbit nodded timidly and allowed the other to help him get on his feet.

The wings uncovered them enough so that he could see the amount of Infected still roaming around them and his breath hitched loudly.

"Stay close.", Gavin ordered as they linked arms. "Stay very close but also be ready to run. God, Ray..." He groaned and this time there was no trace of his own voice left. The rabbit stared at him, heart beating violently but then his friend shook his head: "Just... just stay alerted."

They began to move through the horde, carefully searching their way through the decaying corpses and Ray wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and press himself against the other body. Forcing himself to do none of it, he still clung tightly, hiding beneath the wing.

At some point Gavin leaned against him and he took the weight of the bird, their heads bumping together each time the other stumbled.

"Ryan and Jack will be there...", Gavin mumbled beneath his breath, trying to keep his eyes open. "They will already be waiting for you. They will... you'll see."

"Wait for _us._ ", Ray corrected him but it sounded weak. Looking to his friend he saw the ashen face of him, the way his feet dragged across the ground: "Gavvy?"

"Can't be that much further...", was his answer and then he groaned again. His legs bugged and they both fell to their knees, Gavin gasping violently as he doubled over. Patting the others back because there was nothing else to do, Ray tried to calm him down but knew that it wouldn't work. Knew that nothing he could do would help.

"Ray...", the other moaned, the wings shivering around him.

"Come on...", Ray answered, trying to pull him back up. "They are waiting! Come on, we have to go on!"

The bird nodded but didn't move, just stared at his hands and Ray knew he was controlling himself, tried to stop his body from betraying his mind and in the light they had now the lines were so much clearer. Moving across the others skin with a rapid speed and the rabbit couldn't stop himself from tearing at the sleeve, revealing so much more tainted flesh there.

"You should move on...", Gavin finally mumbled.

"No!", he immediately said. "No, I won't! You said the farm is close!"

"Ray, I think it is very important that you go now..."

"No, no, no!" And he tore at the others arm, draping it over his shoulders: "Come on! Gavin, _please!_ "

With a shiver that went through both of them, the bird put his weight against Ray and together they managed to stand. It was shaking but they went on, Gavin barely conscious and making growling noises in the back of his throat that could maybe resemble Geoffs name.

Ray wasn't even sure in which direction they had to go but he simply moved on, avoiding the Infected along their way. There weren't as many anymore, they had passed most of them but still he felt sick from fear and adrenaline. When he finally saw the farm appearing between the trees, he barely had to correct his course, whispering excited: "Look, Gav! Look, we are so close! We get there and you can rest!"

The other didn't answer but he hadn't expected that in the first place. He just dragged both of them further and even laughed out loudly when he managed to see someone on the porch, waiting for them. It was a single man and a part of him wanted to laugh even louder and another part of him wanted to break down and cry.

Jack was dead, he knew that in some place of his heart but that man wasn't Ryan.

It wasn't Ryan but Ryan would come soon. They just had to wait for a bit longer and then they would reach Los Angeles so, so soon.

Thinking back later, Ray was pretty sure he said that all aloud. Told it to Gavin who was leaning so heavily against him, breathing so hard that it sounded like a constant groan and maybe he had talked on the whole way. No chance to know that anymore.

"Help...", he choked on that word as they reached the fence surrounding the farm, his hands trying to tear open the gate but they were shaking too much. "Help, please..."

He saw the carbine but didn't think anything about it. They all carried guns with them but then the shot was so loud that he started to cry. Standing still he waited for the echo to stop as Gavin slumped against him, spilling blood all over his side as he continued to stare at the man in front of him.

The guy looked pale, the gun shivering in his hands as he asked: "Did he bite you, kid?"

Ray shook his head slowly because why would Gavin bite him? Gavin wouldn't do it, he never would!

The wings which had covered him all this way disappeared around him and he felt the bird slip away so he quickly reached up and took a hold of his arm.

"Not now, Gav.", he mumbled, sounding confused even to himself. "We are here now. Just a few more steps. Come on, Gavvy. Ryan will come soon."

Sniffing quietly, he smelled blood and fresh rain in the morning as the other grew too heavy. With a soft thud, the body fell to the ground and Ray still stood there, drenched in dark blood and trembling furiously.

"Come on, kid." The man said softy, lowering his gun where Ray reached for his. "Let's get you inside and clean you up. That stuff is nasty."

 

* * *

 

 

When Ryan finally reached the farm, he immediately saw Ray. The rabbit was sitting on the porch, the bunny tightly pressed against his small chest.

Opening the gate, Ryan was standing directly in front of him before the other even looked up. His cheeks were rosy, scrubbed too roughly and he smelled faintly like soap. Like soap and sweat and blood.

There were also specks of blood on the bunny and they were bright rubies against the black fabric.

Ryan sat down next to him, allowing Ray to rest his head against his shoulder and for a while they just sat there and watched the sun go down. Looking over the forest that had trapped the bull so long until he caught sight of this house right here and clearing his throat, Ryan said: "It'll get cold. We should go inside."

"No.", Ray answered, shaking his head a bit. "We can't. We have to move on." Closing his eyes, he sighed against his toy: "It's a haunted place now."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue comes in the next days!  
> Someone take me to RTX pls, I've been good.


	13. You know; tonight the world dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're in California."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of to the Epilogue and finally this story is completed! Didn't think that it would be that long but what else is new?

Epilogue 

You know; tonight the world dies

 

"We're in California.", Ryan said in disbelieve as they stood in front of yet another faceless city. Ray was beside him and stared at the sign, the bunny tightly pressed against the chest like most of the time now. The toy was dirty with dried blood and ashes but the younger one didn't seem to notice or care.

"We're close."

And so they went on.

 

Soon there were more signs, telling them about Los Angeles. 150 miles and then 100 miles and that seemed to be a joke after everything. A stroll in the park and he clearly recalled sitting in that safe house in Oklahoma City and staring at the immense gap between there and their goal and the ominous news of over one thousand miles ahead of them. Now the miles went by day by day, the closeness allowing them to move faster than they had in a long time. Sometimes through nights with only a few hours rest.

The day when they saw the jeep coming towards them it was sunny and they were sweating in the heat. It parked a few feet ahead of them and both Ryan and Ray reached for their guns, more thanks to reflex than through feeling threatened.

A woman jumped out, cloaked in a military uniform and came towards them. "Hey, pals!", she called over the distance before jogging towards them. "On the way to Los Angeles?"

Ryan stared at her, feeling the rabbit hiding behind his back before he nodded.

"Where are you guys from?"

"Austin.", he answered and she seemed impressed.

"Not bad! You made it as one of the furthest!" Nodding towards the jeep, she continued: "We got one more seat free but I could understand if you wanna go together. We drive through here at least once a week and gather some poor souls like yours. Sorry that we're kinda full bu-"

"Take him.", Ryan said immediately. He grabbed Rays arm, not noticing how the other hissed but that didn't matter. "Take him, I beg you. If you got one more seat take him with you."

"Sure thing."

"No!", Ray screamed, clawing at the others hand like a wild animal. "No, Rye! I won't leave! I don't wanna!"

It didn't matter. It didn't matter because Geoff wanted him to bring them to safety and Jack as well and if at least one of them could do it...

"Ryan, please! We can do this together! Ryan, don't leave me!"

Shoving him towards the woman, she took a tight hold on him even though he was trashing around, screaming and begging. But he was dragged away nonetheless, another man pulling him into the back of the jeep and Ryan waved. Feeling like he was floating away as he watched them drive off. Ray was banging against the window, he saw him crying out but couldn't hear him anymore as they flew over the road, so much faster than he could ever move and then they were gone.

Just like that.

Yeah, that was a nice lie. He liked that one.

It explained why Ray wasn't with him anymore and it left him with a warm feeling because then the other would be safe.

It didn't explain why he was carrying the black bunny in his own backpack and why no other jeep every came to pick him up as well.

Still he believed in that lie because it kept him going, replaced the truth for the few minutes it took him to fall asleep, smelling chocolate strawberries.

The truth was different.

If he would be honest he would remember the ground giving in beneath the rabbit as he fell into the trap. A trap made for Infected or for things like that. Certainly not for Ray but that was how it happened.

Getting him out was certainly harder, Ryan remembered that much. Listening to the other crying and sobbing in pain before the bull managed to pull him back up. His wound was nasty, a stake buried in his leg and Ray was weeping and begging to make it stop.

Ryan did what he could.

Stopped the bleeding, wrapped the wound up and gave him their remaining pain killers. So they went on because they had no place to stay otherwise and as he carried Ray on his back, he talked to him about everything and nothing.

It calmed the rabbit down, the crying turning into small sniffing and later even to laughing. They weren't as fast anymore but Ray barely had any weight left on him so it wasn't even that much of a burden.

The fever started soon after and Ray slept while being carried, the bunny always pressed between his chest and Ryans back.

When it fell into the dirt four days later, Ryan carefully bent down and picked it back up. Carrying it himself, he started to cry because Ray had to be asleep, his fingers not grabbing after the toy.

The fever seeped from the rabbit over the next hours, the body growing colder and he still wouldn't take the bunny, no matter how often Ryan would try to offer it to him. The arms just hung limply around his neck, head lolling on his shoulder. It was growing dark by the time Ray moved again, groaning quietly against his skin and once more he was offered the bunny. He took it but threw it away quickly, hands rather going to tear sleepily against the others clothes.

Stopping, Ryan took a deep, deep breath.

Carefully he sat the rabbit on the ground, freeing himself from the bruising grip.

Ray looked... looked exhausted; skin pale with black lines. They were moving fast, drawing the veins with accurate precision. His eyes weren't red yet, they were brown, looking up to him. The rabbit blinked heavily, making a noise as if he was confused or tired. Maybe both.

Ryan crouched in front of him, carding his hand through the dark hair as he shushed him gently. The other groaned as an answer but his movements were still sloppy. By the time he reached for his arm, Ryan had already pulled back, wiping his own face clean.

"Okay...", he mumbled to himself. Covering his eyes, he tried not to sob, to control his voice but failed with both. When he felt the touch of the other, he stood up and watched the red spread through Rays eyes, leaving them unfamiliar behind.

"Okay...", he repeated even though that word was just as much as a lie as the fake memory he had created for himself.

Pulling out his gun, he aimed at the other.

"I'm so sorry, Ray..."

It was easier because he didn't recognize those eyes.

He shot him in the head, watching as the body sagged before falling to the side.

He dug a grave and maybe it was a bit too shallow but he didn't have a shovel with him. When he lowered the body inside, he didn't really feel anything. Taking the stuffed bunny in his hands, he was ready to lay it on his chest before he hesitated. Maybe because when Ray took a shift at night, he'd tug the bunny in next to him and Ryan would sleep better then, having the others scent so close to him.

Maybe because he just needed some form of company but in the end he kept it with him.

He stayed the night there before moving on, stuffed ears peeking out of his backpack on his way and it probably looked silly but it kept him sane. At least he hoped so. It was hard to tell while being completely alone, really.

So when he actually saw Los Angeles, he wasn't too sure if it was real. If his mind was playing a trick on him but there was electricity. He could see it even over the distance. Big floodlights illuminating the sky and there was a wall around the city. A huge metal wall and he saw towers with people on them, checking on the surroundings.

He made out a gate and he walked towards that, feeling strangely numb. There was a row of people waiting already and it was a bit like standing in line at a grocery store. He laughed at that thought but it was shaky and the sound scared himself.

It made some people look towards him but they had understanding written across their face. Some even smiled and he returned it, wiping his face meanwhile. A few of them did that as well.

One in particular caught his interest and he walked faster, shoving people to the side to reach the mop of red curls, the face beneath also crying.

"Michael?!"

“Ryan...”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it - wow! I always wanted to write a Zombie-story and I went for this a bit different than for Royalty - meaning I didn't plan and just let the characters act it out - so I hoped it worked out for you?


	14. Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are the ghost of Utopia  
> You're the conquered stars, the divided hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always this story was hugely inspired by songs - enjoy the playlist!

[Conquered Stars & Divided Hearts](http://8tracks.com/kahnah/conquered-stars-divided-hearts?utm_medium=trax_embed) from [Kahnah](http://8tracks.com/kahnah?utm_medium=trax_embed) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=trax_embed).

 

 

 

Ghosts of Utopia – IAMX

 

_You are the ghost of Utopia_  
_You're the conquered stars, the divided hearts_  
_You are the ghost of Utopia_  
_You're the miracle of America_

 

 

Disease – Hollywood Undead

 

_So come together, come together again_  
_The time is now let Armageddon begin_  
_They say beginnings always starts with the ends_  
_I say forever and forever, amen_

 

 

We must be killers – Mikki Ekko

 

 _I woke up, I was stuck in a dream_  
_You were there, you were tearing up everything_  
_And we all know how to fake it baby_  
_And we all know what we've done_

 

 

Volatile times – IAMX

 

 _I drove through countries like a marching funeral_  
_In the search of fools and utopias_  
_Along the lonely roads with all the empty human souls_  
_Filling their heavy hearts with slum religion and Coca-Cola_

 

 

Louder than words – Les Friction

 

 _No one could outrun the crash_  
  _It_ _was all reduced to rubble_  
_And then again to ash_

 

Neverland – Crywolf

 

 _Stand up, child and turn towards the lightning and thunder_  
_So I can see what I've known for all these years_  
_Your skin shutters with my fingers_  
_You're cold but I know it's not your fault_  
_The storm is coming now, could we survive somehow_

 

Tonight the world dies – Avenged Sevenfold

 

_Launder all my sins away_  
_And just like that mistakes are made_  
_You know_  
_Tonight the world dies_

 

Ghosts of Utopia - IAMX Nobless Oblige Remix

 

_Nobody can hear you_  
_Nobody can hear you_  
_This is psychosis_  
_This is psychosis_  
_This is the jigsaw blown apart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank you all so much for reading my shit - this is still blowing my mind; you are all FUCKING AMAZING!
> 
> My next story "Lamp Halo" is coming along pretty well, I finished chapter 3 today and hopefully can start publishing in the next weeks. Also it will have significant less death than Royalty and Ghosts of Utopia! At least until now...  
> But I try myself on some fluff; Lord help me!
> 
> As always you can watch my progress on my tumblr, here:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/tagged/on%20writing  
> and some sneak peaks around here, maybe?  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/tagged/lamp%20halo
> 
> Also shoot me a question if you have one - it's always fun!
> 
> Once again - thank you all SO MUCH! It wouldn't be half as fun without you guys!
> 
> Love you all ♥


End file.
